So Iām a 5'7, 109 pound 20 year old woman with a 32a chest and wears size zero jeans and I wanted to share something.
Iāve been super self conscious my whole life, probably for as long as I can remember. Mainly from being bullied early on in life and me believing the abuse people said to me. Iāve been called anorexic, skeletal looking, sickly, sick, disgusting, underdeveloped, boyish, like a child, pubescent, all of those typical insults under the sun and much more. There were so many unnecessary comments about my weight and body shape that it tipped me over the edge, even my FAMILY said A LOT of these in normal conversations. It hurt, badly. And mind you, Iām not changing. Iām done growing and this is now who I am.
I used to absolutely hate how I looked and envied girls who more āfilled outā. It didnāt help that my mom and sister were curvier and averaged size either. And let me tell you how damaging it was to my mental health with how much I used to put myself down. I became my own bully after years of others doing it. I teared myself down and made myself believe I was disgusting and worthless, and even had nothing to offer people. I used to think that āno one would go for me when there were better girls out there. Who wants someone with so little?ā And it used to destroy any self esteem and self worth I once had.
This was my daily cycle. No matter what situation, if it called for me doing somethingā¦ANYTHINGā¦I would tear myself down and convince myself that I was shit and I should feel ashamed of myself, and all of this self doubt and hatred was because I believed what people said about me and all those thoughts manifested in my mind and started to make me hate everything about myself. I broke down alone so much and was so mentally unstable just from how uncomfortable I felt to be in my own skin and body. Mind and body alike.
But after high school I worked on my self esteem. Deep, deep down I never truly hated how I looked and I knew that, I just let other people convince me that I didnāt. I slowly started dressing how I wanted to again and forced myself to be more bold. I held my head high and I told myself I was this beautiful and hot creature and people think the same, no matter how much I didnāt believe myself at the time. And you know what happened? Those āliesā I used to tell myself became true, and I started to slowly but surely love myself.
I love my long legs that I used to think were too thin, my thighs that donāt touch, my thin wrists and long fingers, my narrow hips, my defined shoulders and collarbone, paled and cold skin with awesome looking veins Iām actually happy to be able to see, I even learned to love āflatā chest and butt too.
I learned to love myself after I stopped being my own bully and started to boost my confidence. Even though itās still impossible to find bras I like, and clothes to fit just how I want them to, even though the general population is making me and others with similar body shapes feel inferior with this dumb ass āonly real women have curvesā mentality, I continue to be absolutely in love with everything about my body, even stuff I donāt necessarily want on it.
So Iām here today to tell anyone of ANY gender AND body shape that you are beautiful. You are worth everything and you not too much or to little of anything. You are not āwrongā. You are not ugly. You are not anything bullies say you are. You are a wonderful human being who has amazing qualities and your body is so unique and how itās supposed to be.
I want anyone who read this and is self conscious to go to a mirror and appreciate everything you think looks good on you, and then after that to do the same thing to everything you possibly dislike about yourself because you forgot those are good qualities too. I want you to stop listening to what you and others may tell yourself. Be your own ego booster. Twirl in the mirror, flip your hair, idk smack your ass! You look wonderful and I want you all to learn that. I want you to learn that youāre beautiful and that itās okay to be who you are.
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