I've turned 30 last month but was super busy with school that I didn't have the time to process it.
Having this free time this week b4 I plan out what I wanna do in July, I think im overwhelmed with options.
Reading this BL in the past hour doesn't help with my emotions. They make them go haywire. God, boys are cute 😭
My timing is terrible when it comes to dating. I think it was 2 or 3 years ago now that I read a BL manga called Love Doctor that got me into a spiral of emotions + an overwhelming longing for a boyfriend. I did try. He was alright. I could do better. Then school started.
This feels selfish of me wanting a boyfriend just to recreate fluffy yaoi moments. That's a delusional way of thinking, Perla! *whines*
From experience, I do have ideas:
Step 1: Go to a place of frequent visits (such as internet, Tumblr, school, computer lab, library, lobby, coffee place, restaurant, workplace???)
Step 2: Do my doodle thing until someone walks up to you + compliments them
Step 4: talk about work/hobbies
Step 5: Repeat steps 1 - 4
Step 6: Exchange contact info once u get comfortable/confident, when your face lights up when the other person arrives, or can't stop thinking about them.
... + idk. I never gotten as far as that 😅 I remember one piece of advice I was told that I struggle with, + suck at: follow-up/following up. Why does it have to take so much energy 😫
I feel troubled. I know that I don't really like to give, just take. Eventually, I will have to learn to give more often. I constantly think to myself that I'm gonna give them something in return for what they've given me. In the end, I can never physically execute those thoughts, and I end up wallowing in bed in guilt.
- depending on future boyfriend, I'd do anything
- feels the same way + we can both agree not to spend on each other but for ourselves.
Man, what am I doing with my life this week, wasting away in bed? I guess I'm just being lonely as hell since the wedding two weeks ago. Dammit, the cute aggression is stirring up.
Also, aren't I supposed to be taking a break after two months of animation grinding, too?
I... don't have a good work-life balance. I've explained this so many times, so I'll skip it. Hmmm, little bit of things here, little bit of things there, + a few days off for myself to do absolutely, positively nothing.
I do have an ideal routine that worked out so perfectly when I had an internship in 2020:
I did get the right idea of starting animation work at 8 am. After my sister's wedding, I started taking my meds earlier at 5:20 in the morning. Huh, the 9pm hour is still an accurate time for chilling. I have been falling asleep earlier than usual nowadays, b4 11pm.
Since I'm here, let's organize my ideas.
- Improving on some animations, need a specific list for that
Those are my main points. There's bound to be more little things in between that may come along the way. Like, my psychiatrist appointment tomorrow morning, the local annual 4th of July Parade, + Traverse City, Michigan in August (more details when the date draws near).
I'm feeling a bit better now that I got these thoughts out of my system :)
Imma go grab a cheesecake from the kitchen X)
