Next week is April 27th. That will mark the 6 month mark of my father's passing. He always loved and was so proud of this blog. When I first told him that I wrote little blurbs or stories of my own using Supernatural characters (we both loved that show), he was so excited to hear about it. When I first told him, I had about 3 or 4k followers. Then it kept growing and as the number got bigger, he would boast about it to anyone he knew. He said I should write for the show or that I could be a writer for a show like Supernatural. At the time, I always felt embarrassed. I would downplay my talents as a writer, my creativity, but he always pushed back. He had never read any of what I wrote. He just assumed that if I had over 10k followers (at least at one point I did), that I HAD to be amazing at writing.
Now, I find myself thinking of this blog almost every day. It haunts me, but it also fills me with this bittersweet feeling. It makes me want to continue to write, to continue to grow as a creative writer. To maybe even write a book of my own. Though, I don't think I'm even good enough for something like that. But his love, his pride, and the faith he had in me without even reading this blog, made me want to pick creative writing back up. It's just very hard to do when I know I can never tell him about this blog, or that I finally have the motivation again, or that I had someone praise my writing. Somehow, I get this empty feeling in my gut. The same feeling that I have had for the past (almost) six months.
I assumed, for months, since his death, that I failed him. That I never made him proud. Then I thought of this blog. I did. I did make him proud. It took me a while to remember that he was proud of me. That I didn't fail him. So thank you. Thank all of you for reading. Thank you for enjoying what I have written. Thank you for reminding me that I didn't necessarily fail my dad. Even IF, I never write another post on this blog, I leave every individual who read my stories, no matter if you interacted or not, whether you even liked it or not, with my utmost gratitude.
Most importantly, thank you Dad. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for believing in me, no matter how much I didn't believe in myself. I miss you so much. And again, I love you, and I will never stop loving you. 💜 Love, your Princess, your Cupcake, Bethany Jo 💜
