Always thinking about her

The stars will go out before I forget you

[lovethisismetrying]

Hello, I’ve been following this community for a long time but this the first time I have the courage to make a blog. I live in Europe. I’ll probably make some mistakes because obiviously English is not my mother tongue.

I’m completely obsessed with my university teacher. I call her H in this blog. I graduated from university in may 2023 but I still email her pretty regularly.

I don’t condone being in a romantic relationship with your teacher while you’re their student/minor. I think you should be very careful with this stuff and be aware of the risk of getting groomed

Hope you enjoy my desperate crush!

[roseforviolet]

[lovethisismetrying]

I have this theory and this is assuming that the other person doesn't hate you. If you really want to make someone like and care about you, you just have to carefully remind them that you exist. You have to keep talking to them/texting them. Also you need to remember to read the signs. If it seems like the person you're trying to get to know better doesn't really like you talking to them frequently you need to stop but if everything seems to be fine, you can continue. I think that's how I made H care about me. I just kept emailing her, as long as her answers seemed like she was enjoyig our emails. And nowadays she sometimes emails me first, asking me how I'm doing

[lovethisismetrying]

Wait so I kinda opened up to her about my mental health problems and I just checked my email and she had emailed me asking how I'm doing?? SO SHE CARES ABOUT ME

[lovethisismetrying]

I'm still emailing H every month. Last time I emailed her, she started her reply by saying "I was just thinking about you!" SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THAT DID TO ME OMG

Haven't stop thinking about that sentence since

[lovethisismetrying]

I haven't posted in a while but just heard some rumors that H has been quite mean to some students?? And yeah I remember her being strict but not mean. Now I can't sleep because I'm actually a bit worried about her. Like something is definately going on in her personal life. In my VERY delusional mind I'm thinking she is acting that way because I haven't been emailing her anymore but I know this has nothing to do with me

[lovethisismetrying]

I sent H an email on friday where I asked if my emails are a burden for her. So I didn’t really ask if she hates me but close enough. She said that she enjoys hearing my thoughts about this field I just graduated in but can’t be my friend. (Wish she would just let go of that friend thing..I’m not asking her to be my friend. And I’ve also stopped sharing so much about my personal life since the first time she said that she can’t be my friend)

My latest emails to her have been a bit negative because I’ve been kinda criticizing this field and profession. She basically said that it’ sometimes hard to hear so much criticism about this field, since it’s something she’s passionite about and tries to encourage her students. So yeah…I don’t know. I think hate is a too strong word but I got the impression she definitely would prefer if I didn’t email her anymore

And I probably won’t because it seems like she doesn’t actually want to hear my thoughts about anything. Good thing I asked because now I know for sure that she doesn’t enjoy our emails.

@bauhausluvr

[tcrushposting]

Let’s talk more about platonic teacher attachments! Like I don’t wanna kiss you or anything but you’re a very important person in my life and I trust you a lot.

[lovethisismetrying]

The way I cringe so hard every time I think about the fact that in her eyes, I’m just a naive little girl who thinks that her teacher cares about her little stupid emails

[lovethisismetrying]

I’m honestly such a loser, I’m in my twenties, graduated from university and what am I doing?? I’m BEGGING for attention and validation from my uni teacher?!? OVER EMAIL?? Like I’m an adult. I should be thinking about someone my own age, should be dating someone who’s also twenty something but NO. Here I am thinking about a woman who is the same age as my mother. I’m CRAZY. This could be okay if I was like a 15 year old girl but I’m not a teenager 😭

[librarycard]

[looks for you in everything] [finds you there]

[inevitablestars]

embarassing to want things like love and attention

[lovethisismetrying]

Resisting the urge to link my pinterest board to her. I have pinterest board called self reflection and I pin all the quotes I can relate to. I don’t know why I want her to see it lol

[lovethisismetrying]

So H has a tattoo. That’s hot but I didn’t think H was the type the have a tattoo? You know, it doesn’t really match her vibe but it makes me like her even more for some reason

[jjjjjjayla-deactivated20231219]

i really need to move on this is so embarrassing

[lovethisismetrying]

It has been two years of hyperfixating on H

[crazysodomite]

small talk? it was quite big to me. i love you