Major Writing.

[majorwriting]

11.10.16

I hate what I am feeling. I am attracted to Nathaniel but I don't want to be attracted to him because I shouldn't be. It's not fair that we are this experiment that our parents created. I wanted to be repulsed by him. But they chose so well. Unlike his brothers, Nathaniel was out in the field with the help working the land. Soil all over his hair and body, but he kept on going. He is such a great guy. Thoughtful, considerate and kind, which is unusual for a panther. They were usually assholes, that were great until sex and then it was siyanara! But not him. It didn't hurt that he was so sexy. The way he looked shirtless out there was making me ache. I bit my lip as I thought about the other night when he kissed me again. It was polite but urgent, like he was seriously holding back. I wondered what it would feel like to have him touch me... "Nef?" I jumped so high, I nearly gave myself a concussion.

[majorwriting]

02.10.16

The field is beautiful today. The sky is clear and the grass looks a vibrant green against the sunny backdrop. The lake looks very inviting. As I wonder about going for a swim, I see a figure in the distance. The person doesn't seem to see me, so I go on daydreaming. "Hello" a voice says. I jump up in shocked and he quickly apologizes. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to frighten you!" "No, no. It's okay. I don't even know why I did that." I laugh. He laughs too and smiles. And what a smile it was. Whoever he is, he is beautiful. His eyes are green/gray and he had brownish blond hair. I could tell that he was fit but was hiding it under a dress shirt. His smile could melt a girl's heart. A moment later, I realized time was passing and I was gawking at him. He saved me before I could embarrass myself any longer. "Could I sit out here with you? My family is visiting and I would rather not be inside." He says "Sure." I say. And we lay in the grass for a while.

[majorwriting]

23.09.16

I’d been watching the screen for a while.

At the corner of my eye, I feel like someone is watching me. I look up and Nathaniel is staring at me. It’s just he is staring at me not the way he usually does, it’s more intense but I’m not sure why.

“What are you looking at?” I ask with a small smile. He smiles back and he sits next to me.

As he settles in, I find my mind wander a bit. He so quiet sometimes. I wonder what he wonders about. I wonder if he knows I wonder about him. I look at him from the corner of my eye and he is staring intently at the screen.

I get up and I walk at a normal pace out of the room. When I’m out of his view, I run to the upper floor. I run as fast as I can to the room at the end of the hall and lock myself in. It’s dark but I don’t care.

I sit on the windowsill and enjoy the view. It’s a full moon tonight and the water glistens in that picture-que you see in movies.

A while later, deep in a daydream, I hear footsteps at a casual pace. I knew they would come eventually but my heart speeds up anyway.

The steps stop at the door and I hear “Nef?” I say nothing. “Nef, come out.” I wait. “Nef…I will break this door down.” I grin.

After a minute, the door bursts open and he is staring at me. I stare back at him, as he comes closer.

He keeps on pacing forward, and I shallow.

“Why do you play these games, Nef?” I stare.

He get closer until his nose touches mine. “I don’t like games.” he whispers “I don’t either.” I reply

He stands straight and walks out.

[majorwriting]

27.09.16

The set up is amazing! There is so much good food, my mouth begins to water. "Dinner is served!" My father exclaims. And all at once, everyone digs in. As I take a bite of the filet mignon in front of me, I feel like someone is staring at me. I slowly look up and I see Nathaniel at the other end of the table staring at me intently. As soon as he sees that I caught him, he smiles a small smile and casually goes back to his meal. I feel heat spread across my face, then slowly across my body. No one has ever done that to me. No one has ever "sneaked a peek" at me. But now someone has. Nathaniel has. And I really liked it. Problem was I didn't know how to show him. I'm too new to this. And I don't know if I have the confidence to just stare at him also. "Naef, are you okay?" I look up and my sister stares at me. It was then that I realized I must have looked weird just staring at my food. "Yeah! Just thinking about how wonderful all this food is!" "Definitely the reason why you took all of two bites." She laughs. I giggle and I am slowly look in Nathaniel direction. He stares back and smiles a knowing smile. Yeah, I'm a goner.