The Universe Of Her Eyes, by AJ Macedonia
I stare up into the night sky, the stars illuminating my surroundings. So vast; so massive. The sky holds countless secrets. Secrets that mankind can only wish to grasp fully. The beauty of this quiet night has rushed over me, almost as if it held some sort of euphoric property. This euphoria is quite familiar. The chills that run up my spine; the butterflies that flutter in the pit of my stomach. This is the same feeling I would get when I would look into her eyes. The power of the universe doesn’t even come close to the power her eyes had over me. The way she would look at me; see me. Not just see me, she would notice me. She made me feel like I was something more than a man, as if I can leap into the sky and take flight. Nothing I have ever experienced, no high I have ever endured, has made me feel the way she would. She is so utterly imperfectly perfect that my heart skips a beat at the thought of it. Her beauty, so delicate. Her composure, so strong. Her touch, so soft. She has set the standard for every sexual partner that has entered my life, a standard that nobody is able to fill. An absolutely unrealistic standard that has doomed me to a life I so loathe.
That’s the thing about these women, there is always something. Something about them, whether it’s a curve, a smile or a glimmer in their eye that shines ever so brightly. Like the universe, they all hold a secret that mankind can’t come close to fully grasping. Women really are the most amazing creatures, my infatuation. The Purgatory I am so inevitably concealed to. There’s the dinner, the drinks, whatever. Still, I am never all that interested. Although by the final hour of the ticking clock, I always find myself telling them they’re beautiful. Which it’s true, it’s always true. There is always beauty, one way or another. But then there is also the morning after. The hangover; the loss of common ground; the realization that I am not quite available as I was the night before. Because, I will never be. My heart has already been given to She. Rendering me completely useless to any other beautiful specimen that struts vivaciously into my life. I can’t give something that is not in my possession. So, out the door, I watch them leave. Yet, another road not traveled. Another story cut short.
So now I sit in the dark abyss of this peaceful forest, alone. Wondering if I will ever find my way back home; back to her, or am I doomed to walk this endless road that leads to seemingly nowhere. The thought that if there is even still a home when I get back floats in my fluttered mind. Although she will forever be the keeper of my heart, her heart seems to belong elsewhere. It may never will, nor may never have belong to me.
Change is inevitable; there’s no changing that fact. I embrace this change with all the strength I can conjure from within. Now, I leave the beautiful forest, that reminds me of a time not so long ago, to head to my new home that sits in the city I so hopelessly dread. As I navigate down the road, I dwell on the thought of the mountains I so love. These mountains, that at some point hugged me with security and love, are now just a distant memory that is only real in my dreams. The thought of her beauty, dancing majestically with her hula-hoop in the sweet summer sun, brings such feeling to my heart that warms me with love. Yet, simultaneously engulfs me with sadness. The image of the sun setting behind that mountain. The way the light peeked over the peaks, with such beauty that illuminated the garden, could bring tears to the strongest of people. There is absolutely nothing to do but embrace this change and indulge myself with this new way of life. Almost embedding myself into the society that irks my soul. Just to blend in and mend my wounded heart with nonsense and false endearment.
The thing about this city is that at one point in my childhood I couldn’t dream of any other place I would rather be. The harsh reality is that, that dream has come true only to show me how dark and gloomy this village of crazies really is.
The sounds of the cars speeding by. The balls to the wall energy you feel when you walk into any public establishment. This city is absolutely wild, yet it doesn’t stop me from thinking about her every day. When I fall asleep, its her. When I wake up, its her. She forever lives in my head; in my soul.
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