oh that is awful. i actually just had training at my job about how to spot a scam and unfortunately the incidence of phone scams has gone up MASSIVELY over the last several years.
op, i am so, so sorry you went through that and i hope that your funds get recovered. <3 that is a terrible thing to go through.
for other folks who may not know what to look for, here are some things to keep in mind to try to avoid a scam:
is an institution contacting you out of the blue?
even if it's a company or agency you trust, it's generally unusual to be contacted if you aren't expecting a call. and like in the op's case, scammers will often pretend to be from an institution you likely already know and trust. she is absolutely right to recommend that you hang up and call a verified number. any legitimate agency should already have your personal information on file and should not ask you for it by phone, text, or email out of the blue.
scammers can easily spoof the number they call from and the name on the caller id, and will sometimes even create a soundscape in the background to make it more convincing.
are they creating some kind of pressure to act?
this can come in the form of either a carrot or a stick. in some cases, they'll offer some kind of prize in exchange for your help, like claiming abandoned money or getting access to lottery winnings. in others, they need you to help them with a problem, like claiming that they're trying to help a relative but can't do in their own.
are they creating a sense of urgency?
the pressure of a deadline makes it more difficult to stop and think about whether the call is trustworthy--the exact kind of thing that would prevent them from stealing your shit. often, they'll try to ramp up the tension of the situation by putting pressure on you.
i've even heard of cases where they correctly spoof caller id information from a relative of the person they're calling (like a grandchild) and claim that the relative was in a car accident and they won't call 911 unless you send them money.
are they telling you to send money using a specific method?
this doesn't really apply to op's situation, but often, scammers will ask you to send them money using a particular method like gift cards or money transfers. similarly, don't ever deposit a check and send money "back" to somebody--it may end up bouncing and then you are out whatever you sent them.
it may help to run through some scenarios in your head or read about examples of common scams BEFORE you're on the phone with someone trying to steal your shit, and try to take some time to really think about how you will respond if you get a phone call like that.
and lastly, if it does happen to you, it is not your fault. these people are professional bastards and they make it their work to find vulnerabilities and exploit them.
there's nothing wrong with you for assuming that strangers aren't going to violate your trust. this shit is traumatic, and it may be worth looking into professional supports like therapy if that's something you think will help.
if you have been scammed or think you saw a scam, report it to the FTC if you're in the US (folks in other countries, feel free to add your relevant reporting agency). they can't always recover your funds, but scammers can't be stopped if they don't get reported.
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