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I wish I was at the pitch meeting for the new Toy Story.

“We’re out of money and we’re out of ideas. We need another Toy Story.”

“Okay, I see where you’re going with this. What is the plot?”

“I got two words for you my friends. Suicidal. Spork.”

I’m like Toby in a lot of ways by the main one is I will shoot my shot and if it doesn’t work out I will immediately announce that I’m moving to another country, climb a fence to escape the situation, and run as fast as I can.

#just kidding #the office #toby flenderson #shoot your shot #pam beasley #michael scott #jim halpert

Why does my sleeping brain want me to be straight so bad????

It’s funny that you can control when you cough but like, only to a certain extent? Like you can be like “oh, I don’t wanna cough while I’m brushing my teeth” so you wait but then your body is like tImE tO cOuGh when you’re putting in your contacts like why can’t I just

Sleepy me is such an idiot. When my alarm goes off, I think “I have to leave in 15 minutes so I can snooze it” and then 10 minutes later I wake up and I’m like “huh. Now I have to leave in 5 minutes. I’m sure I can afford another minute or two of just resting my eyes.” Where does my common sense go??

My motivation to do things isn’t low, it’s just weird. I have the motivation to pick up my textbook and read the required chapters but not the motivation to go into my planner and figure out what those chapters are, even though both my textbook and planner are in the same place.

#collegelife #college #motivation #textbook

I don’t believe many “accidental invention” stories, but one that is undeniably true is the one where a customer complained that their breakfast potatoes were cut too thick and not fried enough so the cook got annoyed and cut them super thin and fried them to a crisp, and thus potato chips were invented. Honestly? Me too.