death is the definition of camaraderie

no eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn -jim morrison 19 years old

[fatalfragility]

new lana song is godly, lizzy grant is so back

[ruslanagirl]

[cinamqnr0ll]

[hofthehollywoodsign]

second semester core

[katieron]

[cheezeorangecat]

Every winter since i was 12

[makethemgroovy67]

2023 winter.

i was 16.

while summer was spent in hospital and then residential in nc.

i was home schooled because, i couldn’t make any friends at my school, i felt so lonely at my school but even more lonely when i left.

over exercising myself because i was in “recovery” from lax knowing that, a month later, i would eventually relapse.

only my grandma knew, nobody else knew for the sake of my sanity.

blood vessel in my eyes popped.

eyes sunken in.

the lowest weight i had been since, my “recovery” it was all a facade.

my discovery of diet sodas with so much ice, to soothe my burning stomach filled with laxatives.

stomach acid.

my grandmas aged hands in minds.

[undefiinedd33]

[makethemgroovy67]

nobody notices when i am gone. i can slip away like coarse sand filtering through your skin, falling back down to the sand. i am not noticeable, i mix with the rest of the beige, hot sand. i am a dune in a sea of millions of them. i own no rare jewels, i am there but, beneath the shoes of people. i am a shadow of what i could have been.

[makethemgroovy67]

sometimes i remember my dying days and i remember in that instant why, i choose my ana. why i choose to hide completely, make myself smaller so i wasn’t a problem. so i would feel immense amount of mental and physical pain because that’s all i needed.

[sk1nnydollgirl]

[makethemgroovy67]

rip lizzy grant 🪽💔

[bunprincees]

Now you suck♡

[makethemgroovy67]

he lets me call him daddy 😸🫰🏻

[bandaidpennylane]

[thezenangel]

[makethemgroovy67]

i thought i lost this account but, i didn’t so hello!!! im back.

i’ve relapsed but in a “healthier way” i’d say because i still feel weak some days or my chest aches for a bit. i also feel dizzy, nauseous, and even disoriented but, im worried. worries that include things, that i wished upon but, never thought i would achieve.

i’m getting married soon and i’m so happy that i am marrying the love of my life, who i met when i was at my highest weight since forever and he’s watched me lose all this weight. all you can see is bones and i rejoice at that.

i’m worried now, i had something that wasn’t in my diet. raisin bran cereal i use to have as a snack as the hospital. i ate 1780 plus that was 280ish and tomorrow is sunday which is church and dinner at my boyfriends house. i have a plan and i know that this plan includes buying a scale. i am extremely skinny but, i need to watch it because i treat myself twice a week and that sunday dinner but, it hasn’t been an issue, i wont jinx it but i want to do one treat day.

[makethemgroovy67]

here’s one of my many poems. i’m getting back into writing poetry because, i certainly believe that this my calling.

Ode to my soul

a great, philosophical ode to my soul in which the great dying art is my lesion. my tears are from limb to limb, gangling in the trenches and abyss that collects my awareness.

oh ode to my soul.

i was once told about great worldly figures, fortunes of pearl and great manners of escape from our poetic possessions.

piety, pity showed my soul and gave an ode to my heart and my life.

my ode, to this natural body and washing away mysterious causes.

the collapse of the new worldly order, rotten with egotistical green death.

we choose wisely and seek approval of applied consciously women, who’s brain contain tangled weeds and the mingling of curated voices.

ode to my soul, whisper of prayers-great eyes look upon the sky.

our great collapse, in a philosophical manner. retroactive matter is glazed upon our eyes.

ode to my soul.

[makethemgroovy67]

[babyfacedwintercub]