Come back with a warrant
This made me laugh for longer then reasonable.

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@macarenaofthyme
Come back with a warrant
This made me laugh for longer then reasonable.
I saw an opportunity and I took it
This is what they mean when they say life flashes before your eyes as you die
For those wondering, the song is ”Mr. Blue Sky” by ELO.
Perhaps someone beat me to it, but here are ALL of the featured vines, in order of appearance:
I won’t hesitate bitch
Hi my name is Tre and I have a basketball game tomorrow
Whaddup, I’m Jared I’m 19 and I never fucking learned how 2 read
Kermit the Frog jumps off building
Fr e sh a voca do
back at it again at Krispy Kreme
There is only one thing worse than a rapist
Club Jam (yes a really good book)
At least the taco was free
I am the Sand Guardian, guardian of the sand
Grandma loves ping pong too much
If your name is Junior
Welcome to Target
I’m just cooking pizza
Cole Sprouse dress-up game
On all levels except physical, I am a Wolf
Kid hits ceiling of gym with rope (breaking free)
Kid smacked by fly swatter
Fuck it up Kenneth (my boy going to school)
Um I’m not finished (Tyler the Creator)
WE’RE BREAKING FREE
SAIL
I’m Squidward
So I’m sitting there, barbecue sauce on my tiddies
So no head? (breaking skateboard)
Actually, Megan (I can’t sit anywhere)
No off topic questions (Chris Christie)
What the fuck, Richard
Drop it like it’s hot (its just luke)
Bored as shiiiiii
Liberian accent (plasma globe)
New haircut (Parker Kit Hill)
Summertime sadness (chicken)
More like hurricane TORTILLA
I got an a-bor-tion
All Around the World (TheJasminator)
When there’s a cutie next to you at a red light
Snake licks lollipop
Accept yourself, love yourself
Be whatever you wanna be
Don’t touch Zac’s music (LENARR)
Whoever threw that paper, your mom’s a ho
Can I please get a waffle?
Turn off the flash you fucking moron (Star Wars)
Ebony Jenkins (shut up!)
Kevin, watch the light dude
Horse meditation
A girl a dream & a clothing hanger
Is that a weed? (911 microwave)
Helium balloons (floating car)
Fireplace fairy
I’m your freestyle dance teacher
I can’t believe you’ve done this
Which way the Quiznos is
Impossible paper toss shot
Hemtube (dancing with cat)
I nurture my skin (Shaq)
Why are you running
Happy birthday?
Thicker than a bowl of oatmeal (courtroom)
Farkle falling
Fuck you (soda machine)
Squash banana (the branch I was holding broke)
Take On Me
And now my sock is wet (water gun)
All I ever wanted was some motherfuckin guala
When there’s too much drama at school
Two bros chillin in the Hot Tub
What’s your name? (ouija board)
Chillary Clinton (chillin in Cedar Rapids)
Guy drops slurpee (7-Eleven)
Girl scared of convertible car
Guy who is self-conscious about his lisp (Rice Krispies Treats)
Would you like the spider on your hand?
Shopping cart crash
We actually have the chip reader now
I’M A GIRAFFE
Dinner with Zayn Malik (Chihuahua eating spaghetti)
I HOPE IT’S HELPFUL TO SOMEONE! Peace ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)
this gave me such a warm feeling i legit teared up no joke
BEAUTY
Reblogging for research purposes
How to Break free of Addiction to Approval
1. Recognise that other people do not determine your worth and value. It’s your life not there’s. They are responsible to themselves for their life; and you are responsible to yourself for your life. Don’t give up your “self” to please someone else.
2. Also, people change, have different values and outlooks and want different things for, and from, us. It’s simply impossible to please everyone all of the time, or even most of the time.
3. Recognise that spending our lives trying to make others happiness is a recipe for failure and low self-esteem. It’s a pointless way to spend your life. It will stop you being happy and true to yourself.
4. Be kind to yourself. Understand that we all have weaknesses, and things that we regret saying and doing.
5. Also, we’re all on our journey – and the journey is harder and more challenging for some than others. Perhaps you are dealing with obstacles that other people have not had to face.
6. Develop your self esteem from within. Decide on the type of person YOU want to be, and work on being true to that.
7. Think about what really matters to you, and the different goals you’d like to achieve – then set these as a priority. That is, decide what YOU want to do instead of worrying about what others would like you to do.
8. Develop a plan for the direction of your life. Focus your thinking, energy, choices and decisions around living a life that is meaningful to you. At the end of each day, check to ensure you’ve done something that is taking you in that direction.
9. Work on developing your self-reliance – so that although it is nice to have help and support from others, you’re not dependent upon it (or them). Also, being able to think, act and choose for yourself will greatly increase your self-confidence.
10. Work on accepting, valuing and loving yourself. Appreciate the good things about YOU. Notice your successes, and any moves towards living out your goals, and becoming the real you.
11. Choose to live in the moment. Decide not to keep going over the past, or worrying too much about what lies ahead. Notice and relish what is good about “right now”.
12. Choose joy. Allowing yourself to experience joy is freeing, motivating, energising. It keeps your focus on the positives in life.
happy mother’s day to miss honey from matilda
Bonus:
he’s j o
h n
c e n
a
………I am going to commit a murder
Flashbacks from The War.
I’m reblogging this because I just saw someone use the word ‘globalist’ in the comments, so it looks like I’m pissing off the right people.
I’ve been trying to leave Rome for a few weeks now, but all their roads have this weird design flaw
when you get annoyed by the sound of people eating
me irl
@quatara
It’s dangerous to go alone, take this
NOTHING is funnier to me than the fact that Dumbledore literally designed the PERFECT protection for the Philosopher’s Stone but still let the McGonagall enchant a giant chess set and Snape make a Legend of Zelda puzzle purely for the DRAMA of it all. And y'all say Dumbledore wasn’t ever visibly gay.
Dumbledore when Snape and McGonagall came to him with their suggestions, knowing FULL WELL how unnecessary they were:
Flitwick, approaching nervously: Dumbledore, I heard that Snape and McGonagall are helping, and I’d like to design a – Dumbledore: – a room filled with enchanted keys. Flitwick: – a room filled with enchanted keys! Dumbledore:
you: whats your sexuality?
me:
I don’t want to be rich, I just want to be comfy.
Want to have one really nice set of plates and silverware for company and Thanksgiving.
Want to be able to buy a new outfit and a good bra at least a couple times a year.
Want to be able to give “just because” gifts.
Want to burn incense and candles in my home daily, and have nice soaps.
Want to be able to donate to charity frequently and without worry.
Want to buy hardcover books to read and put on a shelf for my kids to read someday.
Want to have candies in bowls for people who visit.
Want to be able to take my young siblings and cousins to a movie and let them get the big popcorn they won’t finish, because there’s magic in just having it.
Want to have a linen closet or at least a linen shelf.
Want to go see live local theater several times a year.
Want to have a bottle of wine or champagne in the house for when I suddenly need to celebrate.
Want to have a kitchen with basic baking supplies so I can bake bread on the weekend, and pies for special occasions.
I just want to be comfy.
That is my definition of ‘wealth’, as contrasted with ‘excess’. As my mother in law put it – if I can see a little something in a store that I know a friend would love, and just BUY it for them without having to worry about whether I can afford it in the budget, that means I’m well off. And that? That is what I want.
For everyone.
Everyone.
Fr*nch language: we call these houses “chateaux”
Me: oh cool
Fr*nch language: but it’s pronounced “shat o”
Me:
Men are so fuckin weak dude I swear. Women are out there grindin like nothing’s wrong while bleeding out of their vaginas 7 days a month, cramps so bad we can barely function, pushing a human out of our hoohas, taking pills that fuck with our horomones just so you can hit it raw and you have the damn nerve to judge the size of our hips that have birthed the civilizations of the world like they were made to be admired by you? No. Next time you get flicked in the balls I don’t wanna hear u talk about how it’s so much harder being a man. Damn. Shout out to women. Don’t let men tell you shit.