Transient Happiness

Just an easily confused girl that's a curious kitten and deals with depression and anxiety. Yay!

[maknae-bisou]

Who else just feels like fucking dying because it's easier? 🙃🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️

[maknae-bisou]

strings

There's a lot of things I've gone through in my life. I've lost a lot of people. Not in death. In all the other messy ways. Where they're still around. And you mourn for them. You feel that loss. Like a part of you is gone. Maybe it's not so bad the first time. Maybe you're the one that made the decision to leave. It's not as hard then. But what if they made the decision. What if you're the one that suddenly lost what felt like a part of you. An emotional limb. An invisible string. Connecting the two of you always. No matter how far the distance. You start to feel like you're floating adrift. You feel the other strings pull as the current threatens to take you away. Those strings grow stronger as you reach out to them. They reach out to you. It helps for a bit. Makes you forget you're floating away somewhere else. And then sleep comes. The strings are connected, but slack. You can still feel the missing string. You can feel the missing stability of what made your world yours. It feels like your world is gone even though it's only just changed.

I'm afloat with out your string. You were my life line. My constant. That string was so strong from my end it looked unbreakable. I just wish I had seen how thin it was on yours. How easily broken it was. You said it was strong, but you kept it hidden. You said it was strong, but you lied. You said it was strong. But you pulled too far towards a different string and it snapped.

I'm numb today. With a gaping wound that I don't want to feel. My body is shutting down to block it out. I'm numb. But I feel the constant tears.

[maknae-bisou]

So uhh, not sure what I did to the Coldwall Collective, but a while ago I was removed from their discord server randomly. Without a word or warning. 🤷 Then maybe about a week ago I commented on something their guild leader put on his main's Tumblr and looks like I'm blocked now. And he unfriended me on discord. Weird. Sounds like opposing opinions aren't welcome there. 🙄

[maknae-bisou]

7/11/19

To the world of "books reviews no one asked for" I return! Finished "Be More Chill" a few days ago and originally I bought it because of the musical. Boy did Broadway embellish the story. While I'm not surprised by that, I did greatly enjoy the story not being what I expected. I think it was a pretty simple read, albeit dated, and it definitely had me come back for more. I enjoyed the writing style immensely and I see myself reading more by the author in the future. (Ned Vizzini if anyone wondered.)

I probably should have written this either right after I finished the book, or maybe at a time when I'm not so tired. It's the morning, but I could honestly go straight back to sleep right now. Maybe I will and see if my plans for the day will wait for me...

[maknae-bisou]

6/27/19

Soooo, this is definitely one of craziest, busiest weeks I've pretty much ever had. Ever. And it's somehow only Thursday?! And that's coming off of what's been a pretty crazy month and then some!! It's definitely given me a lot of reading time though and I'm excited about that!

I just finished "Thirteen Reasons Why" yesterday. Not an amazing book over all, but a super fast and easy read. Kind of gives a bad name to young adult novels, but hey. Apparently people like it. 🤷

Now, I started reading this because I watched the first episode of the Netflix show. I didn't think it was awful and as I read the first chapter I couldn't help but notice how true it generally stayed. Ho boy is that where it ended though. Episode two veered off map and then episode 3 just straight up crashed.

And that's all that I saw. Pretty sure that's all I will ever watch and to a small extent that makes me sad. I like finishing them and I'm typically stubborn enough to stick it out, but episode was just so awful I couldn't. 😢

On a separate note, I am in desperate need of sleep and desire to eat my weight in junk food. Can't wait for this work craziness to end. ON TO THE NEXT BOOK! "Be More Chill"

[maknae-bisou]

Ooooooo kay. Change in content.

Kind of. Not that I have /that/ much content on here to begin with, but Tumblr just isn't something I care much about. 🤷 I'm not interested in reposting things or really even looking at them. I just want a place to put my thoughts down without actually writing it out with pen and paper and where I'm not putting in people's faces for attention. So no Facebook or Instagram and no physical diary. Welcome to my virtual diary! I don't want or expect followers outside of porn bots that I immediately report/block. There's gonna be a lot of non sequitur thoughts on a range of different topics. I just want an anthology of me. So here goes.

[supportjohnnydepp]

#JohnnyDeppIsInnocent

#amberheardiscancelled

[mossywetlog-deactivated20251007]

I would like to personally apologise for being unrightfully spiteful towards Johnny Depp.

[enigmatic-goat]

I always supported this man. I will continue to support this man.

Can we stop letting abusers get away with abuse because they are women?

[maknae-bisou]

This is something that I literally never understood. As soon as people hear something bad about a male celebrity self proclaimed "feminists" and "activists" jump on extremes and seek to ruin people's lives. Why not just imagine maybe for a second that you don't know the whole story instead of refusing to hear anything the other party has to say?

[maknae-bisou]

Fuck you you're a shit friend anyways

I fucking hate you Tori. I don't want to have to choose between being happy and having you as a friend, so you can just rightly fuck off. You're a fake ass bitch who can't stand behind any of your supposed female empowerment and support. You attack and then immediately declare you need space so that I can't defend myself. You're a goddamn fucking coward and I hope you get into another car accident. Go fuck yourself because no one else is gonna.

[gahdamnpunk]

I didn’t know I needed this, maybe you do too 💕💕

[redlipstickresurrected]

Black Ghost aka Juodasis Vaiduoklis is a bronze sculpture sculpted by Svajunas Jurkus and Sergejus Plotnikovas located at the port of Klaipėda, Lithuania.

[dynastylnoire]

Nope

[nytroglycerin]

HOW CAN YOU TALK ABOUT THE BLACK GHOST AND NOT POST A NIGHT PICTURE?

[fyeahgothicromance]

holy shit

[maknae-bisou]

So I have this problem

I'll find new people that I sometimes quickly end up caring about. I'll become fiercely protective of them and I maybe come off as a little much when something happens to them. Some people would call it a "bleeding heart." I just think I feel too much and care a whole lot, and that's maybe not "normal" when you've only recently met someone. None of this changes the fact that I constantly want to just yell at them "LET ME LOVE YOU!!!!" because everyone deserves to be loved and I just want to show that I care.

[maknae-bisou]

A barbarian's advice for finding sleep when it eludes you:

Find a big, strong man or woman who can crush you with their arms until anything you felt before just disappears. It worked for me last night.

[maknae-bisou]

So there's a fine line between having showmanship and showboating. I think it's an important distinction that people need to learn and abide by. Especially at fucking KARAOKE during SOMEONE ELSE'S fucking song. It's not about you and your ASL was horrible. You were just betting other people don't know sign language. You bet wrong tonight, unkindly sir.

[maknae-bisou]

My whole aesthetic in one sentence:

Listening to other people's problems so that I can ignore my own.

[andysambergstan]

ANGELS

[maknae-bisou]

What a wild ride

I just had the craziest dream. I think I was on a church trip, but no idea where. It was vaguely korean while also America and maybe sweden? I was cosplaying boo from monsters inc, dating Logan huntsberger, and my high school friend Bobby was also there. I went out on a plane ride with Logan flying it, there were assistants/servants helping us get all of our stuff and even gave us our souvenirs. Logan had to go to some meeting, and I got really lost trying to find my room, but met some really nice people in a scary elevator. I think pretty much everyone was vaguely lost in this place.

[fragmentsofsilverspeak]

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Warchief!

[maknae-bisou]

I chuckled