As they stood there in the dimly lit passageway, Magni felt the seconds drag on while he waited for Lucien to answer him. The wait might only have been a moment, but for him, it felt like ages, in that time, he had already run the worst-case scenarios through his mind, over and over again, causing his heart to beat faster against his chest. He felt light-headed but refused to blame it on his nerves. Instead, he blamed it on the suffocating feeling in the passageway.
Talking to him was a terrible mistake. He should have avoided Lucien like the plague until the argument would be out of their minds, but now it was too late, and they would have to talk about it. His fingers tapped against the blade of his axe. A habit he usually did whenever he was waiting for a fight. Of course, they weren’t going to fight, but having to talk and share his feeling with someone was more nerve wracking for Magni than fighting ever was.
When Lucien agreed to talk to him and led him outside, Magni felt like he could finally breathe again. During their walk, he kept his eyes glued on the floorboard. He kept going over everything he should say to him, but before he was able to utter out a single word, Lucien was already speaking. His gaze shot up at the other man, shaking his head. “ No, Lucien, you don’t have to explain yourself. “ He hesitated for a split of a second, swallowing down drily before continuing. “ I’m the one who should be apologising. I’m not used to yelling at any of you, especially not you. I’m not sure what came over me, but you have every right to be angry. “
He shifted awkwardly, wanting to look anywhere besides at Magni. His fight or flight impulse was telling him to leave, to not linger in a situation that frankly made him feel uncomfortable. Yet, that idea was even more unappealing. He wanted to at least attempt fix this, even if it meant sweeping it under the table, if that is what ended up happening. Upon seeing his friend shake his head, for the briefest of moments he feared for the worst, despite knowing how irrational the thought was.
Yet, Magni’s next words left him with furrowed brows and a sense of unexpected relief. Of course he knew that his pessimistic attitude (especially when it came to feelings) worked against him at times, but surely, the other man wasn’t trying to absolve him from the role he had played in the conflict? He still felt bitter towards how it went down, a part of him still feelings as if he was in the right, but any such feeling was overshadowed by guilt. “I do think I need to explain myself,” he disagreed, raising his nose. “I was pushing your buttons and I let myself say words...I only partly meant,” The last part was said in jest, the barest of smiles appearing, although his heart was not entirely there.
Now it was his turn to shake his head, pausing for several seconds. “I was angry at you, at first, but then I was angry at myself...for being angry with you,” he admitted after several moments, finally looking in Magni’s direction, eyes still harboring surprise.