* Note: I wrote this the day it happened and saved it as a note on my phone, hence the tense.*
I’m currently in London, and just LOST MY MIND. (No, I did not meet Nico or any other sweet faced, hot bodied, sex voiced famous.)
I was on the bus (242, towards Aldgate, top deck); it was packed so the boy and I had to sit separately. The man sitting beside me got off, but before the boy could join me, another passenger got on and took the seat. She was (and be mindful I’m terrible at guessing age) maybe late 20s or early 30s? Glasses, brown hair, septum piercing, eyes on her phone the way people do.
I was looking out the window, not paying her any attention until I felt her giggling next to me. I looked over and she had this cheeky little grin as she kept scrolling, like one would get when they get a good text from someone they like. I thought “aw cute” and went back to minding my business. A few minutes later though, she’s not giggling anymore. She’s sniffling. From the corner of my eye I see her wiping away a tear. I was sort of having an internal panic about whether to awkwardly offer her a tissue, or awkwardly ignore it, (I, personally, would like the latter) but then...she was smiling again. Big. And I couldn’t help it, I looked at her screen. My stupid, curious, human instinct was to be a creeper. And, WOW, was it the last thing I expected.
This complete random stranger that happened to sit next to me on a bus in a country I’m visiting, WAS READING MY FAN FICTION‼️🚨‼️🚨‼️🚨‼️🚨‼️🚨
I probably inhaled all the oxygen on the bus with a not-so-subtle gasp of sheer shock while my eyes got big and panicky and my face very red, which the boy and I have affectionately dubbed the “danger face”. He saw me and immediately knew something was amiss but I just shook my head then tried to stop every muscle in my body from moving because, well, SHE 👏🏼 WAS 👏🏼 READING 👏🏼 MY 👏🏼 FUCKING 👏🏼 WRITING 👏🏼!!!!!!!!
She switched seats shortly after that, maybe because she recognized me , or - more likely - just thought I was a weird tourist who was making her uncomfortable. But still, that was simultaneously the most amazing, flattering, uncomfortable moment of my life. She laughed, and smiled, and teared. My stupid words did that! And even though I get so much support on here (and AO3), seeing a person sat right next to me enjoying this thing I wrote as a hobby??? I mean, come on!
Summary: Finn is too busy crushing. Rae is too busy to notice. Mini uni AU.
Note: I was inspired to write this quick fic by my phone auto-correcting me. So thanks, Apple.
--
Rae huffs a sigh when she finally slides into her chair. Glancing at the clock, she releases a relieved but tired breath that blows the hair out of her face when she sees she’s made it to class with time to spare. She had slept through her alarm, barely changed out of her pyjamas, and nearly swallowed her mouthwash in her rush to get out of the dorm. It’s just...uni is exhausting.
If she isn’t working on assignments, she’s studying, and if she isn’t studying she’s panicking about exams, and if she isn’t panicking...well, she’s always panicking, really. Much to her mates’ exasperation, that leaves little time for a social life. Rae can count on her one hand the amount of times this semester she’d joined in for a night at the pub, or even a meal at the chippy in town. With her major in journalism and music minor, her figurative plate was full. (And it’s not like she could eat from a literal plate in front of them anyway.)
This class is her favourite though, and she always makes extra effort to be on time. Not just because Introduction to Sound Recording is the gateway to making her musical dreams come true, but also because it happens to contain some of the fittest lads at uni.
One of which just slipped into the room and is making his way towards her.
She watches as he strides confidently in her direction, his built frame and smug smile drawing enough attention that it makes Rae squirm in her seat. Mr. Fit-As lifts his brows at her in question as he reaches for the chair next to hers. She’s about to tell him “yes, please sit close enough for me tell if you use Persil or Fairy in your washing” when a hand lands on his shoulder.
“’Scuse me mate, seats taken.”
The boy raises his hands in surrender and shoots Rae a shrug and a wink before going for another vacant table two rows ahead.
“Thanks a lot, Finn,” Rae grumps at him as he slides into the empty chair.
“What, did you really want to sit next to a bloke who styles his hair off Nick Carter?”
“Says the guy with the Gary Barlow fringe,” she snorts, pulling out her books as she sees the professor walk in.
“Oi! I’ll have you know this is much more Damon Albarn,” Finn corrects, pointing a finger towards his face. When Rae looks down at her binder, he tousles a hand through his hair adjusting it on his forehead, muttering grumpily under his breath, “Who I happen to know you love.”
“You what?” Rae asks, looking back at him from her paper.
“Nothin’.”
The professor starts the lecture and Rae puts all her focus into taking notes, scribbling wildly as he speaks. Next to her, Finn taps his pencil on the desk a few times before leaning closer, his forearms sliding towards her.
“Missed you last night,” he whispers. When Rae doesn’t answer he elaborates, “At the pub. S’like the sixth time this month you’ve not come out.”
“That’s an exaggeration,” Rae replies without looking over at him.
“S’not. I’ve been keeping count.”
Rae glances at him briefly before looking back at the board to check she hadn’t missed anything in the half second distraction. “Well soz. Had a paper due.”
“You shoulda’ seen Chop. I got him to snort up a line of pepper ‘cause he kept going on about some bollocks about orgasms and -” Finn stops when Rae shoots him a disgruntled face.
She’d really like to pass this class and having Just-A-Fit-Friend Finn Nelson talk about orgasms directly into her ear is enough of a distraction to have her fail her entire course load. “Shhh! Finn, I’m trying to listen.”
Finn huffs and slouches back, resuming his pencil tapping.
*
It’s an hour later and class is nearly over, but all Finn has learned is that Rae has a stupidly cute concentration face. At one point he’d even jotted down details of it in the margin of his paper:
Pursed lips
Scrunched nose
Forehead crinkle
One strand of hair that keeps falling in her face
He was just about to describe the dimples her knuckles left whenever she flexed a cramp out of her writing hand, when Rae accidentally bumped his elbow and he had to snap his notebook shut so she wouldn’t see. She had given him a look suspicious enough that he didn’t dare reopen it, figuring his lack of note taking could be an excuse to meet up with her outside of class. The idea makes him smile.
It’s just...Christ, he likes her. Has liked her since he met her, and noticed her even before that.
First she was just the girl with the cool jacket who always wore headphones in the corridors. Or the girl who always seemed to be rolling her eyes and scoffing at the posh prick in class. The girl who debated more passionately – and aggressively – than anyone else in music history.
But then she was Archie’s revision mate called Rae, with arguments that made everyone think and jokes that made everyone laugh. Rae who took on anything with confidence, while seemingly handling everything in stride. Rae who, after only meeting him twice, noticed Finn was uncomfortable in group discussion and jumped in to save his awkward stuttering, agreeing with him and elaborating his point perfectly. Rae with her amazing taste in music that she reps on shirts that stretch across her more amazing rack. Rae who drank pints, and had eyes that changed colour in the shadows and the sunlight. Rae who somehow got on with Izzy and Chloe, while seamlessly bantering back and forth with Chop, all while keeping up with Arch’s cleverness. Rae who he thought about during every song of the mix she made him to take his mind off his nan’s funeral. Rae who missed parties to go home at weekends to spend time with her little sister. Rae who Finn always missed whenever she wasn’t around.
It’s another list he has secreted away in margins of multiple notebooks: All the Reasons Rae Earl is Brilliant.
Apparently all this thinking about how wonderful she is has taken over every one of his brain cells because he’s been unknowingly staring at her, and Rae shifts uncomfortably in her seat before nudging his arm again and telling him to pay attention. Finn coughs roughly to cover up his embarrassment but all that does is cause half the class to look back at him. He sinks a litter further down in his chair, his palm coming to rest on his cheek to cover the burning. At this height though, he can make out the scent of her shampoo and he needs to get out of here before his stupid brain sends a message to his stupid hand to stroke her stupid hair. God, he feels stupid.
Finn leans over a fraction, because even if he’s leaving early to avoid embarrassing himself in front of Rae, he still needs to say bye to her. But she’s turned away from him to rifle through her bag, and there’s only a few minutes left so he hastily scribbles a message on the edge of the open page of her binder before slipping out of the chair and the room.
HAD TO RUN
C U SOON
FINN xx
Had he looked back, he would have seen Rae bite her lip against a smile before drawing a squiggly box around the message, and going over his name and kisses in highlighter.
-
It’s a day later when he sees her next. He’s lounging in the courtyard with Chop, their abandoned course work scattered around them in the grass. Rae’s in a rush to get to her next class in the adjacent building, but she manages to float a folded sheet down onto his open textbook, shooting them a wave, before scurrying off.
“You’re dribbling, mate!” Chop announces, as Finn’s eyes follows her across the lawn. Chop manages to dodge the swipe Finn makes at his head, attempting to yell at Rae’s retreating figure, while Finn tackles him to the ground. “SLOW DOWN RAEMUNDO, FINNY HASN’T MEMORIZED YOUR ARSE YET!”
Luckily for Finn, Chop’s gob, as big as it is, isn’t loud enough to carry over the din of the other students. With a final shove to Chop’s stomach, Finn pushes himself off and up, immediately reaching for the paper. The page is full of Rae’s loopy scrawl, pretty just like her. An absurd thought, but maybe, honestly, he’s just ridiculously attracted to anything and everything Rae Earl. His eyes scan down the page of notes from yesterday’s class, smiling absently at the rushed slant of her font, before it lands on an addition crammed into the margin.
Copied these in the library for you since you couldn’t be arsed to write your own. Can’t have you failing, Finnley. Repeating the class without me would be TERRIBLE.
Finn shakes his head, chuckling at her cheek and, even though he knows she’s out of sight, his head still turns towards the direction she’d gone. He agrees, anything without Rae is terrible. Chop lobs a crumpled crisp packet at him, declaring that “Finn’s fallen arse over tit for some arse and tits!”, and then they’re rolling about again, Chop cinched in a headlock.
-
That’s how the notes start. Quick scribbles during class, addendums to course notes Finn conveniently forgets to take, album recommendations on the side of paper cups of tea he buys her. Once, a very realistic doodle by Rae of their least favourite professor on the inside of a chewing gum wrapper. (Finn pockets that one and, if asked, he’d be hard pressed to explain why a drawing of a 50 year old balding man permanently resides in his wallet.) They even have the odd game of noughts and crosses when Rae is feeling particularly distracted, though Finn could think of much better ways of swapping Xs and Os.
*
“Fill me in, then. What capers have I missed out on this time?” Rae asks, her cheek resting in her palm, elbow propped against the desk as she sips the brew that Finn brought her.
She’d missed another night out (“the ninth one!” Finn had informed her) in favour of a library session for a group project. They’d do this often, rehash the previous night over one cuppa. He always only bought one, said it was for her but would share it, taking occasional sips, his mouth drinking from where hers had been seconds before. She’d lick her lips and shiver at the thought that his would probably be just as warm and sweet. It was curiously intimate, but Rae never sassed him on it. Finn’s tea somehow always tasted best, anyway. Besides, these little catch ups have become her favourite part of the day.
“No wait, let me guess! Did Chop drink a bottle of vinegar to prove you can’t pickle organs? Oh no, I bet Izzy brought her tarot cards! Did she predict something ridiculous, like Chloe would either meet the love of her life or get a hangnail? That would have set Archie off. He’d have to detail every single appearance of them in history. I can hear him now. ‘The Italians coined the name after a French word meaning blah blah, but there’s evidence tarot cards date as far back as ancient Egypt.’” she imitates. “The swot.”
Finn laughs loudly at her antics. “How is your imaginary night better than what actually happened?” he asks through a broad grin, leaning more into her space. “But you got the swot thing right. It was mostly just Arch banging on about his psychology class. Summat about first impressions versus formed opinions. Then the lot of them started arguing over what they think they ‘look’ like to a stranger. Chop reckons everyone sees him as either ‘fit or a fight’, the bellend.” Finn finishes jovially with a shake of the head.
Rae laughs along with him before saying,“Go on, then. What do you think of when you look at me?”
Finn just stares back, the cup midway to his mouth, suddenly still. She watches his eyes roam her face, searching. His gaze snags on her mouth she thinks, and again on her eyes. Maybe it darts down to somewhere below her neck, but it’s too quick to catch.
Rae can feel her embarrassment leak into her face and chest, knows she’s bright red. Why did she ask him that? Of course anyone’s first impression of her would be negative. If they don’t immediately notice her, the swish-swishing of her rubbing thighs would draw attention soon enough, and then after that no one could look at a blob like her and have kind thoughts. She doesn’t need to hear what Finn thinks when he sees her taking up room at the table. She’s sure anything he could say would be in agreement with all her own terrible opinions of herself. Suddenly the lecture chairs feel too small.
They’ve both been silently watching each other, the moment stretching to discomfort when the professor walks in and greets the class. Rae shakes her head, turning away. “Forget it.”
*
Finn could punch himself in the face. That was it, the perfect moment and he’d let it slip. It’s just when she’d turned fully towards him as if presenting herself, that cheeky, brilliant smile on those perfect bow lips, something inside him cracked.
He’s speechless because how can he tell her that he’s always already thinking about her, whether she’s there to look at or not? Doesn’t think he can just come right out and say that what he thinks about is being able to look at her all the time; openly, without having to make up an excuse. That he’s rooted her in his head, a planted painful hope, wishing she was in his arms instead. What does he think of her? The world.
He taps a beat with his fingers absentmindedly, trying to figure out how he can salvage this opportunity, and in the corner of his eye he sees her tapping it back in sync with him.
“Hey Rae, I have my answer.”
“What?”
“I know what comes to mind when I look at you.”
Rae rolls her eyes, like the whole thing is a joke and she’s over it, but Finn’s not. This growing thing between them will never be over. He reaches towards her once dancing fingertips, dead set on holding her hand or something but Rae pulls away, grabbing her pen instead. She hunches over her paper, and for a sad second Finn thinks maybe to her they’re nothing, but then she’s sliding the paper against his forearm for him to read what she’s written.
Epic songs?
Finn bites his lip while shaking his head, because of course Rae could fix his cock-up without even trying by giving him another perfect chance. She always made everything perfect. Decision made, he leans closer to whisper, “You spelt it wrong.”
Rae pulls her neck back, incredulous, probably thinking he’s completely lost the plot. He crosses out songs, his hand momentarily blocking his scribbling. When he moves she sees his correction.
Epic songs? SNOGS
*
Rae looks over at him astonished, sees his eyes still on the page as he gnaws on his thumb. He looks...nervous of all things. But then, what the hell must she look like? She sure does feel nervous. And ecstatic. And utterly confused at the bold and capitalization of it all.
Mostly though, she’s buoyant. This happy surprise filling her up until she’s lifted out of her corporeal self to watch from above. And from this vantage point it all looks different. She can clearly see Finn is sitting close enough for their thighs and arms to touch. Notices he’s wearing his favourite shirt of late, which happens to be the one she’d complimented a few weeks ago. Sees the pack of Wrigley’s he carries in her most (but his least) favourite flavour lying next to the bottle of Tipp-Ex he always has ready even though he only writes in pencil. Spies the last CD she’d suggested to him poking out of his messenger bag, nestled next to a mixtape, the only letters visible in the partially obscured title reading “FOR R”. It’s all the little things that she’d categorized under “just what friends do”, but now they look alarmingly less platonic.
She feels different from here too. Like this Rae sitting next to this impossibly perfect boy isn’t the same Rae who woke up this morning and couldn’t look in the mirror. Not the Rae who over thinks and over compensates. Not the Rae who feels lonely surrounded by people, hiding away to escape the ever chasing anxiety. Not the Rae who hates herself more than she hoped anyone could want her.
Instead she feels like a different girl; some pretty, light, likeable thing that Maybe-Not-Just-A-Fit-Friend Finn Nelson wants to snog. Epically! Can’t forget that detail. And she won’t. She’s going to have this paper laminated and superglue it to her diary to keep for the rest of her life. Because Finn thinks about kissing her, maybe as much as she thinks about kissing him. This can’t be real.
“I don’t believe you,” she admits shyly, still doubtful but smiling.
“I could show you, if you like,” Finn answers back with a raise of his brows, body angling towards her like he is completely ready and willing to snog her senseless right there in the middle of class. It’s cocky, and completely sexy, and not at all like the nervous Nelly who had just been biting his nails. It’s the Finn Nelson that all the girls whisper about, and it’s aimed at her.
Rae blushes and looks towards the front. She notices Finn deflate next to her, probably worried she’s opposed. Really though, she’s just trying to figure out how to write YES as much as she means it without running out of ink. How many exclamation points is too many? she wonders. Finn is still stiff next to her, maybe he’s even moved an inch or two away in her silence, so with a deep breath Rae closes the gap, her hand moving towards his instead of her pen on top of the desk. Her pinky lands next to his, then over, locking them together.
Apparently it’s enough of an answer, a physical yes with several exclamations, and she swears she can feel his smile all the way down to their fingers.
*
There’s no more notes after that. Their hands (and mouths) too busy touching to be distracted by words. That is until Finn decides to write the most important message; her bare shoulder his paper, a single finger his pen. It’s short, direct, only eight letters, and he definitely spells it right.
---
End notes: In case you didn’t get that, it was of course I-L-O-V-E-Y-O-U because he does and they deserve to be happy. EFF YOU SEASON 3!
Also, in case you were confused, noughts and crosses is the British term for tic-tac-toe.
Tags:
@bitchesbecrazy89
@bmo-max
@crystalgiddings1993
@emmatationsforall
@eveerez
@everythingiloveblog
@finn-nelson-for-the-win
@fyeahsharonrooney
@girl-looking-out-window
@hey1tskat1e
@i-dream-of-emus
@ifinallyknow
@isthistherightwayround
@karinskyme
@kingbeeyonce
@anonymousviewer7
@kneekeyta
@likeashootingstarfades
@lilaviolet
@l88cym
@mallyallyandra
@milllott
@milymargot
@mmfdfanfic
@nutinanutshell
@protectfinnnelson
@raeonashadowcaster
@heylittlehollywood
@rockinthebeastmode
@stinemarine
@thatfunnygirllauren
@tinakegg
@vivammfd
@2muchtosee2littletime
Summary: A Siren epilogue. Rae and Finn experience different firsts – the good, the bad, and the sexy – of their relationship after Siren and Tuna Sandwich.
Notes: This is fluffy. And dramatic. And it contains an embarrassing attempt at smut. But most of all, it’s long over due. Apologies all around.
Since this is part of the series it may help to have a refresher, so please find the four chapters of Siren and the Tuna Sandwich ficlet on my masterpost.
And you already know where the title is from. Lewis Capaldi, ya’ll.
---
Finn can't keep his hands to himself. If Rae is within reach, he has to do just that. Otherwise his palms get itchy, and he feels a little antsy, and his eyes follow her anyway so he figures touching is the natural next step. Plus she's his now, officially, so he's allowed. Finn takes full advantage of the fact that he gets to hold her waist, or twist his fingers in her hair, or (his favourite as of late) tuck a hand in the back pocket of her jeans. Rae always shakes her head a bit at that one, embarrassed by the public intimacy, but Finn revels in it, even gives her arse a bit of a squeeze through the denim, which earns him a pouty glare and a playful smack to his chest or arm – and he enjoys those touches too.
He's always the one to reach out first, (because he's eager and she tends to be shy) so the way Rae moves to grab his hand as soon as they're out of the car, combined with the slight tremble of her fingers lets him know how nervous she is.
“Alright?” Finn gives her hand a squeeze.
“Yeah, just...first time meeting your friends. S'intimidating.”
“They're gonna love you,” Finn reassures, while swallowing down the urge to add 'because I do'. A week since reuniting is too soon for that.
Rae merely gives him a shaky smile so he leans forward to capture her lips between his own, and that's definitely the best kind of touch.
*
An hour later Rae is sat between Chop and Archie, his two so-called friends, who are regaling tale after embarrassing tale of teenage Finn. He's mildly annoyed; at their stories and the fact that Rae is so far away, but she's almost in tears from laughing and has the boys in the same state when she tells them (in vivid detail) how Finn had nearly bruised his knob from falling off the bed the other night.
It all feels so natural that Finn knows that even if he didn’t, they’d love Rae anyway. To any stranger looking in, it’d be unbelievable that this is their first meeting; Rae fitting in so perfectly at this pub, with his mates, in his life, that he's more than happy to let them take the mick. He's even happier when she nips to the loo and Archie sends him a fond and knowing smile, before nudging his foot under the table.
“She's a keeper, Finn.”
“Yeah mate, don't screw this one up,” Chop agrees, swinging an arm around Finn's shoulders. “Think I like her better than you. Reckon if I have to choose sides, you're shit outta luck!”
Finn play punches Chop in the stomach which earns him an exaggerated “oof” and a headlock complete with a noogie. By the time Rae is back, Finn’s hair is more than mussed and all three boys are out of breath from wrestling and laughter. Rae had apparently made a pit stop at the bar, as she has four more pints on a tray which she sets down with a shake of her head.
“I walk away for five minutes!”
“Guess you can’t ever leave us again then, 'ey Raemundo?” Chop grins up at her with a wink, before taking a swig off his beer, and Finn wonders how this complete bellend could read his mind.
Rae blushes beautifully before carding a hand through Finn’s hair, re-situating his barnet. “Don’t plan to.”
---
“This is ridiculous!”
Finn huffs grumpily from his spot on Rae’s bed, his ankles crossed and his hands tucked behind his head. He’s aiming for nonchalance, but really he has to keep his limbs trapped to stop himself from unpacking all the stuff Rae's just placed in her suitcase. “S’not! It’s important. Say it again.”
“Been calling it for over a month, Finn. You know I know it!”
“Then it shouldn’t be a problem for you to say it again.”
Rae rolls her eyes, stuffing more clothes into her overnight bag before moving back to rifle through her wardrobe. “I find you incredibly irritating right now.”
Finn sits up, his face set with seriousness. “Rachel Earl, say it again.”
Rae turns to him then, hands on her hips and a scowl on her lips. “How dare you full name me!”
Finn gets up from the bed and threads his hands through her arms, circling her waist. “Say.” He plants a kiss right below her ear. “It.” Another smacking smooch, on the opposite side. “Again.” he finishes, playfully nipping at her pouting bottom lip before sucking it into his mouth.
Rae's stubbornness is undeterred by his affection, and Finn frowns when she doesn't reciprocate. Instead her hand grips at the collar of his shirt, pushing him from her to look him square in the eyes.
“I'll only be gone six days.”
“You say that like it's short!” Finn pulls away from her and flops back on the bed.
“It is! And I don't need it memorized. Have it written down, don’t I?”
“What if you lose it?”
“Then you don't hear my tune suggestions for a few days. I know you rely heavily on my music knowledge, but I think you can survive on your crap reggae for a bit.” Rae snorts at her own joke, turning back to the closet.
“M'being serious Rae,” Finn mutters darkly.
The emotion in his voice confuses her and she looks over to search that unfairly beautiful face that she can usually read so easily, but he's staring resolutely at the ceiling. Rae drops the jumpers she'd been holding aloft in favour of laying down next to him. She smooths a hand over his chest, swears she feels his heart beating a bit too fast. “What’s this about, really?”
Keeping his eyes trained on the stucco above them, Finn brings his fingers up to draw slow circles on the back of her hand, letting her touch ease away some of the tension while he tries to arrange his words just right. He’s quiet, like he’s giving away a deep secret, when he finally speaks up. “Look it's just...this is the first time we're gonna be apart from each other since the fire, innit? And it...I hated that, Rae. Not being able to see you, talk to you. I really fucking hated that. Just...don't like when you're gone.”
There's a pregnant silence as Rae's gone completely mute next to him. Finn’s not even sure if she’s still breathing, and it makes his chest feel tight. Her hand is frozen against him and, though she is unmoving, her stillness has poured dread down his throat, settling deep in his gut. He worries he's said too much, freaked her out by his unadulterated attachment. If he's honest he wouldn't blame her, because even he is freaked out by it. He's irreversibly overwhelmed by her, but he doesn't want it any other way. Finn opens his mouth to back peddle, reel his confession back in so she won't pack up the rest of her things and never come back, but then her palm comes up to cup his face and tilt his head towards hers.
“0-2-0-7-9-4-6-0-9-6-5” Rae recites his phone number quickly, each digit brushing against the shell of his ear.
Finn never knew a series of numerals could make his temperature rise, but from her it's thrilling. Rae gently bites at his earlobe and it makes him tingle from head to toe and grin unnaturally wide. He turns so he can wrap an arm around her middle and stuff his face in the crook of her neck. “Fucking finally! Was that so hard?”
“Have I told you how cute you are, Finnley? Even when you're irritating.” Rae’s voice is teasing, maybe even a little smug, and he knows she's felt his smile against her throat.
Finn laughs, kissing her chin. “Could say the same about you, girl.”
---
“Missed you,” Finn repeats between kisses. “Fuck, missed you so much.”
Rae's been back in town for a total of 15 minutes and Finn's had her pinned to the cushions of his sofa for 14 of them.
“Mmhmm,” Rae agrees with a hum, pushing him back until he's fully seated, moves her kisses to his neck before straddling his lap. “Haven’t stopped thinking about our phone call.”
She rolls her hips as emphasis and he wonders for the millionth time if this will be the moment she kills him, because the phone call she’s referring to happens to be the same phone call he’s wanked to for the last three days. They’ve done a lot, but they haven’t done that. As much as Finn has wanted it. He was too nervous to ask, too careful to just do it without any prompting, too worried it would be offensive or degrading somehow, because he loves this girl. But also, he loves this girl...all of her. Especially her breasts.
Finn groans as he remembers the way her voice had sent his mind reeling from missing her, and sent his hands wandering from, well, missing her. Just her tiny, tinny statement that she was in bed in nothing but a dressing gown after a bath had him aching to touch all that faraway skin. Her airy giggle and “what are you thinking about, Finnley?” bringing him to admit in whispered confessions and breathy moans just what he was thinking; all the the things he wanted to do to her, with her. Things that he’s able to do now that she’s back in touching distance.
His hands grip her rear, pulling her to rub against him before he goes for the band of her leggins. Rae shakes her head, pulling his hands away and holding them above their heads as she continues to kiss him senseless, her tongue pushing across his as she grinds over his lap once more. Rae brings his hands to the hem of her shirt, and he doesn’t need anymore urging to pull it up and over her head, smiling at her face after it’s appeared from underneath the material. She’s so beautiful, with kiss swollen lips and hair standing up from static, her smile suddenly shy under his stare.
“I want to try something, okay?” Rae whispers, and Finn nods so vigorously that they nearly bump heads. It’s cute, and eager, and Rae can’t help but kiss him one more time before sliding off his lap to land on her knees between his legs. She’s only in her jeans and an unsupportive lacy bra. She’s sure she’s muffin topping all over the place, but when she looks up at him she doesn’t care, because Finn is watching her; predatory, lust drunk, and tracking. She’s not sure she’ll ever get used to that look. That pure, unadulterated, want all aimed at her.
Rae strokes her hands up and down his chest, feels his peaked nipples under her palms and his shirt. His hands are fisting the edge of the sofa, but he just waits. Just lets her touch. Like she’s allowed to do whatever she wants to him and he’d thank her for it.
Finn sits, wordlessly inviting her into all his personal space and it’s crazy. Crazy and sexy, and she’s so turned on by so very little, because Finn’s hands, Finn’s face, and Finn’s waiting are all ways of letting her know that he’s completely hers for the taking. And, God, does she want to take.
Rae smooths her hands down his abdomen slowly, her eyes never leaving his. She makes to reach for his belt, but at the last second swoops her hands under his shirt to move over the bare skin of his stomach instead. Finn grunts, and who knew that sound could be disappointed and approving all at once. She scratches over his abs lightly, biting her bottom lip, and that’s all it takes for Finn to practically rip his own shirt off tossing it who knows where behind him. He’s looking down at the pink tracks her nails have left and Rae swears she sees his eyes darken. Still, he waits.
Rae raises up a little to mouth at his chest, licking over one nipple and then the other. Finn exhales hard, his head hitting the back of the couch and his hands come up to her shoulders. His touch is light though, like he doesn’t want to influence any of her actions. She keeps kissing, sucking occasionally, trying to distract from her hands fumbling with his jeans. She may be leading this, but she’s still nervous. She eases his belt open, lowers his zipper, and fuck, he’s hard. So hard she’s sure it hurts trapped in denim and cotton. Her hands automatically move to soothe over his clothed dick, feeling over every ridge. Finn’s knuckles turn white and she can’t help it then, pulling his jeans and boxers down roughly as Finn lifts up to help her rid them.
He’s glorious. His hard nipples and hard cock all exposed, all for her. His tip is leaking and her mouth waters to taste, to swallow, to suck until she has it all. But no, she’s trying something. She’s trying to make all his phone fantasies real ones, because they happen to be hers too.
Rae strokes one hand up his thigh and off, reaching for Finn’s hand still holding on to the cushions. Looking at him through her lashes she brings his palm up to her mouth and licks. Long, filthy, licks that get his hand nice and slick. She sucks two of his fingers in her mouth, a brief preview, before letting go and giving him one, gruff instruction. “Touch yourself.”
Finn grabs his cock immediately, squeezing before giving several sharp tugs. She’s mesmerized for a second before remembering her goal, grabbing his wrist to reprimand. “Uh uh, Finnley. Just make it wet for me.” Finn groans but does as she asks, slowing his strokes, but moving over his head once to collect the beading arousal. His cock is shining with her spit and his precome - fuck that would feel so good sliding inside - and Rae has to remind herself internally to be patient. She moves his hand back to its spot on the couch, silently telling him to hold on. Rae leans forward a bit, positioning, and then slips his cock under the band of her bra and between her breasts. She’s glad he’d gotten it that wet as it slides easily in and up.
“Fuck, Rae!” Finn practically shouts.
It’s a little awkward, but she holds her boobs with both hands and shifts up and down to stroke his dick. She’d thought about this the entire journey home, and she hopes it’s good for him. Hopes the slight scratch of lace, and the wet slide against her soft skin is as sexy as she imagined.
Finn curses again, his hands coming up to pull at his own hair like he’s losing his damn mind, and good. This is what she wants. This is what makes it good for her. “What Finn? Tell me,” she breathes, continuing her orchestrated moves.
“Naked. I want you naked.” He sounds almost possessed, like it’s taking everything to hold back and not rip her clothes off like he did his own. Like he’s been waiting to say those words since she left a week ago. Rae drops her boobs, reaching back to unclasp the bra and lets it fall off her shoulders. She maneuvers her arms so it falls completely, landing on top of Finn’s thighs, and quickly brings her hands back to hold her bare tits.
“Holy fuck, yes!” Finn says, dark and impossibly sexy, as he starts to move his hips to thrust. The drag is a little harder now from friction, so Rae lowers her chin to drop some saliva over them. “Oh God...” it sounds almost pained but then, “You’re so fucking sexy,” Finn grits through his teeth, and then his hands are on her like he can’t help but touch; needs it or it isn’t happening. They’re on her arms, her cheeks, then in her hair - gripping - and she remembers that she’s all his too.
Finn’s leaning forward, curled over so he can touch her without pulling his cock out from where it’s snug between her breasts. Without moving her head away, she looks up at him, waiting. Rae thinks he’s going to guide her, but his eyes are flicking back and forth between her face and his cock and it seems he’s determined to let her take the proverbial reins. He looks almost feral with excitement, like he can’t wait to see what she’ll do next and fuck, it’s impossibly sexy to feel this in control, this powerful.
She lowers her mouth, close enough to waft a hot breath over the top of his cock but not close enough to touch, and Finn actually whimpers, his fingers tightening. He’s still moving his hips, so she lowers further so with every thrust the head of his cock bumps against her slightly parted lips. She looks up to make sure he’s watching, before she opens her mouth and lets it hit her tongue on the next stroke. Finn growls at the contact, moaning at every feel of her wet tongue against his slit. Rae makes an O with her mouth, letting him fuck into it, trying to create a quick suction every time he brushes past. She brings her fingers together over her breasts, catching her nipples between, pinching them, and letting out an aroused noise of her own.
She’s wet, so fucking wet, and she needs to touch herself or she might pass out. She’s pulls one of Finns hands free from her hair to replace one on her breast, and reaches down and into her waistband to rub at her clit. It feels fucking amazing; a finger inside of her, Finn’s cock rubbing against her chest, his balls slapping just below, as his tip fucks shallowly in her mouth, one of his hands tangled in her hair while the other pinches her nipple. It’s overwhelming, but not new. Finn always makes her feel this good, this desired. He’s panting out harsh fucks, and yeses, and Rae Rae Rae. Actually, they’re both making absurd noises, completely lost to lust.
Finn looks down, taking in the obscene scene and releases her breast, both hands now holding her face as he thrusts deeper into her mouth, coming. He groaning loudly as he paints her tongue, some falling onto her once pale chest that is now hand print reddened and cock chafed. Rae rubs herself quicker, and comes too easily for barely being touched, her eyes clenching shut. She moans, guttural and unabashed as her thighs close around her own hand.
She feels weak, so she lets herself wilt, leaning limply on his leg. She thinks she could probably fall asleep right here, still on her knees and covered in cum. But before she can even attempt to recover, Finn is grabbing her face, kissing her, quick whispered thank yous in between. She doesn’t understand, doesn’t get how he has the will, how his brain is still working when it felt like she’d just been emptied. It was always hard for her to understand his level of his want.
He kisses her deeper, his touch so gentle now. “Did I tell you I really, really, really missed you? You know that right? That I missed you like mad?” he asks, so sweet and so sure, and not at all like the primal creature she’d just unleashed. He smiles, that soft dimpled one that crinkles his eyes, and she thinks she needs to learn to get used to this.
“You too, Finnley. You too.”
---
They haven’t spoken in days. At first Finn was okay, his anger at the situation holding back his missing her, but now it’s been far too long. He’s itching to call her, show up at her job, maybe even sit outside her flat and wait, but he doesn’t know what he would say. After that night his mouth and, well, everything was feeling pretty empty.
It’s the first real fight in their seven month relationship, and it was bad enough he’s not even sure if there will ever be a second. That thought alone makes him hastily pick up the phone and dial, but there’s no answer. Finn’s not surprised at that. He’s grown to learn that Rae is good at disappearing; seems easy for her to hide away and forget him for a bit. Usually it’s a just a day or two, when she says she has some stuff to do or errands to run. He’s not a clinger, knows everybody needs their personal space, but the way she avoids his eyes – and even worse his lips – is what gives her away that it’s something more than that. It’s completely frustrating; she goes ghost and Finn worries he’s done something wrong, maybe said the wrong thing as he’s known to do. Which in this case, he had.
*
It was late on a Sunday. Finn had just finished a block of 12 hour shifts so, besides rushed chippy meals and two minute good mornings or good nights over the phone, they hadn’t properly spent time together. They were cuddled up on the sofa, nodding off to whatever was on the telly when Rae grabbed his wrist to check his watch.
“I should go.”
“Why? S’early.” Finn tightened his hold around her waist, eyes still closed.
“Early morning. It’s half past midnight. I’ve got work at eight.”
“Just stay here tonight.”
“Can’t. Haven’t got any clothes.”
“So wear mine.”
“Yeah my boss’ll really appreciate it when I show up in your teenage ‘Grunge is Dead’ tee.” Rae starts to get up.
“Oi!” Finn scolds with a laugh, before he wraps both legs around her to keep her in place. He can’t help but look at her fondly. Even when she’s taking the piss he loves her. “It’s vintage.”
“Right, forgot how much of a fashion icon you were.” Rae grins through an eye roll, pinching at his bicep. “C’mon. Release me, you giant squid.”
“Nuh uh. Haven’t seen ya properly in days. You’re staying ‘ere with me,” Finn mumbles, closing his eyes again and leaning back so Rae lies on top of him.
“Fine,” Rae huffs in exaggerated defeat. “I’ll stay and wear one of your unlimited flannels. You’re like one of them bloody cartoon characters who’s wardrobe is full of the exact same outfit!”
She’s grumbling, but even without looking Finn knows Rae’s just teasing. He’s seen her sneak a few of those very flannels into her bag on more than one occasion. He’s never called her out though. In truth he loved to know that she wore his things like they were her own (and he did have too many). Really, he wanted all his things to be hers too.
“Y’know...you could just leave stuff here.” Finn peeks one eye open to gauge her reaction, quickly shutting it again when her head snaps to look over at him. He wonders if he imagined the wariness on her face.
“Erm...like what?”
This time he knows for sure he’s not imagining how she’s stiffened in his arms. He keeps his eyes closed, voice light to come off natural, and not at all like the ball of nerves his insides have twisted themselves into. He’s been wanting to ask her this for months, but never knew how. This seemed like a good enough opportunity.
“I dunno. Maybe…everything?”
Rae untangles herself, sitting up fully. “What?”
“Move in with me, girl.” His eyes are open now, wide and waiting like his arms and heart, eager for her to accept this offer, accept him.
Rae doesn’t – or can’t – respond. She looks shocked and Finn scrambles to plead his case.
“Look, I know you don’t really like your new flat. You just moved in there ‘cause you had to after the fire. You’re always banging on about the loud neighbours and the useless heating. Besides if you’re not over here, I’m at yours anyway so it’ll practically be the same.”
Finn cringes a bit. His reasons had seemed more sound in his head, more romantic; less about logic or practicality and more about wanting to spend every possible moment together. He knows he’s failing to convince her when she moves further down the sofa, away from him. He quickly closes the gap between them, his knee knocking hers.
“It’s just...it’s too much time apart, Rae. Sometimes we go days with our schedules! I wanna be able to see you when I get in at random hours. Or pick up an Oasis shirt and not know if it’s mine or yours. Or kiss you in our kitchen while I cook us eggs and soldiers for your breakfast and my dinner. I wanna lie in bed with you while we talk about our days instead of it being over the phone.” Finn’s not sure if it’s too much or not enough, but it’s all true and more honest than he’s ever been.
“Finn, that’s...I – I don’t know. Isn’t it a bit...quick?”
“Quick? No! I mean, we’ve been together for months.”
“That’s not that long.” Rae is quiet as she says it, eyes cast down to her fidgeting hands.
Finn is stunned. Stunned and frustrated. He wants this, has wanted this for a while. This next step had seemed so right in his head, but here she was downplaying their time together. “What are you saying?”
“Nothing!” Rae finally meets his eyes, panic set in her own, but Finn’s unsure if it’s still at his suggestion or at the steel in his voice. “Just that, we’re still getting to know each other and I don’t know...what if we change our minds.”
“‘Change our minds’? The hell does that mean, Rae? You planning to chuck me?”
“Finn - ”
“No, Rae! I’m sitting here asking you to move house with me and you’re telling me you might change your mind about us?!”
“That’s not what I said.”
“That’s exactly what you said!! But maybe it’s not what you meant. Maybe what you mean is that you’re not serious about us.”
“Finn, come on. You’re putting words in my mouth.”
“Rae,” Finn starts exasperated. “Why do I always feel like I'm in this more than you are?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean since the first time we said 'I love you' you've barely said it!!”
“What?! Are you counting?!”
This wasn't the point of the conversation, but it's another thing that has been nagging at his heart and brain and now that he's started Finn can't stop. He actually has been counting. In the four months since he’d finally, finally, confessed it to her and she said it back, she'd only repeated it a dozen or so times, while he tells her daily. She usually just kisses him as a response, or says “you too”, but the actual 'I love you' has been few and far between. Finn had been okay with it; figured she liked to show it instead of say it, figured as long as she felt it he didn't need to hear it every day. But now her hesitance about moving in has pushed all those un-returned sentiments to the foreground.
“Did you even mean it, or did you change your mind about that too?” Finn accuses, looking up to see the tears and hurt in Rae's eyes, but can't bring himself to feel bad for questioning it. He needs to know because apparently she has been questioning a lot of things about them.
“Of course I mean it!! How could you even ask me that?”
“Well when my girlfriend doesn't want to live with me it makes it pretty fucking hard to believe! And you're always going off, disappearing! I don't hear from you for days! What the hell is that about? And don't even say it's nothing. I know you, Rae. You're pushing me away. Deny it!”
Rae only shakes her head, wipes at her wet cheeks.
Finn takes a measuring breath, bringing his voice down to it's regular tone. “Do you want to live together?”
“I...I don't know.”
Finn scoffs. “Right.”
They sit in stony silence for a few moments, tension pressing heavily down on them, until Rae stands offering Finn one of her hands. “It's late. Can we just go to bed and talk about this tomorrow?” Her voice is shaky and he can tell she's holding back more tears.
“Maybe you should just go back to yours.” Finn looks ahead, avoiding her eyes and her hand.
“Finn,” Rae pleads, her voice breaking.
“I can't be around you right now, Rae.” It's harsh, but it's true. His ego is bruised, but the hurt is worse, and he can't sleep next to her knowing she doesn't want that every night.
“Finn, please.”
“Just leave, Rae.” Finn sets his jaw, keeps his focus straight ahead, pretends he doesn't hear her sob as she rushes out the flat.
*
It was definitely the wrong thing to say, because telling Rae to leave apparently meant ‘leave for good’ and that’s the exact opposite of what he wanted. Now it’s been three days and he doesn’t think he can survive a fourth.
The more he thinks about it the more his insides churn. He can’t lose her; not now, not ever. Just the idea of living a Rae-less life distresses him, body kicking in to fight or flight. But for Finn, both instincts are pointing in the same direction. Fly to Rae, and fight to keep her. He grabs his jacket, stumbling over himself as he scrambles for the door. If he goes now, he can catch her before she goes to bed. Fuck that. If she’s asleep he’ll bang on the bloody door until she answers and beg her to forget “leave” and remember she said she’d stay and wear his clothes.
His hands are shaking so bad he’s struggling to lock the door behind him, and in the corner of his eye he sees someone standing near by. Probably a neighbour, one he’s willing to mow down to get out of there quicker. He turns and the adrenaline coursing through him drops to the ground along with his keys.
It’s Rae. Her hair is a mess and she looks sad but determined, and his chest aches because he just knows she’s here to end it all. He wants to yell her name, scream how happy he is that she came back, maybe just ‘I love you’, but as usual his brain and tongue can’t handle his heart, so his body does the talking instead. In two long strides he’s wrapped her up in a vice like embrace, his body pressing and pleading to hers. The gesture brings him back to the cafe, days after the fire, when they were whole and happy and he hates that he ever lost sight of that.
Her arms stay stiff at her sides and that empty feeling is back, because if she doesn’t touch him she won’t feel how badly he’s burning for her. He’s about to slide down to the floor, weigh her feet down with questions so she can’t walk away. What happened? What have I done? Why don’t you want me? Stay? Stay? Stay? But then her hands are at his cheeks, gripping his face to look at her, and she might as well be holding his entire life in her palms.
“I want that too.” Finn’s still speechless but his face must be asking all his silent questions because Rae continues. “The eggs and the shirts and the talking in bed. I want it all. I want you.”
Finn’s so exuberant, so relieved, that he doesn’t even need to hear anything else. She wants him and he wants her, and the door is still open so he pulls her inside to finally devour her whole like he wanted to all those months ago. He goes in for the kill, lips swooping for hers. He needs to kiss her because it’s the only balm for the burning and minutes ago he was afraid he’d never feel it again, but then she’s pushing him away at the chest. There are tears in her eyes and he doesn’t understand how he made her sad without saying a single word. Finn grips at her elbows, probably too tight, but he never could keep up with her changing tides and he’s drowning right now.
“But Finn...you need to know – you have a right to know that getting that means getting the rest of me. Not just the flirting and the fun and the awesome music. It means bad days too, and there will be a lot of those. Days where I’m not okay and I fall into this gaping hole of feeling like shite, or worse feeling like nothing. Days when I hate myself more than I thought I could the day before. Days when not even you, or music, or food can help me.
“And I never let you see those days, Finn! I’ve been saving you from those days! From me. That’s where I disappear to! That’s when I pull away. Because if I’m around all the time...if we live together – I’m afraid you’ll see too much and realize that’s all I am. Too much. Too much baggage, too much madness, too much work. When I said ‘change our minds’, I meant that you might change yours. But I’m not changing my mind Finn. I’m not! I’m just...scared.”
“Rae, I-”
“No Finn, I need to get this out! I know I’m terrified, but I also know that I want you! And of bloody course I want to live with you! And you know what else!? I. LOVE. YOU. So fuck you for thinking otherwise!! Because I do! Like...a stupid amount!!! I think it all the time, and I meant it every time, but have you seen yourself? You’re you and I’m just me and…I never felt like I could say it first. It’s like I needed to hear it from you to remind me that this whole thing was real and not some elaborate dream. Like maybe I’ve been in a coma for the last seven months since the fire, and just imagined this entire relationship in some alternate subconscious universe because you’re this unbelievably kind, funny, caring, fit guy in the fucking fire brigade and I’m just...just…”
Rae finally pauses her tirade, tears leaving cooling tracks through the fire and fear burning her cheeks. She takes a breath and it seems to deflate her completely. She’s suddenly speechless and Finn understands, because he’s never been able to explain her either. Rae has always been beyond words.
“My turn?” Finn asks gently. Rae nods, allowing him to take her hand and lead her to the couch. They sit facing each other, knees touching, both of them looking at Finn’s hands clasping both of hers.
“Rae, when I tell you I love you, that means all of you. Good days, bad days...I just want all our days to be together. If you need space, I’ll give you that. And if you feel like shite, I’ll be there to tell you all the reasons you’re not. And maybe you think I can’t help you...and maybe I can’t...but I’m sure as hell going to try. The only time I’ve ever been worried about us was when you were pushing me away. I don’t need you to ‘save me’, girl. I need you to let me in.” Again, it’s the most honest he’s been, the most earnest and important words he’s probably ever said, but it felt easy. Everything felt easier with her.
Rae takes a deep shuddering breath, squeezing Finn’s hands. “You’ve been making some very grand speeches lately. Think this is the most I’ve ever heard you speak.”
“And that was about par for you...” Finn teases back, a smile already beaming on his face.
“You cheeky -”
“No, I liked it. I love to hear you bang on.” They lock eyes at that, a soft moment that feels like a decision, another happy beginning. Rae scrunches her nose at him, a playful, young expression, and when Finn returns it he knows they’re going to be alright.
Rae exhales again, leaning back on the couch emotionally exhausted, and scoffs at herself. “I’m sorry about all this. I’m such a mess.”
Finn shakes his head, pulls at her arm and outer thigh to get her to straddle his lap. She settles comfortably, resting all her delicious weight on him, her hands coming to rest on his shoulders. He runs his hands over the soft denim on her hips.
“Everyone has stuff. Makes you human, not a mess.”
“But I am though! I mean it took me three days to plan that speech, and instead of it being some romantic gesture, I come over here and yell at you instead.” Rae groans at herself as she feels a new wave of embarrassment, letting her forehead drop against his shoulder. Finn can’t help but chuckle, his arms moving to wrap around her.
“It was very romantic, girl. I wouldn’t of wanted it any other way.” He brings his hand up to stroke her hair, presses a kiss to her temple, before whispering in her ear, “How about you yell to the neighbours ‘cross the road about how much you love me? Not sure they heard you.”
Rae moves back to glare at him, playfully punching at his chest, and Finn bursts out a hearty laugh. “I don’t know why you’re laughing right now, Finnley Nelson! This is serious.”
“I’m being very serious, Rachel Earl.” Finn bites his bottom lip to try to conceal his cheeky smile. It doesn’t work though. He’s just too damn happy.
“Finn, I mean it! I have a lot of bad habits.” Rae insists, sitting back on his knees and crossing her arms, huffily.
Finn’s not having any of it. He pulls at her hands until they’re back in his and smiles up at her. “Go on, then.”
Rae rolls her eyes, gets that determined expression that means she’s about to try and prove her point. He loves that face. “Me moving in means...experiencing my morning breath every day.”
Finn just shrugs. “Reckon mine’s worse.”
“We only listen to my superior music,” she counters.
“We have all the same albums!” Finn shouts, because he knows she knows that’s a ridiculous argument.
“Mascara smeared on all the mirrors.”
“That’s what Windolene is for.”
“Water all around the bath.”
“Since I plan to join you, that’s both our fault.”
“My crumbs in the bed.”
“I’ll be your goujon.”
They had been trading problems and solutions quickly, but Rae pauses at that, laughter bubbling in her voice. “You what?!”
“You know, roll around in the crumbs...get breaded.” Finn flips his palm over in the air, demonstrating. Rae gives him an incredulous look, a confused but playful glint in her eye, before falling into hysterics. She’s full on laughing, leaning into him and shaking with mirth. Finn deflates against the back of the couch for a second as Rae continues to snicker at his ridiculous pun, before popping back up to attack her ticklish sides in retaliation. “Alright, alright! Well moving in with me means jokes like that!” he admits over her laughter. “But I don’t care, Rae. I don’t care about any of that stuff. I know you’re not perfect, no one is. You’re real and...right. And mine. I want you. All of you, all of the time. Crumbs and all.”
Rae had calmed at his words, now moving to wipe away stray tears on her cheeks. He’s unsure if they’re tears of laughter or tears of emotion, but as long as they’re happy ones he doesn’t mind. She smiles at him, full and true, before leaning forward. “I love you, you lil’ goujon,” she admits, playfully biting at his nose.
“That a yes, then? You’ll move in?” Finn raises his eyebrows along with his hope.
“Suppose,” Rae shrugs nonchalantly.
They move towards each other simultaneously, lips and tongues meeting in that familiar thrilling way. To Finn it’s the same as the first, fifth, hundredth kiss; all consuming and completely, utterly, perfect.
He pulls away, tucks a lock of hair behind her ear, nuzzles into her neck before asking, “So...you really planned that whole coma-induced alternate universe thing?”
“I hate you.” Rae deadpans, but when she leans in to kiss him again it feels a lot like love.
---
“Rae?” Finn shouts as he closes the front door behind him.
“Bedroom!”
Finn walks towards the back of the flat, finding Rae bent over a pile of clothes and their corresponding hangers. He leans against the door jamb, letting himself watch her for a second as she continues to add items to their shared closet. “Got you somethin’.” He lets the orange bag swing from side to side on his finger, knowing she’d recognize it from their favourite record shop.
“Is that new music, Finnley?” Rae smiles, abandoning her task immediately.
“Maybe.” He flops back on to the part of the bed closest to the door (‘my side’ he happily calls it) putting his left arm out for her to lie on. She settles next to him, already reaching for his surprise. Finn holds it up and out of her reach, cheekily leaning his face towards hers until she gives him a proper hello kiss. He gets lost in the feel of her mouth on his, her palm on his chest, her body in their bed, until he feels her snatching the bag out of the hand that he let lower during their snogging. He chuckles, dropping his head back against the pillow. “Not fair, distracting me like that. Using those lips for evil.”
“Mmm, we both know they’ve been used for much more wicked activities,” Rae hums saucily, placing a wet kiss to his neck before leaning back. “Now, what’s the occasion?” she asks eagerly, clutching the bag to her chest lest he try to take it away again.
“Just wanted to celebrate. First album as roomies.” Finn beams at her excitement, tipping his chin at her as a go ahead. He watches, brimming with his own eagerness as she opens it, laughing at the immediate and comical way her face drops into a scowl as she holds the record away in disgust. “What? I thought Spaceman was your favourite song?”
“That’s it. I’m moving out.” Rae tosses the Babylon Zoo to the foot of the bed and attempts to roll away, but Finn grabs the back of her jumper pulling her back towards him, still laughing.
He pins her down to the bed, both of them giggling. “Oh no you don’t! You’re staying here, forever.”
Finn looks down at her smiling face, feeling so damn full and happy. They’re both breathing heavily, just staring into the others eyes. He leans down to kiss her, licking into her mouth deeply as Rae’s arms automatically wrap around his neck to pull him closer. They kiss for a long while, hands roaming and holding on.
When they pull away, Rae keeps their heads close, presses her forehead to his. With her eyes still closed, she whispers, “Are you sure?”
Finn looks at her, they’re so close that he can feel more than see how she’s scrunching her eyes closed; maybe against fear, or tears, or both. Her question is so vulnerable, almost broken, and Finn worries the part of Rae that doubts herself will always make her doubt him too. But he’s good at waiting, good at reassuring, good at making it through the fire as long as she’s the one waiting on the other side. He kisses between her brows, a promise, before giving her another burning truth.
“Since the first time I saw you.”
---
Notes: In case it wasn’t clear, the firsts were:
- First time meeting Finn’s friends. (One week after Tuna Sandwich.)
- First time away from each other since the fire. (One month after Siren.)
- First sexual experience of the dick betwixt breasts variety. (Sorry, don’t know a nicer way of explaining a titfuck HAHAH). (After Rae’s six day family holiday.)
- First big fight. (Seven months into their relationship.)
- First time living together.
- First music for shared house.
Oh and to all my fellow North Americans, a goujon is a chicken or fish finger.
Initially I had this going on for another 5k words or so, but it already took so long and I just couldn’t find the motivation. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll come back to it. In case I don’t, and you’re interested, here’s the other firsts I was going to include:
* FOLLOWING CONTAINS POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR A POSSIBLE FIC THAT MAY NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY *
- First meal after engagement
- First dance at their wedding
- First sex post hospital
- Was going to end very cheesily talking about their favourite first, their baby!
---
Thank you for all the love on my last post. I just went through my inbox properly and saw all your asks (sorry for the anon spam earlier), tags, likes and mentions while I was away. I appreciate that so much. I missed our two dickheads, but I think I missed you Emus more. Thank you for reading/liking/reblogging. It makes me smile every time. As usual, please don’t be shy to tell me if you’d like to be added or removed from the tag list! I am grateful either way :)
GIRLLLLLLLLLLL YOU NEED TOSEE THE KNOCK 😱😱😱 SEXYNESS OVERLOAD 👅💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦 I ABSOLUTELY WOULD NOT KICK HIM OUT OF BED EVER. MORE LIKE TIE HIM TO IT FOREVER
AHAHAHAHAH. I haven’t watched it but I’ve seen photos. I get it. Bad Ass Nico is hot. Who knew I would like a neck tattoo. (Almost typed “lick” instead of “like”. Would have worked either way.)
Hello love, so nice to have you back. I really enjoyed your latest post. We missed you. I hope to look forward to enjoying some of your new awesome gems in the near future. Thanks for the post.
Thank you, Anon! If I ever actually log in, it’s probably to post. Keep your eyes open today! ;)
You’re actually back!?!?? How the hell are you ? I waas Had to do a double take when I got the notification. I missed you around here j... Tell me about your year? C
Nothing special to tell. I travelled. I worked. I catastrophized. You know, the usual. How are you?
Hope you’re doing okay. Thought I’d send you all the love from your friendly anon Dee 💕
DEE. I can’t believe you sent me three messages. It’s so nice that you would care enough to keep checking in. You’re the best! Sending you more love back! <3
So like I love your fics right? But honestly? The reason I keep coming back?? The boy updates! Do you realize your living in a fic or?????? Like holy crap he’s perfect. The crisps thing?!?!????? Come off it! The sweater/ soup / brownie thing??the day date?!!!! Jesus Christ. You Got me aggy with my bf cuz he’s not like yours 😂😂😂
Hahahaha don’t be mad at your boyfriend! I’m sure he’s lovely in all his own ways.
You remembered by birthday???? I mean…to be fair I have no idea when you sent this so you could have been wrong hahahah but I appreciate it either way. Thank you! :)
I don't know if you're taking a break or gone for good or whatnot but I was just thinking about how I miss the dickheads and I miss your stuff so I came back and read through your entire masterlist and had to tell you you're so good. Like really really good. I fall in love with your Finn and wanna be funny like your Chop and Rae and wanna have friends like your Archie. Really hope you're not gone for good.
*sigh. The problem with abandoning my inbox is that I come back and get completely overwhelmed by messages like this. Too many undeserved compliments at once. I cannot compute. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Anon. It’s people like you that make all the work of fic writing worth it. x
It's writers appreciation day so I'm here to APPRECIATE THE HECK OUTTA YOU. I love love love love your fics and come back often to read them over and over. So much so that your tumblr is a "frequently visited" site in the safari of my phone hahahaaa. If I type l in search it automatically comes up lurkernolonger ahahah I am literally your fan girl. I think you're talented, funny, cute and kind and COOL. And I'm super jealous of your boyf LOLOL. K done embarrassing myself now bye
Wow! That is unbelievable to me! I too have certain authors in my frequently visited hahaha. That is so flattering. I’m sure by now, I am no longer on that list but even being there once is compliment enough. Thank you!! I don’t see myself as any of those nice things you said, but thanks for thinking so.And I promise, the only one embarrassing themselves is me for being this late. Thank you, kind stranger! x
saw someone reblog that it was writers appreciation day. dropped by to say how much your appreciated then saw you have nt posted in like three months. dafuq! where are you? i hope your OK! i love your stories the way you write the gang and of course your nitcotine tag bahahahah OK byeee im gonna read your entire masterlist now. come back soon please if you want to cause i want you to
Haha dafuq is right. Don’t worry, I am sort of back now. If you consider “very sporadic, only fic posts” back. Thank you so much for still reading. As horrible as I am at replying to things, just know that I appreciate anyone who reads. I write those things for you!
Although you are taking a break right now, I still could not let this day finish without telling you how much you mean to us. Not long part of the fandom, but certainly no less appreciated. Thanx from the bottom of my heart and take care.
Anon, this is so kind. Thank you. I’m doubt you’ll even see this reply, but just know it’s messages like this that keep me writing. I appreciate you very much.
Your overseas friend De here just checking in. Hope you’re doing well and life is treating you well. Dunno if you’ve seen the new head shots of Bae or not but god damn 😍😍😍 lots of love xxx
Dee again! Friend, thank you so much for trying to keep me posted in this long ass hiatus of mine. You’re the best. And yes, I saw them. The one in the coat is my fave!
