caniicula :
This had gotten out of hand entirely too quickly, but it wasn’t the first time with them. They were both too emotional - both quick to anger. It made for an intense relationship, but that didn’t always mean it was a good one. Sirius knew Marlene wanted more out of him, even if she didn’t explicitly tell him. But it wasn’t something he wanted - to be with her in the same way James and Lily had been. And he’d tell her that, if it ever came up. But Marlene kept coming back and he really hadn’t needed to change anything about the way they were - he was fine with it that way.
But in moments like this, he sometimes wished they’d be done for good. Despite what she seemed to believe, he did care about her. He wouldn’t stick around if he didn’t. But he didn’t want to debate the sides of their friends’ break-up - because they both knew full well that they’d never be standing side-by-side in this matter. Marlene was Lily’s. Sirius was James’. It was as simple as that. And she could throw that he didn’t give a shit around all she wanted, but it wasn’t true. He might not have been there for her in the way she wished, but he was there for James. For Peter. Even for Remus, suspicions be damned.
“Oh, you’re such a saint,” he retorted sarcastically. “We both know that if push came to shove, you’d choose her. Let’s not act like there aren’t sides here, love.” Their voices had grown louder and he vaguely thanked Merlin that James wasn’t home to hear all of this. He didn’t fancy explaining exactly what had happened to his friend. Knew it would only intensify the guilt James had seemed to be feeling lately.
He stepped closer to her, glared down at her. He wasn’t too much taller, but he was happy that he still had the height advantage here. “That’s just it! You can’t protect her! None of us can! We’re all fucking targets in this war and, yeah, I’ll hex someone and get in the way if they’re going after her, but you can’t just sit around rubbing her back and telling her it’s going to be okay! We’re in a war, Marlene. The Ministry knows we’re part of the Order! Lily has to do some of this shit on her own. I’m not going to pretend I’m not angry that she dumped James - because I am! Because of her, his mind is not in the game. It’s not on his own survival. And if he dies because he’s too worried about trying to win his ex-girlfriend back, Lily won’t just have the Ministry to be afraid of!”
It was true that Sirius loved Lily. But he loved James more and, honestly, he might go mad without his friend talking some sense in him. It was like they were tethered together and, okay, it might have been a bit unhealthy, but that didn’t mean Sirius was going to change anything.
Marlene hated this. She hated how quickly she and Sirius had turned this into a fight, she hated how Sirius was acting like he knew her better than she knew herself, she hated his pride and his stupid, condescending tone. She hated-- did she hate him? Maybe. She would have hated anyone else in that moment, but Marlene didn't know if she would ever have it in her to hate Sirius Black.
”You’re the only one who thinks we have to start picking sides like our friend’s break up is a god damn war.” Marlene scowled back up at him, standing her ground even as he stepped forward pressing his height advantage. “Don’t you think we all have enough of that in our lives?”
Marlene blinked at him, her mind going blank all of a sudden at the prospect that Lily was in genuine danger. Marlene had long resigned herself to the fact that she might lose her life to this war. It had been a hard choice to make, but dying for a good cause was something McKinnons seemed to be particularly good at. Her father had done, her brother had done it, so if she did as well maybe it wouldn't be so bad. But Marlene had never let herself think about the fact that her friends were in just as much danger as she was. Marlene knew that if it came down to it, she would gladly throw herself in front of a killing curse for Lily, but even that willingness might not be enough. Not if she just wasn't there to do it, and Marlene couldn't possibly be able to protect all her friends, no her family every second of the day.
She searched for that burning anger that had been consuming her just seconds ago, tried to find more hateful words to throw back in his face, but the fear had overtaken her mind. Marlene was suddenly aware of tears welling in her eyes and spun away from him before he saw them. It was one thing for Sirius to see her angry but another entirely for him to see her crying. Weak. And she’d be damned if she let him think that he was the reason. “She’s not weak.” She muttered, back still turned to him. “And James has to look after himself just as much as she does,” as she spoke she felt her anger beginning to seep back in, “so if he gets hurt, by your logic that’s on him.”









