Dear A Year Older and Hopefully Wiser Future Me,
Today is December 31st of 2015 and I’m writing this letter to you at 4 am. How is life right now? I hope it’s so much better like what we hope for, always. First of all, I’m proud of you for being able to handle so much the past few years. I didn’t know how we made it but somehow we did. Thank you for learning to always try to get something good out of a bad situation. I hope you stay this way and keep on improving.
As I write this letter, I’m living in uncertainty like how life’s always been but this time in a more crucial state. I’m not in school. I’ve been back in the US for six months now after going to college for two years in the Philippines. I have enlisted in the US Navy but I don’t have a ship date yet. I don’t know when I’m going to MEPS because I’m still waiting on a med read. Since I’ve been back, my mom and I have moved places twice. I’ve not been doing much but try to distract and entertain myself, prepare for the Navy stuff, and all the moving we did. I just had a fight with my mom on Christmas Day. We’re both really stressed on different levels and forms and sometimes we just clash but I never want to add to her pain but I’m hurting too. I’m always trying my best to be patient. I’m always trying to find ways to distract myself. By the way, I’m seeing a guy. I think he likes me. He is nice, a gentleman and from the Navy which is a plus but I don’t feel anything for him romantically yet. I feel bad because I feel like I’m never going to love again. I know that’s absurd but that’s how I really feel. She greeted me on Christmas eve; said she dreamed of me and “hope all is well.” I really didn’t know how to respond so I didn’t. There was no point too. It still hurts sometimes and I’m just learning to accept that. When I resist anything, it just worsens it so I just don’t try anymore. Letting go is something you just do it like most things such as trusting and having faith. You shouldn’t really think about it too much.
Well, I’m excited for you and wherever you are right now. I hope wherever that is, it’s closer to our dreams. I may still be naïve of many things in this life at 20, and I still got so much to do and learn, but all I know is so much can happen in a year. So much can happen in a month, what more in twelve months, right? I just hope what happens is mostly great and if anything bad happens, I hope you keep the promise to always get something good out of it.
I’m hopeful and feeling blessed. I’m excited for what the future holds. I’m looking forward to so much more enlightenments life will bring you. God bless you. You’re also here for others not just yourself so as you reach your goals, think of others as well especially your Mom, Ate and Kuya. Maybe your Dad someday. Your Friends.
It’s a great life. Always.
Already proud of you, A Year Younger Past You 12/31/2015 4:30 AM
Dear A Year Older and Hopefully Wiser Me, It’s the same - in a way that I don’t feel lighter or less scared. If anything, the burden feels heavier, the shore seems farther away but that’s natural when you get older I guess. The more dreams become realer, the more the details become clearer and more overwhelming. It doesn’t get better, you get better. You did and I’m so proud of us. The good and the ugly have taken different forms but they balance each other out. It doesn’t get better, you get better. 2016 has been a shitty year for the world. Politics. Bad relationships. Bad sex. Falling out. Confusion. Jadedness. Cynicism. Bigotry. Injustice. Heart breaks. But through these piles of garbage, we reap valuables. Activism. Not settling. Realizing the sincere ones. The real friends. Fighting. Keeping up. Kindness. The world’s always been awful but it’s just realer for you and your peers in your blossoming age. But don’t get tired to always do your best because you’ve done well so far. You’ve got a new job that gained you skills in the real world. You’ve got money in the bank. A future so bright it’s hard not to smile when you think of it. It won’t be easy but it’s gonna look so good. You’ve applied your magnificent work ethic outside the walls of a classroom and into the savage world and other people have seen it. You work hard. You’re strong. You care. You care a lot. Don’t stop. You’ve survived so much even the most quiet little sufferings. One day at a time. The future isn’t so blurry anymore. You’ve got your ship date and your guaranteed job. Your job that was available that couldn’t have been available if you went a different day. Everything fell into place. This year was about highs and lows. A rollercoaster ride that once it was over you breathe a sigh of relief. You didn’t think you could do it. You didn’t think it’s going to happen. That it would become a reality. But here you are. You’re cynical but tiny drops of hope still hang in you. It’s okay. It’s okay. You will be okay. Here’s to 2017, the year of independence. So much may still be uncertain, but that one definitely isn’t. We’ll make things happen. Let me know. Please keep going, A Year Younger Past You 12/31/2016 22:34
Dear A Year Older and Wiser Me,
So much happened. Never did you think life could be so exciting. All of its potentials now that so many doors have been opened. It’s the good kind of tired. Being busy. Getting pushed to the limits on what your mind and body can do. I love what I do. I met so many people who touched my life and whose lives I’ve touched. And I can’t wait to meet more as I go. I’m determined. Sometimes I lose it though. Like with anything. You forget and you slack but you remember why and how you got here so you get it together and keep it moving. Navy boot camp taught me so much about camaraderie, attention to detail, and sacrifice. It taught me that I can push myself if I tried. The only time I fail is when I quit or doubt myself. It taught me that there are people who genuinely want you to succeed. The irony of working on yourself for the mission and putting yourself last. A-school gave me some of the most fun days of my life. I worked my ass off and it paid off. I earned my caduceus. I was Honor Grad. But the most rewarding thing about A-school is the friends I met. Friends I believe in and who believe in me; who admired me and made me believe in myself even though I doubt myself a lot. It was a very fun time although in the beginning was hell. (Texas is very fucking hot in the summer.) It did get better just like most things in life. You’re in San Diego now working under a well-accomplished and kind lieutenant who shows you what good leadership is. You’re going to FMTB en route to Hawai’i. You’re doing things some people only dream of. You worked hard because you know what it took you to get here and I ask that you don’t ever forget that no matter how mundane or hard or pointless (it may seem) it gets. This part of your life proved to you that Time has a way of things. God will make it happen when it’s supposed to. The circumstances you’ve encountered and will encounter, the people you’ve met and will meet, they all come at the time when they’re supposed to. Patience. Trust. It’s just going to get harder but you will be so good at this. Just keep going. Don’t ever stop. Keep going no matter how fucking slow or fast you go. It gets so overwhelming that you just want to curl into a ball. This adult life. Independence. What you wanted. It will be okay. It will be okay. Just like it always has.
This year has been really good. Visited friends back home. Road trips. Memories. Paid with money I worked hard for. Plans. Staying. Keeping up. Rooting for each other. Having faith. Getting bad again but trying. Depression. Fears. Anxiety. Fears. Hopelessness. Trying. Staying. Supporting each other. Loving each other. Just like every year. Friends graduated and are graduating from college. Big steps. New chapters. It’s a scary world out there. But we will try.
Feeling again. You’ve fallen in love when you thought you couldn’t anymore. You’ve been renewed. Trusting again. Although every now and then you have doubts that it can work. It’s their voice. Their thoughts. Carrying you to a safe place. Sincerity. Reassurance. I didn’t think it was still possible.
This year has been good. I’m determined to make the next years better. Not perfect but packed of adventures, lessons, and loving. Keep going. Keep trying like you always have.
Love,
A Year Younger You
12/31/2017 07:47
Oceanside, CA
Dear A Year Older and Wiser Me, What a great year. Simple, short, sweet - just like this entry. I’m going to keep going with those I care about. Going to keep on dreaming.
Love,
A Year Younger You
12/31/2018 12:22 Bowie, MD
Dear A Year Older and Wiser Me,
My 2019 was great overall. I stepped into this year not expecting much. I know I was going to have fun, learn, and build on something but along the way there were unexpected victories both small and major ones. First quarter of this year I was promoted in my job, in the most surprising way - meritoriously. I was able to increase my savings although I can say I could’ve done better. I was too complacent about the pay raise, I started to spend too much than planned. Not to mention, I started on a tattoo sleeve. Guess how much that turned out to be? Lol. But this year, I promise to be more mindful with my spending so I can save much more. Main purpose: travel and property investment. Financial maturity is something that one can always improve on. I learned that. Traveled with Jade to Bohol, Palawan, Baguio, and La Union with friends. Of course, there were also the strolls in Manila. Which I loved as always. Always a good time with them. From my May-June trip for three weeks, I travelled to Manila again in November. Jade and I saw Zephanie live in her first concert. HUHU. So glad I decided to go although it was for less than a week and for at least $1k in overall expenses lol! No regrets at all. It was all worth it. I think Jade and I’s relationship grew better. We’ve become more mature especially her. I’ve been trying very hard to not be ‘init ulo’ because it also bothers me. I also completed my Associate’s degree within only a year. I’m quite proud of that. I hope I continue to be more patient and kind to everyone this year. Looking forward to more growth and learning this year. We’ve come far. Stay focused.
Love,
A Year Younger You
01/02/2020 12:03 Bowie, MD
