Mal Does Things

Not your average housewife blog

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2018 Project Goals

(mostly for my own reference, but also a little bit of accountability)

Baby quilt for F (in progress)

Mermaid YBR 

Tabby Road Hexies (in progress)

Space quilt

Sm Heart’s Desire (12 Pack)

Placemats for mom (by Christmas)

almost done:

SW quilt (needs binding)

Floral lattice (need to quilt & bind)

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Finally finished my first “real” quilt, start to finish.

(context: this was a quilt from a beginners quilting class I took, which is why the blocks all look different)

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Anxiety-spurred nine patches for more quilting practice practice

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Canning for Fun - Part 2

Just shut up and show me how to can!

Alright, here we go. There are some things you’re going to need to have on hand in order to do this properly, so hang on to your aprons.

You will need:

A non-reactive pot (a 12″ stainless steel skillet is perfect for this)

A pot that is large enough to hold your jars with room to spare--you’re going to be filling it with water and then putting stuff in it, which will displace the water, so make sure it’s tall enough (you need at least 1″ of water above the rim of your jars to safely seal them)

Jars made for canning - You can usually get a pack of 12 for under $10 at a local hardware store, Target, or grocery store. Ball or Kerr are my favorite brands and the jars and rings are reusable (the tops are not and I will get to that later)

A wide mouth funnel - way easier to get the jam into the jar with this. You can spoon it in, but it’s going to be slow and messy.

A way to get the jars in and out of the pot of BOILING WATER - they make special Jar Lifters for this purpose and honestly they’re worth it. Avoid severe injury, get a jar lifter.

A measuring cup or ladle to get your jam from the pot to the jar

If you want to just get a bunch at once, this kit has everything except the jars. If you already have pots that will work, you can just buy the utensils as well.

PRO TIP: For cheap canning supplies, check out local small hardware stores (they often have an aisle of canning gear) OR thrift stores, especially for the bigger pots to use for the water bath.  You CAN use Ball or Kerr jars from the thrift store, just make sure they’re clean with no chips or cracks but you’ll still have to buy a box of lids, which run ~$4 USD.

Why the fuck do I need new lids?

Because the lids that come with your brand new box of jars are good for a one-time seal and that’s it. Yeah, maybe your grandmother re-used them all the time and they still stick a bit, but you’re risking either completely ruined jam or food poisoning with that route, so pony up the $4 for 12 lids once a year and use the old lids for freezer jam or general mason jar storage.

I got my stuff, now what?

Now you need to pick a recipe! Since it’s strawberry season here, I’ll be using this Small Batch Strawberry Vanilla Jam recipe from Food in Jars. To make this jam, I’ll need:

~4 cups of chopped strawberries (roughly 1.5 pounds of uncut berries, or a full quart basket)

2 cups sugar, divided

2 vanilla beans, split and scraped

1 lemon, zested and juiced

You can use store-bought berries if you want, but honestly self-picked or farmers market/farm stand berries will taste way better. You can skip the vanilla if you want, it’s just for flavor, but you absolutely need both the sugar and the lemon (you can use bottled lemon juice - 3 tablespoons = 1 lemon). Vanilla beans are fucking expensive, so I always substitute vanilla bean paste which, while pricey, is way more affordable than $5-9 for a single vanilla bean.

Up next: Let’s can some shit!

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Canning for Fun

or, “What the fuck do I do with this metric shit-ton of strawberries from the farmer’s market, oh my god why did I buy so many?”

Hello, it’s your friendly neighborhood Mal here and today I’m gonna talk about basic canning 101. Canning has come a long way from great-grandma spending days preserving every single damn thing from her garden so her family didn’t starve over the winter. Most of the time now, it’s done as a means of using up extra food or just as a fun hobby. I fall into the latter--I like doing it for fun and for giving as gifts.

“But what about botulism? Canning is scary!” 

No it’s fucking not and here’s why: canning is science, and science is very very good at telling you how NOT to die from food poisoning. Canning has rules and if you follow them, you’re not going to make yourself sick on some spoiled tomato sauce (also, you won’t get botulism from jam, it’s too acidic).

CANNING RESOURCES

There are a million websites about how to can, what to can, canning recipies, and weird shit you didn’t even realize could be canned. As a beginner, these are the sites I referenced most often (and still do):

National Center for Home Preserving - these people know their shit. Any time I have a question about ‘can I can this’ or ‘how do I do this’, the NCHP is my first stop. 

USDA Complete Guide to Home Canning - not necessarily the most fascinating resource, but it’s incredibly thorough (especially about food safety!) and worth a read.

Ball Complete Book of Home Preserving - the equivalent to the Canning Bible. I got a copy of this as a wedding gift and I still use a few of the recipes in here. Really really good for beginners, you can often find pretty cheap used copies or borrow it from the library.

Next time on Canning for the Zombie Apocalypse Fun: Equipment, food safety, and how much I hate mason jar crafts for jacking up the price of canning jars

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Two days, several burns, and 15lbs of strawberries later, I have finished.

From top to bottom:

Strawberry Lemonade Concentrate

Strawberry syrup

Strawberry Vanilla Jam

Strawberry Ginger Jam

Not pictured: the six jars of Strawberry Moscato Freezer jam I also made (because they’re in the freezer).

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Fifteen pounds of strawberries, freshly handpicked by yours truly. Now to decide what the fuck I'm going to make.

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Okay, so remember when I said I was going to take pictures of my strawberry jam process?

Yeah, I managed three pictures before I got distracted by the actual steps of making jam.

Please have this picture of strawberries in their pre-jam status as an apology.

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SOMETHING ATE MY FUCKING STRAWBERRY

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dirt and things

So, when we bought the house last August I was really hoping to have an actual garden (mostly because I wanted green beans and strawberries). However, our back yard is 90% shade all day, which means finding a place for plants to grow is nearly impossible.

My solution? Container gardening!

This is literally tucked in the back corner of my yard in one of the few spots that gets sun for most of the day. The netting is to keep the birds/squirrels out and seems to be working so far. Some of the stuff definitely has gotten bigger since I planted it two weeks ago, but we haven’t had the best weather lately so I’m really really hoping once it finally warms up, everything else will catch up.

Clockwise from the left, we have strawberries, green beans, romaine lettuce, broccoli, three containers of pickling cucumbers, two containers of brussels sprouts (one isn’t visible here), and two planters full of herbs (cilantro, basil, thyme, dill, and two more pots below that have catnip and chives)

And oh hey, what’s that in the berry pot?

MY VERY FIRST MOTHERFUCKING RIPE STRAWBERRY!

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Mal’s Adventures in Canning

This week was sort of my first real attempt at canning anything in the new house, and boy oh boy am I pissed off now.

My electric stovetop is from the 1970s and with the range hood so close, I can barely fit my waterbath pot. I can’t control the temp enough to keep it from boiling over and spilling water everywhere, and it takes almost 45 minutes to boil enough water to safely can even my smallest jars.

(I hate everything about this kitchen, especially that tile)

I managed to make 4 quarter pint jars of peach jam yesterday, but I cooked it a little too long so it’s a lot darker than I would like (still tastes good though). But I have a small batch of strawberry jam prepping in the fridge now, which means coming up with another way to handle this shit.

(a little bit too caramelized, but this is my favorite Salted Brown Sugar Peach Jam from Preserving by the Pint)

Enter the 4th Burner Pot. My favorite canning resource, Food In Jars, has this as one of her recommendations for small batch canning and it even comes with a basket of its own so I don’t have to try to figure out how to get little jars out of boiling water. Plus, it’s tall enough that I can do a half-pint jar at a time; my favorite recipes for canning almost always make only 2-3 half pint jars per batch anyway.

My pot should be here tomorrow, so I’ll probably make a photo-heavy post about my canning process with it.