My blog, my life, my story...

[mamaelephant321]

I never thought Id have a time in my life where I would be more sad than not....this is not how I pictured my life at this moment in time

[mamaelephant321]

I will remember you every day. With every breath I take, I will remember how precious life is and how quickly it can be taken. There will always be the broken piece of me, a part missing from my heart that will be whole when we meet again. My love for you will never fade, and as every day passes and life goes on my love for you is what Ill hold onto to help me move on....

[mamaelephant321]

I guess I was chosen to be a mom to one of Heavens best.....

I hope I have the strength to go on...

[mamaelephant321]

💙

[mamaelephant321]

[mamaelephant321]

Not too bad for first try

[mamaelephant321]

Trying out a new project.....this and drinking...

Had a friend text me yesterday....congrats..cus they dont even know

I cant even speak the words....let alone text them.....

[mamaelephant321]

Got my locket/urn for my sweet boy today.....the back has his full name and inside is one of my fave picture...sorry I wont be sharing that...

[mamaelephant321]

Iron skillet texas cheese fries

[mamaelephant321]

First time homemade braised beef raviolis

[mamaelephant321]

Just finished my braised beef for homemade raviolis

[mamaelephant321]

My mom told me she had her closure. Its been less than a month....but she's had her closure and won't attend the ceremony.

Im her first child, who lost her first child.

I'm so glad she has had her closure and won't be there for me.

Im just so fucking happy for you mom.

[mamaelephant321]

We picked out his urn....got a locket urn too...I guess its really real.

Too bad the anger has already taken over. To bad we aren't programmed with an off switch...

I feel like Im growing more and more distant...

[mamaelephant321]

I dont know where to start. I dont know what to say. I feel so much right now and yet I am so numb. I am putting a lot of blame on myself. I cant breathe and I cant think.

I cant do anything. I am trying to act normal. It works for a little while. Then the guilt and pain comes and its like a thick fog and it surrounds me and I cant stop it. I can't fan it away with my hand. I cant breathe. 

When do I stop hating myself..

[mamaelephant321]

Missed you so much last night. Did a lot of crying. I just want something good to happen...Im waiting patiently. Deep breaths.

[mamaelephant321]

A bday cake that was made for me.... bittersweet 30....

Bday was April 7th.....

[mamaelephant321]

Why does life keep going on even after one is lost.....

Life is never fair....