3 Shots and a Broken Heart

I'm the big gulp you get behind the 7/11

[aggressionbread]

got an oil change and the guy told me i needed a tire rotation. lmao, the tires are rotating every time i drive it, that’s how it works. idiot.

[sonypraystation]

[fruitgushers]

a dead scene kid is trying to contact me through captcha

[dont-give-a-fuck-club]

sorry i didn’t respond im losing my fucking mind

[xspilledcoffeepoetryx-deactivat]

Everybody shut up I’m sinking into a daydream universe where I’m loved and nothing is wrong

[sagihairius]

*gets down on one knee* *gets down on other knee* *lays down on ground* *doesn’t get up ever*

[adeles]

Rugrats (1990-2006)

[amandaswork]

me after studying 12 years of french in school: 

[homodotus]

[psyce]

i wish british accents were real and weren’t just invented for the ppcu (peppa pig cinematic universe)

[astudyintransience]

sorry i was late i can’t conceptualize time

[bob-belcher]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[anarchetypalarchive]

so i’m riding the elevator up to my apartment when the emergency phone in the elevator starts ringing 

and i just stand there for a second because this thing is like thirty years old and has never rung or even been used from what i know

but eventually i answer it thinking maybe something’s wrong with the elevator?? it’s an emergency phone it’s probably an emergency??? i dunno

except i shit you not it’s a telemarketer 

a telemarketer that’s as confused as i am when i finally interrupt him mid-spiel to inform him he has the wrong number and then interrupt him again to explain further that “uh, no, seriously, this is an elevator phone. i’m standing in an elevator. talking to you. on the emergency phone. i really think you got the wrong number”

“oh,” says telemarketer guy.

“yeah,” i say.

there’s some mutually-confused silence.

“so, this is my stop,” i say. “i gotta go.”

“oh,” says telemarketer guy.

“good luck,” i add, because telemarketer guy seems like he’s having an existential crisis. and then i hang up on him, because he’s having an existential crisis and won’t actually end the call, and because again i’m talking on an elevator emergency phone and, you know, this is my stop, i gotta go.

[lilcontinent-deactivated2015070]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[karmicallydelicious]

[ungratefullittleshit]

“For a brief time in the 70’s, our town was taken over by a cult.”