lunadoer96

patterns from my childhood

[m1dwestegrl]

[m1dwestegrl]

I got my heart broken.

The development was two years in the making, and I should not have been surprised when the slow spinning bullet finally struck me in the chest.

There were so many things I wanted but could not have, and the absence of such things only made me want them more—want him more.

I cannot force love on anyone, even though I have so much to give. Everyone is deserving of love but whether they chose to embrace it or not is out of my control. Love sometimes isn’t enough.

I thought that age would have matured his character, but I was wrong. Even during our second go he did not hesitate to let me leave. It’s difficult to hear the one you love say you deserve more than what they can give you. In your heart, all you want is for them to be a better version of themselves while they are with you, but change is not instantaneous. Sometimes you have to accept that while they have demons now, they may not in the future, and in that future, you will not be the one to receive them at their best.

I hate to cope with hate, so instead I will cope with wine. I hate to not hate him, but he gave me so much hope, and a part of me still hold onto a waning sliver of it. I will move on and so will he, and we will become each other’s ghosts.

His eyes were beautiful, and deep down I knew so was his soul.

[m1dwestegrl]

My mind is a calloused mess.

For the past month--maybe even longer--I've been the most unproductive version of myself ever. I don't know what happened, but suddenly, it felt like I'd taken a backseat to my own life... everything's been put on the back burner when I know I have to do more.

I'm currently stuck. I know I need to get everything back together, but I'm so stressed about the things I've left behind because I know they have set me behind. I'm scared to start again because then I'll realize how my lack of drive and discipline has sabotaged my desire to be something great and do great things. It takes so much effort to do the smallest of tasks, and I almost feel like I failed myself already.

I need to study, I need to do work, I need to get back onto the grind--as corny as that sounds.

I want to overflow with passion and knowledge and intelligence but it almost feels like I've soaked up all I could manage. Trying to do more now seems futile.

I am a capable person...I am good enough. Saying those things is hard in times like these, but I know them to be true because I've seen myself try the best I can for things I care about. I've been a good student all my life...I've been a person full of passion and creativity. I am enough for myself, for anyone.

I have to get up and stop wallowing in the ticking time I've let pass me by. That's done; It's passed, and I can't do anything but start now.

I will be what I want to be and do what I want to do. The world will be mine, and all it takes is the first step.

[kylejasonblack]

Davey von Bohlen of the Promise Ring performing at Iowa State University in 1997

[m1dwestegrl]

i love davey von bohlen, I wish people with lisps were real.

[emotionalhardcore]

PIebald playing a valentine’s day show in 1999! One of the most energetic 90s emo videos to be found online <3

[m1dwestegrl]

🐤🎶

[emotionalhardcore]

The Promise Ring - Nothing Feels Good (1997)

[corpses-ashes]

when someone calls me a poser so im forced with no choice but to pull out the “name 5 cap n jazz songs”

(everyone within a 3 mile vicinity has slowly backed away from me)

[m1dwestegrl]

Anima Sola

[m1dwestegrl]

Playlist as of late.

[m1dwestegrl]

It is my birthday today and I feel content.

I’m 15 years old and it’s seems as though everything I’ve ever done is picked apart until people can paint a picture of a person I’d like to separate myself from.

I’m 15 years old and everything is taken so seriously, as if who we are today defines who we will be forever.

I’m 15 years old and I’ve realized how to distinguish those who love you unconditionally from those who only love you when it benefits them.

I’m 15 and I am a garden of thorns. Thorns tainted with the blood of those I’ve hurt, thorns that serve a new purpose; to protect instead of prick.

I’m 15 and it’s finally clicked—live life as much as you can, for every moment gets lost in time eventually.

It is my birthday today and I am so much more than content.

[m1dwestegrl]

Maybe the sunless sky does affect my psyche.

Though you might see people who seem to own the world, they’re still someone who’s bones can break as much as yours.

[m1dwestegrl]

Im never making pudding again that drained so much life out of me. I used 4 leftover egg yolks from a recipe because I didn’t know what to do with them so I decided to make pudding but I replaced the cornstarch with xanthan gum and I did the measurements wrong so it was so thick and weird and I had to add a literal gallon of milk to fix it and I still had to throw away some of it oh god it was so messy and the pudding isn’t even good and now it’s just sitting in my fridge and I don’t know what to do with it.

[m1dwestegrl]

[m1dwestegrl]

I just ate my body weight in thin mints

[m1dwestegrl]

Yolo!

[m1dwestegrl]

week month day whatever no matter what I still hear you calling my name and your voice is borderline chalkboard goodnight.

[m1dwestegrl]

Mmmmm desktop