okay so I need to rant about Silent Night because I just finished it and just - shoot me in the fACE
so in the first Lifeline game I saved Taylor the first time around
I really really invested myself into it the first time around and then just explored the other possibilities otherwise
and I was doing the same thing for Silent Night (acting like I would and trying to save him the first time, hoping to explore the other possibilities in fast mode later)
and I gotta admit like in the first Lifeline game I saw people being super emotional about it and I can’t say I related too much (I loved Taylor and he did feel very real but I didn’t cry or anything)
except this time I was also investing myself the first time around and I actually found myself smiling or laughing when he cracked certain jokes and there were moments where I really did think “that’s so him” because he really does have a specific kind of humor
and it was great, accompanying this dork who’s not nearly as formal as the rest of his crew who doesn’t try to hide that he’s just trying to save himself here
until he really showed that he grew
and honestly to me promising the woman that he would protect her and her child wasn’t the strongest moment because I feel like anyone would do that in an emotional moment like that, but...then he actually did it. he actually put his life on the line for everyone
and when he was running through the halls shouting the song from the Breakfast Club I just felt so incredibly sad
usually, when he’s doing something, I leave the game to do something else, but I just sat there
I just sat there imagining the boy who has been desperate to save his ass and succeeded but not too long later but is now able to sacrifice his ego and his future for people he hasn’t even known for this long just because he understands the value of their lives
and when i thought it couldn’t get any worse than the happy ending supposedly being him sacrificing himself for others and not surviving it...i killed him.
i went back. i tried again. i killed him again, and then succeeded. i got to the end and saw his lovely little heartfelt message of thanks. but it wasn’t the same as winning the first game.
and it’s so weird because as much as because i felt like what had really happened was that he died and that the winning route was just a hypothetical situation i had been granted the opportunity to see
which is weird because techinically it’s aLL HYPOTHETICAL NONE OF IT IS REAL but...i still really feel like i failed him?? and it was really stupid, it was because i forgot that he had to put up the fire wall before detaching the ship
and that makes me feel even worse because it wasn’t because i had to diverge from the original plan (like when you need to use an explosive again instead of keeping it for the final explosion), and i felt responsible as the person who isn’t feeling the pressure of being in the situation to remember the plan (like i had to remember the code)
and it’s so, so WEIRD because i really do feel like i failed him and like i’m responsible for his death
and he said “not that taste again” and i just...
(and now I’m listening to Saturn by Sleeping at Last and it’s sO ACCURATE HELP ME)
blakekathryn
gracieabrams
baratheonpilled
theartofmadeline
titsay
romaincrisis
yousharknotpass
jacobvanloon