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@maeby-words
the humiliation of being ordered to bend over with a stern gaze, a soft but firm voice always gets me.
you know i need this.
you understand how wet this makes me.
and you love how i do not put up a fight or argue, just blush and bend.
Categories
As Iāve gotten back into spanking media - blogs, podcasts, chats - Iāve been reflecting on how Iād categorize the spanking interactions in my dynamic. The categories arenāt exact or even that important, but they seemed to develop naturally over time. Weāve also started using the Obedience app, which lets us track my habits and set punishments. We have just two things under punishments - correction and punishment. And I see those as two distinct acts. We engage in other categories of spanking as well - maintenance and funishment. Spanking with a discipline vibe, for me, is core to my sexuality. So weāve found it helpful for our dynamic and our intimacy to find more opportunities beyond waiting for a transgression.
A correction is a spanking earned for failing to maintain habits and routines, minor issues with attitude, or failures due to oversight or forgetfulness. This can include things like needing a quick attitude adjustment, forgetting a rule like to push the car seat back after driving, or not fulfilling routines such as missing a workout. A correction starts out hard with no warmup and is challenging to endure, but itās over pretty quick. My ass and thighs are bared (and targeted), but clothes usually otherwise remain on. Typically Sir uses the bath brush and has me in a single position. He will grab something quieter if needed, since corrections are usually done as soon as practicable. Iām immediately forgiven, and sometimes heāll use me for his pleasure afterwards.
A punishment is a spanking earned for anything that has the potential for significant negative consequences, whether to myself, our family, or our dynamic. This can include things like blatant disrespect, willful disregard of the rules, failing to take my birth control, or dangerous behaviors. Punishments start hard, stay hard, and go on for an extended period of time. Theyāre most impactful when Iām stripped nude. While Sir might still use the bath brush, he also incorporates other implements and can vary my position. Though Iām forgiven, there can be additional restrictions or further punishments (mouth soaping, additional spankings, etc.). Due to the headspace, Iām usually not used for his pleasure afterwards but am open for it.
Maintenance is a spanking given to maintain our dynamic. A way to connect. It helps keep me emotionally regulated, sexually engaged, and submissive towards him. Maintenance is usually the lighter side (comparatively), though it still starts out hard and without warmup. Itās enough to challenge me and provide a taste of a correction or punishment. Maintenance often leads to me pleasuring him and can lead to mutual pleasure.
Funishment is a spanking given for mutual pleasure and as part of other sexual acts. While thereās no actual discipline involved, he still exerts his dominance and can be quite rough (in the best way). A good time is had all around.
Admitting you need discipline is humiliating.
The process of being disciplined is uncomfortable.
The knowledge that someone cares enough to discipline you is worth it all and more.
The Disciplined Life Podcast
Iāve had a much needed week off work and school, with surprisingly few obligations. Iāve spent some of this free time exploring DD and other kinky media and the such. And thinking. And overthinking. And writing. And feeling awkward. My latest listen was The Disciplined Life Podcast. Iāve only listened to a couple of the newest episodes, so I can speak to the entirety of their catalog. But Iāve enjoyed their perspectives thus far.
This episode was particularly timely, Using Discipline to Stop Arguments. The episode discussed how to handle a bad attitude and/or disrespect during a discussion or an argument. Sir and I donāt argue often, but when we do I can get fairly self-righteous. Itās not purposeful, itās emotional. And I end up pushing and falling into bad patterns. To tackle this, we have a rule Iāve written about before called Enough. If you donāt want to go back and read, itās essentially a protocol initiated by him saying āenoughā thatās meant to end arguments, back talk, or a bad attitude. It has worked well for us in the past.
Where the podcasters land, and I tend to agree, is that the discussion or argument should be ended if attitude or disrespect needs to be addressed. The disrespect should be punished, ideally immediately, and then any remaining discussion can be done in a respectful manner.
Weāve only been back into our dynamic for a relatively short time, but I feel like weāve regained a lot of trust. Weāre finding our groove. However, I think it can still be awkward at times for both of us as we get back into the swing of things. Weāre still sussing out where the lines are, and where we might still have some work to do. But as we get back to it, I remember how much I thrive under his rules, consistency, and consequences. I remember that he listens to my opinions, and I donāt have to escalate to be heard.
I also appreciated that the podcasters defined how they do things in the episode Punishments and Corrections. They also discuss when they punish versus when they use corrections. Itās always interesting to learn how others manage the nuts and bolts of their DD relationships.
I look forward to continuing to listen to their podcast. If you have any media to recommend, let me know!
The Importance of Fear in DD
In our domestic discipline marriage, I receive corporal punishment from my husband when I misbehave. I have a list of rules to follow. If I break a rule, I get punished. Maintenance spankings occur on Sundays, where I'm spanked even if there were no offenses, to reinforce his dominance over me, and to remind me of what will happen to my ass if I step out of line.
The last part is important -- in order for a reminder to be effective, and prevent misbehavior, even a maintenance spanking should be something I dread. It should hurt enough that it reminds me of a punishment.
Punishments are to be feared. The point of a punishment is to hurt me and have pain register in my animal brain as a consequence of bad behavior. Another goal is humbling me ā my body is splayed open on display during a punishment, and I kneel, grovel, expose myself, and reply as he commands. He expects instant obedience from me during punishments; any sign of attitude is corrected swiftly.
The tools of his correction are straps of thick leather, sticks of hard wood, or occasionally his hand. My bottom is whipped relentlessly until I'm sore and red and desperately wishing I hadn't misbehaved.
A light spanking is negligence on a Dom's part, and ultimately ineffective. A punishment needs to be severe enough to efficiently serve as an effective deterrent. Harsh corporal punishment administered soon enough, hard enough, and long enough helps to maintain the healthy fear within a domestic discipline relationship.
It sounds messed up, but in order for this lifestyle to work, I need to have a healthy fear of him. I need to be scared about breaking the rules he set for me. I need to be genuinely afraid of the consequences of disobedience and misbehavior. I don't and shouldn't get a say in how long or hard my ass is beaten, because he controls me.
All this keeps our home at peace. We don't fight. I understand that he makes the decisions, that he is open to hearing my opinion, and that he knows how to care for me. His expectations of me are clear, and I atone and learn from my mistakes through proper maintenance and correction.
I love the balance this healthy fear provides for our marriage. It keeps me bettering myself for him, which in turn grows his love for me. <3
Spanking for Disrespect
Daddy was stressed on Wednesday, and he wasn't in the mood for anything sexual. I lost my temper and instead of respectfully helping him with his stress, I said rude things.
I was punished for this last night. Daddy doesn't like to punish in anger so he waited a day for things to settle. In the afternoon, I apologized in depth to him over text. I truly felt bad for my behavior and expressed it to him. I knew I would get a sound thrashing to adjust my attitude, so this initial apology was not an attempt to lessen my punishment, rather it was earnest.
The spanking was hard. Daddy used the leather strop again. Before any of that, he had me remove all my clothes, and then I knelt on the floor in front of him while he sat on the couch. We talked about how my behavior on Wednesday night was unacceptable. Even if I'm frustrated, I should keep my tone respectful and be solution-oriented instead of accusatory. I apologized for my behavior in great detail. Then he put me across his lap.
Each stroke stung. There wasn't a single stroke that didn't feel super painful, and I subconsciously started tensing up in anticipation for the next one. When that started happened, Daddy paused and reminded me that clenching = a stroke that doesn't count. I'm expected to keep my bum loose during spankings to demonstrate that I'm accepting his discipline and not resisting it, even in this small way. Likewise, my legs are supposed to be apart -- another symbol of my submission and acceptance of the correction I've earned myself.
Like we usually do, he lectured me on the proper behavior he expects from me when I'm unhappy or upset about something, and how I need to shift my focus to solving problems rather than digging into them. I continued my apologies and made commitments to him to do better next time.
After the spanking, he had me service his cock, our typical post-punishment routine that allows me to show my thanks for his efforts in correcting my behavior. It started out with him on the couch and me on my knees in front of him, eyes up while sucking. I stopped a few times to thank him. After a while, he stood up and used my throat for a few minutes. At one point he stopped and said: "When I take my cock out youāre going to get a warm wet towel to clean me up, understood?ā. I hurried to obey.
After I cleaned him off, he told me to get into position -- the oral service had made him horny, and he wanted to use me. Daddy loves using me after tanning my ass to a bright red. I was a good girl and did as I was told. Daddy likes me vocal so I didnāt hold back as he fucked me roughly. At one point he put the strop on my back as he used me ā the cold thick leatherās weight there made me reflect on Daddyās control over me, in all aspects of our lives. For a while he also held my cheeks open, exposing my asshole as he used my pussy. That always feels extremely submissive. The message is loud and clear ā all my holes are his to use and enjoy.
I didn't cum, but later in bed Daddy let me play with myself and finish. He knew it had been a while and that I would relish the release. I thanked him profusely and hurried to cum in case he changed his mind. Later on when we were in bed, he said that I never really apologized for losing my temper before DD and that he likes that Iām now being more thoughtful about how my actions affect him and our relationship. I'm really happy to hear him say this and to feel it myself, and am grateful for his efforts in helping me grow into a better person and wife.
Today my bum is a little sore, but it's a good reminder to keep my attitude in check and to be respectful to my patient and kind husband, who couldn't be more deserving.
spankedquail has a lovely blog, and Iāve enjoyed reading every post. Iām always tempted to reblog everything she writes.
This point particularly struck me today - āEven if I'm frustrated, I should keep my tone respectful and be solution-oriented instead of accusatory.ā
This is what I needed to read, and to think about, as I reflect on my behavior and the choices I made yesterday. Frustrations happen and are sometimes outside of my control or comfort, but I chose how I respond to frustration. I can do better.
Right, but Wrong
Can one have valid feelings, and even be right (or mostly right) in an argument.. and still deserve to be punished? Sir said some things, from a place of anxiety, that were unfair. And admitted later that they were unfair. And took responsibility. But in the moment, feeling that things were unfair.. I escalated. Raised my voice. Got angry. So what to do? He was wrong, but I also crossed a line.
We talked it out that same night. We discussed healthy boundaries and the importance of language and all the things. But the question lingers in my mind.. should I be punished for my escalation? Iāve written plenty about how I see punishment as a reconnection as much as anything else. Weāve reconnected with play, and overall things are settled. So why do I still feel like a good punishment is deserved?
I donāt know, and ultimately I donāt decide. But food for thought on a rainy, lazy day.
Regular reminder that my Husband and I are bleeding heart liberals and donāt support the institutional or cultural subjugation or oppression of people based on their gender, sexuality, sexual identity, socioeconomic backgrounds, etc. We both advocate for helping those who are historically disadvantaged in our work and in our personal lives.
Do not seek validation for the opposite here. You will not find welcoming shelter.
Our relationship is consensual kink based in a relationship founded on mutual respect and open communication.
Same.
šš¬
some very sweet affirmations were shared after this š„°
I donāt know what it means to fantasize about punishment, but then to actually dread its delivery. What it means to be wired to want discipline and accountability in a romantic relationship. Why am I like this? Does it make it a game, to want something so much that it runs laps around my brain? Is it the actual punishment that owns my fantasies, or the feeling of being safe, protected, and cared for? Of not always being the one to have to do all the things? Sometimes I am tired of doing it all, being all the things, and working so hard. It feels good to have someone else pick up some of the work to ensure I do my best. Because Iām not always the best, though I pretend. It can feel good to be seen by Sirā¦ to be real and imperfect and vulnerable. But itās also scary and hard to embrace at times. I sputter and mitigate, rather than owning my failures. Because Iām used to being perceived as having my shit together.
I feel safe because Sirās instinct is to think the best of me. To cut me some slack. To go easy on me.
I feel loved and protected because Sirās action is to hold me to a high standard. To provide accountability. To give the punishment that I earned.
This is the first time in our dynamic that Iāve had rules for my personal growth and accountability. Previously rules were things that primarily benefitted us both, our relationship, or contributed to overall harmony. We still have those, and theyāre important. But this time I also asked for help with things for my own self-improvement. Things I struggle to prioritize or complete. And theyāre important things. Grad school. Exercise. Responsibilities. And every time Sir checks in about one of my rules, it makes me feel safe and important and cared for. It motivates me to accomplish the goal. And yet, I havenāt gone a week yet where Iāve met expectations. And before leaping to the conclusion that Iāve asked for too much, too soon.. not only are the goals totally reasonable in pace and amount, theyāre necessary. To graduate. To keep myself safe. To be healthy.
I asked for help because I wasnāt capable of doing it on my own. I mean, eventually the things that had to be done got done. Under much stress, at the last minute. I made it through my multiple degrees, but often with minutes to spare. I struggle to do things timely, even though I have the time and capability. I struggle to prioritize myself. I struggle to choose the boring task over the stimulating one. Iām a classic procrastinator, likely with a dose of executive dysfunction tossed in to make it more spicy. So I asked for help. And Iām getting it. And itās working. But itās taking time to reach perfection, which is hard for the former-gifted-kid in me that expects perfection as my first try rather than as a result.
So when Sir asks me about my goals, I blush. I mitigate. I try to reach for excuses, which isnāt usually like me. I pride myself on taking accountability for my actions. Yet last week he had to pull it out of me that I didnāt get schoolwork done, which I canāt imagine he enjoyed. I think itās because I know I asked for this, and I know Iām capable of reaching my goals.. and so far I havenāt. I have to be vulnerable, admit Iām not perfect. And of course, it takes some strength to admit to something that will result in a punishment even knowing I need it. But that doesnāt mean I wonāt eventually get on the right track. It takes work to get caught up and build new habits. I know this. Sir knows too, Iām sure.
So for now, I am working to accept that we are working to rewire my brain and make new, healthy habits. And that takes time. And for me, it helps to have that outside accountability. Doing so through our dynamic feels right. Punishment works for me, for my brain. I did more this week than I would have on my own, mostly because I didnāt want to disappoint Sir. I thought about what itād feel like to tell him I didnāt even try. And even thought I didnāt meet all of my goals and made some poor choices with my time, every week is better than the last in small ways. And every punishment is a reminder that Iām loved and supported.
āShow Sips & Smacks, Ep Sips & Smacks - Ep 36: The Sweet Life of Rex And Adalia Pt 2 - Jul 30, 2023
I was pleasantly surprised to find a podcast about Domestic Discipline on Apple Podcasts. The hosts are lovely. This was the episode I listened to today. They discussed how DD improved their lives, and I found a lot to relate to.
What is Domestic Discipline?
I know it can be hard to understand at times and this entry is an attempt to clarify things a bit. Domestic Discipline is:
Using reasonable punishments with loving intentions behind them as means to correct unwanted, dangerous, or detrimental behaviors.
Being patient, understanding, and forgiving.
Respecting one another at all times, in all situations.
Putting complete trust in your spouse.
Spanking on the buttocks and/or sit spot with self-control and appropriate loving intentions behind it.
Using reasonable, rational, and sensible punishments with self-control and appropriate loving intentions behind them.
Being fair and unbiased.
Confessing your mistakes to your spouse with remorse, respect, and contrition.
Taking responsibility for your actions.
Supporting your spouse in all situations and in all aspects of the marriage.
Communicating, communicating, and communicating some more.
Apologizing for mistakes made or poor judgment used with sincerity and humbleness.Ā
Displaying leadership.Ā
Setting a good example.Ā
Showing admiration and affection towards your spouse.Ā
Using encouragement and reinforcement to build your spouses self-esteem and improve their overall behavior.
The way I both want and need a dom/me to sit me down right now and review my behavior of the last week before taking me over their knee for a long maintenance spanking to address my attitude/remind me for the week ahead is overwhelming. Fuck I need it.
Someone please tell me how youād handle this scenario.
Reflections on a Punishment
I fucked up. Badly. The details are private, but it was something that could have had multiple and significant negative ramifications. Without our dynamic in place, itās the sort of thing that would have left Sir feeling angry and frustrated. I would have felt guilty. However, we may not have even discussed how we were feeling. If we did, itād be a brief exchange. Nothing likely would have been resolved. But we do have a power exchange dynamic, and it includes punishment.
We both realized what I had done while we had company, and Sir was about to leave for an appointment. I resolved the primary issue, and I let him know via a text. After company left and we had dinner, he told me to clean up. I indicated I would and went back to my phone. He said he wasnāt asking and to get it done immediately. Then he told me to change into sweats and meet him in the basement. I immediately knew what he had in mind.
As I cleaned up and changed, my stomach felt tight and I had a sense of dread. I do before most every punishment. It always surprises me how much I can need something but still fear it. But isnāt that the point? Punishment wouldnāt work for me if my first thought was arousal or enjoyment. But I also felt a sense of love and a sense of peace.
I made my way to the basement, locking the door behind me. Sir was standing, waiting for me. The bath brush was on the table behind him. He lectured me briefly as I stood before him. I didnāt quite know where to look or what to do with my hands, I felt awkward. The moments before being told what to do with myself always feel long. But I paid attention, absorbing his points. He then put me into position and lowered my pants. He went in hard with the bath brush.
The first dozen or so swats, when itās punishment, are always the hardest to take. My body wants to react and move, and my mind is still wrapping itself around whatās happening. I fight to stay in position and present myself well. I fight the swirl of thoughts to be in the moment. Theyāre also some of the most important swats of the spanking. When delivered hard and without a warmup, it takes a spanking from a fantasy fulfilled to pain and contrition. It requires deep submission to not block or move away. It starts to create a real change in behavior and silent promises to myself to never be back in that position.
As the punishment continues, my body adjusts and my mind clears. Submission comes easier. The initial shock is gone. Itās still challenging, but in a new way. This is where continuing education takes place - leaving marks and bruises that will be a reminder of how to behave every time I sit or, for serious offenses, move. A reminder that I earned my spanking, that the punishment was well deserved and well delivered.
Sir had me move over his lap for more swats with the bath brush, and then onto my knees in front of him. We talked more about what I had done, and he emphasized that it could never happen again. I promised it wouldnāt. We moved on to other important topics. I felt safe and soft before him, grateful for the lesson and his guidance. Grateful that he takes care of me in areas where I donāt always take good care of myself. Grateful he takes the time to correct me, and that it opens up our communication.
Later in bed, we chatted a bit about the punishment and the results. I was back to feeling a bit awkward, trying to synthesize my thoughts on the spot. But thankful he wanted to discuss it. He admitted that he probably went a bit easy on my due to positioning issues, and he said that our normal maintenance on Sunday would be a second punishment given the seriousness of the offense. I sort of mumbled and nodded that it seemed fair, embarrassed to need more. Knowing it would only help. And it is fair. The punishment was hard, but I agree that it could have been much harder and longer. The consequences I could have faced pale in comparison to any punishment from Sir. I havenāt been spanked to tears, but if ever there was a time to try and take me there this was likely it.
Not that there isnāt continuing education going on today. My sit spots have a deep ache, a reminder every time Iām seated that Sir loves and cares about me. That he believes that I can do and be better. That mistakes are made and forgiven. I expect that Sundayās punishment will not be easy, and I have a healthy amount of nervous energy about it. But I also look forward to it in the sense that Sir knows what I need without me even having to ask and cares enough to provide it. We are both better for it. In that sense, I couldnāt ask for more.
