mewtwo had little basis for what humans considered to be ‘criminal’; only what they themself deemed to be a heinous act against morality or one that would put good intent and action into the world. petty theft of valuables and private property was inconsequential as a transgression - they did not pass any judgement on james for that. ( what true harm really came from those of lesser advantage taking from those who had more than enough to spare, anyway? ) it was the actions he’d taken to strengthen team rocket and giovanni’s plans - unknowingly or not - that they wished to cast doubt and reflection on.
once they shared the harsh memories with james, they waited patiently for him to understand and interpret them, merely remaining silent and studying his body language. ( how he seemed to want to tear the symbol from his shirt then and there, and how they could quite literally feel the anxiety and unease building in him. ) guilt threatened to seep into their own chest, but they remained steely-eyed and resolute. he needed to understand what his actions had the potential to support - and who giovanni really was. they watched as he returned his pokemon to their pokeballs, and nodded slowly in response to his question. how they wished it hadn’t been real.
“ …you are not the only one to have been fooled by him. ” mewtwo responded quietly - their voice becoming somewhat softer, though it still carried bitterness towards the subject of their conversation. they hesitated for a moment, but shared another memory with him. this one less with the intent to shatter any delusions he had, but to sympathize.
outfitted in their armor, they stand under the blazing sun in the dusty canyon - awaiting the herd of tauros. it is child’s play to immobilize them; the cries of the pokemon in distress fall on their own deaf ears as well as that of the rocket operatives standing by to capture the pokemon. a feeling of superiority and ruthless pride washes over them at giovanni’s approval; they are the world’s strongest pokemon, the one meant to rule over all of this at the side of their partner.
the scene flashes to that of a gym battle, giovanni ordering them to defeat the opponent - a young, overconfident human in a blue shirt. he sends out pokemon after pokemon, and mewtwo defeats them all with a brutality the trainer - or his pokemon - likely had never experienced before. they do not fight to win, but to dominate and destroy the opponent. the fear in the trainer’s aura - and his pokemon’s - only spurs them on further, twisting what was already a warped reflection of giovanni in themself.
a change of scenery yet again, and this time they are enraged. “ you were created to fight for me. that is your purpose. ” giovanni says it so casually with an air of scolding, as if they were a pet who needed to be reminded of a rule by their owner. ( a feeling not dissimilar to james’ own current stress sinks into the core of them; the disorienting nausea and gut-wrenching of having one’s world shattered in the blink of an eye - overlayed with anger unlike anything they had ever experienced prior. )
“ you said we were PARTNERS. we stood as equals! ” the enraged star inside their chest begins to explode - the supernova of their wrath threatening to swallow them, too. giovanni only reacts with a scoff and a dismissive laugh, continuing to talk down to them and refusing to acknowledge their personhood. it’s the last bit of kindling the wildfire in them needs, and they roar their declaration of war against humanity while annihilating the base in a massive explosion.
they waited a few moments to calm themself and form them both to return to the present before continuing. “ …i was new to the world. i was alone, and i did not know the extent of my abilities. he offered me direction - and promised that we would be partners and equals. ” they’d believed themself to be better than other pokemon due to their strength - so far above the pokemon that team rocket had instructed them to subdue and immobilize. but giovanni had never seen them as more than a tool for his own schemes - and they had failed to realize that until it was far too late.
“ i did horrid things in his name. but i committed even greater crimes in my own. i refused to see or admit how i … molded myself after him. ” mewtwo’s usual scowl deepened in repulsion and guilt, and their aura echoed as much. their tail thrashed in discomfort and unease, and their gaze drifted away from the human as they confessed their own previous alliance with team rocket. “ even after i was able to recognize that his view of the world was not the truth - that other beings were not tools to use for my own benefit - … it was still a very difficult journey. “ mewtwo’s hand briefly drifted to rest over their heart as something in their chest ached for a sense of closeness that they would never have again.
“ i had to learn compassion. i had to study the decisions and actions of others in order to sympathize with other beings. i wasn’t brought into this world with the capacity for solicitude. i had to grow into it, and i still falter now - decades later. ” they looked back to james and his pokemon, the slightest hint of a smile flickering on their face. “ but you already possess what i did not once told the truth of team rocket. you truly care for your pokemon. your promise to keep them safe … the sincerity is tangible. ” mewtwo didn’t reach out to touch james - keeping a distance between them that wasn’t often breached by humankind. however, the air around them shifted to become more comforting for the other - the emotional and psychic equivalent of laying a blanket over someone who needed to rest.
“ it feels insurmountable - coming back from this. we will not be able to mend everything. but you - and i - will continue to work towards alleviating the pain caused. perhaps one day, we will feel as if we have done enough. it is the most we can ask for, and it is possible to feel content with that. ”
Instead of tensing as though to reject the input, this time, James accepts the new memories. Even if they make him cringe with the sour taste of familiarity... though perhaps not from the same source. Not entirely.
“You know, before all of this... Ah, you should’ve seen me! A prodigious young lad I was, though none of my tutors were for psychic powers,” he grins at Mewtwo, just for a second. “Why, my parents’ approval was all the good I knew life could have!”
And that approval was awfully rare, wasn’t it, with the rules mattering more to them than he did. He started figuring that out at quite a young age. A long sigh escapes him and he leans against a tree behind him, crossing his arms. He slides down against it slightly. “Four times they lured me back.”
Four times he’s sure he remembers, anyway. He certainly remembers the wrenching realization, coming quicker every time: Whatever love they had for him, if indeed they did, it wasn’t greater than the love of what he could do for them. It wasn’t greater than their legacy, than their wealth, than the great and torturous potential that marrying him off had.
(He doesn’t mention it, but the memory swells up anyway: High laughter and red, curled pigtails, filtered through the haze of spore-induced sickness each time he tried to escape it.
“Ah, young love,” his mother once said of his ‘blush’ -- the heat of fever blooming on his face.
“Lovesick, more like!” his father replied, and they both laughed. James staggered off to ask a maid if they’ve stocked any salveyo.)
“Silly of me, wasn’t it?” Their ploys got increasingly ridiculous when he finally stopped coming back. It could almost be funny, if it didn’t make him feel so stupid for ever being convinced by their previous attempts. “And yet, I was so very certain -- I’d never let myself be duped like that again.”
He turns his head back to Mewtwo, letting that irony sink in for the both of them.
“...Ah, but my dear fellow, I don’t mean to talk your ear off about it." Or whatever it is they hear out of. “All this to say, well, I know how much harder it is when it’s people you’ve grown up around.” Grown up with? Raised? Introduced to the world? He doesn’t know precisely what relationship ‘commissioning one’s creation’ defines, but he’s sure it’s similar somehow.
“That’s kind of you,” James says, returning a small smile of his own. “Knowing you now, I’d never guess any differently of you.” If he hadn’t been certain that the well-being of his Pokémon was a priority to it, he’d have returned them the moment he saw the Legendary.
James sinks under the feeling of comfort, the ghost of an embrace. He wraps his arms around his knees, and -- finds himself crying. He listens to its reassurances and does his best to be reassured.
“You’ve experience with redemption; answer me this,” James says quietly, a short while later. “When every cause you’ve aligned yourself with has been corrupt, how do you... How can I trust myself to make that choice again?”
