Over the past couple weeks, I can feel myself grow and become more independent and am finally truly learning how to put myself first and feel good about it.
I cancel plans when I don’t want to go, so I can stay in bed and watch Netflix. I used have fomo, but I am over it. Why please when no one ever pleases you?
Tonight, a wave of anxiety showered over me and I can see my hands shake and feel the emptiness in my chest and being ready to cry at any point. I scrolled through some old post, and man was I depressed.. but here I am, I somehow magically made it. I don’t need a best friend. I don’t need anyone. I need myself. I need me to be me and trust in me. They really are not kidding when they are saying that self-love is the strongest and full-filling form. I feel bad sometimes when I hang out with other people and I can see them struggle. (I notice things - hence why I always say that ignorance is bliss). I was there and no one was there to help me and I somehow made it out, therefore I don’t feel the need to help other people when it comes to this. I have the mindset of “well I did it, you do it” when I really should give them a lending hand. The reason why I don’t is because my help is never appreciated and if so for just the moment. It is not full-filling to me, and I feel that they don’t learn. I pull them out of their misery and BAM they are back and looking at with with their puppy eyes to do it again. No, I am done. You must really think I am a really bad person right now, but at this point I choose what I will spend my energy on and what will just consume my energy with no reward.
Please don’t belittle me because I am younger. Age is just a number with no correlation to maturation. I am sick of people assuming things, and trying to give me “life lessons” when their life is as fucked up as it gets. Sorry, I don’t take advice from people whose life ain’t as put together as mine. May you be 26, 30, 50 for god’s sake.
So another quickie anxiety attack I handled myself with my breathing app.
Goodnight fellows, and see you on the next anxiety episode.