war machine.

erica. 34. attempting to relearn how to tumblr.

[machinavocis]

it Do Be Like This right down to the very end, huh.

[machinavocis]

forcing self to do only the job wrapup tasks that have been specifically requested from me (as opposed to Everything I Feel Morally Responsible For (Because if It Weren't For Me They Would Have Hired a Better Person to Do It (Therefore I Owe an Infinite Amount of Myself To the Task of Repairing Its Flaws Forever--)))

whilst quietly whisper-chanting--as if it was possible to summon, via incantation, the courage to survive a conclusive encounter with one's own horrific mediocrity--you-don't-owe-these-people-shit-you-don't-owe-these-people-shit-you-don't-owe-these-people-shit.

[machinavocis]

all that is to say: hey guys look at these instagram pictures i took of my bomb-ass new haircut.

man wouldn't it be cool to be able to just like. put my tumblr url in my instagram account and have it post here too like it does on my facebook. ah if only such technological wonders were possible.

[machinavocis]

remember when we could crosspost here from instagram..? 

back before all of meta doubled tripled quadrupled down on the ultraprocessed human brain meat slop churn model?

& now the entire field of UI/UX design is about making sure everything behaves like the digital equivalent of hostile anti-loitering architecture..?

(because at this point everyone who wants a facebook account has a facebook account + new humans aren't being created fast enough to make the average-impressions-per-boosted-post line go up as much as they promised shareholders it would [& of course if you promise line go up big & then line only go up small that is A FATE WORSE THAN TEN THOUSAND DEATHS {aka oops you lose the capitalism, game over; now you gotta scrounge up a bunch more quarters before you get to play the machine again.}])

so all they can think to do now is to just keep feeding the rest of us through the slop churn over & over & over,

as the gutwork of the whole sprawling starving machine desperately extracts & digests whatever trace proteins of remaining humanity can be shat out in the form of Demonstrable Advertiser Value.

anyway i miss tumblrposting from instagram & i also miss the version of the internet i was still able to love.

[machinavocis]

WOULD YOU BELIEVE THE PHARMACY FOUND A NEW WAY TO ARBITRARILY OVERCOMPLICATE MY FOCUS POWED MEDS ACQUISITION THIS MONTH.

WOULD YOU.

[clownboybebop]

if you’re ever in the position to choose between giving up and accepting defeat, and actually trying to fight the ancient unkillable god that is about to peel apart reality like a string cheese, remember this: scientifically speaking, you might as well give it a shot!

1.there were trees at the beginning of the world! there were trees so long ago that they predate bacteria that causes wood to decay. when a tree fell, it would lie there in stasis and there wasn’t any way of breaking down wood xylem on a molecular level in that way.

2. it seems obvious to say, but wood eating bacteria are literally incapable of comprehending what they’re breaking down. It’s just not information conciously available to a microorganism. they don’t know what they’re deconstructing, where it came from, bacteria have no way to even fathom the existence of a tree as a concept.

3. Regardless of the facts above, the world we live in today is a world where wood inevitably decomposes

it is worth fighting the unkillable god no matter how pointless it seems. it is worth taking the risk even though youre trying to accomplish something impossible. the reality in which you live was also once reality in which trees didn’t rot. You live in a reality that allows for existence before the possibility of destruction. you live in a reality where uncomprehending microbes break down matter that is so far beyond the scope of their comprehension that it feels comical to specify something so obvious. you live in a reality that occasionally allows unshakeable physical truths to be altered with no warning.

It is worth fighting the unkillable god because trees are so old they predate the source of their destruction, and it still did not spare them. It is worth fighting the unkillable god because bacteria rots unthinkingly, because there is room in our cosmos for destruction without comprehension on the part of the destroyer. It is worth fighting the unkillable god because now and then reality retracts the promise of immortality without fanfare, and when that happens there is no mercy for the ancient. the unmaking is not softer for the desecrators ignorance. for all things, existence is endless until the exact point where it ends.

so you might as well try to kill the unkillable god. it doesn’t seem likely, but at the beginning of the world, trees didn’t rot. so you never know! you never know

[kyraneko]

fight the unkillable god, because you may be mistaken about its unkillability.

fight the unkillable god, because you may be the first bacterium to take a successful bite.

fight the unkillable god, so as to set foot onto the path which leads to the god being killable.

the bacteria that couldn't eat the tree and the bacteria that could eat the tree had the same general understanding of the tree.

might as well take a bite.

[phantomrose96]

If you are a PET trying to help your HUMAN just remember the acronym WAY

Are you in the Way?

Are you in the wAy?

Are you in the waY?

If the answer to all three is YES then you are HELPING 👏👏👏

[machinavocis]

[machinavocis]

how is mad max fury road still so fucking good i swear to god

[machinavocis]

in positive news: i have officially confirmed that the walls of my house do not in fact contain any asbestos.

however: i have only learned this because my water heater died an overdramatic bullshit death last week (& i am the paranoia-overachiever bitch who insisted on the plumber calling in an additional flooding mitigation specialist WHO DID IN FACT CONFIRM MY SUSPICIONS THAT I HAVE TO REPLACE LIKE A FOOT OF DRYWALL AROUND 3/4 OF THE CLOSET BECAUSE OTHERWISE MOLD HAZARD ETC ETC (so like, i mean, i was fully correct & justified in doing so, but it is gonna cost me Significantly More Dollars than if i’d been stupider about it, which kinda makes me feel like a sucker any way you frame it..? so idk man.))

[machinavocis]

things i very much need to do tonight:

compile data for + write two client seo/sem reports before the meetings we have with them tomorrow.

things i have done tonight so far:

installed shelving & wiring in the expanded kitchenette part of roommate's studio-apartment-wing of the house.

like an hour and a half of random yardwork.

ALL THE DISHES.

ALL THE LAUNDRY.

ALL THE RECYCLING.

measured out + photoshop-mockupped the section of MY kitchen wall that i'm gonna be turning into a multi-tiered herb garden/seed-germination grow light shelf zone.

scouted out + purchased the correct kinds/sizes of grow lights i need.

replaced my fancy refrigerator water filter.

replaced the cats' fancy water fountain bowl filters.

checked to see if my stolen domain name had been released back to me a couple hours ahead of schedule (not yet BUT SOON).

[machinavocis]

TONIGHT'S STUPID HOME IMPROVEMENT QUEST: BUILD THESE SHELVES I PHOTOSHOPPED ONTO MY WALL LAST MONTH. (& also bought all the ingredients for last month & had everything laid out ready to go & then The Situation(tm) so now it's six weeks later & here we are)

(poorly-recolored-png-of-a-wall-mounted-cat-bed optional/tbd; idk i just thought it was neat)

[machinavocis]

AIIGHT SO THIS PROJECT WAS SET BACK A WHILE (because Reasons) LIKE TWENTY MINUTES AFTER I MADE THIS POST.

but now! update!

plan is to run a shelf-baseboard-thing in line with the top of the doorframe under the whole thing (despite most of the literal heavy lifting being done by the shelf brackets) just for the sake of aesthetic continuity.

but of course only now at 3am do i realize i should have TRUSTED MY INSTINCTS in NOT GETTING THE LUMBER CUT AT HOME DEPOT and instead JUST OWNED THE INEVITABLE UPPER BODY PAIN OF HAND-SAWING THESE BOARDS INTO THE PROPER LENGTHS. ;___;

[machinavocis]

stupid progress update: last week i ran out of both floor space AND laundry space in this perpetual game of Organizational House Tetris & have therefore jumped ahead a bit in the lopsided fashion you see here:

(aka: getting in some temporary shelf storage use before final shelf sizing decisions have happened + getting closet rod hangar part locked in before acquiring second half of shelf lumber (because yesterday was sunday and everything closed EARLIER THAN I EXPECTED which INCLUDED HOME DEPOT so lol))

[machinavocis]

4.17.26

he touches the back of his hand to my arm as we begin to settle into sleep.

it’s been one of the bad days. those that send me wheeling round the sharp dark lip of the pit, the void; an obscenity of despair incalcuable by all the machinery of the mind. and i just know if i look too hard, too closely, too long—drive myself home tonight, alone, in between the jaws of this monstrous quiet—i’ll be dragged down underneath something too heavy to lift. too far to make it back.

so i ask if i can stay. despite already knowing this night will contain nothing but sleep. i apologize again, then apologize for the apology. blink back tears as i pull back, turn away. 

and he reaches out across this fresh distance. hand to arm. one gentle press to prove intention before relaxing again. and i feel the plunge of my thoughts begin to slow, steadily, into orbit. into the gentle penumbra of his gravity. 

into something unnamable by any language my world has ever taught me how to speak.

and just before the closing of my mind’s eye, i imagine myself somewhere in the open ocean, floating safe on the end of a tether. free to go where i will. reach where i may. venture to the brink of whatever depths my body can bear—knowing that, at my back, a lifeline is listening, waiting for my call. 

and at its end, you—in all your incandescent, staggering improbability--the patient thunder of your pulse, beating; a promise: to haul me back to shore.

[machinavocis]

i don't think i ever posted about this at the time (though i might have? not super sure?) but during the Fuckin Stupid Bullshit Job Debacle of January-March 2025, i forgot to renew my portfolio site domain name

& some AUDACIOUS GRIFTER CHARLATAN kidnapped my url & held it for ransom for an entire calendar year.

(this is why i have not had a portfolio website since then, btw. on one hand my pride said no to being sneak-landlorded into having to pay some """passive income""" trust fund kid bullshit artist WELL above market value to renew my obscure-ass hippie-college-diploma-inspired website name that no one but me could POSSIBLY actually want, & then on the other hand 2025 erica's total lack of desire to be an individual human person with an identity or any brain thoughts in service/validation of that identity also said no to the concept of Coming Up With Anything New.)

BUT. HARK.

GAZE UPON THIS RECENT ICANN WHOIS STATUS CODE.

THE BULLSHITTER HATH FORGOTTEN TO RENEW THY BULLSHIT.

IN TWO MORE DAYS I MAY RECLAIM MY STUPID GOD DAMN URL. AND THEN.

IDK MAN.

BUT IT'S BETTER THAN NOT HAVING IT ANYMORE.

[machinavocis]

.

[machinavocis]

AIIGHT CVS YOU ARE BACK ON MY SHIT LIST.

WHY WOULD YOUR PHONE GUY TELL ME THIS MORNING THAT YOU WERE OPEN TILL 6PM WHEN YOU WERE IN FACT CLOSING TODAY AT 3.

[machinavocis]

someday soon, it will be the last day i ever have to put even an ounce of Graphic Design Instinct Thoughts into laying out a block of text clearly written by chatgpt, & i just gotta hang onto that happy thought a little while longer.