when you know you are going manic but can't bring yourself to care

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Kiana Khansmith
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@maniaadventures
when you know you are going manic but can't bring yourself to care
me: wow I feel so much better; I'm happy; I can paint; maybe the doctors right and I'm stable
me at me: skip your meds. do something bad. something you'll regret. scare everyone you know with your behaviour
thanks to my doctor I now have to ask myself
am I faking the mania? is it just stress? am i really vibrating or just hallucinating that i am? i am really hallucinating or am I hallucinating that I'm hallucinating? am i just hypomanic with delusions? am i just making everything up?
or am I actually manic and it's just that no one believes me?
Mixed mania mood be like: I'm crying but I'm real excited about it
Bipolar disorder - a poem
Sometimes it feels like i am drowning in my head.
Or like I’m lost.
In a giant labyrint
With endless corridors
And no exist.
Sometimes it feels like it’s all to much.
All the “shouldn’t”’s
“You shouldn’t be awake at 3 AM”
“You shouldn’t have to take so much medicine”
“You shouldn’t be so worried”
“You shouldn’t be so sad”
There are a lot of things that “shouldn’t”
I shouldn’t have been so alone
I shouldn’t have been so scared
I shouldn’t have hurt so much
They shouldn’t, I shouldn’t, it shouldn’t
But it did.
Being bipolar
I’m sorry – no
Having bipolar disorder
Is a lot like being handcuffed to a hurricane
And all you can do
Is being dragged around
Mania + Period = ultimate moodswings
My friend: Wow you're up early.
Me: I woke up at 7 am and didn't even go to bed until after 4:30 am...
My friend: How do you do that?
Me: Insomnia and an unstable brain chemistry
My friend: I would not be able to function like that.
Me: Believe me, neither can I.
I'm gonna do stupid things this night. I feel it. at least I've blocked my savings account so i can't do impulse buys. but that's about what I can do. I wouldnt even get committed if I wanted to because they wouldn't take me in. they said so this morning. it's only my self control left and that's thin to begging with
me: i hate tea
me: *drinks it anyway*
me four cups in of black tea with high caffeine levels: tea iS GREAT
me after sleeping 8 hours for once: huh maybe my mania's over
me literally an half an hour later: v i b r a t i n g
my body: finally decided to sleep
rational me: GREAT
manic me: yo, what the fuck was that??
my body: finally caves in to sleep
my brain: perfect time for horrific nightmare that the you scared of the dark
should I take a random bus an when maybe a train and just see where I end up????
“are my friends being boring or are they being sane” - an autobiography
apparently the vote is in for "sane"
"are my friends being boring or are they being sane" - an autobiography
my brain and body: we! need! sleep! we! are! shutting! down!
also my brain and body: pfffft sleep??? don't know her
pic credit to @fairyvany
sleep,,, maybe I should like sleep? maybe,,,