Hello, everyone. Also, goodbye.
I’m sorry that this is the first post I’m making after disappearing for months, but I feel like I should say something before I set my blogs to private.
As you’ve probably noticed, I haven’t been very active on Tumblr lately. I could say I’ve just been busy with life — and that’s partly true — but it’s not the whole story.
To be completely honest, I’ve been struggling with my writing. English isn’t my native language, and I’ve always been extremely insecure about my fics. I end up hating my own work, even though I genuinely have so much fun while writing it. I love the process, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t bring myself to love the result.
I’m incredibly grateful that there are people out there who do enjoy my fics. Some enjoyed them so much that they decided to plagiarize them. This has happened so many times now, and I’m just… tired. I’m not even angry anymore. I’m exhausted.
Recently, @colouredbyd posted a Stranger Things fic featuring Steve Harrington that sounded terribly similar to my College!Eren fic. Thankfully, she responded to my messages, and we talked it out peacefully. It was a misunderstanding. She co-wrote that fic with a friend, and that friend was the one who plagiarized my story without ever telling colouredbyd about it.
Colouredbyd has apologized many times, and I forgive her. From her messages, I could tell she was being completely genuine. So, to anyone who saw my previous post about this: please stop attacking her. She has already taken the fic down and has repeatedly said she never meant for any of this to happen. We all make mistakes.
But this whole situation has taught me a hard lesson. Once you put your work online, you’re always at risk of it being stolen.
I’ve been writing fanfiction since middle school; it’s been one of my favorite hobbies for years. And even though I tend to focus on everything I think I lack and can’t truly love what I write, I care deeply about my stories. Seeing all the hard work and countless hours I poured into them get copied by someone who couldn’t even be bothered to change things properly… it hurts. And then watching their stolen “work” get thousands of likes in less than 24 hours — while most readers had no idea the original even existed — broke my heart.
I read all the comments praising their “beautiful story,” and I watched the plagiarist reply with things like, “Aww thank you so much, sorry if some scenes are terrible, I’m still working on my writing but I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Back then, it made me furious (the audacity was unreal). Now it just makes me laugh, in the saddest way possible. I sincerely hope none of my fellow writers ever have to go through the same thing.
At this point, I feel too old to keep worrying about my stories being reposted or, worse, rewritten for a different fandom. On top of that, my insecurity about my writing has gotten the better of me. So I think it’s best if I just stop posting altogether.
Thank you to everyone who has ever left kind comments and messages on my blogs and stories. You have given me a kind of happiness I could never find anywhere else, and I will never forget that. I wish I had better words to express how grateful I am, but truly — thank you so, so much.
Maybe one day I’ll feel confident enough to write again. And maybe one day I’ll be brave enough to share it publicly again. For now, I’ll only write for the people who are important to me and share my stories with close friends.
I’m sorry for not finishing the stories I started here.
I’m sorry for never writing the stories I promised.
I’m sorry to everyone whose messages I never replied to.
I’m sorry for not writing your requests.
I’m sorry for everything, and thank you for everything.
In three days, I will set all my blogs to private, including @sundaysundaes and @heyimkana. And no, I won’t be moving my fics to AO3 (at least not any time soon). I do have an account there, but I don’t know if I’ll ever post anything again.
Again, thank you for everything. This will be my last post on this blog. If you ever want to reach out, you can find me on Twitter: @kanacchi10
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