A sketchblog

I follow/reblog from main. I draw mostly my and other people's original characters. PLEASE don't repost them or use them in any way unless I state an exception. My characters are like real people to me and it's really important to me that they remain only themselves. Reblogs and such are super welcome though. Sometimes I repost from my deviantart, but I'm pretty dead there. my deviantart: mayka94

[majkoszkice]

Once crazy, always crazy, am I right? Yeah, sick what they do for attention.

Oh man yeah, really dodged a bullet getting rid of that one. Who wants THAT shit in their life am I right? It's their fault really. Could've been normal and we wouldn't have to resort to treating them like a puff of stinky air. Otherwise we would be giving the attention and you know to NEVER give attention and compassion to depressed people. They FEED on attention. Then you'd have to like. Be near a depressed person. Ew.

No no, depression is a serious thing. It's just that people with REAL problems don't talk about them and pretend everything's alright. So they should've just taken the hint when they were still not annoying and just go away and kill themselves quietly far away from us. Then if we hear about it we could act all sad and say we were such good friends and IF ONLY they said something maybe all could've been different. Like god intented. Because you know. It sucks but I would kinda feel bad that someone I knew did that. It makes me uncomfy. And I don't like being uncomfy.

[majkoszkice]

Somehow I managed to take part in another Potluck Secret Satan organized by some really amazing people, led by @leidensygdom :D

My victim was @waggisbag and I picked Sky as the character to draw!

I experimented with and used a technique that is a bit different from my usual, because I injured my right thumb earlier this month and tried to take it easy. It was fun tho and I think the piece turned out nice! :D

Was definitely fun to paint that character :D

[majkoszkice]

Somehow I managed to take part in another Potluck Secret Satan organized by some really amazing people, led by @leidensygdom :D

My victim was @waggisbag and I picked Sky as the character to draw!

I experimented with and used a technique that is a bit different from my usual, because I injured my right thumb earlier this month and tried to take it easy. It was fun tho and I think the piece turned out nice! :D

Was definitely fun to paint that character :D

[majkoszkice]

Somehow I managed to take part in another Potluck Secret Satan organized by some really amazing people, led by @leidensygdom :D

My victim was @waggisbag and I picked Sky as the character to draw!

I experimented with and used a technique that is a bit different from my usual, because I injured my right thumb earlier this month and tried to take it easy. It was fun tho and I think the piece turned out nice! :D

Was definitely fun to paint that character :D

[majkoszkice]

I'm working my way up to being active here I prommy.

Life exploded, but this is what art is all about, right?

[majkoszkice]

Happy birthday @schlamkrabbe!

I hope it's ok that I explored some new techniques on Shyga 'w'

[majkoszkice]

Happy birthday @schlamkrabbe!

I hope it's ok that I explored some new techniques on Shyga 'w'

[majkoszkice]

Lady with an ermine faerie dragon

Commission for a friend. Their pathfinder character with her dragon posing for a portrait. She is not thrilled about that, but Eddie, the dragon, is having the time of his life <3

[majkoszkice]

Victor would never say that. Or would he.

I'm in a very bad place rn and the little guys in my head are trying to keep me sane.

(Ignore that he grew by like half, let's say he drifted closer in the realm of my mind)

Big vent about childhood abuse and other fun stuff below

The place is luckily not bad enough yet to make me turn to substances. I know the consequences well enough, so it'd have to be life endingly extremely bad to make me abandon every hope. But if I could numb it all without even worse consequences, I would without hesitation. I took my prescribed Xanax today to try to deal with the worst day I've had in like a month (with my partner of 6 years ending the releationship around a month ago, on our anniversary. And it was the worst kind of breakup, the logical one. I can't even be mad at him, I'm just by myself, miserable, no friends, no partner, no job, no money to live if I don't get something this month) but all it did was making me slower but still miserable all the same. The slowness may have contributed to me fucking up even more than I fucked everything up already.

I'm this close to actually going back to self harming, but I'm too scared everyone turning away from me forever for being an unstable freak. Because the people I most care about right now would. And they would take it as emotional blackmail and just throw me fully away.

Recently I started truly learning about RSD and it's super great to know that I have a brain disorder that is incurable that makes me feel unexplainable physical pain whenever I feel rejection. And it turns out it's behind most of my fucked up behaviours. That and it also turns out that my family was not as normal as I thought it was. That being beaten with a belt, sometimes resulting in huge colourful bruises, was not everyone's experience. That being hit in the face when you eventually break and express your frustration from being mistreated and not taken seriously gets internalised, even if you always knew it's wrong. That being told from the youngest age whenever you are interested in something, it is somehow wrong or stupid fucks you up for life. I thought it was because of my own fault that I felt so much shame and embarrassment over everything I did that I enjoyed. It's even worse that it was inflicted upon me. I resent the people who have had supportive families or at least someone truly supportive in their life, who have the audacity to tell me that I should just try harder, that I have control over how I will live my life. All my life I've been stripped of even most basic control over myself. Invisible abuse on so many levels which I'm truly starting to see at age of fucking 31. And my parents still gaslight me whenever I have courage to speak up about how what they've said to me made me feel. This is the fucking worst, because I truly believe that they care and are not malicious on purpose. I want to be able to be mad at someone for what's been done to me, FUCK

[majkoszkice]

My imaginary friends are fucking useless.

[majkoszkice]

Victor would never say that. Or would he.

I'm in a very bad place rn and the little guys in my head are trying to keep me sane.

(Ignore that he grew by like half, let's say he drifted closer in the realm of my mind)

Big vent about childhood abuse and other fun stuff below

The place is luckily not bad enough yet to make me turn to substances. I know the consequences well enough, so it'd have to be life endingly extremely bad to make me abandon every hope. But if I could numb it all without even worse consequences, I would without hesitation. I took my prescribed Xanax today to try to deal with the worst day I've had in like a month (with my partner of 6 years ending the releationship around a month ago, on our anniversary. And it was the worst kind of breakup, the logical one. I can't even be mad at him, I'm just by myself, miserable, no friends, no partner, no job, no money to live if I don't get something this month) but all it did was making me slower but still miserable all the same. The slowness may have contributed to me fucking up even more than I fucked everything up already.

I'm this close to actually going back to self harming, but I'm too scared everyone turning away from me forever for being an unstable freak. Because the people I most care about right now would. And they would take it as emotional blackmail and just throw me fully away.

Recently I started truly learning about RSD and it's super great to know that I have a brain disorder that is incurable that makes me feel unexplainable physical pain whenever I feel rejection. And it turns out it's behind most of my fucked up behaviours. That and it also turns out that my family was not as normal as I thought it was. That being beaten with a belt, sometimes resulting in huge colourful bruises, was not everyone's experience. That being hit in the face when you eventually break and express your frustration from being mistreated and not taken seriously gets internalised, even if you always knew it's wrong. That being told from the youngest age whenever you are interested in something, it is somehow wrong or stupid fucks you up for life. I thought it was because of my own fault that I felt so much shame and embarrassment over everything I did that I enjoyed. It's even worse that it was inflicted upon me. I resent the people who have had supportive families or at least someone truly supportive in their life, who have the audacity to tell me that I should just try harder, that I have control over how I will live my life. All my life I've been stripped of even most basic control over myself. Invisible abuse on so many levels which I'm truly starting to see at age of fucking 31. And my parents still gaslight me whenever I have courage to speak up about how what they've said to me made me feel. This is the fucking worst, because I truly believe that they care and are not malicious on purpose. I want to be able to be mad at someone for what's been done to me, FUCK

[majkoszkice]

My imaginary friends are fucking useless.

[majkoszkice]

Victor would never say that. Or would he.

I'm in a very bad place rn and the little guys in my head are trying to keep me sane.

(Ignore that he grew by like half, let's say he drifted closer in the realm of my mind)

Big vent about childhood abuse and other fun stuff below

The place is luckily not bad enough yet to make me turn to substances. I know the consequences well enough, so it'd have to be life endingly extremely bad to make me abandon every hope. But if I could numb it all without even worse consequences, I would without hesitation. I took my prescribed Xanax today to try to deal with the worst day I've had in like a month (with my partner of 6 years ending the releationship around a month ago, on our anniversary. And it was the worst kind of breakup, the logical one. I can't even be mad at him, I'm just by myself, miserable, no friends, no partner, no job, no money to live if I don't get something this month) but all it did was making me slower but still miserable all the same. The slowness may have contributed to me fucking up even more than I fucked everything up already.

I'm this close to actually going back to self harming, but I'm too scared everyone turning away from me forever for being an unstable freak. Because the people I most care about right now would. And they would take it as emotional blackmail and just throw me fully away.

Recently I started truly learning about RSD and it's super great to know that I have a brain disorder that is incurable that makes me feel unexplainable physical pain whenever I feel rejection. And it turns out it's behind most of my fucked up behaviours. That and it also turns out that my family was not as normal as I thought it was. That being beaten with a belt, sometimes resulting in huge colourful bruises, was not everyone's experience. That being hit in the face when you eventually break and express your frustration from being mistreated and not taken seriously gets internalised, even if you always knew it's wrong. That being told from the youngest age whenever you are interested in something, it is somehow wrong or stupid fucks you up for life. I thought it was because of my own fault that I felt so much shame and embarrassment over everything I did that I enjoyed. It's even worse that it was inflicted upon me. I resent the people who have had supportive families or at least someone truly supportive in their life, who have the audacity to tell me that I should just try harder, that I have control over how I will live my life. All my life I've been stripped of even most basic control over myself. Invisible abuse on so many levels which I'm truly starting to see at age of fucking 31. And my parents still gaslight me whenever I have courage to speak up about how what they've said to me made me feel. This is the fucking worst, because I truly believe that they care and are not malicious on purpose. I want to be able to be mad at someone for what's been done to me, FUCK

[majkoszkice]

A mirror. I feel like I always knew which side is truly real.

Paper sketchbook page. India ink pens, watercolours, woodless coloured pencils, watercolour pencils, silver marker, trace amounts of blood.

[majkoszkice]

A mirror. I feel like I always knew which side is truly real.

Paper sketchbook page. India ink pens, watercolours, woodless coloured pencils, watercolour pencils, silver marker, trace amounts of blood.

[majkoszkice]

My gnome boys! From the top it's Victor (gnome based aasimar), Cayden (regular ol' gnome with a dash of unicorn magic) and Felix (gnome based tiefling). Official Felix debut! His design is still in the "tweaking the details" stage. I can't seem to decide between more oval and more rectangular face/head. But it always sorts itself out, just gotta draw him more! What I'm sure of is that I want his scales less visible and soft/smooth like a snake's belly.

Cayden's got a funny sparkly eye because I messed it up bad when inking (I always have issues with the eye that is closer to the viewer lol)

There might be more watercolour things to come because I'm experiencing some kind of a comeback with them. And maybe oil pastels??

[majkoszkice]

My gnome boys! From the top it's Victor (gnome based aasimar), Cayden (regular ol' gnome with a dash of unicorn magic) and Felix (gnome based tiefling). Official Felix debut! His design is still in the "tweaking the details" stage. I can't seem to decide between more oval and more rectangular face/head. But it always sorts itself out, just gotta draw him more! What I'm sure of is that I want his scales less visible and soft/smooth like a snake's belly.

Cayden's got a funny sparkly eye because I messed it up bad when inking (I always have issues with the eye that is closer to the viewer lol)

There might be more watercolour things to come because I'm experiencing some kind of a comeback with them. And maybe oil pastels??

[majkoszkice]

I'm finally done with my animation reel! And I am looking for a job!

Actually I desperately need a proper job. Life is absolutely brutal right now and I cannot not have insurance, so even taking commissions is pretty much out of the question, because then I lose unemployment x_x

[majkoszkice]

Something a little different this time!

Me and my friends have been making a game (on and off for the last 3 months) and now we published a super early sneak peek version (free) for a limited time (until 3rd of may)

It's a rhythm runner game with original music and my animations based on a friend's character from our Pathfinder sessions. It all started from my old running animation that I reanimated and expanded on. We have (reasonably) big ambitions to add many different environments, more original music, at least 2 more characters, and much more stuff to make it look and feel the best!

Here are some more GIFs I made!

Beatfinder on Steam

Dash, jump, and strike to the beat! Take on a city overrun by cultists in this fast-paced side-scrolling rhythm runner.

I highly encourage you to go give it a try (once again, it's free!) and please wishlist it so that steam algorithm likes us!

Thank you!