Poetry

Posting personal poetry anonymously. Please enjoy.

[m00nah]

-... So Why is Letting Go So Hard?-

I wish you had told me how you really felt.

I wish you knew the mess that you made.

I wish you knew what kind of power you have over me.

It’s not fair. 

I just want to break free.

I just want to not care.

I just want to forget about you,

To pretend that last semester didn’t even happen.

I keep blaming myself,

For what happened

And how things turned out.

All the while it feels like you were the one pulling the strings the whole time.

I just want you to be happy.

I just want you to be healthy.

I want you to find everything you’re looking for and more. 

You are bright.

You are beautiful.

You are loved.

I am sorry, I am so sorry.

We both danced this dance together

And now the song is ending,

And instead of feeling like a record slowly spinning to a stop,

It feels as if everything around me is shattering.

And I know I’m not the only one who feels this way.

[m00nah]

-List of Things I’m Quite Scared Of-

I’m scared of the dark,

I’m scared of ghosts,

Goblins, unrealistic things.

I’m scared of not being successful in college,

and having to drop out because I failed my classes.

I’m scared of working at McDonalds and having to go on welfare

Because I have no money and a child.

I am also afraid of what’s intangible.

I’m scared of my friends leaving me,

I’m scared of not having a hand to hold when I grow old,

I’m scared that in 30 years, I will roll over in my bed,

and I’ll be alone.

I’m scared of these things because they can happen,

All too easily, these fantasies could become a reality.

 And yet, at the same time, I’m looking forward,

I’m looking forward to that feeling you get when you see the love of your life,

and your heart stops a bit,

And you think,

“I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with this person.”

 I’m looking forward to working my dream job,

Coming into work every morning at 9am and thinking,

I could not be happier right now.

 I’m looking forward to that moment when I can wake up

To the sound of a baby crying in the other room

And eventually that sound turning into a car idling in the driveway.

 I’m looking forward to seeing what my life has to offer me,

Despite my biggest fears.

[m00nah]

-Drowning-

Sinking, further and further down

As the days pass

I slowly feel myself slipping away

I feel so overwhelmed with expectations

People are starting to make me feel so tired

I wish I could just escape reality for a week,

Like slipping out the back door at a party

I wish people could just forget about me for a week

So I can take time

To fade into the background

[m00nah]

-Thinking (Being)-

I’ve been spending a lot more time

Being unplugged

Away from a screen.

In this time,

I can just think.

There’s something comforting about just breathing

And understanding that in this moment

Just being is enough.

To feel is human.

It’s one of the most important parts for the human experience.

I connect with music

And because I feel so much

I understand thoughts, feelings and learn from them and grow.

Right now my feeling is hurt.

I’ve been so overwhelmed with emotions and people and school

That when I stop and exist,

I hurt.

My heart hurts.

I get this feeling in my stomach when I hurt like this

Like it will never go away

Like I am hopeless.

But sometimes,

When I exist

I am happy.

I am trying to chase that feeling

Of being content

Where I can deal with anything

I need to stop to breathe and realise that eventually, everything will be ok.

[m00nah]

-Dreaming-

You were in my dreams last night,

for the third night in a row.

Why does my heart refuse to get over

something I have worked so hard to get over with my brain?

When this happens

I feel like all of my progress crashes down around me

The walls I’ve been working so hard to build

Crash around me

Leaving me exposed

Vulnerable.

I don’t want to think about this,

I don’t want to be stuck in this dream anymore.

[m00nah]

-Autumn (Solitude)-

As the colours fade from the leaves

And the trees shed their summer coat

My feelings shift

And my being changes

It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this way

So hopeful

And so hopeless at the same time

Staying busy keeps my mind off of it

But when the day falls still

And the sun sets,

I find myself looking inward

And what I find scares me

Sometimes I feel as if I am broken beyond repair

How can I ask people to love me if I don’t love myself?

How do I even go about starting to love myself?

My friends say they’re there for me

But it’s impossible for them to understand

The back and forth I’m going through

They can’t feel what I feel

How can one possibly find comfort in this solitude?

What do I live for?

The feeling of being loved, being wanted?

I’ve been trying to seek comfort in others for far too long

I have to continue this road by myself

Or I feel like I will never learn or grow