lover's come back

Im gonna have it made Poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.

[madlyinlove4121]

i just dont know

there is a feeling that keeps bothering me since a long time ago, a feeling that I never understood, a feeling where my whole body starts to shake and my muscles start to hurt, and my stomach feels so upset, pushing me to vomit, where my mind goes slow. Meanwhile, everything goes so fast it makes me uncomfortable cause I can't control it. Once it starts, it stays till I break down completly and the worst part of it is even after a day or two or a week i will still feel sick and not comfrtoble in my own skin usally i will lie to my self and plam it to the fact i eat more than i supposted to and force my self to vomite everything but the feelings remains remains to the point its making me wanna kill myself just to stop it even forcing myself to sleep doent help anymore wish if i could save myself from it at least for once .

[madlyinlove4121]

"One must imagine Sisyphus happy"-Albert Camus

Would you like to exchange words?

Some days i understand Sisyphus more than I’d like to admit

[madlyinlove4121]

I'm tired.

It´s hard to breathe lately. All I wanted from them was to just love me a little, to actually care for me a little. I accepted that I will never be able to get that, even for a while, even if it was just all an act. No matter what I do, I will always be the part that they always wanted to abort, but they kept so they have something to make suffer for their own mistakes. All I want is for it all to end. I can't take it anymore. One or two cuts, they will take that part of me away to peace of mind. I can't take anything anymore. It's always my fault, my fault to exist, my fault if anything happened. I didn't choose to be the older one, nor did I want to be alive. I always ran after dying, but it took me a great while to realize that I didn't want to kill me, but more of something inside me. But as I grow and heal that part, I just can't keep it up from everything that happened, being excused by religion that I don't believe nor give a damn fuck about, to being sexualized since a young age and be expected to accept it. All I want as for now is peace, a place where it's just me and myself, no noise, no people around. I just want to be free from everything around, no need to scream and fight each time for defending myself for something I didn't do or being blamed for. I just can't anymore.

[madlyinlove4121]

cant get over

i love you but not like the past years you still brightly alive in me that euphoric feeling i get each time i remember you it makes me smile warmly wishing if i can have u once more , the thought of why me why its all happenning to me is poising me , i just wonder sometimes if u dont see me With my soul on my sleeve and my heart removed from it placed dropping each time someone mentioning .

Was I not good enough for you ? was i just a doll that reminds you of her?

[madlyinlove4121]

fanfiction commission

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[madlyinlove4121]

still there

each time i look at the mirror i see you , i still see u inside of me no matter how old i am no matter how my body changed nor how my faces changed u still there inside of me , inside my head to the point i dont know if i want to kill you or kill myself .

after all no matter how much i changed my face or how much time passed the pain won't go away.

u will be always there till the day i die.

[madlyinlove4121]

hopless

choking my throat , every dream of you feels so real it hurts , it hurts .

the feeling of you in my dreams your smile your scent your eyes cant get it off my head , it feel so good, it's almost frightening ,makes me wanna create a new world where time doesnt exist where it´s just me and you where nobody dies where i can feel you where you actually exist and is not just in my head wheres is not just my dream

[madlyinlove4121]

sleepless night

didn't even notice how much they hate me till now.

trying to escape the sinking feeling each time i look at them , trying to undrestand but never find answers.

always lying to my face giving me fake promises as i grow , im only looking for the truth .

how has it come to this , is this what we call love? or is just a method to keep me under control?

ALWAYS ABUSING ME MENTALLY without good reason.

ALWAYS HAVING A NERVES BREAKDOWN THROWING UP ON EACH WORDS U SAY because OF WHAT YALL Told ME.

EACH TIME I TRY TO GROW, U HOLD ME DOWN WITH VIOLENCE

NOW I ONLY CARE TO FILL THE HOLE INSIDE ME,

IT USED TO BE SO EASY WHEN IM A CHILD BUT NOW IS IMPOSSIBLR TO LET IT SLIDE.

THE MORE I GROW OLDER the more im becoming evil,

i end it now and here .

i've lost control in rage envy and narcissism.

living without a reason , picking up bad habbit by time to escape reality since life is so boring and depressive.

wishing to find something to exit this shitty circle.

[madlyinlove4121]

wasted feelings

i cant see myself breathing they're coming after me running through my veins i just want to be.

i dont need surgeries i need my freedom, living my whole life without a good reason just waiting death to come and save me.

but i dont wanna die.

lonely another day someone please help me i know i cant live much longer im fading slowly with the red paint coming out of my veins.

i just want to be the person that i always want to be.

always trying my best but always not enough not worthy of being loved and proud of.

how does it feel to be loved? how does it feel to be the perfect child?

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO LIVE MY DREAM?

all things i feard just disapeard all my happy memories are just gone only bad one are strongly surviving.

i cant escape them they're taking all over me.

abuse me till im dead inside, and years later act like is not truth

"i miss the young you" " what's wrong with you"" we love u more than them can't u see it"

yeah you do thats why i feel like im fucking dying everyday thats why i lost all my normal feelings

no need to cry no need to stay no more

cause no one saw when i was in pain.

now i can be free cause i cant take it anymore

now im self harming cause is my new medication locking myself in the void to just vanish from this life.

i hurt my self for fun now im on the edge of the knife i just want to let go . 

[madlyinlove4121]

can´t buy me love

grabed by throat , to dust will be back , much fun watch u choke , everything must be burned , mouth open but the words cant come out , loving the way u cry ,the way u smell is like the open gates of heaven.

all pain is forgotten , but not forgiven.

[madlyinlove4121]

ain´t no movie

if only i could tell u how i feel ,it will be easier to live than keeping it to myself , the way i think and see it all is a daily mental torture , is like u gonna do what i tell u ,u live under me and my rules u should follow me u live under my rules, u thought that was it well no theres more to it , it goes deeper hurting me each time.

ignorance is all i was giving in exchange of everthing i did , it didnt meant anything , it was all just wasted sarrow.

u need to kill somebody to be somebody or at least to be who u wanna be , is what i was told , better than acually killing myself .

[madlyinlove4121]

i just need a rest

Im the god of in between , im the eternal void of life , im the creator of nothing but hate and envy and pure evileness. yet im still wordhipped and loved by many , im not real yet very alive in everyone's mind . The rebel is my symbol , but i deny it , im nothing but just a free spirit living in the shadow . The shadow that people fear just because is dark , light is what they prefer , yet too much light will make them blind . im not evil as im pictured im just the divine whom choose thier own path , my own rules , i worship none but my own self , i live in my own world , a black whole of pure darkness and nothingness , a pure emptiness that people avoid and fear just because is dark and quite . it's called peace , the peace that human being do not know nor undrestand .

[madlyinlove4121]

High hopes getting low

low mood high spirt ,the only feeling hitting is numbness ,it feels like magic .

less of a human more like a hybrid , dancing on the nerves like a clock , even if im left behind i know i will never be alone.

the smell of cherry will always be around haunting , i know the feeling you cant avoid , i know ur living a lie.

you're nothing without me and so do i, perhaps not .

many thought in my head i cannot avoid , the nostalgia of the past is haunting me , haunting my dreams , my day to day life.

how simple it was , how pure and naive it was , i miss it all.

im left with nothing , but being left out.