You guys want to see the best costume this year at Emerald City Comic Con? This is the way, bitches...
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Today's Document
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Not today Justin
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EXPECTATIONS
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izzy's playlists!
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Andulka
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Love Begins
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@luke-trashwalker
You guys want to see the best costume this year at Emerald City Comic Con? This is the way, bitches...
balenciaga
What a lot of you don’t understand is that when you think about it, the John Wick movies really are the closest thing to perfection we have in the movie industry nowadays. Yes, I’m aware of how absolutely insane I sound right now, just bear with me. By ‘perfection’ I didn’t mean good, just in the sense that. They are the only action franchise I know that openly panders to their audience, and somehow also managed to include literally everyone in that audience.
Let’s take a crack at this together if you don’t believe me.
We’ll start with the basics. What country are you from? Trick question, it doesn’t matter because *slaps the roof of New York* This City can fit so many countries into it and oh yes, they Are going to speak your language. This is a threat. Next, what kind of music are you into? Pop? Rock? Jazz? Classical? KYARY PAMYU PAMYU? Don’t worry, they’ve got you. Let’s move on to something a little more personal– Are you gay? Straight? Yes, these movies qualify as queer cinema because every single fight scene in them IS bi on bi violence, but you also wouldn’t know this if you’re cishet, so their homophobic dudebro fanbase is still steadily expanding despite the movies steadily getting gayer and gayer. By the way, have you heard about their canon nonbinary character? Well, you see, the thing is, they’ve announced that this character IS nonbinary, you just didn’t notice this because the need for them to explicitly state their gender never arises in the movie. Well, fingers crossed for more Trans Rights in John Wick: Chapter 4 and 5!
Ok, enough about you. Let’s move on to your taste in men. What’s your type? Do you like older men? Younger men? Keanu Reeves is here, and he somehow managed to look both 31 and 65 at the same time. He has the Range. Do you like men with short hair? Long hair? John Wick has shoulder-length hair but he’s never put it into a bun in canon, so he passes as both I guess. Do you want a male wife? He’s a househusband for 5 years in canon. If you like nice guys, he’s good with animals and very polite to everyone around him; but if you’re into bad boys, he’s also killed over 300 people and they don’t get any worse than that. If you like married men, this is probably the most married man I’d ever seen in an action movie; but if you’re not into that, it’s fine, because his wife’s also Very Dead. If you like men with short names, “John Wick” is only two syllables; if you like men with longer names, his real name is actually Jardani Jovonovich. If your type is Keanu Reeves, he’s there, but if you just hate Keanu Reeves, well this is THEE franchise for you because they’re going to beat the shit out of him and throw him off the edge of a thirteen-story building. Oh, sorry, do you like women? They’ve got so many great non-sexualized female characters, you’re gonna fall head over heels in love with all of them faster than I can say John Wick; but if you just hate women, well, some of them are also dead. (But like, killed off in a dignified and respectable way that made sure to not piss off anyone.)
Now let’s talk about the animals. Are you a dog person? Welcome, this franchise is secretly just three dog movies in a blood-stained trench coat. If you like small dogs, there’s one, but if you like BIG dogs, you get 3 of them. If you like smart dogs these Belgian Malinois are trained to climb walls and castrate people on command. If you like dumb dogs this pitbull does nothing for two movies but sit around on sofas, look pretty, and eat butter off of Keanu Reeves’ face. If you’re a cat person check out this absolute unit living their best life at a sushi bar owned by a gay ninja; if you’re a bird person, well I hope you like pigeons because *slaps the roof of New York* this city can fit so many pigeons into it. If you’re a horse girl so is John Wick, apparently, and to make this movie even more relatable for you, he brought a Horse. To a car chase. In the middle of BROOKLYN. If you’re a snake person, Ian Mcshane is also there, and he speaks.
What else? Oh, let’s get into the fandoms, why not. DC fans, your John Constantine is wearing a white shirt with a tie and talking to Lucifer. Marvel fans, your Green Goblin dies again. SPN fandom, happy to inform you that Sam’s blonde girlfriend (the one who somehow got fridged by. A ceiling fire??) is here too and she’s MY girlfriend now. She wears a leather jacket, calls John Wick a pussy while beating the absolute shit out of him, and she is an asshole to everybody. If nothing else I said could convince you, do it for HER. Hannibal fandom, we’ve been through this many times, but John Wick: Chapter 2 (2017) IS a hannigram mafia au, and coincidentally, Laurence Fishburne is also There, and he flirts with Keanu Reeves while wearing a silk bathrobe. Game of Thrones fandom, don’t you just hate that blonde little fruit Theon Greyjoy? Don’t you just wish someone would punch him in his stupid face? Well I’ve got GREAT news for you folks. Brooklyn-99 fandom, your Vulture is here and he’s got a husband. Ok alright no he didn’t yes he did. no he didn’t ;)) (He did though) And of course, of course, how could I forget my main audience, The Old Guard(2020, dir. Gina Prince-Blythewood) Fandom? Right this way followers, here’s an unedited screenshot of the canon dialogue from John Wick(2014)
NOW that we’ve gotten all that out of the way, let’s move on to your taste in movies because oh, *slaps chad stahelski in the face* this movie can fit So much Movie into it. Tell me, do you like good movies? These movies CAN, indeed, be very good. Do you like BAD movies? Well congratulations! This critically acclaimed arthouse action franchise WILL put you through some of the worst moments in the history of cinema, and you WILL unironically enjoy every single second of it, perhaps even more than the good parts. Do you like movies with good acting? Well one of the greatest accomplishments of the John Wick franchise is that they went out of their way to round up all the best actors in the movie industry, just to get them to say the absolute dumbest shit on camera. For you. Do you like movies with BAD acting? Well Keanu Reeves is There and he somehow managed to be at the peak AND the rock bottom of his career at the same time, he HAS the Range. What about…..The story? Do you like a good plot? A BAD plot? Spoiler Alert: everyone wins, because there is NO plot.
I could go on and on but the point is, you could NOT lose with these movies even if you tried. It’s just fun for everyone, every time, and if you hate fun you can come sit next to me in the theater, and I promise I’ll do my best to take all the fun out of your viewing experience. Oh and one last thing, before I log off: I get that some of y’all have problems with graphic and gratuitous violence, and that’s valid, but hey, listen. What if it was, like, really funny
Umbrella Academy Season 2 spoilers alert:
Okay so at the end of the season they get back to 2019, the apocalypse never happened, and Ben and old Reggie are alive right? and the Commission got wiped out and rebuilt in the 60's, Witch means the commission never sent Hazel and Cha-Cha to kill 5.
What I'm trying to say here is that Eudora Patch is probably still alive and I desperately want her back in season 3
(personally I thought Patch was a better love interest for Diego than Lila, and I was kinda miffed that she wasn't brought up at all, y'all mean to tell me Diego got over the fact that the woman he loved died (and he 100% blamed himself cuz she wouldn't had gone to the motel if it wasn't for him) then he was FRAMED FOR IT in the short time he was in the 60's?)
PLEASE IF YOU UNMUTE ANYTHING ON THIS WEBSITE TONIGHT LET IT BE THIS
I’m getting some Donnie vibes from this
...Bootyshaker9000
What if we combined their music taste
mashup by: @kazoo-goddess
Romeo + Juliet (1996) dir. Baz Luhrmann
Oh my god those are heelys
Best Mercutio. Most perfect Mercutio. Only valid Mercutio, ever in the history of ever.
By my Heelys, I have no Feelys
Danegeld historic jewellery shared new pictures of their Good Omens props! :)
1., 2., 3. Roman Crowley and Aziraphale, Crowley’s laurel wreath before it was silver
4. Witchfinder pin
5. and 6. Nuns
7. Aziraphale’s ring and harp cufflings
8. dabbling with the glasses :)
9. collar pin for Famine
10. the start of scalemail for War
*opens the good omens theme score to analyze all of the theory*
it’s such a beautifully simple melody, but all of the harmonies and extra additions make it not simple at all.
the close harmonies of seconds and thirds near the end of the key change, where the key changes from A to E flat, whICH IS A TRITONE UP FROM A, ITS SO CLEVER. plus, there’s all of these accidentals in the melody which means it doesn’t really even stick to the key and the whole thing sounds like its fighting with itself whether its minor or its major.
oh and, the last playthough of the melody with all of the thirds and seconds? the first playthrough of the harmony has no harmony with it, and sounds somewhat devious, but lonely, and the melody itself reminds me kind of a snake, and of the way crowley walks. then there’s the angelic middle section, which sounds, you know. angelic, full of choirs, not so lonely, just like how aziraphale isn’t technically alone in heaven. not like how crowley is alone in hell, anyway. and then after the angel section, there’s the tritone key change (which to me, signifies crowley showing up in aziraphale’s life)
and then the ENDING!!!! with the HARMONIES!!!!! its like a slightly dissonant dance between aziraphale and crowley, they fit well together but they don’t make the most conventional pair, and they don’t always work well together. but sometimes (signified by when it changes to the harmony being in sixths) they hit their stride and really GET each other. its not really dissonant but its not fully consonant either, and its so much more INTERESTING that way
plus the harp glissandos peppered throughout? mmmmMMMM YUMMY
Good Omens | 1.03: “Hard Times”
double trouble
YALL DIEGO HAS A POSTER THAT SAYS KNIFE LIFE IN HIS ROOM AND I!!!! LOVE A GOOD KNIFE BOY
Yo Critical Role fandom I need some help
My sister and I are making Calebs journal and are trying to figure out what to put in it, any ideas??
Ramen hacks 101
Hey does anyone else have a lot of trouble getting out of bed and feeding themselves sometimes? Yeah me too. BUT I’ve basically gotten the cheap, easy, fast ramen thing down to a T by this point and thought I’d share it with you guys. It can be made very easily for any type of diet, including gluten-free, vegan and vegetarian.
Time: Will vary depending on your ingredients, but at minimum it’ll take about 5-10 minutes.
For just a soup base+noodles, you will need:
A package of cheap-ass ramen noodles - throw away the seasoning packet or save it to use with something else. Buy in bulk if you don’t want to go to the store every time you want noodles. If you’re gluten-free, get rice noodles or another gluten-free option.
Miso paste - I got mine for about $3, and it lasts for a very long time in the fridge. Pro tip: it’s cheaper at an Asian grocery store or market if you have access to one.
Stock cube/paste - around $2 at my local grocery store. I went for low-sodium chicken stock cubes, but you use your preferred type.
Water - about 2-3 cups for one portion depending on how big your bowl is. Remember, if you’re adding in extras, the liquid level will rise. I’ve made that mistake way too many times.
If you want extras, some good options to mix and match at your preference/budget/convenience are
Vegetables:
Bean sprouts - super cheap at the grocery store. Just throw a handful in and call it a day. I like mine to still be a little crunchy so I do it in the last 2 minutes of cooking.
Snow peas - ditto to the bean sprouts. Extras can be frozen.
Onion - I typically use half or a quarter of a white onion cut into thin slices, and tossed in the broth asap because I like it a bit more tender. Freeze the rest if you’re not going to be using it within the next few days.
Green onion/scallions - 1-2 will be good for one portion. Slice in thin disks, or on an angle if you’re fancy. Also you can use both the tops (green) and the bottoms (white), but that’s to your preference. I typically use these as a garnish, but you can add them in whenever you’d like.
Bok/pak choi - one of my favorite vegetables in the entire world. It can be found in most grocery stores nowadays, but is much cheaper at an Asian market if you have access to one. Cut off the very bottom part and then cut the pieces in half length-wise. Throw them in at the beginning if you like them softer, or in the last 3 minutes if you still want them a bit crunchy.
Spinach - just chuck in a handful whenever. Spinach can also be used frozen and is often cheaper to either buy it already frozen, or buy fresh in bulk and store it in your freezer to have forever. Get those vitamins!
Shredded carrot - you may not have the time/energy to shred carrots. Buy the pre-shredded kind and freeze whatever you have left over.
Corn - use frozen.
Mushrooms - slice thinly or buy pre-sliced. Add to broth toward the beginning.
Protein:
Tofu - silken tofu is usually the best option for this, but use whatever it is you have/can afford. Cut into small cubes and add whenever you’d like.
Soft-boiled egg - how to boil an egg or whatever your favorite method is.
Chicken - use leftover cooked chicken to add to your soup or slice a raw chicken breast thinly and poach it at a gentle simmer in the broth for 7-10 minutes or until it is white and opaque. It does take a little extra time, but you don’t actually have to do anything while it cooks and this will add extra flavor. Pre-marinated chicken is good for this as well (look for “Asian” flavors like soy, sesame, ginger, garlic, chili, etc.). Again, more expensive or time-consuming if you’re marinating it yourself, but it’s up to you.
Shrimp - use pre-cooked frozen shrimp to save time and just dump in a handful. Buy the frozen stuff in bulk. Or, like with the chicken, poach raw shrimp in the broth until they are pink and opaque.
Additional flavorings:
Garlic - either use a garlic crusher if you have it or just toss in thin slices into the pan with a little bit of veg or sesame oil for about 2 minutes, before you add your liquid. I buy pre-crushed frozen garlic that comes in little cubes and just pop them straight into whatever I’m cooking. There’s also that pre-crushed/chopped garlic in a paste or little jars. The pre-prepared stuff is more expensive than just buying bulbs of garlic BUT it will last you a while and saves a lot of time and energy.
Ginger - same as the garlic.
Chilis - chopped into thin disks. Take out the seeds and white part inside the chili if you don’t like it too spicy. Add as a garnish or into the broth if you like it a little spicier.
Hot sauce - use your favorite brand.
Chili oil - I got mine for about $1.50 and it’s a must-have for me in my soup. I drizzle a couple teaspoons on top when my soup is all done.
Soy sauce - light or dark soy is fine. Add as much or as little as you like.
Sesame oil - this is quite strong, so a little goes a long way. Use about a teaspoon.
Fish sauce, oyster sauce, rice wine/mirin/sake - these are great flavors but may be a bit harder to find and tend to be a little more expensive. Use about 1-2 teaspoons if you have it.
Cilantro - throw the stalks into your broth and strain them out afterward or just use the leaves as a garnish.
Lemon or lime - a squeeze to taste.
Sesame seeds - sprinkle on top.
Like I said, all the above ingredients are simply suggestions. It’s up to you to decide what you want, what you have the time and energy for, and what you can afford. This is just to show you the range of options.
Method:
Prep whatever ingredients you’re using (slice/chop/take out of freezer). If you’re not using any, just go to step 2.
Bring 2-3 cups of water to a boil. If you have an electric kettle, this will make the process much quicker.
Add in your stock cube and miso paste and cook for about 2 minutes until they dissolve. You may want to stir a couple times just to help it along.
Add in whatever vegetables/protein/additional flavorings above suit your fancy and cook to your liking.
Add noodles and cook for 3 minutes.
Put food in bowl. Don’t worry about making it pretty. Garnish as you like.
Put food in mouth.
Done!
Put any leftover soup you may have into a tupperware or thermos and take it to work/school the next day. Or save it for 3-4 days in the fridge and heat it up when you’re hungry.
Another pro tip: you can make the soup base in bulk and freeze whatever you don’t use. when you want soup but don’t want to go through the whole process again, stick the frozen soup in the microwave/melt in a pot on the stove, bring to a boil, add in your noodles/extras and you’re good to go.
Enjoy!
This is the funniest thing I’ve seen in weeks. Literally, I’ve never been this funny in my entire goddamn life
A B S O L U T E U N I T