You know what kills me every time I focus my eyes on Magnus during his’ and Alec’s scene in Shadowhunters 2x10? How incredibly vulnerable, incredibly hesitant, Magnus acted through almost the whole of it.
The way Magnus assumed that Alec’s distress and agitation were caused by not knowing what happened to Madzie —in other words, that he couldn’t see that he, Magnus, was the main (at that moment, the only) reason.
The way Magnus’ expression was carefully guarded through all the first part of Alec’s speech, as if he was trying to not let his hope go high. The way Magnus, even when he accepted he was terrified too, didn’t enter Alec’s personal space, only daring to touch his arm.
The way Magnus, when Alec told him that he loved him, stayed silent first, as if he couldn’t believe that was possible. The way, even when Magnus himself told Alec he loved him too, that shock and wonder were still visible on his face.
The way Magnus, even with Alec kissing him, only let himself to touch him very slowly, as if he wasn’t sure if it was okay, if he could really have that.
And it wasn’t because Magnus didn’t believe Alec. It was Magnus himself whom he couldn’t believe in. Because Magnus thinks he’s “a lot to get used to”, that he’s difficult to love. Magnus loves Alec deeply and strongly and he just couldn’t believe that Alec could return his feelings. That Magnus could have that.
Magnus Bane deserves love, both to love and to be loved. And I’m so glad he’s finally experimenting all of it with Alec, who certainly deserves it too.
Extra: Magnus finally understanding that yes, Alec loves him. That yes, he can have this.
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