DOJAEJUNG + TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE !
[ doyoung ] empty love: commitment with the absence of passion and intimacy
There were days when the realization drew him in like a whirlpool, and he would sink into a kind of sadness that was forbidden to the touch. There were days where he sensed the nagging presence of an ache, but he would convince himself that all he needed to do was carefully shut it away.
Today, however, Doyoung has come to terms with the fact that sometimes people stop being in love. Somewhere along the line, he built a pane of glass between you and him. As the time slipped by, the days became so alike that he didn’t even notice how you both grew up and grew out of each other. Sometimes, he still thinks he can see himself growing old with you, inexplicably in love until the end of time.
Today, however, Doyoung has come to terms with the fact that you were always separate.
“I don’t even know what to say,” he admitted, his hoarse, low whispers drowned out by the late evening wind. His fingers twitched as he slid back into his seat as far as he could to put some distance between you and him.
It was a cold evening, the type of cold that reached your bones and made you want to pull him closer than ever.
But his words were beyond icy.
“I don’t know what would be fair to say to you after all this time.” He let out a hollow laugh that pained his lungs. “I think…” he trailed off, fumbling with his words as if he was trying to find the least painful way to hurt you. “I think I might be a horrible person.”
For a second, you believed him. Doyoung had left you with more scars than you could count. Then, you realized he had desperately held onto an emptiness that had fossilized long ago.
“I understand.” You kept your mouth pressed into a tight line, trying to pretend he couldn’t see you.
The room was too still. The drum of your heart was heavy and unbearable and dragged you down. The possibility that you were his crippling affliction crawled its way up your throat until you choked.
Doyoung drew your attention back with a soft murmur, the guilt flitting across his features when your gazes locked.
“Thank you.” He fell silent again, chewing on the insides of his cheek, plagued by uncertainty. Finally, he expelled a shuddering breath that left a fleeting, misty cloud. “I’m sorry.”
You watched him through the pane of glass, and a strange feeling settled somewhere deep in the pit of your stomach, like the world was closing in again.
“It was a privilege to love you.” He smiled half-heartedly, and you realized that his eyes had turned dull and dreary with time. Perhaps you’ve always noticed but simply didn’t want to come to terms with the impending end.
Today, however, Doyoung has.
So you forced yourself to turn away, forgetting how to cry.
I wish I still had the privilege to love you, you wanted to say, but Doyoung was already light years away.
[ jaehyun ] romantic love: passion and intimacy with the absence of commitment
There was no right or wrong way to fall for someone. You couldn’t recall the exact point in time that defined the very moment your feelings for Jaehyun shifted beyond platonic. It was all subtle until it turned you into a nervous wreck around him.
But you were bad at having crushes, so you spent all your time convincing yourself that your heart wasn’t moments away from leaping right out of your rib cage whenever he was around.
The biggest problem was: he was always around. It was impossible to figure out whether you had forced your way into his routine or the other way around, but you had become so comfortable with his presence that it scared you.
“People keep on thinking we’re dating,” you muttered, mindlessly scrolling through your phone as you sprawled your limbs across the entire couch.
Jaehyun laughed, not even sparing you a glance from where he sat cross-legged on the ground with his back against the couch. He fixed the cushion that almost slipped entirely off his lap until it was tucked under his elbows again. “What’s wrong with that?”
“What do you mean?” You peered at the back of his head incredulously, shooting him a look of utter disbelief. “I still want to find someone and fall in love, and you’re definitely scaring everyone away.”
You didn’t catch how he suddenly became mildly irritated. His jaw clenched, shoulders going rigid. Then, he sharply exhaled before composing himself. “Didn’t you just go on a date a few weeks ago? With that guy who didn’t even have enough sincerity to bring you out to a restaurant?”
“That’s not true,” you refuted, tone softening as your confidence gradually vanished. “Remember how he made that romantic dinner for me?”
“He microwaved you pizza.”
You sneered at him. Even without looking back, Jaehyun sensed the slow uncoiling of annoyance and defeat as you went quiet.
A tense silence clung to the air. His features contorted into a grimace as he contemplated his options before he finally raised to his feet. “Move your legs for a second,” he mumbled, slinking into the gap between your suspended legs and the couch. With splayed fingers on your knees, he lowered your legs down again until they settled on top of his lap.
“If you want to fall for someone, can’t you just fall for me?”
You were taken aback, mind short-circuiting, furrowing your brows in confusion at what that could imply. The phone nearly slipped out of your clutch when you strained your neck up to question him just to find him already looking at you. It was unnerving. The inexplicable emotions that were set ablaze suddenly terrified you.
You wished he didn’t look at you as if he liked you back.
There was no right or wrong way to fall for someone. The bold comment undeniably changed your perspective on the relationship and sent you tumbling head first.
But you were bad at having crushes, so you reacted instinctively and coiled back. You coughed out a strained, choppy laugh, frantically ripping away from his touch as you swung your legs off his lap. The waver in your voice and the red that permeated your cheeks in seconds weren’t helping.
You were bad at having crushes, and Jaehyun felt a lot like free falling with nothing to hold you back from gracelessly plummeting.
But maybe someone will catch you for once.
[ jungwoo ] infatuated love: passion with the absence of intimacy and commitment
Love at first sight was cliche. You were not normally impulsive enough to play that game, always guarding yourself because you found more safety in a love that burned slow and bright and took time.
But when you sat around the table littered with a pile of half emptied bottles and toppled over solo cups, sandwiched between your group of intoxicated friends who could barely control the trajectory of their limbs yet insisted on playing a round of truth or dare, you thought maybe taking a risk wasn’t so bad for once.
“I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into the room.”
You scoffed, waving a hand in disapproval. “That’s getting old. I’m not kissing anyone.”
And you were adamant despite all the booing you received, but all of it crumbled like sand defending itself against the waves when Jungwoo walked in.
The flickering lights danced across his features, and you couldn’t help but stare through your slightly hazy vision, wondering if you were still in the right plane of reality. The soft flutters in your chest escalated into irregular palpitations. You had to blink a little extra harder to ground yourself.
You couldn’t quite put your finger on what made him different from everyone else. Perhaps the music that reverberated around your head was messing with your ability to think straight, or the alcohol in your system made you a little more reckless.
But it was impossible to look away now that you’ve seen him.
“Okay, I’ll do it,” you muttered, shrugging as nonchalantly as you could possibly feign. “I mean, rules are rules.”
Jungwoo was already focused on a conversation by the time you gathered enough courage to cross the room and past all the bodies to get to him. There was a sweet, slightly pungent smell of sandalwood and violet as you approached him.
Love at first sight was cliche, but perhaps the butterflies that people described were real.
Being struck by his looks was only a small fraction of what you felt. All you knew was the sudden wave of an unfamiliar feeling was utterly frightening. You almost wanted to pivot on your heels and sprint in the opposite direction when he noticed your presence and turned his body toward you. The scent of his perfume invaded all your senses until your head felt weightless.
“Hi,” he chirped, gently tilting his head to the side, gazing at you as if he had known you all his life.
Your heart lurched a little, all words knocked right out of your mouth as your chest thumped along with the boosted bass. When you eventually allowed yourself to meet his eyes and trace the outline of his face, you threw all caution to the wind, helplessly hypnotized by his tender smile.
It took every ounce of you to not kiss him.
Love at first sight was cliche, and while you couldn’t quite say you were in love with Jungwoo yet, you wanted to be.
