Mama Clinton

Parenting advice without the corruption: I'm a proud parent of my little Stella. I believe in parenting based on science and evidence. Unlike other mommy blogs, I'm not trying to sell you anything so I tell you exactly what I'm thinking, not what I want you to buy! I might write a book in the future but the content will always be free. Nevertheless, you should take what I - and many other bloggers - write with a grain of salt since I don't have any relevant qualifications. Always ask your pediatrician instead of blindly following what you read here or elsewhere on the internet.

[mamaclinton]

Taking a fussy infant to an infant massage class

“Next stroke this way,” the Early Childhood Educator demonstrated over Zoom.

It had been 15 minutes of my infant crying nonstop and trying to leave, while all the other infants sat still as their parents massaged them with various strokes.

My husband had dragged me to this session. I had originally resisted given the track record of the educator giving trite advice but here I was. The advertised purpose of the session was to learn how to calm infants - using the awesome power of massage.

“How do I get my infant to sit still so that I can massage them?” I asked.

“Well, first you have to calm them,” the educator replied.

Great, so all I need is a way to calm them down so that they can get a massage that will calm them down.

[mamaclinton]

My 1-year-old screams as loud as a lawn mower for half-hour sessions - is this normal?

And she puts both arms up as if she wants to be picked up (or if she were a person of color, to avoid being shot by the subset of police officers who are racist). But when I pick her up, she pushes hard to get off me. Then she screams again with her arms up. Repeat for half an hour.

So, is this normal?

My daughter’s occupational therapist gave me trite advice that I’ve come to expect from them, “There’s a wide range of normal behavior” -- they say with their annoying smile. And just to kick me while I’m down, “She’s reflecting your anxiety.”

I’ll give you the real answer to “Is this normal?”: No.

1-year-old toddlers have simple needs but they have almost no vocabulary to express them. So when they cry, whine, hit or scream, they’re really just trying to tell you one or more of the following:

I’m hungry.

I’m thirsty.

I’m sleepy.

I’m hot.

I’m cold.

I’m bored: I want attention, want to play, or want to play with object X.

I want to be held.

I’m in pain (this is the hardest one because they don’t know how to point to where their pain is).

[mamaclinton]

Don’t circumcisize your son because of locker room talk

I sometimes hear of parents circumcisizing their son so that their boy won’t feel left out in a future high school locker room, since many boys are still being circumcisized. This is a terrible excuse (I won’t even dignify it with the word “reason”).

Shouldn’t you be more concerned about why these boys are sizing up each others’ foreskin in the first place?

And, that aside, what if the other boys are also doing drugs? Would you encourage your son to partake - just to fit in?

[mamaclinton]

“Women may be surprised that no drug, including the drugs in epidurals, have been proven safe for an unborn baby” - Dr. Bradley

By that argument, women may also be surprised that no apple, including granny smith apples, have been proven safe for mothers. For nine months women are warned to stay clear of all drugs in order to protect their baby, yet at the time of meals the arsenic content in apples is often forgotten. Restaurants are actually required to post warnings to pregnant women about drinking alcohol.

[mamaclinton]

Would you believe a man who lectures women on how to give birth naturally his way?

If so, the Bradley Method is exactly what you’re looking for! (I’m being sarcastic.)

In my mind, a man who has never given birth shouldn’t be so sure about something he’s never experienced unless his method is backed by peer-reviewed research in respected scientific journals. The Bradley Method also teaches women to be suspicious of doctors, which is convenient since most OB-GYNs don’t believe in the Bradley Method. Who do you trust more? I trust OB-GYNs and mainstream medicine.

[mamaclinton]

Why you should’t care whether childbirth is natural

What do all these have in common?

Arsenic

Lions

Vaginal childbirth.

Answer: All of them are natural and all of them might kill you.

If you want a “natural birth”, that’s great but do it at a hospital, where a doctor with an actual degree might save your life in case something unexpected happens. This is a luxury that cavewomen didn’t have. The modern day women who “trusted their body” and died giving birth because they were too far away from medical care won’t be able to warn you.

[mamaclinton]

“Don’t give birth at that hospital because they have the highest rate of C-sections in the state” - A Bradley Method Instructor

So I told my spouse that we’re going there because they’d have a lot of experience giving C-sections in case of an unexpected birth complication. I’m so glad that Bradley Method instructors know of at least one statistic!

[mamaclinton]

Stop taking parenting advice from people who say this

“You’re the best possible parent that Stella could have.”

Really? How could you possibly know that? We only just met and I haven’t told you anything yet. My kid could be starving and climbing down a chimney right now for all you know. Why start our professional relationship on a lie?

[mamaclinton]

"Are you saying she's dysregulated?"

Why yes, Ms. Early Childhood Educator, my daughter has been whining and crying for the last 30 minutes. Maybe you didn't notice because you muted us in Zoom a few minutes in - when you realized that she was disrupting your lovely group class entitled "Calming Techniques for Toddlers." My question is, "do any of your techniques actually work?"

[mamaclinton]

Don’t Feed Your Toddler Chocolate

Especially dark chocolate. Caffeine takes longer to pass through their little bodies and the caffeine will keep them awake. Even just a couple of chocolate chips in the afternoon will wreck them. They’ll be frustrated that they’re tired but can’t sleep.

And if you’re breastfeeding, keep your own caffeine consumption under control too since it seems to pass through breastmilk from my experience. If you have to drink coffee or eat chocolate, have as little as possible and as early as possible in the day.

[mamaclinton]

My newborn whines or cries ALL DAY

Poor baby! And oh my god, this is so exhausting for the Momma and Dadda! First off, have you tried the 5 S’s? If this isn’t working, consider asking your pediatrician about whether your little one might have a medical condition because a baby should NOT be unhappy most of her waking hours.

For my poor little Stella, it turns out that she has milk protein intolerance. I was passing on the milk protein through breastfeeding and her tummy pain must have been excruciating. On the suggestion of the doctor, I cut out milk and cheese from my diet, and for a few days, put her on formula while the dairy worked its way out of my system. Within a few days, she stopped whining. What a relief! The pediatrician says that this isn’t the same as lactose intolerance, so it’s not enough to just switch to say lactose-free milk.

Your doctor might suggest other things too. Keep digging and if needed, see another doctor for a second opinion if you aren’t getting advice that works. And I’m not satisifed with a diagnosis of “colic” since it’s really a non-diagnosis of “we have NO IDEA so we call it colic”. You and your precious baby both deserve to be happy and pain-free!