Behind My Eyes (2)
bob floyd x f!reader
summary: After coming to terms with your feelings for Bob, you try everything in your power to ignore them until realizing just how difficult of a task it is to do.
tags/warnings: angst, friends to lovers, slow-ish burn, mentions of supergirl but no spoilers
word count: 10.1k
part one
"Okay, what's going on with you?"
The sound of Phoenix's voice managed to drag your attention away from your drink that you were mindlessly stirring for the past ten minutes. It was the only thing keeping you from ogling at Bob across the bar playing pool with Rooster and Fanboy.
"Hm?"
"You're acting âI don't knowâdifferent lately?"
Your heart rate spiked. There was no way Phoenix knew about your new feelings for Bob.
It had been three weeks since he came over to take care of you when you had food poisoning and you realized just how much you actually felt for him.
But you had been so careful about hiding it. Or at least you thought you had. You acted normal for the most part but started slowly distancing yourself from Bob as the days passed on. You didn't realize how hard it is to be your normal self when you're acting as your normal self.
So, you put space between you and Bob in small ways. Whenever the squad visited the Hard Deck, you tried talking to everyone else more so that you had an excuse to sit away from Bob. Not far enough to make it obvious, but just enough for you to not have a heart attack because Bob accidentally brushed your arm. You gradually lessened the amount you were drinking so that Bob didn't have to take your drunk self home.
Everything was fine, handled even. No one should have suspected a thing. But apparently Phoenix did.
Your eyes met hers across the table while you tried your best to stay composed.
"Different how?"
Her eyes searched your face, clearly knowing that there was more behind your indifference.
"There's just something off. I don't know how to describe it but I just feel it. You've been spacing out a lot more recently and-"
The rest of her words faded into the background as Bob and Fanboy made their way back to the table you and Phoenix were at. You couldn't stop your eyes from flitting over to Bob who was adamantly shaking his head at whatever Fanboy was telling him. As the pair stopped in front of you, Natasha paused what she was saying after hearing the pair's bickering.
However, you remained tuned out of the conversation. In fact, you entered some sort of trance because of the fact that Bob offered you a small smile before reaching for your soda to finish the last bit of it.
You guys shared things all the time, it was completely normal. Food, drinks, clothes. But this time you found it particularly difficult to take your eyes away from his lips that wrapped around the straw you were drinking from only minutes ago. The normal action feeling strangely intimate.
Thankfully, no one noticed.
"Scope tell him."
Suddenly three pairs of eyes focused on you.
"Huh?"
A burn started to creep into your face and you hoped that no one caught you enthralled by your best friend.
"Can you please tell Bob to go up to that pretty girl who's been eyeing him since he walked in here."
"She has not been eyeing me," Bob interjected.
Rooster slid into the empty side of the bench beside you. "Yes she has. I thought she was staring at me until I saw her eyes on you during your turn."
Fanboy's arm reached out in an I told you so manner. Bob's face reddened as he just shook his head while the boys around him groaned.
Your heart plummeted to the floor.
You've known Bob for a very long time. You thought you knew him better than you did yourself. Which is why you can tell that his bashfulness isn't just a result of the teasing, but because he actually thinks he doesn't have a shot with whoever this girl is.
"Who's the girl?" Your voice was quiet, quieter than you intended.
No one seemed to notice except for Phoenix who threw a sidelong glance your way. You tried brushing it off.
Fanboy twisted to look over his shoulder, eyes scanning the busy crowd before settling on the direction of the bar.
"The one talking to Penny right now."
Your eyes found her in no time.
And you wished they hadn't.
She was the coolest looking girl you've ever seen, basically the definition of it. Her oversized leather jacket paired with knee high boots and a black mini-skirt looked like they came straight off of Pinterest. Not to mention her gorgeous gold jewelry stack that complimented her skin tone perfectly. Oh, and she also had the prettiest smile.
Fantastic.
Putting your jealousy aside, you realized that this might be good for you. You wanted these feelings to be gone and what better way to do that than by setting up Bob with this annoyingly stunning girl.
Which explains why you were doing what you were about to do.
"Just give me a second."
Watching you push Rooster out of the way to get up from your seat, Bob panicked. He tried grabbing your arm to stop you, which prompted you to swat at him before carrying on.
You leaned against the bar and stood beside the girl. Penny's attention on you paused their conversation.
"Hey sweetie, what can I get for you? A vodka cran?"
"No no. I'll just have another lemonade please."
"Sure thing."
With Penny off to make your drink, you focused on what you came to do. You tried to act as casual as possible, opting to grab the girl's attention by complimenting her.
"Hey, I love your boots!"
Facing you, she offered an all too perfect smile.
"Aw thank you! I've worn them for forever. The heel is bound to pop off at any second."Her effortless giggle and voice matched her perfectly.
"Pft- can't even notice." You stuck your hand out. "I'm Scope by the way, nice to meet you."
Taking your hand in hers to shake, her smile widened. "Ah, is that another call sign? I've been hearing fun names all day around here."
"Yes ma'am. I take it you're not from here?" Although you tried to ignore it, there was a small part of you that hoped she wasn't and was just visiting.
Her head shook. "Nope, but I did just move here recently. I'm Corina by the way but you can just call me Cori."
Just then Penny came back with your drink.
"Thanks Pen. Um, just put it on Hangman's tab, he owes me." You winked and she just laughed in response, nodding before tending to other customers.
Drink in hand, you took a sip before deciding that it was time to work your wing-woman magic.
"Listen Cori, I have to get back to my friends, "you nudged your head in their direction," but you can totally come with. I know you're new here and it can be hard trying to find your footing with people, but they're great."
You saw her eyes flick over to the table the group occupied before agreeing to go.
"Yeah, that would be really nice actually."
"Great let's go."
You two spoke for a bit about how she's liking the town before reaching everyone.
Everyone's eyes were on you and you finally took the time to look over at Bob who's face was as red as a tomato. Fanboy was beside him, tryingâand failingâto hide his entertained smirk.
"Hey everyone. This is Cori, she just moved here."
Everyone made their introductions with Bob being the last.
"H-hi." Oh lord bless his heart. "I'm Bob it's, um, it's nice to meet you."
"Oh? And what's your fun call sign."
Bob opened and quickly closed his mouth, embarrassed at the answer. His eyes quickly panned down to the floor before forcing himself to maintain eye contact."It's just..Bob."
Fanboy and Rooster snickered beside you to which you smacked them over the heads for.
Cori laughed at your action, making you wish you hadn't done it just so that you wouldn't have to see the slight widening of Bob's smile at the sound.
After all the introductions were had, you scooted into the space next to Rooster. Fanboy took the seat beside Phoenix, leaving Bob to stand next to Cori.
You all tried to carry a conversation of your own, totally not eavesdropping.
Cori did most of the talking while Bob tried to not be an awkward adorable mess. But she wasn't turned away by his shyness in the slightest. If anything, she looked like she knew him forever, eliciting laughs easily from him.
After a few minutes, Bob decided to be the gentlemen he is and grabbed two seats from a nearby table, placing them at the end of the table.
He pulled the chair back for Cori, making the boys raise their eyebrows at each other. Phoenix hid her smile behind her drink she brought to her lips.
"So Cori, where are you from?" Phoenix asked.
"San Francisco, so I'm not new to California just the city."
Fanboy chimed in. "Oh yeah? What made you come all the way down here?"
"Just to be closer to family. My sister moved down here because her wife's an engineer and does some stuff for the navy. Don't ask me about the specifics though, I just nod along whenever she tries to explain it to me."
The group chuckled. Cori was so easy going, you almost forgot the reason she was here was because she was into Bob.
"What's been you're favorite thing since moving here?" you asked.
Cori's elbow rested on the table, hand placed under her chin. Bob looked absolutely mesmerized by her. A look you believed he'd never give youâpart of you hoping he never would just so that your friendship could remain in tact.
"Mmm, definitely being closer to my sister. We've been apart for a few years and she's my best friend. She also just had a baby and I don't want to miss a second of his life."
Everyone's heart melted.
"And you know," Cori turned her head to Bob, "the boys are pretty cute here too." She winked at him and you think Bob was nearing a heart attack. Cori seemed to be reveling in making him squirm.
And everyone else at the table? They were having a field day at Bob's reaction. Bob sent glares at each of them.
It was getting pretty hard to stomach witnessing Bob's giddiness. You were happy for him, but you think you bit off a little more than you could chew. Seeing them hit it off so much just left a sick feeling in your stomach.
So, you decided to call it a night. Standing up from the table you gathered your things.
"Hey Bubs," for what felt like the first time that night Bob gave you his full attention, "do you want my lemonade? I'm gonna head out and can't finish it."
"Oh uh sure."
You handed him the lemonade and started bidding your goodbyes to everyone. Surprisingly, Cori stood up from her seat, going in for a hug.
"It was so great meeting you Scope, hope to see you around more."
You wrapped your arms around her, shocked once again by her open kindness.
"Me too, hope you have fun. And tell the rest of the boys I said bye too. Also tell Hangman that he may or may not have bought me and Bob a lemonade."
Before you walked off, Phoenix started pushing Fanboy in order to get up from her side of the table. "I'll walk you out."
It wasn't uncommon for you guys to walk each other to your cars so you didn't suspect anything of it.
Stepping into the fresh air was just what you needed. Your shoulders relaxed and you felt like you could finally breathe. The cool air filled your lungs and while you were absorbed in the distraction, you were completely unaware of Phoenix analyzing your every move.
When the two of you reached your car, you prepared to say your final goodnight when you took in the look on Phoenix's face.
Oh no.
"What?"
She leaned her back against your door, keeping you from avoiding the conversation. She shook her head staring at you. Her expression carrying a mix of amusement and pity.
"How long?" she gently questioned.
Deny. Deny. Deny.
You scoffed, "What are you talking about?"
She gave you a look to stop acting coy.
You sighed, knowing that there was no amount of deflecting that would get her to drop it. You buried your face in your hands, too embarrassed to actually admit it out loud.
"Since his party," you mumbled.
You were scared of Phoenix's reaction and peaked between your fingers. She just smiled before pulling your hands down and taking them in her own.
"So that's why you've been acting weird lately."
Your eyes widened. "You don't think anyone else noticed do you?"
"Ha. Guys never notice a thing. They may be allowed to go on highly classified missions but they are lost causes when it comes to emotional intelligence."
You barked out a laugh and her smiled matched yours, glad to cheer you up.
"How did you find out?" you asked.
She paused for a brief moment thinking it over. "Well, you haven't been as touchy with him lately and every time he steps next to you, you start blinking sort of fast like you're trying to focus, but then act completely normal after."
You had no idea you did that.
"Then," she continued, "as soon as Fanboy brought up Cori, you smiled bigger than you usually do. It kinda looked like it hurt to be honest."
You groaned in embarrassment.
"But what really got me was that last act of you trying to claim your territory."
Your faced dropped, mortified. "What?!"
She pitched her voice higher and batted her lashes. "Bubs can you please be my knight in shining armor and finish my lemonade that I only got because you love it. You're the only person in the whole universe who I trust to do this."
"Okay you're done." You shoved her off your car and she cackled like a maniac.
You opened the door but before you could step in she put a hand on your arm.
Her mood shifted, more serious and sincere. "But seriously, are you good? What are you gonna do? He's been your friend for, like, ever."
You paused for a moment. What were you going to do? Bob and you have always had a mutual understanding that you never had feelings for each other and that you never would.
Until now.
"I don't know. I'm not going to tell him. I know he doesn't feel the same way and I can't ruin what we have. He's the love of my life. Not even in a romantic way. He's just always been there for me and I'd die if I couldn't have him in my life just because I developed a stupid crush. I don't even remember a time where we weren't friends."
"But Scope you know him. He wouldn't cut you off just because of that."
"I know. But, the second he finds out, it's going to be awkward. There's no point in wasting energy going through that awkward phase when this crush is just going to go away on its own."
"And you're sure it's going to go away?"
"One hundred and one percent sure."
Phoenix looked unconvinced, knowing that there was more than you were letting on. But for tonight, she let it go.
- Turns out, this little crush seemed to be not going anywhere.
For two weeks, any time you were around Bob, he was constantly checking his phone. When you asked what had him all smiley, he explained that Cori and him had been texting non-stop. It basically conditioned you to want to throw up any time you saw Bob smile, even if it wasn't because of Cori.
You were happy for him, you really were. It just hurt.
The anticipation of being around him and the guilt you felt whenever you were away was becoming too much. You had trouble eating, forcing food down with your appetite gone. You couldn't sleep, tossing and turning most nights revisiting interactions you had with Bob. The butterflies kept you up, followed immediately by the guilty feeling of thinking of him that way.
And then there was movie night.
It was Bob's turn to host it at his place. The squad doesn't get to watch movies together often because of everyone's hectic schedule and need for rest after long days at work, so it's always a treat when you guys can relax together.
You were looking forward to spending time with the group, except for the fact that Cori was going.
And you didn't want to be that girl. You really liked Cori and thought she was good for Bob. So, you sucked it up and told yourself that you'd act completely normal. Bob deserves a chance at a real relationship without you messing it up.
You were usually the first one to arrive to help set up, but Bob let you know that Cori would be there early to do that so you decided not to go this time. You just let them have their time alone.
They've gone out on a few dates so far but hadn't become official yet.
Everyone was supposed to get there at eight so you decided to take your time getting ready. Tonight's dress code was superheroes because you guys were renting the new Supergirl movie. There wasn't always a dress code, only when the movie had something easy to make a theme to.
You didn't have to worry about picking an outfit. Last year, Bob and you sewed on the Superman logo onto shirts when the movie came out. You felt it was only right to wear it to watch Supergirl.
Digging around in your closet, you managed to find it neatly folded. It was the cutest baby blue tee ever. The logo was made up of a solid bright red fabric for the S, yellow gingham for the background, and white lace around the edges. To pair with it, you settled on some dark blue pj pants for maximum comfort.
After you finished changing, you reached for your phone on the bed to check the time.
7:55 p.m.
Deciding it was time to go, you grabbed a fuzzy blanket and made your way to Bob's house. The brief walk was much needed. The brisk air was refreshing and helped soothe you for the night ahead.
As you reached Bob's driveway, you saw Hangman arrive at the same time. Watching his car park, you decided to wait in fear that you would be alone with Bob and Cori if no one else arrived yet.
The second Hangman stepped out of his car, you gasped. You couldn't believe your eyes. The first thing you noticed was the little Superman cape wrapped around his neck. Then, you looked up a little higher and couldn't contain the laughter that escaped you.
On his head was the worst blonde wig you ever laid your eyes on.
"Oh my god Hangman. What is on your head?"
He walked up to you acting confused. "What?" Then pretending to suddenly realize the hair cascading down his shoulder, he just flicked it back. "Oh this? Yeah I'm trying something new, felt like switching it up."
"Uh-huh," you nodded amused.
He wrapped his arm around your shoulders while you attempted to cover your giggles with the back of your hand. "Yeah, yeah. Let's get inside."
Reaching the hardwood door, Hangman lifted his free hand to knock. Within a few seconds, the door swung open toâŠCori. It startled you to not see Bob for a split second before forcing a smile out.
"Hey Cori!"
She took the two of you in and had a wide grin at Hangman's outfit.
"Nice to see you Scope andâŠTemu Supergirl?"
Hangman's jaw dropped and you had to bite back yet another laugh.
Cori swung the door open wider and stepped aside. "Come on in. The pizza came already and I also made brownies for everyone so feel free to grab as much as you want!"
Once inside, you took in Cori's outfit and immediately felt the green monster creeping out. She dressed perfectly according to the themeâthat wasn't the issue. However, she managed to look insanely hot while doing it.
Silver bracelets and rings adorned her wrists and hands. Her baggy black jeans were low-waisted and held by the cutest black belt. For her top, she wore Superman's signature look: a white short-sleeved button up with a blue superman shirt peeking out of the unbuttoned top. And she even sported a pair of glasses. But not the black square shaped lenses that Clark Kent usually wore. No, they looked like an all too familiar pair of aviator glasses you've seen before.
Your suspicions were confirmed when Bob entered the living room without any glasses on.
His face immediately broke out into a grin seeing you and Hangman.
"Hey guys. Oh Scope we're matching!"
His finger pointed up at you with the most elated look on his face. At his words, your eyes drifted down his body. And you guys were matching exactly, down to the socks. He wore his shirt that you guys made together, dark blue pajama pants, and dark red socks.
You couldn't lie that you felt a mood boost at the fact that you guys unintentionally matched. But it didn't last long until-
"Aw that it so cute. We have to take a photo of you two. Let me grab my Polaroid camera real quick." Cori's cheerfulness made you feel worse for enjoying the coincidence.
Bob finally took in Hangman's appearance with wide eyes and a slightly dropped jaw. Jake didn't pay much attention to it, already making his way to the food and drinks.
In no time Cori came back and instructed you and Bob to stand close together.
Bob wrapped one of his arms around you in such a natural way like he had done it a thousand times, which he had. But what he was (hopefully) unaware of was the quickened beat of your heart. His scent infiltrated your system and you couldn't get enough of it. It was just so him.
After a few seconds, you realized how rigid you were standing and forced your arm to wrap around his waist. Your hand rested on the space in between his rib and stomach and it took everything in you not to focus on how lean he felt underneath. During beach outings, he always made sure to keep his shirt on. But because of all the workouts he did and his great eating habits, you knew he was secretly ripped just like all the other guys under there.
"Alright," Cori said as she aimed the camera at the two of you, "3..2..1..smile!" The flash went off.
You were quick to retract yourself from Bob and noticed the slight furrow of his brow at your eagerness to step away. He was probably just startled by how fast you moved.
Cori went to lay the photo down on the small wooden side table next to the couch. "Just give it some time to develop and we can check it out later."
You just nodded at her words when Bob's door was thrown open and everyone else in the squad came barreling.
Everyone was dressed in their comfiest looking clothes. Some had capes on, similar to Hangman, while others wore clothes with superhero logos on them. Fanboy was wearing a STAR Labs crewneck that you wanted to steal from him. Phoenix wore pajama pants that had the batman logo printed all over them. Payback had a Spiderman shirt on.
This was going to be such a fun night.
They all greeted Bob and Cori and before you knew it, everyone settled down around the living room while the movie began.
Most of the guys sat on the bean bags scattered around the floor. You and Phoenix took up residence on the large recliner chair that was the comfiest thing in the world and covered yourselves under the blanket you brought. Bob and Cori sat on the middle of the couch looking awfully comfortable under a blanket of their own.
Thankfully, you didn't have to spend much time focused on them because the movie began.
Or so you thought because you happened to forget one very important detail. You loved looking at Bob's reactions during scenes. Any time you freaked out, so would he. Any time you laughed, so would he. And any time you teared up, guess what, so would he.
It was muscle memory at this point. You guys have done it for forever, even if you weren't sat next to each other. Your eyes were like magnets.
So when something from the movie made you immediately search for his reaction, you were greeted with him whispering with Cori, barely paying attention to the movie at all. A pit formed in your stomach and you tried ignoring it.
For the rest of the movie, you exercised all of your mental power on not looking at him. You still enjoyed your time though. The film was great and it always filled your heart being surrounded by the people you loved.
But you were drained by the end of it to say the least. So when the movie ended and everyone decided to rewatch an old action movie, it didn't take long before you dozed off.
You woke up to a hand gently shaking you awake and you groaned at the feeling.
At Bob's soft chuckle you abruptly sat up, still half asleep but aware enough to know that you should not be sleeping. Your eyes squinted opened before your palms came up to rub away the sleep from them.
"Did the movie finish?" you mumbled, still feeling disoriented.
"Yup, everyone's gone home too. They wanted to say bye but you wouldn't budge."
Oh wow, you must've been really tired. You guessed it was from all of the pretending you've been doing these past few weeks that has taken more energy from you than you thought.
A big yawn escaped from your lips, causing your eyes to water. "Guess I should head home," you said, pushing the blanket to the side.
"You don't want to spend the night?" he softly offered.
"No, that's okay. I wanna sleep in my bed." You declined, though not because you actually wanted to walk home. You've spent the night a ton of times, but right now you didn't trust yourself to maintain your composure for when you would hear Bob's husky voice in the morning.
"Okay," he said before walking to put on his shoes by the doorway.
"What are you doing?" you questioned.
He just shrugged like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I'm not letting you walk home alone."
"Bob it's not even that far. I'll text you the second I touch my driveway."
Your attempts are futile as Bob ignores your protests. "C'mon get your stuff I'll wait for you outside."
You huff out a breath before folding your blankets and shoving your feet into your sneakers. Just before you were about to walk out the door, you felt like you were forgetting something. You surveyed the living room one last time and just as you were about to convince yourself that you were making the feeling up, you saw the face down polaroid photo resting in the same spot it was left.
You grabbed it and shoved it in your pocket without checking it first, opting to look at it with Bob instead. Now that you were completely certain that you weren't forgetting anything else, you met Bob outside and started the short journey to your place.
He looked so sleepy and the tip of his nose was already red from the chilly night. He didn't think to grab a sweater before the two of you left so you unraveled your soft blanket and wrapped it around his shoulders.
He was surprised at first before grabbing the sides and pulling it tighter around his body.
Unfortunately for you, you had also forgotten a sweater. It didn't take long for goosebumps to rise on your skin, causing you to try to discreetly rub the sides of your arms.
Of course Bob noticed, ever the observant man. So it didn't really catch you off guard when he stretched open the arm closest to you, beckoning you to envelop yourself inside the blanket with him.
Your heart raced, and you wanted to reject his offer, but you were scared he'd grow suspicious of your actions. So, you reluctantly wrapped an arm around his waist as his went around your shoulders, effectively covering the two of you with the blanket.
His body heat radiated a warmth that you wished solely belonged to you. Despite yourself, you nuzzled deeper into his side when a breeze blew by. You refused to look up at him, though, keeping your gaze firmly ahead on the sidewalk.
"So what did you think of the movie?" he asked in a raspy voice that made you want to go weak at the knees.
"I actually really liked it. Some of the moments definitely had me choked up."
He chuckled at your admission. "Yeah same here."
"Really? You were talking with Cori the whole time I didn't think you were paying much attention."
You don't know why you said it. You also didn't mean for it to come out as harshly as it did. You forced yourself to look up and gauge Bob's reaction, ready to say anything to smooth over your comment.
You expected him to look confused, but instead, you were greeted with his small down turned smile and reddened cheeks. Was he embarrassed?
"Yeah, I guess we were talking a little too much. It's just," his eyes met yours, "she's really great. It's like any time she speaks I'm hanging on her every word waiting to see what she'll say next."
Thankfully, Bob was too focused on his interactions with Cori to even notice the tone in your voice. Unfortunately, that meant you had to see the gleam in his eye as he spoke about her.
"You really like her huh?" you asked so quietly, bracing for the answer.
"I think so, yeah. I mean, we still haven't known each other for a long time, but I'm trying to focus on the present, and right now it feels really good being with her."
And in this moment, under the gentle glow of the street lamps and a hushed conversation shared between two childhood best friends did your heart completely shatter. All the air was sucked from your lungs and it took everything in you to keep the tears from welling in your eyes.
Just wait until you're home.
You questioned how much longer you could keep this up forâthe pretending everything was fine and plastering a fake smile when you were around Bob. Because it wasn't just when you were around Cori that hurt. It was him.
Because you were tired. Tired of being riddled with guilt every time you looked forward to an interaction with him. Tired of finding the line between acting normal and doing your best to not overstep. Tired of not being able to be yourself around the person who always felt like home to you.
The weight of his arm around you began to feel less comforting by the second and more like it was burning you through your clothes.
Just when you felt like you couldn't hold it in any longer, the two of you made it to your apartment.
Bob untangled the two of you from the blanket and neatly rolled it up before handing it to you.
"Thank you for walking me even though I was perfectly capable of doing it on my own."
Just as he was about to say something in rebuttal, a light bulb looked like it went off in his brain.
"Oh shoot! You know what we forgot?"
You hummed in curiosity.
"We forgot the polaroid that Cori took. Dang, I wanted to look at it together."
You couldn't help but grin at his disappointment. "Actually, it's your lucky day." You reached into the pocket the photo was in and pulled it out, amused at Bob's confusion. "I grabbed it before I left your house, and don't worry, I haven't looked at it yet."
A soft giggle left your parted lips seeing Bob's excitement.
He took the photo from your hand, sandwiching it in between his own. He moved to the side of you before asking if you were ready. When you nodded, he carefully lifted the hand on top of the photo.
It was the most precious photo ever. Bob's smile was the prettiest thing in the world, something you wished could be ingrained in your memory forever. Despite the discomfort you felt taking the photo, you couldn't tell by looking at it.
But of course your mind had to go and sour the sweet moment. Thoughts of Bob's wide grin being caused because of Cori behind the camera and other insecure ideas kept racing through your mind.
"Do you mind if I keep it?" he asked. "I want to put it in that photo album I have."
"Sure, I don't mind."
With your permission, he carefully tucked it away into his pocket.
"Alright Bob I'm gonna head up now, thanks again for the walk."
Just as you were about to step away from his side, he opened his arm for a goodbye hug. You were foolish to think Bob would let you go without giving you one.
So, you sucked it up and went into the side hug, which you decided was a big mistake when you felt his lips press against the side your temple. Your eyes closed automatically and you allowed yourself the selfish pleasure of basking in his touch.
He released you a second later, already starting his walk back home.
"Goodnight Scope."
You wasted no time rushing to get inside your apartment. After closing the door behind you, you slid down it and brought your knees to you chest.
It was the first time you allowed yourself to feel everythingâall the hurt, tiredness, and confusion from these past weeks. Your sobs came out in erratic bursts and you struggled to control your breathing. The tears felt never ending.
At some point you managed to drag yourself up to brush your teeth and get in bed, the tears flowing the entire time.
As you lay in bed you came to the realization that you had to tell Bob about your feelings. Not to try to win him over or anything, just so that he understood why you were acting the way that you were. It scared you, but you knew that your current course of action wasn't necessarily sustainable for your relationship either.
And so it was decided. When it was the right time, you'd tell him.
- A week passed and you still didn't tell Bob about your feelings. The worst part is that he was definitely starting to catch on.
It's not like you were being subtle about it though. During work you only spoke to him when you had to, which was usually while you guys were up in the air or prepping for a flight. When it was lunch time, you sat as far away from him as you could, making sure to look as busy as possible in a conversation with someone, or having your head deep into a book. You noticed each time he wanted to approach you and every time he did, you avoided eye contact and quickly busied yourself.
Now it was Friday and you couldn't wait for a weekend of not worrying about Bob.
You'd gotten home a few hours ago, took a nice long shower, cooked a simple meal, and settled onto the sofa with your favorite movie on. It was absolute heaven.
Your phone pinged beside you and you grabbed it without thinking much.
You almost threw your phone when you realized it was a message from Bob. There goes you Bob-free weekend.
From Bubs: Hey for tomorrow is it okay if we try this new cafe place? It's not around the usual spot we go to but it just opened and I've been wanting to try it
Tomorrow? What was tomorrow?
Oh my god. No, it couldn't be this weekend. What day even is it?
You pulled up the calendar on your phone and, sure enough, the first Saturday of the month was tomorrow.
Okay, no biggie. This just meant that tomorrow would be the perfect opportunity to tell Bob how you feel about him. Just the thing that you've been waiting for.
Your thumbs hovered above your phone, ready to type out your response.
Yeah that's totally fine, see you then!
It was ready to be sent. And then you deleted it, quickly typing another response without thinking before you hit send.
From You: I'm so sorry I completely forgot lunch was tomorrow
From You: I just got my period and have been having the worst cramps, is it okay if we i take a rain check?
You were not on your period.
However, it was the most believable thing you could think of since you knew that Bob understood how painful your cramps can be when they got bad.
His response was instant.
From Bob: Yeah do not worry about it at all, please let me know if you need anything. Hope you feel better Scope
Before you could overthink it any longer, you tossed your phone to the side and wallowed in your disappointment.
You were a chicken. No doubt about it. You just couldn't bring yourself to do it, not yet at least. You just needed a little more time. You'd tell him the following weekend for sure.
The following morning you decided that you were going to have a little self care day. Something just by yourself to clear your mind and get away from the Bob related anxieties.
You decided to go visit a book store that's on the opposite side of town from where you and Bob usually frequented together, just as a precaution. It was also by your favorite ice cream place so you didn't mind.
After grabbing a cone of ice cream, you roamed around the bookstore for a while before ending up in the music section at the back of the store. It wasn't a particularly busy day, which you were happy about.
After finding nothing that piqued your interest, you walked around mindlessly through the isles, looking down each one you passed in case anything piqued your interest.
You made it to the contemporary romance section when a man who was bent over looking at the covers caught your eye. You would have kept walking except for the fact that it was the exact man you were avoiding.
You've got to be kidding.
You were ready to bolt once you realized, but Bob lifted his head in your direction after noticing you presence.
His eyebrows furrowed and his mouth was agape as he straightened himself back up.
"Scope, wha-"
Before he could continue asking the obvious question of what you were doing there when you were supposed to be at home feeling terrible, you bolted.
Okay, it definitely wasn't one of your proudest moments, but your instincts kicked in before the logical side of your brain could.
Bob tried to follow but you kept weaving through the isles until you managed to exit the store. Once outside, you booked it to your car and didn't look back once.
It was truly ridiculous.
You drove home and your thoughts were racing a mile a minute.
What was he doing there? Either of you never went to that spot often, only on occasion when you were craving that specific ice cream place.
And what were you going to say to him when you inevitably face him? Hey sorry I totally bailed on our plans, I just couldn't be with you alone because then I would have to admit the fact that I have a massive crush on you?
Right.
So your request to transfer will be filled out by today actually.
You reached your apartment and dove straight into your couch to wallow in self pity. Because seriously, what was that?
If Bob didn't suspect a thing before, he definitely does now. So much for a self care day.
A few minutes passed before impatient sounding knocks on your door sounded through the apartment.
There was no doubt that it was Bob on the other side. Maybe if you ignored it, he'd go away?
The knocks remained persistent.
"Scope I know you're in there. I saw your car, open the door."
You buried your face in shame further into a pillow. "No go away!" you shouted, though it came out muffled.
The knocking stopped and it was silent for a few seconds.
"Scope, did I do anything wrong. Please tell me if I did. Just let me in so we can talk." It was the waver and uncertainty in Bob's voice that got you. He didn't even sound upset at your blatant lying. He just wanted to know what was wrong, what's been causing this slow growing rift between the two of you.
A heavy sigh left your lips before you got up to unlock the door. You didn't even look at Bob when it opened, the floor becoming entirely too interesting.
You closed the door once he stepped inside and took your sweet time before turning to face him. You leaned against the door for support, crossing your arms in an attempt to be as small as you felt.
Bob stood a few feet in front of you, confusion and worry etched in his features.
He was the first to break the silence. "Scope," his voice gentle, "what is going on?"
You picked at your thumb. "Nothing, I just went out because I was feeling better."
"Oh really, all the way across town?"
"Yes really." Your reply wasn't as convincing as you'd hope.
"Then look me in the eyes and say everything is okay between us. Because, we've been off for, like, a while now. I haven't said anything because I thought it was just in my head but now you- you're hiding from me now? Running away?"
But you couldn't. You couldn't stare into the deep blue eyes you've loved since you could remember and lie. Not about this.
You dragged your eyes up to meet his, and you couldn't help the tears that started to well in your eyes. Your lip quivered as you tried to hold everything in.
At you reaction, Bob's confusion diminished and was replaced with concern.
"Hey hey, you're okay." He closed the gap between you two, stepping forward to rub a gentle hand up and down your arm while taking your face with the other.
His softness made you crumble. You leaned into his palm, calloused from all the training. His face was just inches away, staring at you with all the love in the world. Just not the type you wished it was.
You tried to get words out but all that came out was a stifled sob.
Bob's eyes softened. You buried your head into the crook of his neck as your body folded into his. He moved his hand to cradle the back of your head.
"Shh it's okay, just breathe. Take your time."
The tears wouldn't stop spilling but after a few minutes, you found your voice.
"I'm sorry Bob. I'm so sorry I didn't mean for this to happen."
He pulled back a little, forcing you to lift your head.
"What are you talking about sweetheart?" his tone gentle, afraid to cause you further distress.
You shut your eyes and fidgeted with your hands while you tried to focus on the soothing hand rubbing your back.
Here goes nothing.
"I, um, I have feelings for you Bob. I- I've had them for a little bit now and I didn't know how to tell you."
You felt his hand on your back stop and his body go tense. You slowly opened your eyes and braced for his reaction.
You could tell that his mind was racing, trying to understand if he heard you correctly. He quickly noticed the fear evident on your face, the wobble of you lips, and the redness of your eyes. He immediately softened again and just as he was about to speak, you cut him off, afraid to hear what he had to say.
"I thought it would just go away on its own so I didn't think anything of it. But it didn't. And now you're with Cori, which I am so happy about I promise. It's just, I don't know, it hurts more than I thought it would. I was going to tell you once I realized I couldn't hold it in anymore, but I just never felt ready and-"
You were rambling at this point, saying anything and everything to avoid Bob's response.
It was only when Bob took your fidgeting hands in his own that you stopped. Your eyes darted around Bob's face. You were surprised to be greeted with a small endearing smile.
"What are you doing right now, what's happening with your face?"
He chuckled and shook his head at you. "Scope, it's okay. We're okay."
"We are?"
"Yes, we are. And I know you wouldn't do anything to purposefully hurt me."
"I wouldn't Bob. I tried everything I could to get over it but I didn't know what to do."
"I get that," he reassured,"It must have been terrifying."
You blew out a puff of air. "You have no idea."
"But I just want you to know that this doesn't change how I see you Scope," he added more seriously this time, "You are my best friend in the whole wide world and nothing you could ever do will make me love you any less. I don't know how to navigate us from here, but I want to. I never want to lose you."
And there was the rejection. You expected your heart to tear in two but if anything, you felt relieved. It hurt like hell, but still, Bob didn't want to distance himself from you.
"You know you could have told me at any time right?" he asked.
You nodded. "I know. But I guess I don't know really, I just couldn't do it. You're so happy with Cori and I didn't want to do anything that would mess it up for the sake of getting it off my chest. It felt selfish."
He stared at you for a minute before pulling you into a hug that you relaxed into. You didn't feel entirely weightless. Something still tugged at you that you couldn't quite pinpoint, but you ignored it for now, reveling in the fact that Bob was taking it well.
The two of you just stood there for a little while. It had been weeks since you guys have felt like yourselves and it seemed like you guys missed each other more than you thought. Even though Bob wasn't aware of your inner turmoil, he still felt your slow absence and careful actions.
The two of you pulled away and moved over to the couch. You situated yourselves on opposite ends only because of how small it was.
"So how do you want to move on from here?"
You honestly weren't sure. Bob had taken everything well and you were finally able to get your feelings out into the open.
"Can we just go back to normal and forget this whole thing happened?"
Bob studied you, skeptical at your rush to move forward.
"Are you sure Scope? I can give you space and time to process everything if you need."
"No!" you quickly replied. "This is exactly what I wanted to avoid by telling you. I don't want to worry about us going through some awkward phase. I just want to go back to how they were before."
"I get that, but are you sure you're ready for that? If you were feelingâŠ" he paused, trying to find the words, "âŠhurt by my relationship with Cori, won't it still make you feel that way? I don't want to force you to pretend to be okay around me Scope. I don't want to hurt you."
Oh sweet Bob had a point.
"I'll be okay Bob, don't worry."
He was hesitant but ultimately decided to take your word for it.
"Okay, but you have to promise me you'll talk to me if you feel weird or anything. You can't run away this time."
"I promise I'll tell you."
"Nuh uh," he shook his head unsatisfied before holding his hand up to you. "You have to pink swear."
You rolled your eyes at his childish antics. "Bob wha-"
"Uh uh you have to it's the only way I'll know you're serious."
"Because of a pinky promise," you deadpanned.
"Yup. You've never broken one before and I know you're not going to break that streak."
It's true. Although, to be fair the last time the two of you pink swore something was when the two of you were twelve, but the sentiment still stands.
You reluctantly raised your pinky and linked it around his before connecting your thumbs at the top.
After dropping your hands and being free from the burden of hiding your feelings, there was still one question on your mind.
"Bob, how come you were at the bookstore today? We rarely go."
"Oh well you said you were on your period and I wanted to get you a pint of your favorite ice cream from the place next door. But, I made a pit stop at the bookstore and was checking around for a book you've been talking about wanting to read as a surprise."
If you were to look up the definition of sweet, you're pretty sure a photo of Bob would be front and center. You couldn't handle it and were reminded once again why you developed feelings for the man sitting in front of you.
How in the world were you going to get over him?
- Bob gave you space the rest of the weekend.
Monday morning wasn't entirely bad, a little awkward but not terrible. The two of you sat next to each other during briefings and your heart didn't feel like it was going to come out of your chest. You were able to have normal interactions with him without it feeling heavy.
During lunch you stopped avoiding him. He walked into the cafeteria, a little hesitant as he decided where to sit before you noticed. You jerked your head, beckoning him to sit in the empty space beside you with Coyote and Payback. He shyly took the seat and you hated the feeling that he was tip-toeing around you, but you couldn't be talking.
You tried to be mindful of your actions, still aware that your feelings hadn't magically vanished and wanting to be respectful towards him and Cori. But you had to admit that it was nice getting to talk with him again.
The two of you joked around as you ate and held decent enough conversation, trying to settle into your old rhythm yet always feeling just half a beat off.
This went on for the rest of the week, conversation happening but not feeling as natural at they once were.
Towards the end of the work day on a Wednesday, you and Phoenix were sitting under a shaded area completely drenched in sweat watching some of the guys begin their push ups just a few feet away. A few mistakes up in the air resulted in everyone having to do two hundred push ups.
You and Phoenix were the only ones to not mess up, but for team camaraderieâor whatever the heck Maverick told you guysâyou were assigned to only do a hundred alongside the rest of the team.
You were doing your best not to stare at Bob whose glistening biceps and veins were becoming more prominent by the second. Instead, you occupied yourself by playing with the zipper on your flight suit as you tried to steady your breathing. However, your eyes couldn't help but drift up to Bob every once in a while. Thankfully your sunglasses shielded your eyes.
"So how's it going with you and Bob?" You raised your attention to Phoenix as she tiredly asked her question.
You hadn't updated her much on your situation with Bob ever since that night at the Hard Deck when she found out about your feelings. But there was no doubt that she had been keeping tabs on the two of you, always raising questioning looks at you whenever you avoided Bob these past weeks.
"I told him how I felt."
Her head whipped at your confession. "You what?! How did it go?"
You divulged into the details of everything that happened, including your embarrassing little stunt of literally running away from Bob.
You couldn't look her in the eye the entire time, afraid that you'd start crying if you did.
After listening to everything, Phoenix let out a long sigh, seeming to feel exhausted from just imagining everything in her mind.
She scooted closer, wrapping and arm around you and you curled into her side resting your head on her shoulder.
"And how is it going now?"
"It's going fine." Your dismissiveness did not sit well with her. She pulled her shoulder back a fraction, forcing you to face her knowing stare.
You realized it was the same look she gave you that night at the Hard Deck when you confessed to her. While Phoenix and you haven't known eachother for as long as you and Bob have, there were moments where it felt like she knew you better than you knew yourself. This being one of them.
You slumped even further into her, afraid of admitting the fear that has quietly lingered in your mind from the moment you realized you liked Bob. You hoped that if you just ignored it, it wouldn't come to fruition. You hoped that admitting your feelings for Bob would lift the weight you carried in every interaction you had with him.
Your eyes drifted once more to Bob who was nearly done with his workout.
"I don't want to do it Nat," your voice wavered.
She rested her chin on the top of your head. "I know Scope, I know."
You allowed yourself a few more days just to be sure you were sure of your decision.
But, after catching Bob trying to hide his facial expressions any time he discreetly checked his phone and multiple conversations where he back tracked on sharing certain details, you knew it was time.
At the end of the day on Friday, the squad shared a bit of small talk before going off in their own directions towards their cars.
Bob and you had parked next to each other so the two of you were the only ones who didn't split up.
The both of you were quiet, and while this type of silence used to be the comfortable kind, there was a sort of uneasy air that filled the space.
Once you guys reached your cars, Bob offered a small nod before reaching for his door's handle.
"Bob can you hang on for a second?" His hand immediately dropped at the nerves evident in your fragile voice.
He walked back up to you, standing in front of your cars' trunks. "Yeah, what's going on?" His eyes scanned your face, trying to piece together information by the way you were biting the inside of your cheek and looking anywhere but at him.
"Well, it's just that I promised to talk to you about things this time around andâŠ" you trailed off your sentence, trying to postpone the inevitable for as long as you could.
"Yeah.." he tried to coax you to continue, "..what's going on in that head of yours sweetheart?"
"I can't do this anymore Bob."
"Do what?"
"Us," you barely managed to whisper. Tears started brimming your eyes that remained glued to the pavement beneath you.
"I think that the reason why I didn't want to tell you about the way I felt wasn't because I was scared of rejection." You tried to lift your head to look Bob in the eyes, but the second those deep ocean blues came into view, your own shut tightly as slow tears started to roll down your face.
"I, um, I was just," you were a blubbering mess trying to get it out. You inhaled deeply before just coming out with it. "I was scared I'd never get over you Bob. And I'm honestly not sure if I will, not while still trying to be your best friend."
Although you couldn't see it, his entire body froze, almost as if it knew the severity of your words before his mind could really wrap around them.
"I think I've known for a while now but I've been too scared to think about it too hard because it means that," your eyes met his, "..that we need space."
He panicked and rushed his words. "Scope, that's fine. I already told you, take all the time that you need."
"Bob but it's not- I don't know if space is all that it's going to take to fix this. To fix us."
"Scope what are you saying?"
"I'm saying that I don't know if I can be your friend Bob."
You didn't need to see his reaction to hear his heart all but break.
"Scope, don't say that. We've been together our whole lives." His eyes went red, tears threatening to spill.
"I know and I'm sorry, I really am. But, be honest Bob, we haven't been in sync for a while now and as of right now I don't see us heading that way any time soon."
It was Bob's turn to look away, unable to believe what you were saying. "So what, you're saying we can't ever be friends again? Scope I couldn't care less if you had feelings for me, I love you all the same." The hurt in his voice almost made you take everything back.
"But I do Bob," you interjected, "I care because its impacting the type of friend that I am. And I'm not sure if we can ever be close again. I just know that right now I can't. And who knows, maybe I'm overreacting and I'll get over it soon, but in the case that we don't come back from this, I just want you to know that I love you Bob. You are the most special person in my life but I just don't know if I can watch you fall in love and try to be okay. I'm sorry."
You felt like the most selfish person in the world, but you knew it was what you had to do. If there was any chance at you salvaging this friendship, you needed to take the time away now, time that didn't feel like it had a deadline that you had to meet.
You watched as Bob pursed his lips, trying to contain a sob as he brought a hand to harshly rub at the tears on his face.
He wished he was stronger for you. He knew that this was a difficult decision. Still, in this moment, no amount of naval training or workouts could make him strong enough to potentially lose his best friend forever.
He pulled you into his arms and he felt you take a second before you did the same, which shattered him. The once easy action had you hesitating. This wasn't like you guys.
He kissed the top of your head before letting out a muffled, "I love you Scope. I'll always be here if you need me."
The two of you stood in the parking lot for a few minutes before breaking apart and heading your separate ways.
Even on the drive home with your vision blurry the entire time and the strong urge to go and take back everything you said, you knew this was the right choice.
author's note: here's part two, i hope you enjoyed reading it! i really struggled with this one and honestly feel like its buns. butttt, on a more positive note, this is a special fic because i get to share that i got to see lewis pullman in person!! i was literally so starstruck at the attaboy concert and had the best time. anyways please let me know your thoughts on this one and the third part is on its way!!
tags: @cecespamz @my-name-is-baby @decaffeinatedpandabread
