[lovesickandlost]

“This is not the year I dreamed of—

These crooked fingers won’t let go.

The dreams I had all seem so meaningless,

And looking back, I should have known—

I was never meant to live.

Doomed only ever to survive,

To produce a love I freely give,

And wait and wait and wait to die.”

—Excerpt from a poem I wrote a few months ago.

[lovesickandlost]

“If I don’t laugh about, I’ll die about it.”

[haleyincarnate]

[somewordsarebiggerthanothers]

[lovesickandlost]

The transition from “all the love songs make sense” to sobbing while blasting a breakup playlist is brutal 🫩 if you didn’t love me anymore you could have just said that. The knife in my back was unnecessary.

[lovesickandlost]

Mfs want you to sacrifice everything for them and get mad when you finally bleed out lmfao be so for real. 🙄

[lovesickandlost]

I always think I’ve got some big epiphany moment to share and all the words and poetry start swirling around in my head like a winter storm and then I get on Tumblr all full of excitement and courage and despair and the words die at my fingertips and make me sound like I’m having a stroke. And that, my friends… is life obviously, were you waiting for the poetry???

[lovesickandlost]

You made your choices, babe. Live with them.

[lovesickandlost]

Just know that if you’ve pissed me off enough, I’ve definitely killed you horrendously in a few fanfics. 😌🤌🏻

[mr-mistyeyed]

would u still love me if i were stuck in a cycle i've never been able to break

[lovesickandlost]

Yes, but would you trust me enough to let me try and help?

[stillnaomi]

using violence to liberate people from sweatshops, unsafe mines, and grinding poverty isn't the same as using violence to impose those things on people. the idea that violence is morally repugnant regardless of context is a belief that every oppressor throughout history would love for the oppressed to hold

[lovesickandlost]

Your walls won’t scare me away, baby. I’m a nut for a Kinder surprise. 🤗🤪

[lovesickandlost]

I heard about this thing called SADS (sudden adult death syndrome) and grimaced a little. They say it’s an unexplainable event and you can’t prepare for it, stop it, or see it coming. One minute you’re here, the next you’re gone. I kinda wanna submit my living body to science though because I’ve been living with a so-far undiagnosable heart condition for 10 years and it kind of feels like SADS except for some reason I won’t die.

Hear me out…

I’ve had over a dozen cardiac events where my heart just suddenly… stops. They diagnosed me with an unspecified generalized arrhythmia but literally cannot find any cause for it and the arrhythmia isn’t a 24/7 thing. Most of the time I’m fine and then suddenly*boom* my heart stops, I’m passed out on the floor, and usually I (sorry, TMI) vomit or lose control of other functions…These events last several minutes and then suddenly I come back. It takes a while to really snap back into reality but eventually it wears off and aside from being physically exhausted for the next several days… I’m “okay.” But it always sort of feels like a choice to come back. Not a physical one. I’m an atheist but the decision feels like something my soul has to choose. Like I’m halfway out the door and something is asking if I’m ready to go yet.

My doctors have been researching my health issues for a decade (I have been dealing with this condition since I was a teenager) and still have no answers or real treatment plan for me. But I worry because the reason I always choose to fight against the feeling of my heart stopping is because I have things to fight for. I choose to come back because there are still things in my life worth being here for. The problem is that there’s also a lot of ugly shit (like major shit, not just the day-to-day stuff that most of us already struggle with… truly horrific shit) happening in my life and I worry that if one of those episodes were to happen right now… I maybe wouldn’t fight as hard. The spark of light that I hold onto when my vision blacks out and it feels like my soul has left my skin and I’m standing next to myself, that pinhole of hope that I wage war for… it’s burning out like a far-off star. I wonder if there will even be anything left of it the next time my heart is convinced to stop beating.

But I guess if they do their autopsy and still can’t find anything wrong with me… I think SADS is pretty fitting.

[lovesickandlost]

No cute Pinterest quotes for the shit I’m going through 🫩

[lovesickandlost]

Having an original experience is so cool until you realize there’s literally nobody who can understand or relate to you about it so you just have to navigate that shit on your own 😵‍💫🫥

[faustique]

i am an old soul who still believes in courtship, handwritten love letters, walks on dates, picnics, and coffee dates under the stars

[faustique]

sometimes the people who had access to you don't realize how unreachable you are to everyone else, until they become everyone else