Only because it resonates with her girlfriend. The orange and red hues of the leaves that resembles Caseyâs red hair, the cool breeze of air that reminds Alex of her girlfriendâs husky voice that send chills down her spine. Fall season is beautifulâjust like her Casey.â
Her hands were always warm, broad and holding an inherent sense of safety within them when Alex woke up this way. The blonde groaned softly, just loud enough to signal she was conscious, and she heard Olivia behind her huff with amusement.
They'd fallen asleep the night prior with Olivia spooning her, and evidently throughout the night nothing had changed that. With Olivia only in her boxers and Alex entirely nude, the space beneath the blankets was incredibly warm, comfortable and satisfying in the way only skin contact really could be.
Alex rather wished she could bottle the experience of something as domestic and sweet as this into a bottle to place on her desk, take sips from when the caseload got too much. It was perfect. Sweeter than any sort of drink sheâd ever have, even more darling than golden treacle from the can.
âCâmon sleepyhead,â Liv sighed, kissing the side of her face, âIâll get a pot of coffee on, but you better be up by the time it's ready, alright? Don't fall asleep again.â
âMhm,â Alex murmured, but with bleary eyes on the wall that wasn't yet lit by the sun, she was contemplating sneaking in a last five minutes, at least.
Evidently she had because she woke up to Oliviaâs hands less gently shaking her shoulder. The second she opened her eyes the brunette pressed a kiss to her lips and then wrapped a hand around her waist to tug her into a sitting position, that Alex allowed but immediately slouched in.
With narrow blue eyes, she regarded Olivia with a mixture of sleepiness and irritation, which earned her a laugh. Alex wasnât a morning person in the slightest, although insomnia had made her incredibly used to waking up at four and not being able to return to sleep- on days like this, when she woke up at a designated time, she hated it immensely. The comfort and warmth and sense of safety being cradled up to Olivia after a night of being essentially wined and dined upon wasnât something she was ready to give up so immediately.
âThe coffee is ready, and Iâm already dressed, âLex. It's your own fault for suggesting you sleep over when weâd both have work in the morning.â
âIt's not my fault,â Alex breathed, running a hand through her hair and sighing deeply, âI just- I sleep better when Iâm next to you, and I don't wake up as much, and I can sleep for longer.â
Olivia sighed absentmindedly, her brown eyes on the blonde hair Alex had just tousled with, expression soft and familiar. âIâm so jealous that your hair does that,â she mused, âAlways so⊠perfect. Even when you wake up.â
Alex stuck her tongue out at her and swung her legs off the side of the bed, standing up and pacing over to Oliviaâs closet, where she knew at least a set or two of her own clothes had been stored away from nights similar to the last. She didnât miss the way Oliviaâs eyes were on her ass, but with her glance thrown over her shoulder and a subtle look on her face, Olivia behaved. They did have to go to work, after all.
âAlright if I run a shower?â Alex murmured, picking out her clothes in a neat stack and holding them to her chest, and Olivia nodded.
âYou donât have to ask me every time, you know,â Liv said with a chuff, âWhen Elliot stays over after drinking he just announces things.â
The blonde pursed her lips, blinking at the brunette, who surely hadnât meant it that way, but that was an odd comparison to make while Alex was still naked in her bedroom.
âIâm not exactly Stabler though, now am I?â She responded dryly, and awkwardly stepped past her when Oliviaâs face went blank.
It was juvenile to be jealous of Elliot; she knew that. But still, the way Olivia and Elliot regarded each other so fondly and in such an innate sense- I mean- they were at the very least officially partners in some sense, Alex was not so close. Elliot may not know what Oliviaâs kisses felt like but when they walked together there was no doubt they were particularly- well, they were something, werenât they? Alex could only hope that those Olivia was close to knew her to be so treasured too.
The water was warm but it felt like she was, in some way, washing the sensation of Oliviaâs skin off of her, but using her soap and knowing her hair would smell similar to Livâs made her feel better. With her hair in the style only slightly longer than a bob, she didnât have to spend too long- a quick shower was all she really needed to ensure her thighs held no remains of sex.
Olivia wasnât one for breakfast, but there was a slice of buttered toast on the counter when Alex left the bathroom now in a full set of professional clothes and hair damp at the ends, freshly combed through. Alex supposed that this was her way of apologizing for comparing her to her work partner, but the shower hadnât really been a place to spiral over that, and she had already soothed it over in her mind. The apologetic smile Olivia gave her over the counter was good enough as a closure.
âIâm surprised neither of us got woken up,â Olivia mentioned, leaning against the table as Alex forced herself to chew through the bread to not trigger Oliviaâs concern.
Alex tilted her head to the side with little conviction; theyâd fallen asleep sometime around two in the morning and when Olivia had first woken it couldnât have been later than six thirty. Not needing to rush to work was always appreciated, but it wasnât as though they had been asleep for an exceptional duration, although that had been entirely by choice.
Idle chatter restarted quickly after that. Olivia didnât eat but Alex saw her pack a salad, and she had a cup of coffee with her, although Oliviaâs was black while she had prepared Alexâs the lighter way she normally took it. Alex liked that she remembered things like that about her.
The plan was to drop Olivia off at the precinct and then drive herself to the office, but she hesitated in the car for too long. Their arrangement wasnât something where she could kiss her on the cheek before she left for work, and Olivia- Alex knew not to be so close to her in front of the others, even though Oliviaâs eyes read hardly as only friendly when they faced her.
Regardless, she had paused, heart aching to say goodbye in a way she found more proper for people like them, and Olivia had misunderstood that as Alex needing something. She made up an excuse that she needed to check papers with Cragen, Olivia nodded and clambered out of the car.
Alex followed her knowing she had done more or less wrong, but she was tired and thought to herself not wanting to say goodbye to someone she loved who had a knack for injuring herself and getting into trouble over her head wasnât exactly a crime.
She deduced a way to explain her presence to Cragen on the walk from the car to the bullpen- she never ended up needing to use it.
Red hair, crisp clothes, a laugh in a rasped voice Alex could begin to recognize from the other end of long hallways. Her face, pale skin and refined features, supple lips that held such a gorgeous color and eyes that made Alexâs heartrate quicken for a reason she hadnât yet fully deduced but assumed to be the growing sense of doom.
âCasey,â Alex greeted, her voice warm and immediate, leaving her place just slightly behind Oliviaâs stride to quicken her pace in Caseyâs direction. She extended a hand and rested on the womanâs forearm, and couldnât help but notice that Casey looked significantly more awake than anyone else in the building despite the early morning.
âGâmorning to you too, counseller,â Elliot chuffed, crossing his arms and leaning back in his rolly chair. Alex spared him an overexaggerated smile his way before turning her attention back to the redhead who commanded a quite deal of her daily attention.
âGoodmorning, Alex.â Casey grinned, her own hand raising to pat Alexâs shoulder once. Alex hadnât even realized when theyâd established that routine, her hand on Caseyâs arm as light as a whisper of encouragement, Caseyâs on her shoulder in a more firmer way like reassurance. Alex liked it quite a lot.
âHope you donât mind me delivering papers to this one personally,â Casey motioned her head in Stablerâs direction, and Alex quickly shrugged off the notion- she knew that they were friends, them discussing details of the case they were working on and exchanging information between them wasnât a surprise to her, nor a concern unless they forgot to fill her in the loop on something important. After making a sly comment about that and hearing them both chuckle, that snippet of an exchange was over- Casey would probably depart back to her own cases shortly, and Alex was brainstorming ways to convince her to stay with her a moment longer.
If sheâd been awake for a moment- perhaps she could suggest they get coffee. She was about too when Olivia interjected.
âHey Novak- whatâs that on your wrist?â
Alex felt her heart drop suddenly in her chest to an extent it became a physical discomfort. She tried to glance at Olivia in a way that conveyed some sense of that- of course sheâd confided to the brunette the little mission sheâd placed herself on, especially after Olivia had been so confused by her impulse decision to adopt a cat companion- so she had no reason to approach what she knew so brazenly.
Casey became stiff immediately, the preexisting tense of her shoulders tightening into something akin to iron, and she feigned ignorance. The redhead lifted her sleeve and drew it back slightly, her bottom lip nudging out into a confused pout as though she was as unawares as anyone- it wasnât a particularly horrible bruise, but a bruise nonetheless.
Alex tried to swallow the frog in her throat- no, surely an animal larger, perhaps an elk or an orca- and say something to soothe the situation over, but there was nothing she could interject with, and she could feel herself begin to panic.
âAh, Iâm not sure- Elliot, did I do something especially daunting last game?â Casey kid, shooting him a grin, and she held her arm out for inspection like this was a casual conversation and Alex wasnât fighting the urge to reach out and pinch Olivia with a bite of protectiveness- territorialness- she wasnât allowed to harbour.
âWell, youâre reckless as hell on the field, so I wouldnât be surprised.â Stabler laughed, reaching out to touch her arm to further examine, and Casey withdrew her wrist prematurely.
âAn athlete, huh? I see you,â Olivia smiled, her grin as warm and casual as Alex had always found incredibly comforting from her, and she motioned her head in the direction of the lockers. âRunning into shit while chasing perps has landed me a worse bruise than that, but that also means Iâve tested about every cream they make for those already- Iâll help you heal it faster?â
Alex was panicked and that wasnât going to help. She saw what Olivia was trying to do but a part of her- a large part of her, which was surprising to her conscious but she supposed she shouldnât be that alarmed by- grew upset. Caseyâs face morphed into one of casual intrigue and she shrugged her way into a nod, following Olivia as the brunette headed towards the locker room.
There wasnât anything she could say that would make any sort of sense that would let he accompany the two of them; Olivia was- she was doing what was reasonable, Casey might even show her more injuried if the premise was Olivia applying medication to them, but Alex wasnât prepared for the odd feeling of being left out.
There was something more to be learned about Casey, and she wanted to be there.
Even if all that happened was idle small talk as Olivia applied ointment- she wanted to be there.
âOnce I was chasing a guy into an alleyway- slammed my foot straight into a dumpster trying to clip a corner, the entire front of my foot was purple. But this healed it up in no time, so something like that-â The woman motioned to the mark on Caseyâs hand which had daunted her immensely but seemed to be no issue under the brunetteâs gaze- âshould be fine soon.â
âMaybe I should invest,â Casey sighed, âIâve been playing softball since college, and I make this joke to El every year, but I can feel myself getting older.â
âBetween the two of us, he must be getting tired;â Olivia wrestled with her keys in her front pocket and extracted them, turning the lock before kneeling to retrieve a tube of paste. âI make the same comment every time we chase a perp down, too.â
âGlad to see someone else is doing the teasing when I canât fill in,â Casey chuffed and Olivia turned her head to flash another smile at her, warm and wide and easy. Casey found herself smiling back.
Sheâd seen the brunette before a few times, in spaces regarding the trafficking case but previously due to her showing up in Elliotâs teamâs support section, and sheâd always had the thought that she must do quite well with the victims in her line of work.
There was just something in the way she held herself and the way she spoke and smiled that seemed immediately comforting, and Casey felt the guard held usually to acquaintances and strangers sliding down like a car window.
Casey sat down on the metal bench when Olivia motioned towards it and allowed the woman to place her wrist on her knee, rolling the sleeve up once that made her feel a bit like a kid being tended too by the school nurse, but she supposed Olivia had simply slid into her role as a protector and slight caregiver this job had her playing and didnât take offense to it.
âIt must be a pain to get bruises when your skin is so pale,â Olivia murmured as she uncapped the tube, âDo you bruise easily?â
âI wouldnât say so,â Casey shrugged, reading the name of the cream on the packing, âI grew up with brothers and got bruises and injuries a lot more than my female peers, I guess, but I can take a volleyball no problem, and I know other girls with my complexion turn red after thatâŠâ
âOh, brothers? I wish, I was an only child. They live around here?â
âNo, not really. I had a large family and we all sort of scattered over the years- I didnât grow up here, either.â
Olivia nodded, carefully measuring out whatever amount of ointment she thought adequate onto her fingertip, and then cradling Caseyâs wrist in her hand as she began to rub small circles on the bruised skin with the air of a healer.
Casey had tried not to think too hard about the bruise but just looking at it made her nauseous. The warmth of Oliviaâs palm seeping into her own didnât make it much better, she felt the need to let her hand twitch and flinch like an injured animal and had to exert an amount of control her sleep deprived self didnât have in expense to keep it from moving.
His hand had formed that. Charlieâs hand had held her arm that way, but instead of gently in the way Olivia was currently to lift it up slightly and hold it still, he had pinned her down from above. He had pinned her, he had-
A sweep of nausea, real nausea, hit her and the way she started blinking too quickly signalled Olivia off. She paused and Casey felt deep brown eyes study her with immediate concern, her hand raising a couple inches like she was worried her attempts to tend had caused hurt, and all Casey could do was shake her head quickly and hunch herself forward slightly.
âBathroom-?â She heard herself choke out in a hoarse voice and when Olivia stood- open tube of cream rolling off her lap and landing on the floor with neither womanâs attention- and motioned with her head towards a door, Casey didnât wait.
She didnât expect Olivia to follow her but the brunetteâs hands quickly sweeping her hair off of her shoulders and holding it back for her when Casey coughed up wasnât unwelcome. If anything, she really wanted to thank her- fucking up her hair with her own vomit wasnât particularly a good look for court and bending herself over the sink trying to wash it out wouldnât have been ideal.
âYouâre okay, honey,â Olivia murmured, squatting down next to Casey who had instinctively dropped down on her knees. Casey couldnât respond, only lifted her head out of the basin to gasp for a breath of air that didnât smell disgusting, before shaking her head with a pained grimace to try to nonverbally communicate her stomach wasnât done with her.
Olivia stayed for the duration of the fit. The nausea finally subsided- Casey was glad she had skipped breakfast, although at this point having eaten a real meal wouldâve been more surprising than if not.
âYouâre okay?â Olivia asked hesitantly and when Casey nodded she helped her stand up, one hand on her back and the other extended near her arm to catch her if the redhead stumbled.
âSorry- Iâm sorry,â Casey corrected, and then she sighed. âI donât know why Iâve been- throwing up more lately, I guess.â
âYouâre okay,â She said immediately, offering her another smile. Casey felt rather faint and she didnât hate that Olivia stayed guiding her, back to the bench sheâd originally been seated at, before letting her go. âIâll get you a cup of water, okay? I can make tea, but it would take a minute,-â
âNo, no, thatâs- youâre too kind.â Casey said quickly, closing her eyes and placing her palms atop them. It was too bright and she didnât want to be offered anything, she just wanted to collect herself- the water would be nice- and turn tail quickly. It wasnât humiliating necessarily, and Olivia was being exceptionally kind to her, but still. The kind, gentle sort of attention she was being given by a near stranger to her blistered. âWater would be good, thank you.â
Olivia nodded and retrieved it, and to Casey the duration of time between her leaving and reappearing seemed incredibly short. She had collected herself in the time between but she wouldâve preferred to be alone for at least a heartbeat longer, only if it meant she didnât have to muster up the energy to figure out responses that didnât seem- wrong.
âYouâre feeling okay, other than the nausea?â Olivia asked when she seated herself beside her again, a paper cup being placed in her palm full of water.
The brunette picked the tube up off the floor and began occupying herself with it again. Casey felt guilty when she spotted the smear of the thick paste against her pant leg from Olivia wiping it off on the nearest available fabric before reaching for her hair.
Casey sighed and Olivia gently found her wrist again.
âI feel fine,â she confirmed, her eyes shifting to the floor, but after running a quick check she found she wasnât lying. She didnât assess herself as feeling warm, her nose wasnât running and her eyes werenât dry, and despite her becoming used to the type of exhaustion one felt in one's bones she wasnât worn out to the extent sheâd think itâd have caused that sudden wave of nausea. âI donât think I ate anything funny, either- but I guess, you never know.â
Olivia smiled politely, her attention focused on resuming the small, delicate motions of her forefinger against the bruised skin of Caseyâs wrist, before it seemed as though something occurred to her.
âSorry if this is overstepping, but-â Olivia hesitantly tapped the small band of silver that encircled Caseyâs ring finger to contextualize her suggestion, before slowly moving her free hand above her stomach. Her head was ducked slightly and her voice was more than soft, her brown eyes flicking about Caseyâs face.
âThereâs no chance you could be..?â
âOh,â Casey breathed.
âOh,â She heard herself say again, the hand not occupied by being on Oliviaâs knee immediately flying to mirror where Oliviaâs other was placed- not on her stomach, somewhere far more- she couldnât find a word for that. She held her hand down there, lithe fingers above an organ, as if sheâd be able to feel something immediately different, she felt her eyebrows scrunch and her eyes flicker up to Oliviaâs face.
âI hadnât even-â Her voice sounded faint, even to her, she cleared her throat in a forced cough and then readjusted herself quickly.
I think the reason Iâm such a Hotch girl when i realistically started watching Criminal Minds under the assumption Iâd be a Reid girl is because Hotch on the surface is a completely different character from who he actually is.
Like he immediately comes off as this strict, hardass, dominant man but he justâŠ.isnât. He consistently bends the rules when it comes to his team. He will omit things and flat out lie if it means keeping the team together and safe. He consistently breaks, snapping at unsubs, at police departments, at the media. He crumbles when thereâs a case involving a negligent parent, a fire, a child in danger. he consistently overfills his glass in order to keep the team afloat.
And most of that obviously stems from guilt. Like, you see the switch post Elles departure in season 2, then following Haleys divorce in season 3 and most obviously following Haleys death in season 5. When he fails someone he overcompensates with the other people in his life. Had the situation with Elle not happened, he probably wouldâve reported Reids drug abuse, but that would mean potentially losing another team member. He goes so hard when cases involve kids because he feels guilty for not only being absent so often, but because Jack goes from a 2 parent household, to 2 divorced parents, to a dead mother and he so obviously feels guilty. He goes so hard with Maeve and Savannah because he doesnât want Reid and Morgan to go through what he went through. because he doesnât want them to live with that guilt. He will take on the burden of others so they donât go through what heâs gone through.
idk heâs so mischaracterized and i think heâs genuinely so much more complex than âserious boss manâ
Alex/Casey. Alex gets a call no wife wants to get.
Alex Cabot was still in her office, sleeves rolled up, glasses off and sitting on her desk as she combed through the dayâs last stack of files. It was late, but that was nothing new. Her phone buzzed against the desk, and she answered absentmindedly.
âCabot.â
âMrs. Cabot? This is NewYork Presbyterian Hospital. Your wife, Casey Novak, was just brought in from a car accidentââ
Alexâs pen clattered from her hand, her body going cold. The rest of the sentence blurred. She only caught pieces: conscious⊠stable⊠ER.
âIâll be there in ten minutes,â she said, her voice trembling despite her best effort to sound composed.
She didnât even grab her coat. The cab ride was a blur of flashing lights, her mind spiraling through every worst-case scenario she had ever argued in a courtroom. Broken bones? Internal bleeding? What if itâs worse than theyâre saying? What if sheâ She forced herself to stop. She had to hold it together until she saw Casey with her own eyes.
When Alex rushed through the sliding ER doors, her heart pounded so hard she thought it might give out before she even found her.
The nurse guided her quickly. âSheâs awake. Just try not to worry, maâam.â
âNot possible,â Alex muttered under her breath.
And thenâthere she was. Casey lay propped up on a hospital bed, her fiery red hair mussed, a bandage on her forehead, and her left arm in a sling. Her smile was tired, but it was there.
âAlex,â she said softly.
The breath Alex had been holding all the way from Midtown finally released in a shaky exhale. She was at Caseyâs side in an instant, cupping her face gently, careful of the cuts.
âYou scared the hell out of me,â Alex whispered, her voice breaking. âDonât you ever do that again.â
Caseyâs good hand reached for her, fingers threading through Alexâs. âIâm sorry. A delivery truck ran a red light. I didnât even see it coming. The car is...not okay."
Alex leaned down, pressing her forehead against Caseyâs, closing her eyes. âYour car is replaceable. You are not.â
Casey gave a soft laugh, though it turned into a wince. âTell that to the insurance company.â
Alex managed a watery smile, brushing her thumb along Caseyâs cheek. âAs long as youâre hereâbattered shoulder, bandaged head, terrible jokes and allâI donât care about the damn car.â
The doctor stepped in, updating Alex on the injuries: a fractured shoulder, cuts needing stitches, and plenty of soreness. Nothing life-threatening. Nothing that would take her away.
When the doctor left, Alex finally sat, pulling a chair as close as possible, their hands still locked.
âI thoughtâŠâ Alexâs voice faltered. She swallowed hard. âI thought I might lose you before I even got here.â
Casey squeezed her hand. âHey. Iâm right here. Always. And I plan on staying that way for a long time, Mrs. Cabot.â
Alex gave a shaky laugh, leaning down to kiss her carefully, tasting the antiseptic air, the relief, and the love that had carried them through years together.
And for the first time since the call, her heart finally slowed.
------------
By the time they were discharged and bundled into a cab, Alex had one arm protectively around Casey, as though she could shield her from any more harm simply by proximity. Casey leaned against her, eyelids heavy from the pain medication, but her wry humor intact.
âYou know,â Casey murmured, âyouâre fussing enough to qualify as a one-woman nursing staff.â
âGood,â Alex said firmly, brushing a stray strand of hair off her bandaged forehead. âBecause unlike the ER, my services are exclusive.â
Casey chuckled softly, then winced as the movement jostled her sore shoulder. Alex pressed a kiss to her temple. âDonât make me laugh, counselor. Doctorâs orders.â
When they finally stepped inside their brownstone, Alex immediately guided Casey to the couch. âSit. Donât move. Iâll be right back.â
Casey sank down obediently, sinking into the cushions, her sling awkwardly propped up. She looked around their familiar living room and let out a sigh of relief. The worst was behind her, and she was home.
A few minutes later, the rhythmic whump-whump of the dryer sounded in the distance. Casey smiled knowingly.
âAlex Cabot,â she called, her voice playful. âAre you doing what I think youâre doing?â
Alex reappeared in the doorway, arms crossed, a touch of smugness softening her worry. âYes. I am warming up the blanket.â
Caseyâs grin widened despite her bruises. âBest wife ever.â
Ten minutes later, Alex returned triumphantly, carrying the impossibly soft blanket that had been Caseyâs comfort since law school. The heat from the dryer radiated off of it as Alex carefully wrapped it around Caseyâs shoulders and tucked it under her chin.
Casey let out a soft, content hum. âMmm. Perfection.â
Alex sat beside her, pulling her close, adjusting so Caseyâs head rested safely against her chest. She grabbed the remote, flicked on Netflix, and scrolled until she landed on a familiar series theyâd watched a dozen times. Comfort food for the soul.
Casey tilted her head to look up at her. âYouâre not going to let me out of your sight, are you?â
Alex kissed her hair, tightening her arms around her. âNot tonight. Probably not tomorrow either. Maybe not ever again.â
Casey smiled into her shoulder, letting her eyes flutter closed as the opening credits played. âFine by me.â
They settled in together, the glow of the television washing over them, the warmth of the blanket cocooning them. Alex stroked her thumb over Caseyâs hand, steady and soothing, her heart still heavy with the echo of what-ifsâbut grounding herself in what was.
Casey was here. Safe. Breathing. Wrapped up in love.
And Alex swore silently, as Casey rested against her, that she would never take a single moment of it for granted.
Casey stirred a little under the cocoon of warmth, her lips quirking as Alex adjusted the blanket around her yet again.
âYou know,â Casey said drowsily, âI may actually love this blanket more than I love you.â
Alex blinked down at her, one perfectly arched eyebrow lifting. âExcuse me?â
Casey smirked, eyes glittering despite the bruises. âItâs warm, itâs soft, it doesnât argue with meâŠâ
Alex gave a theatrical huff, tugging the edge of the blanket up over Caseyâs nose. âFine. Marry the blanket. But I'm not paying you two alimony.â
That got a laugh out of Casey, even if it was a careful, wince-softened one. She tugged the blanket down just enough to meet Alexâs eyes. "I think I'm kind of attached to you."
Alexâs mock-indignant expression softened into a smile, her heart swelling at the sleepy affection in Caseyâs voice. She leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose.
âGood answer,â Alex murmured. âThough for the record, the blanket doesnât get Netflix privileges.â
Casey chuckled again, letting her head sink back against Alexâs chest. âGuess Iâll stick with you then.â
The blanket stayed warm. The show played on. And Alex held her wife a little tighter, silently grateful that Caseyâs teasing, her laughter, her loveâall of itâwas still right here.
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