kc

ig : saintkasey

[maidoves]

do you spend your nights away in lands that stretch too far?

do you spend your evenings gazing on your future's fallen star?

weren't you just at home in your bed?

fixing breakfast, making art.

does your mother know your body is painted

by your country's blood and scars?

is this the life you always dreamt of?

always near to death, tearing your soul apart.

your children are living off old cigars

fueled by the tears of your sweetheart.

and instead of being held by all the ones you love

you chose to rest in the arms of war.

well now you get to die alone

with this villain that you are.

[maidoves]

fathers love their daughters until they act a little too much like daughters. fathers love their daughters until they act a little too much like women.

[maidoves]

the anchors of my grief grazed the tip of my soul's iceberg. and my iceberg reaches deep into my ocean. and my heart is a very heavy ship. did you hear the waves of my sorrows crash? did you feel the weight of my sinking?

[maidoves]

what if i never get to belong anywhere? what if there is never a home to leave my heart in?

[maidoves]

you dont get the luxury of undoing what you've done. but you have the gift of a little bit of guilt and a whole lot of grief. and now you have the luxury to learn.

[maidoves]

i suppose i've sinned a little. do i suffer forever now?

[maidoves]

sometimes i hear a melody so wonderful it echoes in my soul like an ancient sorrow singing through my veins. sometimes that melody is simply just your name and the way you say mine.

[maidoves]

do u guys have someone that holds ur heart so tightly that it actually almost hurts but u dont always mind because at least it held by them too or are u normal

[maidoves]

GUYS THIS IS LITERALLY SO SAD BUT SO CUTE AT THE SAME TIME!!!!

the clinic i donate plasma at has this really cute phlebotomist working there and so i try to go often because hes the one who always pokes me.

anyway he was looking extra fine today and he happened to walk in the room right when my blood pressure was getting taken and so i literally was not allowed to donate today because my heart rate spiked!!!!!!!

my own heart has betrayed me all in the name of love 😭😭

[maidoves]

sometimes when i look for peace and it seems to be hiding away i try to remind myself that maybe theres little fragments of it already within me. peace was the memory of running around in the rain when i was little. peace was looking out my bedroom window not yet knowing what the world holds outside. peace was laying in my grandma's lap. the smell of her pefume before things got confusing.

[maidoves]

i dont remember what her perfume smelled like but when i do then ill know i made it home

[maidoves]

sometimes when i look for peace and it seems to be hiding away i try to remind myself that maybe theres little fragments of it already within me. peace was the memory of running around in the rain when i was little. peace was looking out my bedroom window not yet knowing what the world holds outside. peace was laying in my grandma's lap. the smell of her pefume before things got confusing.

[maidoves]

i know theres a god that exists somewhere because i see him in little glimpses of my friends. i see god in the men that walk me to my car at night. i see god in the girl that tells me to call her when i get home so she knows ive made a safe journey. i see god in the women who sent me cards on my birthday. i see god in the boy who says "call me if u get lost and ill bring u home" and i see god in the footsteps that let me walk the same path as my friends.

[maidoves]

i loved u as icarus loved the sun. an obsessive desire to have u even just for a moment before falling into the holy ocean that held ur heart. i didnt mind the fall as long as i had fallen for u.

[maidoves]

absence makes the heart grow fonder this and absence makes the heart grow fonder that.

no your absence makes my heart grow tired and weak.

[maidoves]

take a deep breath. its the end of the day not the end of the world.

[maidoves]

my mother asked me if there was anything she could do to help me and i sat and thought of anything and everything.

a hug? a warm meal? a good talk? but the only thing that i felt i needed was to be taken out of this world for good.

so i said "no" and went to bed.

[maidoves]

yesterday my therapist said when people give me 10% love it feels like a big deal because im used to the feeling of receiving 0% from myself and it all makes sense now