Hi
It’s been so long since I’ve been on this app. I’m gonna use it like a journal now I think. I just read a journal entry from about four years ago. It is so crazy to see how much has changed. About me and about life. I feel so deeply when I read my old writings it’s like a weird throbbing aching pulling sensation deep deep in my chest. Like I know this feeling. I’m lying im bed currently my partner is sleeping. My cat is waiting for me to pass out. We just had a two month long cancer scare after losing our job at the coffee shop in December. But it’s not bad, life. It’s really good actually and seconds before I read that April 2020 journal entry I was feeling very intuitively optimistic. Our deep knowing is acting up. I feel so happy to be in such discovery and so fortunate to be where I am with the friends I have. I feel enriched by the art I observe and the people I interact with. I take joy in watching peaceful simple moments unfold before me. I revel in film and performance and expression. I feel more complete than I have in a while maybe a year? I am brave and bold these days. I am more confident than ever before. I am daring and vulnerable and silly and free. I am experimental and audacious and thoughtful and opinionated. I will scream and shake until I say what I need to. I yearn each day for a better world where everyone is free. I want a free Congo and a free Gaza and a free USA. I don’t sing as much as I used to which sounds so sad as I write it but it doesn’t feel sad in the day to day. I write less. I should write more. I blame my cat. I’m hopeful for a brighter future with careful tender art for me to make and animate and indulge in. I’m filled with passion and curiosity for new experiences. Yes, even the scary ones. Like sending off my first audition since I began acting class. I think I’m awful by the way. The worst in my class I tell myself often. I hope it’s not true but even if it’s not could I convince myself otherwise? Probably not. I don’t know if I’d believe it if I won an award one day. Anyways, I’m trying to be positive these days and I’m being so brave. Between you and I, I am fucking terrified so this has to work for us I’m out on my millionth limb.
