Those of us that's in love

[maengoshake]

See this? This is the kind of guy you deserve. The guy that'll call you out on your bullshit and knock you down a peg when you're being a bitch to him and honestly has every right to be pissed at you to the point that he forgets he loves you but doesn't. Get you a guy that can make you swoon while at the same time winning an argument. Get you a guy that will seriously and in all honesty tell you. "answer the fucking call I need to hear your voice" even when you were just screaming at each other. Get you a guy that is a million miles away but still manages to make sure you're not sleeping alone and upset, even when its completely justified for him to. Get you a guy that doesn't forget why he's fighting in the first place because for people like us who is anxious and is always scared of being replaced. We need a person who would grab us by the arm and look us in the eye and say. "stop picking a fight with me, this is bullshit. You know I wont walk away even with all the painful things you say."

[maengoshake]

So He was sleeping when I was scrolling through facebook and shared that pic on facebook and tagged him in the comments, apologizing for my constant doubtfulness of myself or of him. A few hours later he messages me dots and I knew he saw that and he says the things in chat. He is not a morning person and it was 7am when he messaged me that. He took the time to tell me and give me the daily "believe me when I say I'm not going anywhere speech" and he's been doing that everyday for 9 months now. I am amazed as to how he's not tired of me yet. He loses sleep and has to convince his gf that has the memory of a gold fish. Every. Single. Day That he loves me and he's not going anywhere. I don't have a stable mind and my mental illness fucks us up more times than I can count. He's cried and had to stop me from killing myself multiple times. He's had to fight me running away from him cause he knows I'm only doing it out of the unstable thoughts that are eating me. He's had to keep fighting for me when I can't even fight for myself. I Love Him So Much and if you're a person like me who constantly second guesses themselves​ and thinks that nobody should love them and whatever self depreciating thoughts our brains are feeding us. Dont. Give. Up Because someone out there will work to keep you smiling even if its them fighting your demons when you can't fight them yourself. Someone out there will never walk away no matter how many times your push them away or how many times you try to run away. Someone out there will never let you break yourself. Someone out there will love you like you're not broken. And you will be fixed. Someone out there will look at you and see all your broken shards and they will only see the beauty of its many reflections as the sun shines on it. Don't give up just yet.

[maengoshake]

I have never ever broken down in front of anyone before. But he looks at me and all these issues I've been hiding pours out and I start crying in a call and he just starts saying all these nice things and I start crying more but out of happiness from everything he said and thankful that someone appreciates me like he does. Its so uplifting and it makes me think that someone genuinely loves me. Sorry. This blog is basically all about him isn't it?

[maengoshake]

Me: I'm sad.... Him: *uses the bear filter and makes funny faces* Him: come on show me that beautiful smile. Me: *smiles like an idiot* Him: oh hi beautiful!! I think I saved the world in my past life to deserve this person.

[maengoshake]

I was in serious period pain and I asked him for a story to distract me. Its so corny that I laughed and gave myself more pain. I think I'll marry him.