Ash

Poet - INFP

[lovv-ash]

Don’t expect much from me

I break easily

Some much shit happens to me

I start to believe my brain

It’s telling me it’s all my fault

I’m the problem

But I look around on how people act

Realizing I’m not the worst one

My brain tries to trick me

But I know right from wrong

Your high expectations get you no where

Then cries of sorrow

-why change myself when you don’t even understand me?

[lovv-ash]

Why the fuck am I always perceived as the bad guy

They just don’t understand me

Understand my mind

I’m either left out or thrown aside

My whole life has been like this

Even now

I speak my feelings but you’re so closed that they can’t even reach you

It’s like a blockade that I can’t see

Since my words never reach

I mustn’t speak

[lovv-ash]

I hate myself sometimes

My words try to reach you but you always have a way of retaliating

I just want to speak my feelings

Not receive some sort of comeback

Sometimes I think it would be best to just burry myself

Swallow my sorrow and put on a mask I’ve done many times before

Show the world who they’d rather see

Not some broken machine

[lovv-ash]

I want to reach out

To talk to you

But I can’t find it in my heart to be like we used to

I don’t know if it’s frustration, sadness, or anger

But it all is a black hole in my chest

I miss what we had

But we can’t be the same

All the thoughts and emotions come back like a wave, getting bigger almost drowning me

I hate what happened but I’m trying to get over it

You love who you love, I just need to get over it

Maybe I feel betrayed, I don’t know

I can’t speak all my emotions, how I feel

They’ll just rot in the corner

Away from here

I also miss you cookie

When we interacted it was short but it reminded me of when we were friends

I can’t lie I don’t like your group

They’ve said this I know that I know if about me that hurt me

I just wish things could’ve worked out better

And not end in such sorrow

If I did reach out

Would I regret it?

A connect so tangled

Seems unbalanced

[lovv-ash]

You’re still my sister

But while I’m getting older

I lose the memories of us

The time we spent

When everything was okay

But now it’s like you’re a figure in the crowd

I don’t want to remember you by who you are now.

[lovv-ash]

I hate how I am

I hate how I look

I get jealous easily and can’t help it

I’ll always feel replaceable and a second choice because it’s been like that my whole life

I hate how when something happens I shut down

I hate how I’m started to bottle up again

I hate that you don’t notice the difference

I wish I could just run away and disappear

[lovv-ash]

It’s hard for me

To see you together with someone I used to be with

Someone you hated

What changed?

Did you not care for me at all?

Do you not care about what he did?

Was I ever a friend to you?

I’m curious about what runs through your mind

What your thoughts are now

That we don’t talk

That everything is different

Everything that’s unfamiliar

[lovv-ash]

I can’t seem to fathom

The feelings that torture me inside

Memories of the last 3 years of my life

Come in like a wave to drown me

To let me sink into what I’ve lost

Why did it end up like this?

Was it me? Was I the problem?

Sometimes I sit in that ocean

Sinking in sorrow of what we had

Do you ever miss our friendship too?

I hate this feeling and wish I didn’t care but I can’t help it, I do.

[lovv-ash]

I’m trying to live

I’m trying to survive

But under all this skin

I can’t seem to thrive

I can’t find people who understand me

I can’t even understand what goes on in my brain

I’m angry

I’m sad

I want this misery to end

But I won’t fake my emotions

Because that’s not who I am

[lovv-ash]

THE MIND OF A EX

I texted you

You replied

Talking to you after months of no interaction

Felt like heaven

You’ve told me you’ve changed

From whom you were

I trust you again

You glued my heart together

But the cracks still remain

The memories of your actions

Always stick in my mind

I just don’t think I can love you like I used to this time

[lovv-ash]

THE HEART

I don’t know how to be happy anymore

Sadness floods my body

Straight into my core

My heart

It’s a wave the tides can’t pull back

An ember sparking with fires that aren’t controllable

A landslide that demolishes anything in its path

It’s a feeling once brought upon me I cannot erase

I can’t handle it anymore

And I don’t know how to make it stop ether

[lovv-ash]

YOUR MIND IS EVERYTHING

My mind messes with me

Telling me I’m not loved

I don’t feel loved

Telling me that my friends hate me

I thought they did

Telling me everything I do will make them hate me

I really thought it did

I get asked if I’m okay

I’m not

I say I am so they don’t know the battle I have with myself

My mind

[lovv-ash]

I’M JUST HERE

I lay in my room

Rotting away

He won’t let me go out

Because of a day

When I felt too weak to go

So laying in my room

I isolate myself

In my dark room

Only with my thoughts

I wish this could be different

But

One you start

You can’t stop

[lovv-ash]

SILENT

I feel like

No matter how much I talk

I’m never heard

I try to hold myself together

Then break

Everything I bottled up spills out

And it doesn’t stop

And I don’t talk

Only silent tears

[lovv-ash]

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

New years

People get together

Party for the new year

People write their resolutions

What they want to get better

What they don’t wanna do

What the want to change.

For me, I’ll just be the same

I just don’t have it in me right now

It’s all just dumb.

I can hear the fireworks.

[lovv-ash]

JUST ONE

I hate how I am

I hate the feeling of overthinking

Overthinking it all

One wrong look and I think I’m annoying

One wrong look and I’m thinking they don’t like me

Just one look.

[lovv-ash]

WINTER

Soft tears

The sky cries

Freezing temperatures

The rain glistens

Unique patterns fall from the sky

None are identical

It brings me a bit of peace

So many of them fall and all I feel is relaxed

Winter can bring peace but agony too.