searching for serenity

i keep searching for s e r e n i t y but the only thing i see is anger swelling up in front of me. it's swelling up inside. i b r e a t h e it. i taste it. i s w a l l o w it until it disappears. only then am i tranquil. only then do i have peace. || ( 36, MEDIUM, "LINK" ) ||

[wildcard-enforcer]

[lucas-oconner-blog]

effiehambletons:

        “I guess one of us will find out by the end of the night. That is if one of us even remember’s.” She comments and orders her drinks. Yes, plural. Whiskey on the rocks. Effie actually hated whiskey. She absolutely hated the taste, but she enjoyed the burn and the ice cube was to dilute and chill the last bit of alcohol that would be in this class. She drank her whiskey slowly.  As the man went off on his tangent, Effie only listened. Well, half listened. He was far more drunk than she was and the moment he started to ramble Effie had lost interest in what he was saying. “What’s that one famous quote… One moment, let me think,” She beings before taking a sip of her whiskey and letting it burn down her throat. She knew exactly the quote she was wanting to refer to, she just wanted to be a little shit and pause for dramatic effect. “Takes one to know one…?“ She could have been serious, could have been joking, but with the dryness of her voice it was difficult to tell. "Two shots? I ordered three.” Effie gives a small, cheeky smile and just in time, the bartender places three small shot glasses in front of her, followed by lemon and salt.

As the man finished off what was left of his cape cod while the woman said something, he wondered what he was talking about previously. Lucas’ brows furrowed together and he wondered what the hell was going on and who she was. Why did it seem like they just had this conversation? Damn, the alcohol was already getting to him, he thought while giggling to himself. “Uh, quote? What?” A look of confusion flashed on his face before a sign of recognition. “Ohh, right. Are you a recovering alcoholic or something?” The man obviously had no fucking idea what was going on right now, but he didn’t care. He just finished his drink, two shots were on the way... “Ouch, that kind of hurt me right here.” Pointing to his heart, he waved down the bartender. “I’m sorry, sir. It looks like Miss Blondie here is trying to drink me under the table. She ordered three, I’ll take three.” Winking at the man, he chuckled as the bartender sighed heavily while lining the shots up for him. “Care to place a wager?” A coy smile tugged his lips as he glanced towards the girl. “Loser streaks down a block, hm? Bet, bet?”

[lucas-oconner-blog]

tashaoneil:

It had been so long since she’d been seen. That it was almost painful the way this man looked at her now. With softness and desire, and he asked her to stay. It shouldn’t hurt but it did. It hurt that she couldn’t have more than this. It hurt that she had been cut off from all the warmth in the world, and left with this chill. Every part of her ached to be held to be touched and loved. Lucas looked at her like he could like he would if everything were just a little different. A slightly different reality from where they stood now. Tasha just nodded at his answer, she wanted to say that dead could never truly have anything. Especially not another person, but it didn’t feel right to be so harsh with him. 

His words almost felt warm but she watched his hand fall, and the cold came back. If she was strong if Aidan could see her if she hadn’t given up that night the mountains. Death was full of what ifs, especially when it happened suddenly. Tasha ached for the life she supposed to have, she ached for the feeling of Lucas’s hand on her face as she watched it fall back to his side. “I’ll work harder, I won’t drift again. You just have to remember me, okay?” There was a slight hint of desperation in her voice. “I get less real to Aidan every day, I think that is why I’m fading.” 

This was always Lucas’ problem: once he found himself linked to a person he couldn’t find himself to pull himself away. Lucas built strong links towards people he found himself feeling comfortable with, yet it only happened with a select few. First Noah, his brother, Rachel, and now Tasha. It was stupid to do so, too. How can you attach yourself to someone who isn’t really there? It wasn’t as if he was new to being a medium, he’s spent years researching shit and knew there was no possible way for them to ever be anymore together than they were now. It was selfish of him, stupid and selfish. But Lucas couldn’t bring himself to not want a link to her. 

He couldn’t help but watch as she spoke, her lips parting in a way that seemed absolutely real. Tasha’s brows slowly knit together, her voice urging him to keep her in his mind. "I don’t think I could ever forget you.” Lucas had been concentrating so hard on Tasha, keeping his words from slurring and his eyes from drooping because with the amount of alcohol he had he could have passed out in the corner of the bar. How could her brother start forgetting about Tasha? How could anyone not think of her? These were the type of thoughts that were rushing through his head. Immediately, he stood up and started to charge towards the door. Lucas felt like he needed to do something. To get out there and punch some sense into her brother. “Where does he live, Tasha? You’re with him all the fucking time, how the fuck does he not feel you right there!?” Now Lucas’ words were slurring, his legs struggling to keep him up that he had to stop every now and then to regain balance. “How? Why? How could he do that to you?”

[lucas-oconner-blog]

marina-hadlock:

Looking at the person she’d hit her face lights up in surprise for second. She opens her mouth to greet who she’s initially assumed was Asher. As he talks she sits there with a frown creasing her brow and mouth still slightly agape, staring at him like an idiot before it dawns on her. Her jaw snaps shut and a look of irritation crosses her face. “Oh joy, you must be the other O’Connor.” Thank god for Rachel or this might have been an incredibly confusing conversation. However she now had something else very confusing on her hands. Between Asher and now this guy she questioned how Rachel was yet to up and leave from sheer exasperation. “You’re some how worse than I expected. This must be some kind of miracle, I didn’t think that was possible.” Given her parents had managed to ensure three out of their four kids had been mediums, she was willing to bet if Asher was, this prick was too. Rolling her eyes she gets to her feet. “Lucas isn’t it?” She asks though she continues without waiting for any kind of confirmation. Rachel had referred to him as such so that was what she assumed it was.   “Shockingly enough it was accidental. If you’re injured let me know, otherwise stop being so dramatic.” She says with something of a patronizing smile that implied she very much so thought he was being dramatic. “Also, I’ll admit I know nothing about running a business, but surely it is common sense to know that CEO’s should not loudly threaten people in public. It’s bad form.”

There was that look of recognition which meant that she had met his brother -- great. As she talks about being him the ‘other’, Lucas waved his hand in the air as if to waft away the thought of him being a twin. A smile inched across his face slowly as she claimed that he exceeded her expectations of what he was supposed to be like. “I’m normally filled with miracles,” he started, the grin stupidly plastered across his face. “But, you’re welcome. I aim to shatter and surpass expectations given of me. What did the little asstwat say about me this time?” It wasn’t long for the grin to find themselves back at the frown, a groan leaving his lips as he glared at her. “Well, if it’s fucking accidentally do you know you say?” He paused for a moment before answering in a mocking manner, “I’m sorry, and then move on with your damn day.” As she smiled, he gave a roll of his eyes. “I don’t fucking care if I’m being dramatic? Where’s the press! Press! Let’s get on fucking TMZ,” Lucas retorted back, a scowl on his face. “Bad form? You mean press? Any press is good press? Plus, I’m not the one at fault here. You’re the lady who ran into me without so much of an apology threatening my form.”

[sarahraffertydaily]

[lucas-oconner-blog]

marina-hadlock:

Marina was never one for festivities at the best of times, but after the events of New Years, she was more on edge than ever.  Many people seemed to share her opinion, though hers was based on a little more than superstition alone. She’s torn from her thoughts and finds herself jumping back from the person who’d dove into her path to grab a coin she hadn’t even noticed. In her haste to get out of the path of the person she stumbled back into something solid. Another person? Whoever it was she felt them both fall to the pavement, though they cushioned her fall signifigantly. “To think the city has yet to learn that large gatherings of people in the central district is a recipe for trouble.” She mutters attempting to roll off the perons and reach solid ground. The person she’s hit would get no apology because that had not been her fault. “Thank you, for breaking my fall.”

Okay, so first of all maybe Lucas and Rachel shouldn’t have invested so many resources into this event but how could they not? After the PR disaster of the previous big shin dig they had they had to restore themselves. And what better way than donating to the cute little fucking cause and have them buy awesome shit that Lucas could play with? That was every CEO’s dream, right? No name attached other than a donor so if shit went wayward, well son, handle it on your own. “Fuck yes, chocolate gold coins,” he muttered to himself as he moved towards some ‘treasure’ tucked neatly near a monument. Walking towards it, he finds himself being pushed to the floor by some abominable woman who ended up rolling off of him wish some ease. “Well, that shit must happen to you all the fucking time if you just roll off like that,” the man huffed, sitting up for a moment to make sure he wasn’t hurt. “And like, what the fuck, yo? Maybe you should watch where you’re going, lady. Haven’t you heard? Bitches get stitches so stop being one and pushing people to floor, jesus fuck.” 

[lucas-oconner-blog]

tashaoneil:

There was nothing she could say, that would do justice to just how good he was making her feel. The way he looked at her, how he smiled when he spoke her name. Even when she had been alive no one made her feel this way. “I’m not sure if I’ve pulled all the way out.” Tasha reached out and brushed past his cheek. Her hand was mostly fog, but she still felt his warmth. She didn’t linger there she pulled away, taking in everything he said.  She hadn’t had this reassurance in years. Following Aidan with no recognition of her being there. “That makes one person.”

Tasha could almost feel the memory of liquor pouring down her throat as she watched Lucas take the shot. “I’ll try and fight it, I don’t even remember feeling it.” She said looking over at him. His last comment left her at loss. She just stared at him sitting there looking rather confident. “Lucas, it’s not good…” She wanted to cry. “I’m dead Lucas, you can’t rely on me.” There was devastation and flattery all over her face. For a moment she felt like she might love him, but that one only makes matters worse. “I want to be here, I want to be with you. But I’m already gone, love.” She closed the space between them hoping it would be a little comforting. “I wish.” She said softly. 

It was strange to be seeing someone who was very real to him seem like a figment of his imagination. Tasha was there as she had been the past few times but she was more fragmented, the outline of her body fading into the scenery in back. As her hand reached up to touch his cheek, he stayed still waiting to feel the warmth of skin, but only the warm air of the bar moved across his cheek. That makes one person. For a moment Lucas felt selfish; he has Rachel who will taken him in unconditionally and despite how much he resented his brother, his brother would be there for him in some twisted (as their whole relationship was) way. Two, now three? “You won’t lose me, either. Y’know, the whole ‘sees dead people’ thing.” A light chuckle left his lips at his attempt to lighten the mood only for a heavy sigh to follow shortly after. 

It was as if Lucas could feel the alcohol slowly start to seep back up into his system. He wasn’t in full control and that was probably why he felt emotionally crippled - how could he not? Rachel and his conversation was just... too much for him to handle and normally where he would collide fists with a skull, he’s been finding himself with her instead. Observing the way he face fell from his words made him falter in his own convictions for a moment, but he had made up his mind. “Look, Tasha. You’re here, now. Standing right in front of me and you may not have a physical body but, you’re here, right? I see you. I’m looking at you right now and you’re real. That means for this moment I can rely on you.” Inhaling a breath of air as she stood closer, he instinctively held out a hand to touch her cheek, stopping midway and letting his hand fall back to his side. A swirl of emotions erupted under his skin, this heavy feeling of regret, pain, anger, and sadness. “I just...” Lucas’ sentence drifted as he clenched his jaw. “Just, just be here right now, okay? Be here. Right now is fine. This is all I need.” 

[lucas-oconner-blog]

dutyaboveallelse:

Duty watched the scene play before them, and didn’t bother stifling the chuckle that bubbled from his throat when the man was slapped square in the face. They thought it was rather predictable. “You gained no points for smoothness, I would guess.” They lifted their eyebrows up in surprise at the invitation, and tipped their heads. Alec, the poor thing, avoided crowded places, especially places were alcohol was served. Something about fearing Duty to come out and play when he lost control. They clicked their tongue against the roof of their mouth and hummed pensively. “A shot together… Sure. Do you not think you have had enough to drink”

The man waved his hand in the air as the bartender came over. “We’ll have a shot of whatever he’d like.” With a wink towards the bartender, he turned his body back towards the other. “Haven’t had enough to drink. With the way my life is going right now, I’m going to drink myself into oblivion. Until I can see answers at the bottom of a few bottles. Sounds like a blast, right? Finding answers. Truth. Shit like that.” Inhaling a breath of air, he let out a low chuckle from his lips and turned towards the two shot glasses. Lucas’ hand grasped the liquid and held it up towards the man to clink their glasses together. “To finding answers,” he mumbled quickly, knocking back the stinging liquid. 

[lucas-oconner-blog]

effiehambletons:

        Chewing on the side of her lip and clutching a small glass that held the last bit of straight whiskey, Effie watches the scene play out with harsh eyes. Although it wasn’t a new sight and happened to Effie herself numerous times, didn’t know it still wasn’t a piss off. Even though she was ten seconds away from wiping her glass at the man, the woman handled her own business and with a heavy sigh, finished off her drink. “What the fuck else is new?” Effie responds to the voice lethargically, licking the whiskey off her lips before looking at the person beside her. She blinks several times, knowing that face, but, there was something inherently different. “Do I know you?” She asks. He looked so god damn familiar, but with her shit memory, Effie was at a loss. - Christ, they didn’t sleep together on a different drucken night, did they? This apperent stranger was heavily intoxicated and if he wasn’t already, he would be soon, but that wasn’t going to stop Effie. “Only if you’ll be able to stand after.”

“Very true, I just hope I’m not that much of a fucking asshole even when I’m fucked up as shit,” he muttered, waving over the bartender. When she asked if she knew him, he gave a growl at the thought of his brother and waved his hand in the air. “Well, fuck. There’s a man walking around with the same goddamn face, except, you know, he’s a fucking dick. Pretty much has dicks drawn all over his face without it actually being there. His head’s the shape of a dick. Just an overall dick, ya know?” Lucas’ face scrunched up at the thought of his brother and felt at ease as two shots of tequila was delivered to them. “Man, I’ve had way more shit than this and still managed to walk to my apartment. I’m chill. Let’s have two shots, eh?” 

[kardashianjennergifs]

[lucas-oconner-blog]

rachel-delacroix:

It wouldn’t in the slightest make her feel better if she were to lay her delicate fingers into a fist and make contact with his skin. What she would feel was guilt. Guilt for hurting her best friend, and guilt for resulting to violence when as a trained black belt, she knew better than to bring on a fight when it was hardly needed. But not only that, she would feel guilt at punching him for something so trivial, because if she were to punch him square in the jaw, it better be for something damn good. So instead of answer, she drinks her margarita while staring at the other patrons drink their cocktails and have a merry o’time. Oh, to be so blissfully unaware of it all, right? It made her snort to hear those words come out of Lucas’s mouth. Suddenly her eyes set on Lucas, hard and cold, and for the first time all night, her words felt like ice. “I do know what it’s like to see so many fucking souls that are tethered to this world and I can’t do shit about it. Maybe not in the way that you see them, Luke, but I’ve seen it. Don’t act like you’re above on this, above all me because you’re one of the righteous few that can see them all. As hard as I try to help those in need, as many houses as a build, so many more suffer. I get to see them suffer while their trying to live their fucking lives, so don’t condescend to me.” The woman snapped, looking away after she was finished speaking so she wouldn’t say anything else she might not mean later that evening. Their friendship might possibly be on the line here, or at least it felt like it was in this moment. 

“No, Luke. I’m afraid I can’t do that.” He would really like that, wouldn’t he? It would be so much easier for him and Ash if she just forgot it, huh? Well fuck that, she wouldn’t just throw caution to the wind, throw her curiosity out the window and just roll with life as it so simply came. She knew too much now, and there was no coming back from it. Her mind raced with questions she knew he wouldn’t answer, questions she was sure would make Lucas’s blood boil. Could they see Noah when he died? The question lingered on her tongue for minutes, hours, which turned into days when Asher had been in his coma. Rachel would respect Lucas by refraining from asking such a question, but it still didn’t extinguish the fire in her belly. “You say I’m not apart of this world, but I’m as much a part of it now as you’ve ever been. Fuck, Lucas, are you that thick? You and Ash may be twins by blood but you and I are bonded by something that always just seemed a little stronger than that. I’m with you no matter what until the bitter end, you know that.” For a moment, Rachel paused, her eyes trailing the man with a sadness in them. Did he not trust her, was that it? Did he think he was doing her a service by refraining from telling her the whole truth? “I’ve bailed you out of jail, I’ve rescued you from awkward dates, I’ve listened to your complaints, I’ve held you when you cried and rubbed your back when you vomited over the damn toilet. I’ve done it all for you, because you’re my best friend and I love you unconditionally. This life is yours, well, it’s mine too. What’s yours has always been what’s mine.” 

The words that fell from her lips felt as if they were large boulders falling from a high cliff to pummel his body. This was the reason why he wasn’t great in situations like this - confrontational shit where he had to watch what he said because words can be taken the wrong way. The more she talked, the more his jaw clenched as if there was physical pain coursing through his body. There might as well be with the way this whole conversation was going. Part of him wanted to just get up and leave from this conversation, disappear like his brother once did and just cut it all off now. If he was the one to cut out Rachel and Asher from his life well... then maybe they’d find themselves tethered back together. Who the fuck knew. “I wasn’t trying to be condescending,” he started, eyes pulling away from her and looking down. “I just don’t want you to suffer more than you have to.” His hand reached up to rub his temple, eyes closing as she continued to talk. 

Again, her words hit pummeled onto him with every syllable, his head growing heavy with a mixture of anxiety and anger that he wasn’t all that familiar with. The difference between how he was with the rest of the world and Rachel was that he always tried to be his raw self with her. That includes every bit of emotion on the spectrum that she had only seen. “That’s why,” he started, his hands winging in his lap before he reached out to grab his drink and take a long swig. “I can’t lose you, do you know that, Rachel? I can’t fucking lose you. I lost Noah. Noah’s... Noah’s...” Lucas’ breathing started to become heavy and he cleared his throat before finally looking up at her. “Asher and I only worked because Noah was around, probably, I don’t know. Without him there we fell apart. I lost Asher and Noah, it was too much for me. You know that. You fucking know that, Rachel.” Attempting to keep himself steady and not raise his voice as to call attention to them, he shook his head. “How are you going to be with me ‘to bitter end’ if something happened to you? If something haunted you and possessed you and you were gone? What would I do, Rachel? What would I fucking do?” Clenching his jaw as he tore his gaze away from her, he kept his eyes trained on the drink in front of him. A few moments later, he lifts his gaze and looks up at her. “Don’t you get it, Rachel? Don’t you get it? I didn’t want you to know because I don’t wanna lose you. I can’t lose you. I lose you, Rachel, I lose myself.”

[lucas-oconner-blog]

asher-o-conner:

Asher quietly rolls his eyes. Whether or not his brother resents their father, he promised that he would take care of the man. He has been gone for years now, so it seemed fair that he makes up for that time. Why does that annoy Luke is simply beyond his understanding. “I only asked him because you’d be mad at me. Just like now.” He doesn’t expect anything from Wayne. Even as a kid, after Mom passed away, Asher never asked of anything from Dad. Just stay alive and stay sober– even that, the man disappointed. He would actually be surprised if his father manages to stay semi-functional. “Have you met Rachel? Like hell she would listen.” He retorts. “You get pissed when I leave her alone. You get pissed when I’m around her. I honestly don’t know what the fuck you want me to do.” 

“How come I’m the asshole? Do you think I wanted this to happen?” He growls as he rises to his feet as soon as the wheels stop. “She already knew you were hiding something from her. It was just a matter of time before she found out– and she did, not in the way I hoped to, but she did. And it’s not like they’re gonna start haunting her.” He thought she became a medium, but from what he observed, from how she could not see the spirits roaming the hospital, he doubts she is. “And that’s not even why you’re pissed at me. You don’t need a reason. You just are.” He groans when Luke yanks him and throws him in the car, basically. He glares at his brother before sinking to the seat with the belt on. Shutting the fuck up.

Lucas doesn’t even respond to what he said about asking their father. It was stupid of him -- he would have rather been asked first to be picked up rather than receiving a text from the hospital saying that no one showed up for Asher’s discharge. The anger that he had right now was because his father was a good for nothing shit head and his brother still fucking insisted to rely on that fucker. At his brother’s jab of not knowing what Lucas wanted, he growled lowly and shook his head. “I want you to stop hurting her.” 

Rachel being exposed to the supernatural was something that he was horribly afraid of. He had already lost one best friend to the supernatural fuckery that he he didn’t want to lose another. And, in all honestly, he couldn’t stand that the thought of being alone in this world with his brother. Slamming the door behind his brother, he pushed the wheelchair violently towards the attendant who was standing by the door, staring at them with wide eyes. When Lucas settled himself into the car, his hands gripped the wheel and he started the drive. “I am just pissed at you, Asher. Pissed because you went and fucked everything up like you always do. You claim you try to fix things and shit fucking blows up,” he responded in a flat tone, one that almost mimicked his brother’s during talks like this. Moments like this showed they were twins... or that they were just good at copying each other. “I’m pissed at you because every time I look at you, I know Noah’s in there and I don’t know if he’ll ever be here. I look at you and I see you taking care of a shitty father who doesn’t deserve it. I see you and I see, I don’t fucking know.” Lucas’ hands gripped the wheel tighter, his knuckles becoming white as he drove. “I can’t lose her, too.”

[lucas-oconner-blog]

ricardo-vasquez:

This is supposed to be the ‘drink with your co-workers’ night, but Ricardo is the only one who survived at this hour. Everyone else went back home to their family and such. As the person who can easily drink everyone under the table, and living alone, he stayed behind. He was just finishing off his beer when this guy next to him randomly begins talking to him. From the sound of it, the man sounds pretty wasted. “It’s two in the mornin’, so, you know, everyone here is pretty much, you know, asshole with nowhere else to go.” He drawls with the added emphasis to mock the man’s slurring. “Sure. You buying?” He replies without turning his head. He doesn’t say no to a free drink. 

“Asshole with nowhere else to go, ain’t that the fucking truth...” he slurred, a heavy chuckle leaving his lips as he slung his arm around the man next to him. “What place you ain’t got to go to?” He asked as the shots appeared in front of them. “Put it on my tab, man.” Turning back towards the man, he held up the shot glass towards him and knocked it back. “Shit, that’s strong. So what the hell’s got you here at 2am with a sour lookin’ face like that?” 

[lucas-oconner-blog]

tashaoneil:

“I wouldn’t mind a good swim.” What was it about the way he smiled, the way he looked at her that made her glow a little brighter.  The way he spoke to her made her almost feel alive again. “Maybe it has something to with the fact that I’m not really a person.” Tasha tried to keep the fear of what happened the last few months hidden under her smile. “I don’t know many people who would call a dead girl their lucky charm.”

Tasha looked at him understanding that maybe it didn’t make a lot of sense. “I’m not sure how to explain it. I don’t remember where I was. It’s like I didn’t exist.” His next question surprised her. “I don’t think I could have come back if he didn’t need me.” Tasha wasn’t as strong as before and whatever had happened in the last few months took its toll on her. Last time she saw Lucas she was able to hold him in her arms, now she could barely stay visible. “I’m trying to hang on, I know I’m not done yet.” 

The few minutes of the two of them talking was enough for him to get a few moments of clarity. For the past two hours the man had been taking shots and slurring off his ass, but here he was completely coherent. “Look here, Tasha. I ain’t got a lot of people who mean something to me. Do you know there’s only one other person besides you can pull me out of a drunken stupor?” A chuckle left his lips as he shook his head. “And I dunno if being a real person means anything. You’re pretty real to me.” 

Hearing her words made his jaw clench a bit and he wondered why he went and got himself a ghost friend. Then again, if Noah was around he’d probably keep him around just as much as he was keeping Tasha around. Biting the bottom of his lip, he turned to the bar tender and grabbed another shot. Swallowing the stinging liquid, he turned and looked at her with a fierceness he hadn’t had in a while. Was it because of what happened with Asher and Rachel? Possibly. Possibly everything was just going to shit and he didn’t need another person disappearing on him. “You know what, Tasha? I don’t know what happened but I don’t think I can... you know, I can go have you disappearing. I mean, with your brother and I would assume that...” Shaking his head, he cleared his throat. “I kinda need you, too.” 

[orapronobispeccatoribus4-18-201]

Everyone around me: Stop doing stupid shit Me: no im sad

[lucas-oconner-blog]

asher-o-conner:

Displeased would be a vast understatement of what Asher looks like. Being wheeled out of the place he works everyday is one thing. His colleagues laughed and whistled like “nice ride, O’Conner!” He gets that they wouldn’t miss an opportunity to laugh at someone, considering how their job is already grim. But Dad bailing on him and instead his angry twin showing up, now that is a headache. “Said the other son of the good-for-nothing-dipshit of a father.” He mutters with his arms closed. “Yeah, because I orchestrated this whole shitshow just to hurt Rachel.” He drawls monotonously, deflecting Lucas’ typical ‘blame everything on Ash’ bit. “Oh, and nearly kill myself. Thank you for worrying, by the way. I could’ve checked myself out but no, you had to come and pick me up just to give me shit. I’m moved, Luke.” He scoffs.

“Well, I don’t go buying fucking groceries for the dipshit and nor do I depend on him to do anything. Y’should know by now, Ash. He’s never gonna come through.” Lucas wouldn’t catch himself pointing out the man in the road and saying, Yeah, that’s my father. He’d never buy groceries for him or even care if he was sick. Any kind of sickness. If he was on his deathbed, Lucas wouldn’t care. A groan left his lips as they exited the doorway, his car waiting out in front of them. “Fucking, I don’t know. Yell at her to run. To leave. Fucking anything.” Rachel and him had been tense ever since that night, Lucas refusing to talk about it and Rachel driving herself into books at the library. She thought he didn’t notice, but he already knew that the moment she found out the truth she’d go seeking more... 

“You know what, you fucking asshole?” I was here. I was here when you weren’t conscious. Ran into the fucking dipshit of a father and he just hung his head. I was fucking here, you fucking asshole. Words he should have said, instead he continued with angry lies. “I could give two fucks about you, Ash. I could give two fucks about picking you up. I don’t give a shit, this is fucking it. You deserve shit, you handled it all fucking wrong -- all fucking wrong. She’s not going to fucking leave it alone, Ash. She won’t.” Lucas’ voice started to raise as he parked his brother on the sidewalk, forcefully yanking the door open. Not giving a shit about what state he was in, he snatched his brother’s arm, pulled him up, and shoved him into the back seat. “Just shut the fuck, man, and buckle yourself in.”

[lucas-oconner-blog]

tashaoneil:

He heard her voice and smiled. Tasha felt what might be described as warmth or the memory of it at least. She had missed him wherever she was. It was confusing as Tasha felt she had been nothing for the last few months, but that missing of Lucas, it felt a little like hope. She moved to stay beside him as he offered the seat. “I don’t think I can take you anywhere, you’re the one who calls me.” There was a brightness in her voice that had been absent for so long. His question made her smile falter for a moment. “I think I faded,” She looked at him. “I don’t know exactly, I can’t remember anything after I spoke to you in that park.”

"Well, shit. I guess this means I’m going to be dragging you out in the middle of the ocean next time,” he half jokes, a wide grin encompassing his face as he adjusts himself to face her. “It’s a little funny, though. Normally when I feel this shitty I don’t wanna see people. And yet here you are.” A low chuckle left his lips as he tipped his drink towards her, taking a sip out of it. Why was it that he felt this way she appeared? Right from the get go when he was feeling -- what was it? A pain in the middle of his chest. Right now it was the whole thing with Rachel finding out... too much. “Guess you’re my lucky charm, eh?” 

Lucas furrowed his brows together when her smile broke, his hand placing the beer on the counter. “Faded?” The words felt foreign to him - he knew of some mediums who said that there were those who randomly disappeared whereas there were other ghosts who had been around for centuries. And there it came creeping back up to him -- the anger. Anger that the fucking universe was trying to take another person away from him again. Clenching his hands into a ball, he shook his head and instinctively wanted to say ‘You can’t just go fading on me, I don’t have many people’, but instead he just remained quiet for a few moments. “Tasha, I--.” Cutting himself off, he turned his body away from her and looked down at his half-empty beer. “Is it because Aidan’s doing better?”