TW for mentions of Child and Substance Abuse, some spoilers for TWD season 3.
The concept of Merle Dixon spending his upbringing trying to protect both himself and Daryl, only for them grow around the abuse in different ways. The concept of an abusive upbringing effecting siblings differently. OR, my semi-headcanon partial canon view of The Dixons.
Merle, the older sibling, struggling to both cope and care because reality is an abusive house doesn’t leave room for care, let alone coping. He doesn’t know how to care, he knows what his father had taught him—tough love, barely, bellowing words and belts used as whips— but he needs to protect Daryl.
He tries—and then he gets older, begins to find his own way, tries to escape. Abandons Daryl. Comes back, finds coping in drugs and alcohol, and suddenly? He’s his father too.
Maybe not as bad, maybe not as cruel, but little things. Bellowing words. Harsh insults. Crude advice. Tough love—unable to show the real love, because he doesn’t know how. He was never shown that himself.
“I—I didn’t know he was—“
“Yeah. You did. He did the same to you. That’s why you left first.”
Trauma blocked. He’d been gone so long, been high so often, been so focused on himself, he somehow forgot—Daryl had been there too. His tiny shadow. His sweet baby brother, who he abandoned. Who he left behind, with that nightmare man, Will Dixon.
So, he drags Daryl around through adulthood. Trying, and somehow, still failing to guide him.
“He’s always been the sweet one, my baby brother.”
Daryl, who grew weary. Gaurded. Who learned to protect himself once Merle changed, because who else would do it? Daryl, who followed Merle around on instinct, did the things Merle did, talked the way Merle did, because in a home like that Merle’s the only half decent role model around—even if he’s warped into something darker. His big brother.
Daryl, who deep down had grown up deciding he’d never be like that, but he didn’t know how else to be—he just knew he didn’t want to be his father. He didn’t want to be violent or cruel. Daryl would never willingly harm a woman, let alone a child. He’d never intentionally scare a child. Not like Will. Never. He didn’t want to be the redneck trash that surrounded them in that shitty trailer park.
He doesn’t know what else to be.
Daryl who, when Merle disappeared, finally found space to grow. Friends that cared, whether he wanted to admit it, family that wouldn’t hurt him. Morals for himself—the ones that guard, provide, watch the backs of those he loves. Not the ones Merle instilled; take what you need, live how you want, everybody is against you.
When Merle finally came back, against all odds, he slips back into old habit—because that’s his brother, family sticks together, he’s supposed to go with his brother. Right? Merle’s his blood. Not the group.
And then he remembers why exactly Merle had been chained and abandoned to begin with. Merle, who just gave Daryl a reason to walk away.
“Y’know, I might be the one who’s walkin’ away, but you’re the one who’s leavin’. Again.”
Merle who, despite not wanting to, goes back with Daryl. He has to—he just found him again, he’s not losing him again.
Merle who knows he’s not welcome. Merle who knows the group sees him as some villain, they don’t actually want him here, that’s why he’s in a cell in the block nobody else lives in. Merle who sees that they won’t listen to him—they have no legitimate reason to trust him. The last time they saw him, they chained him to roof and left him because of his own actions, and the next time they saw him he’s brutally beaten and tortured their friends. Actions he won’t acknowledge, but they sit on his shoulders like jagged fucking boulders.
Merle, standing before his little brother, who looks so kicked upon finding him searching for drugs. Who looks so torn between Merle and his new found friends. Merle who only knows how to insult that fact—like Daryl had grown weak because of it.
“I just want my brother back.”
And thats how Merle ended up there. In some shitty car, blasting Motörhead and having a drink, planning, because if the group won’t get rid of Governor who else will? He can do it. He needs to do it—he needs to protect Daryl.
He can’t give Daryl back the Merle he wants—that Merle’s long dead, he died back in that trailer—but he can try to make up for it. Surely, he can still keep Daryl safe. Right?
Even if it ends with him shot in the chest, bleeding out, left to turn.
Even if he’s failed again.
He had to try. That’s what brothers do.
Maybe, Officer Friendly will do it better.
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