to make up for not getting the epilogue posted today, here's the cut scene of Luis realizing Leon's pregnant again :) they're both a little stupid, Leon's hormonal, good recipe for light angst and some hurt/comfort. very lightly proof read/edited
Luis starts coming home to a quiet house. Just his grandfather reading quietly and both Silvia and Leon napping.
Leon gets sick a few times, and yells at Luis and tells him he wants left alone if he tries to follow him into the bathroom to hold his hair back and make sure he's okay.
They fight. Leon has a short fuse. For most of their relationship, Leon would grin and bear anything without complaint. He wouldn't dare to even raise his voice. The closest they ever got to fighting was the day Luis had a short fuse and started yelling at Leon when he wasn't wearing his ring, while Leon just sat there and took it. But now Luis is getting yelled at regularly. He doesn't bother asking for Leon's input on dinner when making something he knows for a fact Leon loves and will always scarf down, because Leon says it doesn't sound good and yells at him for not asking what he wanted first. And then when he does ask what Leon wants, he gets yelled at for asking because Leon hates having to make decisions and Luis should just know what Leon likes and make something without asking. One night Leon wakes Luis up to tell him to go sleep on the couch because he's ‘breathing too loud’ and it's annoying and keeping Leon awake. The next night Luis just gets up to go to the couch as soon as Leon falls asleep to try to avoid him waking up upset, and Leon wakes him up crying that he misses him and asking why he left to sleep in the nursery. Luis just can't win.
He brushes it all off. There's plenty of reasons for Leon to be nauseous, and to want space while he's feeling sick instead of Leon hovering.
Silvia is past the easy potato phase. She's not quite walking yet, but she's trying, and she's crawling around trying to grab things. She needs watched more closely, Leon may need some naps to keep up with her.
The fights... They don't bother Luis as much as they should. He knows that Leon's background is devoid of healthy relationships and couples who yell at each other every day are just his normal. That doesn't make it okay, but it makes it easy for Luis to tolerate. It's something he wants to address, but will take some care. And frankly, he actually prefers Leon yelling at him to their earlier relationship problem of Leon constantly thinking Luis was mad at him and trying to have sex with him, and sometimes seeming scared of Luis and flinching. It gives him a strange sense of relief, the fact Leon trusts him and feels safe enough to yell without thinking Luis will respond with violence. They're stupid things to argue about too. It's not like they're arguing about religion or money or anything irreconcilable. If they disagreed on something fundamental, it would be a serious, possibly relationship ending problem. But when the fight is that Luis made pancakes and Leon had a very disproportionate reaction and blew up because pancakes didn't sound good to him and he wanted eggs, and the solution is that Luis just makes some eggs, it just isn't that big a deal. Minor inconvenience.
It's a night Leon snaps that gets the pieces to finally start coming together.
“Luis, Luis, wake up. Silvia's crying. She's been doing this lately, every night she wakes up and cries and I have to rock her for so long to get her back to sleep and I'm so fucking sick of it, you go deal with her this time. Your turn to be a dad, I'm tired of you not pulling your weight.”
It's the first thing Leon's said that actually offended Luis, the implication he's not being a present father and not taking on his fair share of the parenting. Leon's insistence that Luis should get uninterrupted sleep every night due to him having a job is the only reason that Leon's the one handling nights. Luis gladly would have been taking night shifts too had Leon not been so insistent. But he's not going to get into an argument when he's got a baby crying in another room.
It seems she is just bored or lonely, or maybe both. She stops crying and starts cooing and trying to stand up as soon as Luis walks in and says “Hey, princess.” The slate has already been wiped clean, he's not mad about a half asleep Leon saying something stupid in the middle of the night anymore.
She's giggling and beaming while Luis grabs a couple random books off the shelf and he realizes this probably is pretty new and exciting for her, assuming babies have enough of a perception of time. She's used to Leon being the one to come in at night, not Luis, and it seems like Leon just rocks her and doesn't read in the night like Luis is about to. Which probably is unwise because she's getting more excited and energetic when the goal is to get her back to sleep, but it's too late now– she saw him go for the books, she'll be disappointed if he just puts them back, and he hasn't learned how to say no and disappoint her yet.
“Yeah, yeah, special night, you get Papi instead of Daddy tonight, and a book because I'm more of an enabler than he is and can't say no,” Luis says softly, picking her up and then sitting in the rocking chair. “Daddy's just having a hard time lately. He's been through a lot. So much. You don't need to worry about him though, that's my job. I'll make sure he's okay. All you need to worry about is baby stuff. Standing up, trying to walk, talking. I think maybe your first word should be Daddy. But you've got time to think about it, I know you've still got a good while left in the cooing and babbling and weird little baby noises phase. Just something to be thinking about. Lucky for you, I don't have any filming tomorrow. Just a recording studio slot in the morning which I can reschedule, so if this late night reading makes you tired and cranky in the morning, I can make it my problem, not Daddy's. He's already cranky about things, he doesn't need to make it worse dealing with a cranky baby too. I feel bad for not putting up more of a fight about him always getting nights with you. Just because he said he didn't mind didn't make it true, I feel bad he had to get pushed to a breaking point before wanting me to help. And this is kind of nice, actually. The whole world is asleep and quiet, it's just the two of us.”
Silvia babbles and starts squirming. Luis talked too long and started losing her. She loves his voice and he used to be able to keep her occupied for extended periods just talking to her like this, but nowadays she's more interested in things she can see and grab, not just hear. That's okay, he just has to open a book to reel her back in.
He realizes one of the “books” he happened to grab was the photo album. Which is actually a little bit perfect. She is very into faces, flipping through the pictures should keep her attention. The first couple pages are underwhelming to her, they're all old family pictures– people who died before Silvia was born like Luis's mother and grandmother, and pictures of his grandfather and him that are old enough that she just can't recognize they're people she knows. But she starts getting more into it when they reach the teenage Luis pages. He's not entirely sure if she's cooing and reaching out to touch the pictures because she still recognizes them as her parent, or just because he's holding up guitars and other shiny, colorful, exciting things, but he's just happy she's happy. She definitely recognizes the more recent pictures of her great grandfather, cooing at them even though there aren't any shiny objects to grab her attention like in the teenage Luis pictures.
Then the pictures with Leon start and Silvia really goes crazy, babbling louder and waving her little arms around. Unfortunately he doesn't have very many pictures of Leon. He once stupidly asked if Leon had any childhood pictures when he was adding to the album, which he quickly regretted when Leon answered that he set the couple there were on fire when he moved out here because they were of him stuffed into a girly formal dress at the church his Jesus freak foster parents went to… So the first pictures are of Leon and Claire when they first met. Leon has changed since then, but not unrecognizably. Then there's another gap, no pictures until him and Luis got together years later. The only pictures in that time span either had Krauser in them or were taken by Krauser, so Leon gave them to Luis and said he could look if he wanted, but he'd rather they not end up displayed anywhere, so Luis tucked them away in a box instead of in the album.
“These pictures have you too, technically…” Luis tells Silvia, turning the page. There's a couple pictures taken while Leon was pregnant. Luis wanted to take more, but with Leon's insecurities there were only a couple occasions he felt good enough to let Luis snap a picture.
The other page next to it were the hospital pictures, including Luis's favorite picture in the whole album, the one his grandfather took of him and Leon asleep in the hospital bed, with newborn Silvia in Luis's arms. Leon looks like shit, sweaty hair plastered to his scalp, dark circles under his eyes. He looked like he just went through hell and back. It's a little too grainy to make out for certain, but it definitely looks like Leon might be drooling on Luis's shoulder. Luis definitely doesn't look too hot either, he was also visibly exhausted, though nowhere near the extent that Leon was. But they both still had slight smiles, and Silvia was, of course, perfect.
He turns the page again… Oh shit. Paris. Paris. It was basically a week long bender of fancy wine and drunk sex so they didn't exactly have photo ops, but the wine really brought out all of Luis's sappiness and he was hell bent on having some sort of memory. Which ended up being a lot of polaroids of Leon, the vast majority too racy to be displayed in a family album, with only a couple being tame enough to make it in.
They did beat the fucking odds that night, that's why Leon's been like this for weeks. They got their honeymoon baby.
And Luis just didn't see all the flashing neon signs. Maybe he really isn't the super attentive partner and father expertly juggling his family and career perfectly that he thought he was. He didn't realize Leon was actually getting up with Silvia every night, Leon mentioned being up with her occasionally, but he assumed it wasn't this frequent until Leon told him otherwise. Leon's been having incredibly obvious, pretty much stereotypical pregnancy symptoms and Luis failed to connect the dots. How much more has he been missing? Wesker might kill him for it, but just hitting the brakes on his album is looking like a really tempting, possibly necessary option.
But the more important question is why hasn't Leon told him? Leon doesn't have Luis's luxurious obliviousness, he had to have noticed his symptoms by now. This “rough patch” in the relationship wouldn't have been a rough patch to Luis if he knew it was all just pregnancy hormones, he'd be even more forgive and forget about all of this. He thought their relationship had trust after Luis finally told him about all the Krauser stuff, no more big secrets. Why didn't he tell him? When will Leon tell him? He waited more than half his pregnancy before he told Luis he was pregnant with Silvia… But he had more reasonable explanations to not want to tell Luis then. He shouldn't be worried to tell Luis this time, he knows Luis is the biological father, they're married, they're both okay with another baby.
He needs to talk to Leon. But Leon's asleep. Leon needs his sleep right now. Another reason he wishes Leon had told him. He's surprised it took this long for Leon to finally snap and make Luis be the one to get up with Silvia. Between the pregnancy exhaustion and rarely getting a full night of uninterrupted sleep, he has to be running on fumes. But that's over now. Luis will get Silvia settled and let Leon sleep tonight, and every night. Shit, Silvia. He was so lost in his thoughts he didn't notice she was getting annoyed and bored by him not talking or turning pages. Bad father moment.
“Hey, I'm sorry, I just got a little distracted,” Luis whispers, setting the album down and readjusting, so he's leaning back in the chair and Silvia's on his chest to rock her. “Daddy's not cranky because of what he's been through, he's cranky because you're getting a little brother or sister and those hormones are powerful things, making him crazy, it really isn't his fault he's been like this. I know that probably isn't as exciting for you as it is for me, maybe even a little scary, but it's going to be okay. You're not going to get replaced, okay? We'll still love you and give you plenty of attention. It doesn't even matter if the new baby looks more like me, I won't stop loving you. I promised that I would never want a paternity test or even think much about whether you're biologically mine, but, just between you and me, I'm getting pretty sure that you're not,” Luis feels a strange sense of relief finally saying that out loud. It doesn't really matter that Silvia got half her genes from Krauser, but it's (most likely) a fact that she did. Even within their close circle that knows Leon was pregnant and it wasn't really an adoption situation, he doesn't think there's anyone aside from him and Krauser that realizes she's Krauser's.
She definitely takes after Leon, something everyone who sees her gushes about, saying his genes just beat Luis's if they're aware Leon carried her. But Luis has spent a whole lot of time staring at Leon and a whole lot of time staring at Silvia, and she's not quite the carbon copy of Leon that acquaintances believe her to be. Her blue eyes are just blue, like Krauser's cold blue, not Leon's blue which have a greenish tint to them. Her hair is a lighter color than Leon's dirty blond, closer to Krauser's. It's hard to tell with her being so young, but her nose is starting to resemble Krauser's too. None of it actually bothers Luis, he would have left or demanded a paternity test a lot sooner if DNA mattered to him, it's just an elephant in the room he can't really acknowledge. No matter how he says it, pointing it out to Leon will cause him to get upset with Luis for breaking his promises and caring about Silvia's biological father. Especially now that Leon's dealing with hormones again. And bringing it up to anyone else would be even worse– airing dirty laundry that would have serious ramifications for their reputations. But Silvia herself is too little to really understand anything Luis is saying to her right now– she's starting to get some words, her name and Daddy usually make her smile, but anything more complicated and full conversations are lost on her– so she's a good audience for his musings.
“It's all okay though. I've known you probably weren't mine biologically since before you were born, biology is overrated, my own father was never there for me. As soon as Daddy finally told me he was having you, I wanted you, I didn't care about the genes at all, I was in love with Daddy, I wanted to be a father, the other guy Daddy had been with was… a jerk, to say the very least. You and him deserved so much better. I don't really think I'm all that great myself, but I was certainly better than him, so I swooped in and stepped up. Of course I wish some things had played out a little differently, I don't regret anything. I love you and Daddy so much and I'm just glad we're all together and I can protect you. Last time that other guy showed up, I made him regret it. I do worry about him coming back, because he's really damn crazy and obsessed with Daddy– okay, to be fair, I'm pretty obsessed with Daddy too, but not a crazy, unhealthy obsessed– and you know, he probably is stupid enough to try something again thinking it'll go better, but it won't, I'll beat the shit out of him again if I have to. I know he'll want to take you away from me, especially if you keep looking more like him, but I'll never let him. Never. He doesn't deserve you. All he ever did for you was give you some DNA, me and Daddy did everything else. I was the one who took Daddy to all his appointments and took care of him when you were making him sick and tired. I was the one there to hold his hand when you were born. It's my voice that you recognized the day you were born because you had already heard it so much. It's my face you know and giggle at. I did all the hard stuff, all the important stuff, not him. You're mine. It doesn't matter whose eyes you have, you're a Serra, not a Krauser. I'll kill him if he tries to get you. I will.”
Silvia is asleep by the time Luis is finally done venting and rambling, but he's in no hurry to get up. He feels too wired to even try getting back to sleep. Putting Silvia down and getting back in bed with Leon would just mean he would be wide awake, trying not to fidget enough to disturb Leon, his mind spiraling over the fact Leon's pregnant again but doesn't want to tell him and all the potential horrible reasons why. It's just going to be a… three? Four? However many he got before Leon woke up– hours of sleep night. He'll stay in the nursery with Silvia until it's time for her breakfast, then cook and bring Leon an elaborate breakfast in bed spread. And rip the bandaid off and ask if he's pregnant. Well, maybe not a huge breakfast, he isn't sure if there's any specific things that have been triggering his morning sickness. He should probably just ask Leon what he wants to eat after they talk.
“Mi amor, can we talk about something?” Leon looks panicked, because of course he is; up until Luis, any sort of vague serious talk opening like this would end up with him being screamed at as the best case scenario. Luis should have known better, he's just too scatterbrained sometimes. “Nothing bad! I'm not angry with you! It's just, I can't help but notice you've been a bit… weird lately. I was starting to get worried, until last night, it all made sense. Paris. Our honeymoon. You're pregnant again, aren't you?” The color drains from Leon's face. “I'm sure you have a reason for not telling me, and I did wonder if maybe the right thing to do was respect that and wait until you were ready to tell me on your own, but I just couldn't wait. I'm not mad at you for not telling me and I don't need you to justify anything to me, I just really need you to let me in now because you don't need to be doing this alone. Please just let me help you, mi amor. Tell me what you need.”
“Jesus Christ. You think I'm acting weird, just decide that I must be pregnant, there's no other explanation. Clearly I'm pregnant and being secretive and hiding shit from you, because everything is about you! Seriously. You really think I'm pregnant? I'm not hiding shit from you! You're acting like him, he'd always do this. I'd be totally open and honest but then he'd decide I was doing something behind his back and get mad at me for hiding stuff.”
This is not how Luis expected this conversation to go. The bad news is that Leon is now extremely pissed at him. The good(?) news is that Leon didn't find out he was pregnant weeks ago and kept it a secret from Luis.
“I already said it, I'm not mad at you. But seriously, you've been nauseous, mood swings, napping a lot. If I'm noticing, I figured you probably noticed a long time ago.”
“Well, I'm not pregnant.”
“How sure are you? Have you taken a test? Since Paris?”
“... No, I haven't taken one. But I've been pregnant before, I think I'd know if I was again. I know something is wrong with me, but I don't feel like I did with Silv. With her, I was always just sad and anxious and ready to fall apart. But I wasn't mad, never wanted to yell at anyone or pick fights, I just wanted to cry and throw pity parties for myself. More tired than normal, but not this tired. Food and stress made me sick, not smells. There wasn't anything bad enough to make me suspect I was pregnant until I started showing a little. I also liked you and wanted you so bad. I took a long time to actually call you, but I thought about calling you every single night. To fall asleep I'd have to put on one of your records and arrange pillows behind me and pretend you were with me. It almost physically hurt how bad I wanted you. Now it's like I can't physically handle having you around sometimes, I just want you to get away from me. I know why you're latching onto the pregnancy theory, you want another baby, you don't want your marriage to be falling apart. But it is. Maybe I got my dad's anger issues. I'm just not husband and father material like you are.”
“Not every pregnancy is exactly the same, not feeling exactly the same as last time doesn't mean you're not,” Luis insists gently. “Can you please just take a test? For me? I promise if it's negative I'll drop this and we can figure out what else could be going on with you. I know this isn't just who you are, something is making you exhausted and angry and that's no way to be spending your whole life.”
“Stop talking. Just go get me a stupid test so I can prove you're wrong. God, why are you still here? Shouldn't you be working on your new album?”
“First thing I did this morning was call and reschedule. Last night I was flipping through the photo album with Silvia, we got to the Paris pictures and finally the timing and symptoms hit me and I knew I wouldn't be able to focus on anything else until we'd talked. I'll go to the store and take Silvia with me so you don't have to worry about anything. You can just go back to sleep. Are you hungry? Do you want me to make you breakfast before I go?”
“No. Whatever. Actually, can you get ice cream too?”
Luis nods, and smirks a little bit. Leon did ask Luis for ice cream a lot when he was pregnant with Silvia. Smug asshole. He's the one saying every pregnancy is different, he doesn't get to use Leon wanting ice cream as evidence just because he wanted ice cream before.
Luis comes in with a look in his eyes that's enough to tell Leon he was wrong and Luis was right. He expects a smug “I told you so” but Luis isn't that kind of person.
“You know, I was a little nervous when you got so stuck on the honeymoon baby thing. I want to be able to give you everything you ever want. And you wanted something that I couldn't promise. But I did it! First try! I love you. You're the best. Willing to sacrifice so much to make my dreams come true. I'm a father because of you! To two babies. Silvia's so damn perfect, you did such a good job making her, I know this new baby will be just as perfect. I can't wait to meet–”
“Oh my god, can you shut up? I get it, you got me pregnant, good job. You're so fucking happy, it's pissing me off.”
Okay, so maybe Luis should have been more cautious and neutral.
“... Did you change your mind? You wanted this so bad. I thought you'd be happier.”
“I still want it. I'm happy. Relieved I'm just pregnant and not dying and now you'll forgive me for being a bitch and I'm not going to get dumped and kicked out. It's just that you're so fucking annoying. It's stupid and it doesn't make any fucking sense but you being so happy and excited is like nails on a chalkboard now. It's so weird.”
“It's just the hormones, mi amor, I promise,” Luis adjusts his tone and sits, hoping that maybe he'll be at least a little less annoying if he isn't so outwardly enthusiastic. “Ask my grandfather, he says my grandmother hated him the whole first trimester with my mother, went from sweet and head over heels to getting angry every single day, could barely stand to be in the same room as him. But she mellowed out for the rest of the pregnancy, went back to normal and wanting to spend time with my grandfather.”
“I hope you're right. It's not just that you're annoying to me right now, I'm not as excited as I was before. I was kinda hoping the test would be negative but whatever other thing was wrong could be treated. Everything was so fucking hard with Silvia. It wasn't even the symptoms, it was just being so alone at first, and then scared later along. I didn't get to enjoy anything. The first time she kicked, I wasn't happy, it made me feel awful. Suddenly it was real, I was an idiot bringing a baby into an awful situation. I never got to go shopping or decorate a nursery, because I was broke and didn't have space so the best I could do was put a crib and some cheap baby stuff in a corner of my bedroom. Got better but barely. Everything always sucked a little bit when I was always scared of you leaving or Krauser finding me and doing something fucked up. So this time was supposed to be good. I'd actually enjoy it. I wouldn't be terrified when I got that positive. I wouldn't be all alone when I felt a kick. I'd never feel so alone and scared. The minor symptoms wouldn't bother me at all if I had you around. But I'm not going to get that! Because now I feel so fucking awful, I don't want to go decorate a nursery, I just wanna sleep for a million years. I don't want you holding me every night, I want you to stay away from me but I also still want you to hold me, but I want to strangle you. I don't know what the fuck I want! It was easy with Silv, I would cry every time you even left the room, but at least it wasn't confusing. I was sad, but just cuz I missed you. This time was supposed to be my happy perfect do-over. I fucking daydreamed about this shit. I'd have the same symptoms I did with Silvia, and they would suck less with you around. I'd know I needed to test when I got all clingy and obsessed with you, I wouldn't feel scared and awful and alone when it was positive. We'd get to go shopping. Put together an actual full nursery. But now it's all fucking ruined. I don't want to do anything. I'm a shitty dad to Silvia too. Barely have the energy to take care of her basic needs, let alone actually playing and doing stuff with her. It's all fucking ruined,” Leon's nearly out of breath and his mouth is bone dry by the time he's done rambling. But the thought of taking a gulp of the water Luis brought him is revolting. He needs something carbonated. “Bring me a pop?”
Luis isn't going to say it, but inside he's also wishing Leon had the clingy hormones again instead of the angry hormones. He doesn't know how to comfort him, what to say, if he can touch Leon or if that'll make it worse. But after finishing the soda Luis brought, Leon lays down with his head in Luis's lap and he's brave enough to start playing with Leon's hair.
“You know, it's too early to say that everything about this is ruined, mi amor. I know it truly feels like the world is ending to you right now, but it's not. Just give it a month or two, I bet you'll have some energy again and be lovey-dovey with me, you'll be showing but just a cute little bump you can hide under a jacket so we can go out shopping without you worrying about people staring or trying to touch you. We're going to put together an adorable nursery. Everything is going to be okay, you're strong, you can make it through this.”
“I swear to God, you better be right. I want that happy daydream and if I don't get it and feel like this the whole time I'm breaking your hand again or strangling you,” Maybe that was too harsh. “Sorry. I won't actually hurt you, I just feel crazy right now. I really, really need to not feel like this the whole time. I want my daydreams, I want you to have them too. I know you'll never admit it, but the whole Silvia situation was a stupid mess that shouldn't have happened and I know deep down you had to be disappointed about not getting the normal expectant dad experience.”
“Well, you can break my hand again if you really need to. But no strangling me, I want to be alive to help you raise Silvia and the new baby. Plus if I was found dead, it would be a whole thing, you'd be the first suspect… They always look at the boyfriend or husband.”
“Yeah. You're right. No strangling. Not going to break either of your hands either, I like them too much…” Leon's mood is finally settling down. He isn't exactly happy and excited yet, but he's at least just sleepy instead of frustrated with his body and the universe for denying him his fantasies. Sleepy and a little appreciative of Luis's humor. And appreciative of the fact that he can go back to sleep and sleep for as long as he wants. No matter how tired he's felt, he's tried to only allow himself an afternoon nap because he feels guilty asking Luis's grandfather to babysit too often, and guilty asking Luis to take over whenever he's home since he actually has to work. But today Luis canceled his only obligation and now Leon can use the pregnancy excuse, so fuck it, he's sleeping all damn day. He'll probably tell Luis to bring Silvia in for a bedtime story and snuggles tonight because he'll want to see her, but Luis can do all the hard stuff today.
“I'll break your foot or a leg instead. Then you can still play guitar for me…”
“Yeah, I think leg would be the way to go, wouldn't it? Then I couldn't run away from you.”
And the moment is over. Leon's annoyed again.
“Ugh. What would I do when you got annoying? I couldn't just tell you to fuck off and leave me alone, I'd have to drag you out… I'm getting to that point now. Want to go back to sleep but you won't stop talking, just shut up.”
“Okay…” Luis isn't quite sure what he's supposed to do right now. Leon didn't explicitly tell him to fuck off and leave, just to shut up. He could still want Luis to also leave. But if he wants to Luis to stay quietly and not leave the room, he'll be really upset if Luis does leave. After weighing his options, Luis decides he'll stay. Leon will yell at him if he wants him out. That's fine, he can handle being snapped at. He'd rather have Leon mad than Leon feeling sad and abandoned.
