Do you wanna meet all my monsters?

And it was over in seconds. She let out the breath she didn't know she was holding in.

"Oh that's it?" she asked, looking over to him, not at her arm yet.

"I didn't feel a thing, thank goodness." She offered a small smile as she spoke. There was the slight wooziness of relief washing over her that there were no more needles to worry about, but it was over in seconds.

"So, what now?"

"You come back in one week and we do the same thing."

"And, in the meantime, if you notice anything out of the ordinary, no matter how small it might be, take note of it so you can let me know when you come in. We want to keep track of how the drug might be affecting your system."

"Does the same time next week work out for you? Or would you prefer something different?"

clevrgrrl

❗ The mention of carfentanil has Jack laughing, and she grins even wider.

❗ "Three milligrams and she'll never come back. Without killing, promise." Most tranquilizers did nothing for her, even the most potent of stuff... Overdose wasn't a concern when she could shrug off elephant tranquilizers like they were nothing. It made for a wicked buzz, though. Plus, helped her more psychotic episodes ease out, too. As a bonus.

❗ "Can handle it."

#clevrgrrl #( ic )#( muse: lee smith )#(( We helpin a dino get high fellas ))

Normally, Lee would heavily object. Carfentanil is potent stuff; zoos keep it on hand for tranquilizing their larger animals, like elephants...and just two milligrams is enough to knock one of them out.

...but Jack isn't normal. She can definitely withstand more than two mils, and Lee knows that.

"Three," he agrees.

Hee hoo pride month icon

#( ooc )#(( Might as well hop on the bandwagon ))#(( Happy pride month to everyone & my fellow aces ))

What's your hate language?

The Silent Treatment

You might be thinking, 'oh, this is the counter to words of affirmation!' well you'd be WRONG. This is the opposite of gift giving buuut the same principle applies. It means you just cut people that you don't like off, you don't respond to compliments, or nice things from them. maybe a side eye... but yeeaahh

Tagged by: @theres-nothing-to-be-scared-of (thank you!!) Tagging: @misbchave @multigalaxymuses @vvindicated @manystagesofmal @gentlymonstrous @hauntedreality @timidblues & anyone else that wants to do this and use me as their pinged tagger!

Q&A under the cut.

#( dash game )#( headcanon: lee smith )#(( I think this is GENERALLY true ))#(( Especially when it comes to stuff aimed @ himself ))#(( If it's aimed @ someone he actually cares about then HOO BOY LOOK OUT bc he is a confirmed loose cannon ))#(( A CALM loose cannon but still ))

P sure I've talked about this before but I'm in my feelings again and I'm gonna make it everyone's problem. /lh

I feel like Pierrot doesn't express HATE so much as he does EXTREME ANNOYANCE towards Harlequin. maybe STRONG DISLIKE. If he truly hated Harlequin I feel like he'd just. Kill him. Especially after what he did to Columbina.

But he doesn't.

It's also canon that they were actually pretty good friends before their rivalry started, and I think both of them cling to that, Harlequin more than Pierrot in my mind.

My Harlequin is actually Really Sad that Pierrot hates him (HE thinks he hates him, even though he doesn't) and has actually given thought to leaving the Circus. He'd say it's to make things easier and less tense on everyone else, and that's partly true...but mostly HE'S hurting and he wants it to Stop.

I have...so many feelings for Harlequin...

#( ooc )

She appreciates him warning and going step by step, in a way. Her eyes stay averted to the far corner of the room, and she takes in a couple of deep breaths. It didn't hurt at all, but she knew better than to look down at her arm.

"Ready." she said with a nod, taking in another deep breath to prepare. It wouldn't take long.

Another wipe is opened, this time being rubbed against her upper arm.

"One, two..."

The needle isn't very long, and he slips it in with ease before pressing the small amount of liquid in. A couple seconds later, and Lee pulls it free before setting it on the cart.

"All done. How do you feel?"

She smirked a little at the joke. Then, took in a prepared breath.

"Yes."

Ready for the needle, she keeps her arm relaxed and her breathing steady. But she watches until it's time for the injection, and then she needs to look away.

One comfort is that Lee acts with such precision. He's done this dozens of times, maybe hundreds, so there was nothing to fear. Everything was routine, or at least Lee made it seem so.

With a single nod, and after opening the alcohol wipe, Lee wraps the tourniquet band around Mal's lower bicep before gently thumping a finger against the vein in the crook of her elbow. The wipe is swiped over it a couple times before his left hand cups the back of her arm.

He's warm. Warmer than most.

"Big stick in one, two..."

On 'one,' he opens a butterfly needle. On 'two,' that needle is expertly and smoothly slipped into the vein. The sample tube is attached, and he watches it fill. It doesn't take long, and within ten seconds he's pulling it free to set aside for later labeling.

A bandage is picked up, peeled open, and the moment he slips the needle free, it's smoothed into place in her elbow.

"All that's left is the injection. Ready?"

The relief she felt washed over her, and her shoulders slumped in relaxation. Good. Qualifying for these clinical trials might also help her get diagnosed when it was time.

"My right." She answered him, taking off her jacket and laying it on the back of her chair. She mentally prepared to take the injection in her left arm.

"Then I'm in the right spot. That is to say, the correct one." A bit of humor, delivered in a fairly dry voice. In a way, it almost makes the joke funnier. At least to him.

"May I touch your arm?" He has to ask permission. Not just for the protocol, but for his own peace of mind.

#( dash game )#( ic )#( muse: lee smith )#(( He has no words LMAO ))

poms-resources

↖ Slow as fuck with replies but does it anyway… eventually…

#( ooc )#( psa )

Your Dating Service

Date with Lee. Date Fee: $50.39 Customer Comments: "I hope my future spouse is just like Lee! (Male in late 20s)"

". . ."

𝐋𝐞𝐞 𝐒𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐡

FULL NAME: Lee Smith NICKNAME(S): N/A AGE: ~30 BIRTHDAY: October 18th SPECIES: Human HEIGHT: 5'11" GENDER: Male SEX: Male PRONOUNS: He/Him ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Panromantic SEXUALITY: Pansexual

POWERS: N/A SKILLS: Medical knowledge (nurse)

LIKES: Fire shrimp, organization, hiking, reading, nature documentaries, video games DISLIKES: Spiders, cooking, his mother's treatment of him

PERSONALITY TRAITS: Autistic as fuck boi. Acts very professional and concealed when at work. Has a flat tone and straightforward attitude that makes him come across as tense or nervous. Diligent in his daily routine. Has a remarkable memory for small details. Likes manageable and orderly surroundings. Makes a lot of effort to not be pushy. Is always keen on asking repeatedly for consent. May miss tangible social cues. Has a hidden obsessive and twisted side.

STORY:

!! WARNING: MENTIONS OF ATTEMPTED & THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE BELOW !!

Lee is a middle child. He and his sister would make dolls of each other and be kind to them when scared. He would watch nature documentaries to sleep with his siblings, and he still keeps the tapes up to his adulthood.

As a kid at the museum, he saw a Jenny Haniver (mummified stingray) which terrified him, causing his mother to get angry at him and later blame him for her suicide attempt whilst pregnant. Lee continued to feel guilty and haunted by the stingray, which he later came to buy and keep in his house, and prefer it over the Mormons' version of angels.

He has no memories from before he was 9 years old, despite having a good memory. He expresses having been suicidal since he has any memories. As a child, he was a "gifted kid" and always wished to become an orthopedic surgeon, to help people, to be paid well, and to make his mother proud.

He struggled in medical school, feeling himself fall behind the rest of his classmates. After failing the MCAT, he decided to take a gap year to study but fell apart due to not having a rigid structure. He got a Masters in Nursing to begin working and pay his loans.

FUN FACTS (SFW):

Has arachnophobia.

Keeps a written schedule in his wallet.

Has poor handwriting.

Doesn't enjoy cooking since he's bad at it; prefers pre-packaged food or delivery. Can still enjoy a homecooked meal as long as he isn't the one to make it.

FUN FACTS (NSFW):

#( ooc )

Lee loves having his neck kissed. Especially if he has to move his shirt collar aside to let them do it:

Bonus points if whoever's kissing him leaves a mark (bite, hickey, lipstick, w/e) that he has to hide before he goes to work. The thrill of someone potentially managing to see it excites him a lil bit.

#( headcanon: lee smith )

She appreciated the explanation, and she understood. Some places needed to cover their bases in the event of a lawsuit. So, she took that at face value.

"As long as I don't look at the injection, I'll be alright." she answered honestly. Part of the intrigue was the injectable medication. Something someone didn't have to schedule their day around or regulate through the day did sound convenient. And if she could help put more data into this research, she was happy too. The check was the big participation factor, but still.

"Excellent. In that case, I have everything I need. You qualify for the trial."

The clipboard is put on the nearby cart, and his pen is tucked into the front pocket of his jacket after he clicks it shut. He pulls on a pair of gloves and begins collecting a few supplies to have them closer: a sample tube with a blank label, tourniquet, alcohol hand rub, cotton ball, an assortment of blood-drawing needles, and the Endurafex injection itself.

"Which arm is your dominant one?"

She did her best to answer without giving too lengthy of a response.

"No."

"Nope."

"I experience missing time a lot, and the days have been blurring together. Eh, put yes on that one."

"Oh, messy. Very messy."

"I never give up on anything, but I get easily frustrated a lot. So, yes."

Slight doubt started to creep in as she answered the questions. She'd never been testing for anything mental in her life, but looking online and in books, every question felt so generic or vague. This didn't feel much different, but perhaps talking to a professional (like she was now) might give her some insight.

Her eyes looked down to the floor and her gaze settled on her boots. This growing feeling of guilt didn't feel good.

"Alright. How are you with needles?"

"To elaborate:" He's had plenty of people that didn't even bother to read the trial flyer, so the explanation feels necessary. "This drug, Endurafex, is an injectable, given to the bicep of your non-dominant arm, once a week, for eight weeks. In addition, I'll also be taking a single blood sample each visit in order to monitor your levels as the trial goes on."

vvindicated

nurse smith is professional if nothing else. even in his hazy state, eris can appreciate the to-the-point responses. his shoulders even seem to lower, just a little bit. the tension is still there of course, but he's slowly unwinding from that precipice. a quick glance is thrown lee's way as eris takes a moment to understand why he'd need a hand in the first place, before thinking ah. i see. he was in particularly visible state of not-okay.

nevertheless, he pushed himself to stand and instead of shaking his head he swiped a hand, waving aside the notion. "no." lips parted as if he wanted to say more (he had - he'd meant to say no need) but when nothing else came out he promptly shut his mouth. he took a moment to take his boots off before stepping onto the scale. the numbers fluctuated as it adjusted to its sudden passenger, until it finally settled: 114. it wasn't all that surprising - eris hadn't really been eating much recently, and he was always on the go. his height had remained the same.

when he sat back down, there came the crux of his visit. why had he come?

the question was met with silence, at first. he seemed to be trying to gather his words into something concise and appropriate. describing what he felt at that very moment... he didn't really feel like doing that. it was basically tantamount to admitting his weakness. even if both he and this nurse lee knew he wasn't okay, eris still had a difficult time speaking those words aloud.

" 'm... it's probably just a minor case of dissociation." he'd done his research. of course he had. his symptoms had all the hallmarks of derealization and depersonalisation: this feeling that nothing was real, the world around him was foggy, and his own body wasn't properly functioning how he wanted it to. like it wasn't really his to begin with. minor case, he said - he was downplaying it. "just need something to help clear it up." it wasn't so simple. he knew it wasn't. but that didn't stop him from naively, stubbornly hoping.

#vvindicated #( ic )#( muse: lee smith )

The 'no' is met with a single nod of acknowledgment before Lee steps back to let Eris head over to the scale and stand on it. He notes the weight, nods again, scribbles it down; does the same for the height. Then, he watches closely as Eris sits back down before asking what the reason for his visit is.

Dissociation is the answer.

"I see. There could be a number of reasons for dissociation: surviving or witnessing severe events, anxiety, emotional conflict, PTSD, ADHD...even just exhaustion can make someone disconnect."

"How frequently do you dissociate?"

theres-nothing-to-be-scared-of

"I’d like that," and there it was. Another genuine smile. "I think the morning walks are a good idea too."

Honestly, maybe they’d just been bored with Lee not around. Or sad about it and unable to identify that as being the problem. Sometimes they were sad and didn’t even know why, but figured it out later like that. It was just... sort of a thing their brain did.

“Ohhhhh yeah, my jacket. I can wear it around my waist if it’s hot. I don’t know where it is though… wait, didn’t I spill take-out noodles on it the other night?”

Sometimes, to give Angel a break from cooking, Lee would surprise them with ramen from their favorite Japanese steakhouse. It almost feels like a joke on all the times they’ve had to sustain themselves on 50 cent store bought ramen -- to get fancy expensive ramen as a treat like that. Sadly, they only got to enjoy it for about five minutes before it was fed to the carpet and, consequently their clothes. They weren’t wearing their jacket then, however — it’d been one of Lee’s jackets.