m a e s t i t i a

Most days my demons are silent. But when they talk, oh God, how they scream.

[maestitia]

fight song || caroline&liam

[diarthus-blog]

Liam let out a chuckle at her words, shaking his head and then pressing his lips together. It would be really amusing to watch her try to kick his ass, or anyone’s he’s ever trained before (he couldn’t deny that there were some of his men that he had taken a liking to because he was the one to teach them a trick or two). “I’m not nervous, ever.” He remarked, shaking his head yet again, trying to hide the fact that he just wanted to laugh at every word that came out of her mouth at that moment. 

He walked over to a cabinet and took out a pair of water bottles and a medicine ball, walking over to Caroline afterwards. “Here.” He said, setting the bottles and the medicine ball down between them. “Run a few laps.” Liam told her before he walked back, took off his shirt and then wrapped his hands and wrists with white wraps as he walked towards her again. “Gotta warm up before anything.” Then, he turned some music on – it’d make things less heavy. 

[maestitia]

She couldn’t deny that as he took his shirt off, she had a sudden urge to lick whipped cream off his abs, but she repressed that as well as she could. As nice as that would have been, it really wouldn’t have been helpful for getting in shape. At the very least maybe she should try to fantasize about broccoli or carrots or...zucchini. She mentally chided herself as she attempted to bring her brain back to the current moment and what he was telling her.

Giving him a small nod, she took off and ran a few laps as she was instructed. It’d been a while since she ran, but she was proud of herself for not being completely out of breath when she finally came to a stop near him. “Next step?” She questioned, doing some static stretches as she talked to him, keeping her eyes firmly on his face.

[diarthus-blog]

party crasher | natasha&viola

[diarthus-blog]

The blonde pursed her lips, looking at the young woman before her. “I didn’t refuse to shake your hand because I’m a politician.” Natasha simply said, hoping she wouldn’t need to spell it out for the other – she wouldn’t go to such lengths and, if the girl wasn’t smart enough to understand what she meant, then maybe she wasn’t worthy of Natasha’s precious time. There’s a lot she could be doing instead of wasting seconds talking to the girl before her but there she was, giving her a shot minute after minute. 

Natasha’s eyes narrowed as she saw the girl using her power, the same one the blonde possessed – had she found a mutant just like her or was there more to the girl? “Honesty is the best policy when done right. If not, then it just unleashes chaos and stupidity. I don’t know which one you’re more acquainted with but I’d rather not deal with either.” The woman simply said before she took the glass of champagne and began walking.

[maestitia]

Viola knew perfectly well why Natasha didn’t shake her hand, but it was that sort of paranoia that was undeniably traced to politicians. You never saw it in dark alleyways or in bars. It was only found in the kind of people that suspected everything was a plot against them and each and every wine glass could hold the final drop of poison. A boring life really, or at least Viola thought so. What was living without a little risk. 

“I’m acquainted with reality,” she hummed, sipping on her glass as the woman walked away. Then she made her way towards the center of the room where a few tables were, glad to have the telekinesis. It would really make everything so much easier. She climbed up on the table, earning herself a few gasps. “Hello, hello! If I could have your attention please, there’s a few things i think we need to discuss.”

[maestitia]

fight song || caroline&liam

[diarthus-blog]

It didn’t take him that long to finish the pending business he put on pause the moment she walked in the room. It took a lot to distract him, to make him think twice whether or not to hung up a call but the moment she walked in, he knew he had to do it. Not only because she managed to get his attention every time but because he couldn’t afford to have the person on the other side hearing to them talk. So, ten minutes after, he was ready and walking downstairs to meet her. 

He expected a lot from that training session; especially since she had surprised him before – Liam couldn’t wait to see if that was a fluke or if every day with her would be a box filled with surprises, all to his taste. He descended the stairs, wearing sports clothing; his jacket was opened just at the beginning, not letting know what he was wearing underneath it. His grey sweatpants were his old ones, he never thought he needed any new ones so why change what’s good? “Nervous?” he simply asked.

[maestitia]

Caroline was practically bouncing by the time Liam made his way down into the basement, though she tried to keep her excitement hidden. It was still quite obvious, however. Her hair was tied back into a loose bun and she wore a sports bra along with a pair of yoga pants. Sure, they weren’t designed for the ask at hand, but they weren’t designed for Golden Girls marathons either and that’s what they’d be used for if she didn’t use them to practice fighting.

She gave a laugh at his question. “Am I nervous? I thought you’d know better,” she teased, acting cocky just to mess with him--and maybe to mimic him just a little. “Are you nervous? Just wait until I can tell everyone I beat you up.” She highly doubted that would happen, but it was still an amusing thing to consider.

[diarthus-blog]

party crasher | natasha&viola

[diarthus-blog]

Natasha expected a calm walk from where she stood, against what she really wanted to be doing, to where they were serving the bubbly beverage that would make that party a little bit more bearable. Her heels clicked on the seemingly diamond filled floor, feeling eyes on her figure and whispers about her beliefs. It was something she was used to – in a world where most people were against her very nature, even if she weren’t a mutant, she still was a human. A decent human being (or so she believed) that believed that mutants deserved better, that they deserved to live their lives without being haunted – it was as if humanity wanted to go back to witch hunting, killing without reason. 

She was stopped on her tracks however, by a young woman. There was nothing familiar about her, but there was a whole sensation that surrounded her – a sensation she had felt a few minutes before that moment and that only grew stronger the closer she saw the woman standing next to her. It wasn’t a huge jump to assume that those two were connected, especially since that girl wasn’t the first mutant Natasha had ever met. The rest of them had swore to keep quiet, knowing that keeping her secret was the best for all of them and not only her. It was childish to think that the world might change just because she might get elected but a dream nonetheless.

Natasha gave the girl a smile. “Yes, I am. It’s nice to meet you, Viola.” The blonde looked at the girl’s hand and then up at her. “I know it’s probably rude of me but I’d rather not shake your hand until I know your better.” Who knew what this other mutant could be like?

[maestitia]

Viola’s brows moved upwards as Natasha refused to shake her hand and she let out a disappointed hum. “What is it with you politicians?” She questioned, tone casual as she used the borrowed powers to lift a glass from the table up into her hand. It was quick enough that anyone not specifically watching her could have blamed it on a trick of the eye, but she knew that it would be enough to send a message to the blonde in front of her. 

“I mean, really. I’ve never met a more paranoid group of people,” she remarked with an easy, almost threateningly casual smile as she sipped on her drink. She could blend in well, when she needed to, but there would always be a part of her that didn’t belong stuck in a fancy dress and heels, tittering about the weather while innocent people died. “Of course, some people have reasons to be so closed off, but I always think honesty is the best policy.”

[diarthus-blog]

party crasher | natasha&viola

Natasha hated pretending like she liked half the people that were in the same room as her – if they all knew the truth about her, about her telekinetic abilities, they would throw her in the same pit everyone that was anti-mutant tried to shove the rest in. If you were different, then you’d be applauded – if you were too different, then you’d be a freak, someone they would need to get rid of. With those thoughts in mind, she knew she had done the right thing with her campaign. If only people would stop listening to the prejudiced ones. 

Holding a glass of champagne, she chatted with the group of politicians that were part of her “crew” that night – between actual politics and other topics of conversation, Natasha just wished she could leave and not have any consequences follow her – no paparazzi wondering why she left early, no rumors surrounding her pro-equality campaign. She needed some fun, she needed something exciting – even cleaning her home (even if she did so using her powers) sounded more exciting. “I’ll be right back gentlemen.” Natasha excused herself, needing a refill on that glass.

[maestitia]

There were few things that Viola hated more than politicians and one of the things on that list were anti-mutant politicians. She could never even tolerate anyone who hated her and everyone like her just for being born the way they were; even if they weren’t involved with mutant trafficking and experimentation, they were indirectly supporting it by encouraging the idea that mutants were less than humans. If she did one thing in her life, she would ruin each and every person who dared to further the destruction of the lives of innocent lives.

So that was why she had snuck her way into the senator’s party under the guise of being an intern interested in the workings of such parties. Once in, she was surprised to find that familiar humming sound echoing from one of the pretentious politicians. It was the sound she felt more than heard, telling here that a power was there, bright and real and ready for replication. Viola made her way over to the source of the power--a blonde woman she knew had some kind of half-moronic campaign for mutants but certainly wasn’t open about her status. She gave a polite smile and focused, replicating the gift into herself. Telekinesis. Oh, it’d been a while since she felt that one.

“You must be Natasha Croft, right? Viola,” she introduced, sticking out a hand to shake.

[maestitia]

fight song || caroline&liam

[diarthus-blog]

He crossed his arms, growing defensive at that topic. He never got to say goodbye to his mother, he never got to being a real family with her or anyone else for that matter since being the firstborn, he was going to inherit his father’s business once he hit enough age. So, talking about reading, talking about the only thing he has tethered to his mother’s memory. “Stop insisting.” Liam said sternly; his expression was blank, though his eyes emphasized his words.

“Yeah, yeah.” He shrugged her teasing words off, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. Liam nodded. “Good. Go get changed and meet me in the gym in the basement. If you don’t know where it is” though he doubted it, she’s been around for a while “just ask Ricky and he’ll go with you.” He said before he motioned towards the door, as if telling her to go on her merry way. “I just need to finish some things here.”

[maestitia]

She wasn’t sure what exactly made him turn so cold so quick at the discussion of reading, but she figured it was smarter not to push him further. Everyone had their sensitive spots and while she couldn’t imagine not reading, mostly due to the connection with her mother, she figured perhaps he had a real reason to find such distaste for it. Maybe she would find out someday, but the current moment wasn’t the time for it.

Caroline gave a nod. She knew where pretty much everything in the entire mansion was given that she’d spent the last few weeks--or at least the ones where she could walk--exploring her new home. “See you there,” she hummed before going off to her room, changing quickly into a bra and exercise pants and then making her way down to the basement to wait for Liam.

[maestitia]

fight song || caroline&liam

[diarthus-blog]

Liam pressed his lips together after he heard her quote. George R.R. Martin, of course she’d quote that. He nodded, biting his lip and looking down before he talked. “I said I wasn’t a reader. Doesn’t mean I didn’t use to be one.” He corrected, raising his eyebrow. Then, a small chuckle escaped his lips at her words; just imagining Ricky holding all those shopping bags put an alien smile on Liam’s lips.

After he felt her strength converging on his palm, he rose both of his eyebrows in surprise – he knew she was strong on the inside, he just wasn’t expecting her upper body strength to be like that. It wasn’t strong but since he didn’t expect much, it was a good surprise. “Not as bad as I expected. You have some strength and you know how to use momentum to your advantage. Fights aren’t all about punching, as I’m sure you know.” He remarked, smirking at her. “Do you have any sports wear? Training in my office isn’t my plan.”

[maestitia]

Caroline quirked an eyebrow, wondering what exactly it had been that stopped him from reading anymore. Perhaps it was just taking over the family business; she knew well enough from watching him that that was a huge responsibility and he didn’t have a lot of free time. “You should start reading again. It’s good for you. Maybe try audio books to ease yourself back into it?” She suggested, giving a small shrug.

She was surprised by his answer, and it was enough to spread her lips into a cheeky grin. “Told you I was tough,” she teased, lifting one arm up and flexing her muscles. “I’ll just punch people in the ankles and take them out.” A laugh escaped her and she relaxed once more, rocking on the balls of her feet. “I do. I bought some about a week ago with the intention of jogging but this is a much better use anyway.”

[maestitia]

fight song || caroline&liam

[diarthus-blog]

“I’m not a reader.” Liam simply said, though it was a lie. He would read all the time when he was a child – especially since his mother used to read to him when he was a kid and he learned a whole lot, about life and about books. They were an escape and, when his mother died, he could realize why she needed that with her son. However, after his mother’s death, Liam hasn’t picked up a book for pure pleasure. It didn’t feel right to him and, since his job wasn’t exactly the one they prepare you for at school and college, he didn’t need it. 

“I have a lot of faith in you, actually.” He spoke with a smirk, looking down at her, letting out a chuckle at her next words about her lack of social gatherings. Liam shook his head before looking at her again. “I’ve told you you can leave whenever. Go watch a movie, go shopping – you just need one of my men with you at all times.” He reminded her. Then, suddenly, he placed a hand at the bottom of her back and another on her abdomen. “Keep tension here.” He said, quietly. “Put one of your feet forward and then,” he took his hands off of her “punch my hand. Wanna see how much work we have ahead of us.” Liam said as he raised his hand on his side, palm facing her.

[maestitia]

Caroline frowned a little at that statement. “You should start reading. A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone.” Another quote, this time from the ever illustrious George R. R. Martin, though she doubted he would appreciate the comment as much as she did. She was surprised to find he had faith in her and it pulled her lips back up into a smile once more. “Not quite the same, though I’m sure Ricky would love it if I made him hold my purse while I shopped at Victoria’s Secret,” she remarked, laughing at the visual that came along with the words. 

The touch was sudden and she froze for a moment before focusing her attention on Liam’s instructions. She tightened her core as best as she could before moving her foot forward like she was told. There was a pause as she thought back to the very few things she knew from the minimal amount of scraps she’d gotten into in the past before she finally brought her fist forward to hit his hand. The technique was far from perfect, but she had a fair amount of force for someone of her size and she was smart enough not to tuck her thumb into her fist. “How bad am I?”

[maestitia]

fight song || caroline&liam

[diarthus-blog]

Liam rose his eyebrows and nodded quickly, letting out a deep chuckle. “Spare me the quotes.” He told her, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms as he stood right in front of her. He knew how fights went, even if he was the one ordering them rather than being a part of them, like his father had taught him, even if he doesn’t fight he needs to know how to do it. Otherwise, no one would respect him because no one would take orders for fights from a man that didn’t know how to throw a punch. “But you’re right. You are at risk.” He simply said as a reply, noticing the frown and not wanting to delve further into it.

He let out a laugh, a small one but still a laugh – he couldn’t help it. “If one of my men disobeyed one of my direct orders, I’d wonder why I hired them in the first place – and then I’d cut off a finger for each thing they would’ve taught you. It’s how things go around here.” He knew that maybe he was oversharing but, after the night they had fallen asleep right next to each other, Liam knew he had to find a way to remind her of the monster he was convinced he was – no matter what. “When do you want to start?”

[maestitia]

"You should appreciate Tolkien more,” she chided teasingly, letting her inner nerd come out for a little bit. Though she had little memory of it, her father told her how her mother used to read the books to her when she was little. Better than any fairy tale, she supposed, as Tolkien’s books weren’t filled with damsels in distress but instead with girls who took up swords and rescued themselves. Maybe that was part of the reason Caroline was the way she was, but one could never be certain. 

She wasn’t frightened by his threats, not now that she knew the softness that lay underneath his hardened rib cage. “Have a little faith in me. You would be none the wiser,” she teased, scrunching up her nose as a smile crept onto her face when she realized that she had won out. “Well,” she hummed, sarcasm sneaking into her voice. “I’ll have to work around my plethora of social plans, but I think I’m free in about...three seconds.”

[maestitia]

fight song || caroline&liam

[diarthus-blog]

His blue eyes saw her rushing figure and smirked a bit after he heard her first words, shaking his head slightly before he spoke – but not to her. “I’ll call you back.” He simply said into the phone he held against the ear on the opposite side. Then, the crime boss hung up from a conversation he wasn’t enjoying either way and turned his body to face her. He didn’t say anything, he simply rose his eyebrow and waited for her to carry on with the arguments that would make her side make some sense rather than just a plain request. He was looking forward to hearing what she had to say, that was a given. Liam walked around his desk to the front and leaned down on it, crossing his arms, waiting for her to explain to him this sudden idea. 

After she spoke, he looked down at his feet and huffed a small chuckle before he stood back up and walked towards her as he spoke. “So, you want to know how to fight, how to defend yourself? How to make someone bleed, how to make someone’s bones crack, keep punching them and be okay with it?” He questioned, teasing her – fighting was both physical and mental. If one wasn’t ready to truly hurt someone (and hurt themselves a bit during the fight) then they would lose, they’d be the ones on the ground, pleading for mercy. He stopped right in front of her, a step away from her small body. “Is that what you want?”

[maestitia]

She huffed a little at his response, knowing there was more to it than just landing punches but also not exactly wanting his lecture on the morals of it all. She knew what she was getting into, that much was obvious by the uneven skin hidden under her scarf. “Those without swords can still die upon them,” she quoted, not backing down in the slightest. “Being here, I’m at risk no matter what and I’d rather not have a repeat of the last party we went to.” Those words came with a frown, thinking back to the terror she had felt that day. 

“I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t prepared to do what I needed to. If you won’t teach me, I’m sure I can find one of your men who will. If you tell them not to, I bet I can still find one willing the bend the rules for me.” She was cute and she knew she was, so she was certainly not above using that to manipulate people. She wasn’t a huge fan of it, but when it was a matter of survival--as learning to fight was--she would do what she had to.

[maestitia]

fight song || caroline&liam

"I want to learn how to fight.” The words came out quick, Caroline needing to make sure to get them out before Liam had to rush off to do some other job or meeting or whatever else being a crime boss entailed. It was a little frustrating how busy he tended to be, but at least it had given her time to explore the mansion more as she worked on healing from her attack several weeks ago. Now the wound was sealed, the jagged scar carefully covered by a different scarf every day. She hated looking at it and she couldn’t imagine it was pleasant for anyone else, so she made sure it was hidden from sight at all times.

“I don’t want to have to rely on someone else to save me every time. I want to be able to protect myself,” she explained once she realized he wasn’t already running off again. “It’ll be good for everyone. I’ll get more exercise and learn something new and you won’t have to worry about me as much.” She may have been rambling a little in her attempt to get him to agree, but she wanted it badly. She hated how weak she had felt when she had been attacked and she never wanted to feel that way again.

[diarthus-blog]

two to tango | liam&caroline

[diarthus-blog]

Liam knew there was no point in arguing; he could be stubborn but he was too drunk to try and fight another stubborn person on a matter that he wouldn’t change his mind about. So, he just nodded his head – not in agreement but in a way that would let her know he acknowledged her words, he just chose to cut that part of the conversation short. At that moment, he didn’t much care to develop a topic on the one thing he had never changed his mind about – he pulls the trigger and people die. That’s how it goes. 

They weren’t equals, not to Liam. To the broken blond, Caroline was above him in a way and beneath him in another – she was a much better person than he was; while he was down below, letting his demons eat at him, she was atop of the highest mountain, unreachable for mere people who tried to be half the person she was. “Whatever you say, Caroline.” He said casually, shrugging that topic off. There was no point in discussing anything in the state they were both in – she was half dead and he was far too gone to even remember that had gotten so close to two very sensitive topics. Liam wondered why she said the words that she had said, however – he thought about whatever could she have gone through that had made her far too acquainted with demons like his, only slightly different but heavy and hurtful all the same.

The corners of his lips curled up, just slightly, a third of a smile appearing on his dry lips at her words. “Good.” He simply said before he felt her slip away into the sleep that was dragging her conscious away – he had felt her head get heavier, as if her muscle were beginning to relax (and he couldn’t help but wonder how she managed to relax near someone like him). He put his arm around her so she wouldn’t fall over as he shifted his shoulder, gently kissing the top of her head, praying to the non-existent God that she was far too gone to even feel it. Then, he stood up and lied her down, putting her legs onto the bed. Grabbing a blanket that was on one of the chairs he covered her with it and readied himself to leave. 

[maestitia]

They were both stubborn as could be, albeit in different ways, so she knew arguing with him would never actually go anywhere. For the time being, she let the conversation end, too tired and hurt to really keep fighting the issue anyway. Rest was important, even if she hated having to lay around and do nothing. The fact that she was still most certainly at risk for bleeding to death if she strained herself too much was the main factor that made her concede to his efforts to get her to sleep; death was not an option, not yet.

 It wasn’t until the blanket pressed down on her body that she was pulled out of her sleep again, blue eyes flickering up to look at him. She forgot her words for a few seconds, mind blurred with absolute exhaustion. Finally, however, she managed to get one word out in tandem with reaching out to grab his wrist. “Stay,” she murmured, staring at him through half open eyes.

[diarthus-blog]

two to tango | liam&caroline

[diarthus-blog]

As she spoke, his eyes lost focus, listening to the words she was saying. Half of him was angry at her words and the other half was angry at the fact that, if he had understood well, her words fit him like a glove, though, to him, he wasn’t an abuse victim – just a boy that took over the family business. A business as rough as they come but still the family trade nonetheless. He recognized that his mind and his heart worked differently from the people around him; he had been brought up, shaped to be a robot and a good soldier – nothing else. Everything his father taught him became standard for him. The normal. “To me it’s simple.”

He huffed a chuckle, shaking his head at her words – it had been a chuckle of disbelief, truly thinking she was just making a joke. “We’re not equals.” Liam began, lacing his fingers with each other. “Not yet.” He bit his bottom lip as he mumbled the last words, looking at her when he heard her next words. “Like I said, I can manage. It’s none of your concern.” He shouldn’t even worry about her, it just put her in danger – her worrying about him? It only made things worse for her. There was no love for a monster like him. Only family, business and doing what has to be done. 

Looking at her as she settled the bottle away from him, he rolled his eyes, though he wasn’t surprised in the slightest that she had done that. It felt weird to him, to have someone actually defy what he wanted to do. His body felt like an alien when she leaned her head on his shoulder and, for a second, his eyes only looked at the ground, without focus and letting his mind overwhelm him for a second. Gulping, he then rested his cheek against her and he almost got the urge to kiss the top of her head. Instead, he just let himself forget about who he was and what he was in charge of for a few seconds, and rested his hand on her knee, almost as if wanting to keep her close to him. “I won’t promise anything. But I’ll try.”

[maestitia]

"No, it’s not. You’re too drunk to try and tell me that it’s nothing more than simple cause and effect.” She’d wished years ago that things were simple, that it was always obvious who was supposed to bear the blame. She’d begged for the universe to take the burden of guilt off her shoulders and to tell her that it was anyone else’s fault, but no matter how she traced lines leading to the event, she couldn’t let go of the blame. It seemed to her that he felt the same thing, even if he did not feel it as freely as she did. 

One brow quirked upwards, but she couldn’t find it in herself to be angry with the drunken fool. “I’ve been equal since the day I arrived. You’ll see that eventually. We’re equals and you can’t stop me from worrying.” She had faith in him and in his heart, in the thing that he kept so expertly locked away from the sunlight. Maybe that was smart of him to keep his heart safe. Her stuttering heart was wild and bright and held inside something never meant to contain the galaxies of her thoughts. Maybe the truth was that love too much for her every time it came along. Her mother had slipped out of her hands before she even got a chance to know her, then her child and her child’s father, and now she feared everyday that she would lose her father. Maybe it would be too much one day and she would burn up, consumed by the love that no one ever wanted.

She’d half expected him to pull away or lash out as soon as she pressed up against him, but then he was closer and the hand on her knee was not hated but instead a welcome comfort for her aching body. “I can live with try,” she assured him, voice softer than ever as she let herself relax curled up against the leader of the most feared crime organization in the city. A few long moments passed and exhaustion took over, causing her to slip into a quiet sleep.

[diarthus-blog]

two to tango | liam&caroline

[diarthus-blog]

Liam shook his head after he heard her words, licking his lips and letting her voice settle in his mind – even if he wanted to believe her and her gentle tone, he couldn’t; his mind was much too stubborn to let him believe anything that didn’t make him hurt, that meant that this death wasn’t his fault. His mind’s standard is pain, nothing else – it was what he’d been taught to seemingly withstand; yet, no matter how much training he’d have, he would still feel part of his soul get away each time he executed someone. “I know just how messy and complicated things can be.” Liam simply said.

Her correction made his eyebrows shoot up as he tilted his head to the side a bit, looking at the blonde – seemingly innocent but with a fire that burned as bright as the sun within her. Perhaps that’s what drew him to her, though even to a smart man like him, not even he could pinpoint exactly why it was that she had so much of his attention all at once.”You didn’t. But I told you I could manage and last I checked, I’m the one that makes the calls here.” The blond replied.

I want you by my side. That sentence echoed in his mind – he was now more than sure that it was fear talking, maybe the painkillers she had been given, nothing else. A girl with every reason in the world to hate him and his family was asking him to stay and that alone told him that it was just for the night; that tomorrow she’d go back to hating him – he couldn’t let himself get attached. Liam said nothing, though he thought a lot, as he sat down next to her, looking at the room and the silence around them. “Will you rest now?”

[maestitia]

"There's never a simple answer. My...my father told me once that guilt is only ever a matter of opinion. It’s always the heaviest hearts that choose to bear the most of it because they're like...abuse victims who can’t imagine life without the pain though it is all but unbearable.” So many words in swift conjunction left her gasping for air, but she didn’t regret it. She could see it in the way he carried himself, in the way he spoke denial with alcohol staining his breath; there was guilt on his shoulders so heavy that it threatened to fracture him apart. She could only hope--in a way that confused her more than anything else--that her tired hands would be enough to hold him together.

She frowned at his response, lips curling downward with slight frustration. “No, you’re not,” she said simply. “Maybe with your men you call the shots, but you and me? We’re equals.” She’d said that from the day she arrived and though her tone was quieter now, she did not mean it with any less conviction. “I don’t want you hurting yourself, accidentally or not.” Another coughing fit gripped her and she pressed one hand to her stitched up throat in an attempt to ease some of the pain that came from speaking so much against the doctor’s orders. 

Finally, he conceded and she was glad to see it. Setting the bottle she’d still been holding down on the beside table away from him, she leaned up against him. Bloodstained hair fell down in front of her face, splaying across him as well and she could only hope that he wouldn’t mind. “Promise me you won’t start drinking as soon as I fall asleep?” She questioned, looking up at him as best as she could through heavy lidded blue eyes.

[diarthus-blog]

two to tango | liam&caroline

[diarthus-blog]

Her words automatically made him think that she had guilt demons of her own, he couldn’t help but wonder what plagued her mind, what kept her awake. “The longer you stay here, the longer you’ll realize that it is.” Liam told her though his eyes never met her as he spoke. To Liam, there were no half faults, there were no situation’s outcome which didn’t have anyone at the center of the guilt station. He didn’t let his guilt ridden mind get overwhelmed when he ordered a hit yet when he killed someone personally, that was a whole different story – he didn’t know why, however.

When she called out to him, his eyebrows furrowed for a fraction of a second before he stopped on his tracks, turning to her and wondering what had come over her to make him stay for longer than he really needed to. He expected her to want as much distance between them as she could get; after all, he had just killed a man, she surely knew that. Could she actually be feeling happy he did kill the man that put her in that state? Could that be why she wanted him there? Either way, he didn’t know what to do. 

“I’ve walked around drunk before you were here, Caroline. I can manage.” He spoke over her. His voice and thoughts came to a halt when she asked him to sit right by her – was she still groggy from the pills or had she actually gone insane because of what she had been through? He wanted to sit right by her, he really did. He walked towards her and stood right in front of her, crossing his arms and looking down. “You should rest. I’ll be fine. I’d say you don’t have to worry but you don’t. You almost died and you don’t want to be alone, that’s normal.” Been there, done that, though being alone was what he was best at. “But you don’t really want me by your side.”

[maestitia]

She shook her head, glancing down for a moment before back up at him. “Maybe the longer I’m here, you’ll realize that it isn’t. Things are...complicated and messy sometimes.” Sure, Liam had pulled the trigger, but could he really bear the whole guilt for the incident? Some of it had to fall on her for being careless and unable to defend herself. Then some fell on the guy who had killed Sam and, of course, so much fell on her attacker for being violent and unreasonable. There was plenty of guilt to go around and it was unfair for him to think that it all lay on his shoulders.

His confusion at her reaction was expected and she mirrored it in herself. Half the things that were coming from her at the moment were fueled by pain and exhaustion more than any actual logic. She feared she might regret it later, but of all the thing she feared, that terror ranked low and was practically forgotten the wake of her need not to be alone. She trusted his men, certainly, but they hadn’t been the ones that saved her. Even if he had to bear the brunt of the guilt for the man’s death, Caroline was endlessly grateful for what Liam had done.

“I didn’t ask if you could manage,” she corrected him, voice soft despite the harshness of the pain that permeated it. His protest was not the one she had been prepared for and so there was a long pause as she re-found her words. “Sit,” she instructed, dragging her chapped bottom lip between her teeth as she nodded towards the area once more. “I want you by my side.” Her words were an echo of his, a reformation into something positive instead of negative.

[diarthus-blog]

two to tango | liam&caroline

[diarthus-blog]

Her words made him curious and so he furrowed his eyebrows, wondering what lied behind her words, what story tainted her soul with sadness he was sure she did not deserve. Good people didn’t deserve bad things and yet there were a lot of them that got pain left and right – if Liam believed in karma he might just call himself stupid and be done with his own mind. If karma was truly a thing, half the people he had heard about would never have gotten in the kind of trouble they had. It was an unfair world and he’d rather come on top, it was the survival of the fittest and his father never really gave him a choice – it was kill or be killed. And Liam would always choose the first one.

“Blaming yourself for someone’s death and being the reason one’s dead are not the same thing –” he began saying, narrowing his eyes before he continued. “They’re similar. One is not your fault and the other is.” His words were laced with the alcohol, that buzz that it brought already controlling at least a fourth of the things he said to her. There was something about the blonde that made him feel less conscious about what he said. Maybe it was because he knew she wouldn’t tell anyone in the house about what they talked about or maybe it was something else – who knew. 

Liam let out a sigh and then looked at her. “You should rest.” The blond simply said before he decided to make his way to the door, taking his sweet time to let his alcohol ridden muscles lead the way. Maybe he shouldn’t leave her alone, something could happen (though that’s why he had employees with her at all times), but he doubted anything good would come out of a possible conversation they might have.

[maestitia]

Though Caroline would be the first to admit that sometimes she harbored resentment towards people--Liam, of course, being one such person--she also genuinely believed that no one deserved suffering more than another. There were some in the world that she would gladly concede needed to face punishment for crimes committed, but even they didn’t deserve mindless suffering. “Sometimes fault isn’t black and white,” she rasped, trying to to let her thoughts linger on her guilt and the child that never was.

“Wait!” She wasn’t sure what possessed her to speak up when he moved to leave, especially with the fact that the exertion sent her into an agonizing coughing fit. Maybe it was the fear that something would happen to her if she was left alone or maybe it was something else borne out of the pain and exhaustion. Either way, she knew she wanted him there, even in his current state that left her heart clenching painfully.

Once she regained her voice--or at least the rasping mess that she was currently calling a voice--she tried to find a justification for her reaction. “I...” Don’t want to be alone was supposed to come out next, but she couldn’t force it out. “You shouldn’t be walking around drunk. Y-you’ll...hurt yourself. Sit,” she offered, nodding towards the empty space on her bed that her small body didn’t occupy. “Just for a little bit.”

[diarthus-blog]

two to tango | liam&caroline

[diarthus-blog]

“Having someone die at my party would create a reputation not even I would want to deal with.” He excused; of course it wasn’t the reason he hadn’t let her bleed to death right on the stage set up just for the party that had happened – caring, however small the percentage was, made her a target. That was made obvious that night and she had only been there for not even a week. Liam would always try to save her life and how many more he could of the people he cared for – until one day, when he wouldn’t be able to. Then what?

Liam rolled his empty blue eyes at her when she picked the bottle up. He turned around and ran a hand down his face, trying not to let his frustration and anger come out at a bad moment, just like that one. He would just have to accept that two thirds of a bottle would be enough for that night – he needed someone to put a limit on him, otherwise one more empty bottle would be added to the pile of them he had in his office. Liam looked at her before he walked over to the window and leaned over, looking out at the darkness that had settled outside his mansion. 

After a bit of silence, of him just looking outside, he spoke. “Have you ever taken someone’s life?” he asked, not taking his eyes off of the view before him. His voice was but a mumble.

[maestitia]

She couldn’t argue with his point, but she still suspected there was more to it than just keeping up appearances. However, even with all her observations in the brief time she had been living with him, she didn’t know enough to guess the precise inner workings of his mind. Though, one thing she did know was that it was probably smarter not to press that issue further and to instead just let him believe that she believed in his excuses. 

Blue eyes watched him carefully as he walked over to the window, using the chance to shift and sit up further on the bed. All movements were slow for the time being so she had barely gotten herself to a proper sitting position when he spoke. The words were far from expected, but she traced them back to a half remembered gunshot that she had feared had been meant for her. It seemed that it had found its mark in someone else--hopefully the man who had put her in the state she was currently in. Caroline felt awful for hoping that, but even the purest of people feel resentment sometimes and she felt her distaste for the stranger was valid.

There was a long silence as she searched for the words in her damaged throat, voice cracking as she finally spoke. “Not...in the way you’re referring to, but I know what it’s like to have the...” She had to stop speaking for a moment, taking slow, deep breaths to get past the pain that each syllable brought her. “...to have the weight of a death on my conscience.”