The tone of my final semester had turned violent, the last leg of my educational journey was rapidly approaching and I had to pick myself up to muster through it. The excitement that should have come with finally being near the finish line had long since been replaced with exhaustion.
Jaafar had been a great help with the harsh demands of grad school, we slipped completely back into our usual pace after the interview, and he was my number one supporter as I faced the daunting existence of the licensing exam.
Everyday I had the urge to just give up, I was completely burnt out. That made apparent by my disheveled appearance, the bags growing darker under my eyes every night I missed. Jaafar had seen me in every variation of suffering possible.
But he didn’t mention the harrowing look I had taken, even when the mirror broke when I caught a glance at myself, he had just coached me through study guides, helping me with memorization on note cards that he helped me make. His handwriting started appearing in the margins of my notebooks beside my own, messy little reminders and underlined vocabulary terms which made me giggle.
He didn’t even know half the words he was saying back to me when I would miss a question. He would lean back against my couch holding flashcards upside down when I gave him incorrect answers. We studied so often together that he eventually memorized the contents of the note cards, and would try to engage in debates with me about the lecture material.
His shoes found a space near mine in my apartment, and he always came with enough food to make it through the night when he noticed my cheeks growing hollow. He would nudge containers toward me or push my water bottle closer with his foot while pretending to stay focused on the flashcards in his hand.
But when it got bad, he would sit there, refusing to help me study if I didn’t take a bite with every answer I gave. And he would sit there for a while, stretched out across me on the floor while I sat on the couch. His head would rest against my cushion while he quizzed me lazily, one socked foot kicking against the couch as the hours went by.
The night before, he was here at my apartment. He had urged with me to get a good night of rest before today. We stayed up until the room darkened around the edges of my vision, and before I knew it slumber had taken me hostage.
When I woke up, there was a blanket draped over me and no Jaafar to be seen.
I groaned, stretching my limbs as I got up from the couch to turn off the alarm on my phone. The blanket Jer had gotten me with his face plastered over it, crumbled in a pile on the floor.
Once the alarm was turned off, my eyes scrolled through the plethora of notifications I had accumulated through the night.
In bold, a reminder of my exam. I could have cried from happiness, I was almost done.
Under it, a text from Jaafar.
Not that you’d need it, your hippocampus has already stored all the information in your long-term memory, but good luck, go make everyone proud and finish strong!
I laughed at his nerdy message. The laugh came out softer than I expected, while I reread the text twice more than necessary.
I set the phone down, letting out a deep exhale. Inhaling. Exhaling.
It required a 75% pass rate, or I would have to wait three months with one last chance to pass before I would be ineligible.
The mock tests I had Jaafar administer last night lay on the floor, mid to high 60’s scribbled in bright red. All my doing, Jaafar attempted to write encouraging notes next to my big fat failure.
Picking the exams up, I organized them before hopping into the shower to try to quell my anxiety.
Once showered, and a tummy full of a protein bar and an apple. I sat in the passenger seat of my best friend's car, gnawing on said apple as she quizzed me while she drove.
“You notice your depressed client has become unusually energetic and impulsive, they report only sleeping only 2–3 hours a night after recently starting an SSRI. What should you be most concerned about?”
I blinked, turning my head away from the window and shutting my eyes as I recalled anything that would make sense, or any red flags from the question.
“That…” I trailed, the gears in my head turning, “the medication is inducing a type of mania not congruent with a depressive diagnosis,” she nodded, a bright smile on her face as she motioned for me to continue, “Assess for bipolar disorders rather than depressive disorders?” I rushed out, pulling a face not knowing if I was 100% correct.
She turned her head slowly, as she parked. She held my hands in her own, looking me in the eye.
How bad did I mess that up?
I sighed, dropping my head. “Thank God, you bitch.” She laughed, “You scared me.”
She waved me off, “You’ve got nothing to worry about, boo. Trust your gut, you know this stuff.”
I took in her words, trying to believe them the best that I could. I gave her a hug, and we made our way to the class.
The lecture hall felt cold from the A.C. and the dreadful look all my classmates shared. Everyone looked half dead, until anxiety creeped up on all of us as the exam began and everyone perked up.
I stared at the questions in front of me so long the words started losing meaning, and started drifting all over the screen.
My knee bounced rapidly beneath the desk while I reread the case study for what had to be the seventh time, trying to force my brain into understanding something that I should have known like the back of my hand. I had studied this. I knew I had.
Yet my mind had gone completely blank, and the doubt began to trickle in.
I’m going to fail this exam, and the world would be better for it. Who wants their therapist to be as incompetent as I am?
I was not good enough for this.
The timer at the front of the room only made it worse.
My chest tightened. People around me kept typing confidently, pages flipping while I remained frozen on the same question. The professor walked slowly between aisles, heels clicking against the floor.
I pressed the heels of my palms into my eyes for a second too long, stars blooming in my mind before forcing myself to breathe.
The case study involved a patient presenting with symptoms overlapping between generalized anxiety disorder and obsessive compulsive tendencies, but there was a secondary condition hidden somewhere in the wording that completely threw me off. Every answer I considered sounded wrong. My thoughts spiraled faster each time I tried correcting myself.
I could already feel the panic beginning to crawl up my throat.
If I failed this exam, that meant delaying my graduation, even longer till I could erase my loans while interest wracked up with every passing day.
Even worse, it meant that I would be delaying the future I had exhausted myself trying to build.
I swallowed hard and stared back down at the paper, but the words blurred again.
Then my best friend’s voice played through my mind.
There had been nights when I called her completely convinced I wasn’t smart enough for this career, that maybe I only sounded competent because I memorized the terminology well. Every single time she listened to me spiral before reminding me I was capable.
Suddenly I was back at my kitchen table at two in the morning surrounded by open textbooks and empty coffee cups while Jaafar sat across from me reading fake client responses off my laptop in the most upbeat voice imaginable just to keep me awake.
He winced at my answer as he held the card to his face, “I don’t think he has all of those disorders, is that even humanly possible?”
“These could all be very real possibilities, if I don’t consider them I could miss it and ruin this person's life.”
“I think if he had all these disorders it might be too late for you to do anymore damage.”
He sat through hours of mock interviews without complaint. Letting me ramble through theories and diagnoses even when he clearly had no idea what I was saying.
“Are you trying to convince yourself that you're right?” He asked and I opened and closed my mouth like a fish, “Is this even about the question anymore?” He told me once quietly from across the kitchen table.
His words of wisdom played in mind and my eyes dropped back to the case study.
Generalized anxiety. Compulsive reassurance seeking. Fear of uncertainty. Avoidance behaviors.
The answer suddenly clicked into place so fast it made my stomach drop.
“Oh my God,” I mouthed silently to myself.
My fingers typed rapidly now, heartbeat thudding hard enough that I could hear it in my ears while I filled in the answer before my brain could second guess itself. I changed the page quickly before doubt could creep back in.
Question after question started flowing easier after that. Enough for my thoughts to stop making me feel incompetent. By the final section my hand ached, fingers cramped from typing so fast.
The timer hit its last ten minutes. Students around me shifted anxiously, keyboards clacking faster now as they raced against time itself.
I looked over every answer one final time, pulse roaring in my ears all over again.
What if I missed something?
My voice echoed through my mind immediately. I slowly pulled my hands away from the keyboard.
I stared at the screen in front of me, every insecurity I carried sitting there in the form of pixels.
Then finally, before I could lose my nerve, I submitted it.
The screen loaded, counting down the seconds until the grade was released. I looked up from my screen, across the class my best friend was already locking her eyes with mine. She sent a smile my way, stress evident on her face.
I crossed my fingers, and she mirrored my actions before the timer went off. Both of our eyes widened, and every one in the lecture hall sucked in a deep breath.
The professor walked to the front of the class, leaning over her laptop before pressing a button. Her glasses were pulled off her face, and she regarded everyone with a smile.
“Scores are finalized, and will be released shortly. Enjoy your summer break, and congratulations if you are eligible for graduation.”
We all packed our stuff up, a solemn mood over the entire class as we filtered out. It seemed like it was as rough for them as it was for me.
Falling in step with her, we both trudged until we made it to the courtyard outside our class hall.
“That was awful.” She sighed, and I looked up at her.
My phone buzzed, Jermajesty and Jaafar texting me in a group chat, and I checked it as I replied to her. “Looks like we’ll have each other for another semester at least.”
She paled, “Shut up, is it out already?”
I glanced up, “No, no. Sorry, just checking a text and making a bad joke.”
They both had sent more words of encouragement as I was taking my final, and then asked if they could take me out to celebrate passing.
Then another message from Jer saying that he was already on his way.
“From Jackoff 1 and Jackoff 2?”
I laughed, “Yeah, how’d you know?”
She tilted her head as she looked across the yard, seeing two figures walking towards us as they garnered attention around them. “I don’t know, just a gue-”
I cut her off with a loud gasp, everyone turning their head to mine before dropping to look at their own scores.
Low score: 12% Class AVG: 58% High score: 92%
There was a chorus of excited shouts mixed with groans of frustration the second the scores were posted, classmates who were leaving at the same time as us rushed to check their scores. People crowded around laptops and phones trying to log into the portal at the same time.
I left nonchalance out the window as I screamed in joy.
The sound ripped out of me before I could stop it, my hands flying to my mouth as my vision blurred instantly with tears. My score stared back at me from the bright screen, and suddenly months worth of pressure crashed through me all at once. Every sleepless night, every panic attack over assignments, every hour spent doubting whether I was capable enough to make it this far all unraveled in one overwhelming wave.
“Oh my God,” I gasped, staring at the screen again just to make sure it hadn’t changed.
My friend gasped looking at my score on my device, while she refreshed her own page repeatedly.
“Well?!” I shouted at her, voice cracking from adrenaline.
Her eyes widened, then her smile.
“Oh my God!” she screamed right back, the same exhausted disbelief washing over her face as tears immediately gathered in her eyes too. “We passed!”
I tackled her to the ground, and we both laughed in pure and utter happiness. My chest hurt from laughing and crying at the same time while she wrapped her arms around me tightly enough to nearly knock the air out of my lungs.
“We’re done,” she kept repeating breathlessly. “We’re actually done.”
“I never have to do another in class roleplay again.” I cried into her shoulder, and she laughed so hard she snorted against my neck.
“I never have to watch you do another roleplay.”
We were basically rolling around when they approached us, concern on their faces as they took in our tear streaked faces, but smiles so bright and infectious they grew confused. Jaafar crouched beside us slowly.
“What happened? Did you pass?” He asked, worry and concern in his face as he watched me. His eyes searched mine carefully.
I let go of her, too much happiness to realize just exactly what I was doing. I threw myself at him from where we were on the floor, he let out a sound of surprise. Bracing our bodies with one hand balancing us as one arm wrapped around my waist. Instinct moved faster than thought for both of us, his grip tightening around me automatically while my hands clung to his shoulders. Relief visibly settled across his features, obvious he had been carrying some of the anxiety with me.
Jermajesty watched the scene with wide eyes, “So, is that a yes?”
“Yes!” My friend yelled immediately, still half laying on the ground while clutching her laptop to her chest. “We passed!”
A chorus of relieved cheers broke out from them after that. Jer pulled me off his brother, and I didn’t catch the disappointed look Jaafar's face fell into after being removed from him.
Jermajesty grabbed my shoulder and shook me excitedly, before engulfing me in a tight hug.
“I knew you’d pass,” Jaafar said firmly, almost offended that I ever doubted myself in the first place.
I laughed shakily, wiping beneath my eyes.
“I didn’t have much faith in you.” I gave Jer a look through my wet eyelashes, and he pulled me tighter. “Don’t give me that look, it makes it hard to tease you.” He placed a quick kiss on my temple.
Jaafar took a step back, biting his lip in thought as he offered a hand to my friend still on the floor, looking at her score in disbelief.
“I couldn’t have done it without you guys,” I said, placing my hand on Jer’s chest as I pulled myself off. His arm still wrung around my shoulders as I looked at Jaafar.
He looked up at me, returning his hand to the side as Jer let go of me.
“That was all you,” He said softly, “Completely.” His gaze held mine for a second too long after saying it, something quiet passing through his expression as he took me in standing there tear-streaked and smiling the brightest he had ever seen.
“We have to celebrate,” Jer said excitedly, throwing a wink at my best friend who regarded him with an expression that read, don’t do that again. His sunglasses were pushed up into his curls despite the sun already beginning to set, and his excitement buzzed off him in waves, bouncing on the balls of his feet while students flooded around us.
She turned to me, deliberately ignoring the flirty man beside her. “You have fun, I need to call my parents. They’ll probably want to celebrate with me.”
I smiled softly at her, and gave her a hug. “We need to do something big as well.” I swayed her gently side to side, both of us still riding the adrenaline from finally being done. “Tell your parents I say hi.”
“Will do.” She squeezed me tighter before she walked off, phone already to her ear as she relayed the good news to them. I could hear the immediate screaming from her mother even from several feet away, and it made my chest ache pleasantly.
Jerry’s arm found itself around my shoulders, turning me around from watching her and towards the car.
Jaafar picked up on my solemn expression almost instantly, hands deep in his pockets as he walked beside us. He reached out toward me before hesitating at the last moment, fingers flexing once before he tucked his hand back against himself and kept pace beside us instead.
“Will your parents be here to celebrate?” He asked softly, treading lightly as though he thought that was the source of my sudden melancholic mood.
I looked up at him, the sun casting an orange hue across his face as it began to set on the horizon.“They’ll be here for graduation, but no.” I said sadly, “Not today.”
He shared a look with Jer, nodding slightly as we approached the car. Something passed silently between them before he stepped ahead and opened the passenger side door for me, only for his brother to bump aggressively into my shoulder trying to climb in first.
I furrowed my eyebrows at him, stepping forward at the same time he did.
“I have to sit in the back?” Jermajesty asked, genuine shock written all over his expression.
“Oh, you wanna be passenger princess?”
Jaafar grabbed him by the shoulder and shoved him into the backseat with far less sympathy than he gave me.
I laughed as he tumbled inside, his head just barely missing the roof of the car. He let out a loud sound of protest before the door was shut directly on his face.
Jaafar came back around to my side, holding the door open and gesturing quietly for me to take the seat. His approach much gentler.
“You gonna throw me inside too?”
He exhaled a laugh through his nose, one corner of his mouth lifting. “I wouldn’t even think of doing that.”
I got inside while Jaafar made his way to the driver’s seat, a pouting Jermajesty in the back typing rapidly on his phone.
Jaafar typed in the address of a restaurant I had never been to before, the glow from the GPS lighting the inside of the car faintly as he pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road. Outside, the sky had begun shifting deeper into gold and pink, traffic crawling slowly beneath the last warmth of the evening.
I took the time to call my parents and share the good news. My mother screamed so loudly at one point I had to pull the phone away from my ear with a wince. Both brothers snickered at her reaction before Jer took the phone from my hands entirely and immediately began flirting with my mother.
She giggled right back and I pulled a face, catching Jaafar shaking his head beside me as he stopped at a red light.
“Enough about her,” Jer started smoothly, sinking deeper into the backseat. “Don’t tell me you forgot about your favorite.”
I swear he made his voice deeper.
“Yeah, your daughter doesn’t take care of me the way you do-”
“Give me my phone back.” I reached over the seat and he pulled away from me, laying dramatically across the backseat while he kept whispering sweet nothings into the speaker.
I gagged loudly and Jermajesty took offense to my clawing at him. “It’s not even your phone, Jaafar bought it.”
My mom’s voice got clearer through the speaker and we all heard her repeat his name.
Jer winced immediately, eyebrows furrowing as he threw the phone back at me with alarming speed. I barely caught it, rushing out a quick goodbye as my mother’s tone shifted entirely once she started addressing me instead.
I couldn’t look over at Jaafar, but I caught his shoulders tense faintly from the corner of my eye. In the rearview mirror, Jer was already staring directly at me. A hand came up to his throat and he waved it once.
Chewing the inside of my cheek, I turned the volume up to fill the sudden awkward silence humming through the car.
“What flowers does your mom like?” Jaafar asked as we pulled into a parking spot, his voice quieter now.
I shook my head immediately. “Don’t do that.” I unclipped my seatbelt. “She already loves you.”
“Yeah don’t do that,” Jer added from the back. “I don’t need you stealing anymore women from my life.”
Jaafar turned quickly in his seat. “Uh uh, she was my best friend first.” He pointed toward me while looking directly at his brother.
I shook my head, but at the same time I glanced outside and saw another family climbing out of their car. My eyes drifted and immediately caught a painfully familiar hairline approaching the restaurant entrance.
“Is that your DAD?” I asked, cutting both of them off instantly.
“Here she goes…” Jer groaned from the backseat.
“Oh my God, take me home, you’re both gonna embarrass me in front of him.” I clipped the seatbelt back on with urgency.
“Both?” Jaafar looked genuinely offended as he turned toward me. “That’s all him.” He accused immediately before reaching over and unclipping my seatbelt again.
Jermajesty protested from the back, half folded over the middle console. “That’s actually all your doing.” He referred to Jaafar trying to be mysterious when delivering my phone.
“It’s not my fault you guys all have the same name.”
Both of them reacted immediately to that statement.
“Woah, no.” Jer held a hand to his chest dramatically. “That was just Uncle Michael.”
I pointed at him instantly. “Your middle name is literally Jermaine.”
Jaafar laughed under his breath, shoulders shaking slightly as Jer turned on him too.
“And don’t sit there giggling either, I got his name but you look just like your damn daddy.”
“I thought you grew out of calling him that.” Jaafar defended immediately.
Before any of us could keep going, the man of the hour knocked against the passenger side window directly beside my head.
I cursed under my breath so fast neither of them could catch it.
The second I opened the door, Jermaine pulled me into a hug before my feet were fully on the pavement.
“Hello, Mr. Jackson.” I greeted as he swayed us back and forth, my hands reaching up to hug him back automatically.
He squeezed tighter. “Congratulations baby, we are all so proud of you.”
I blushed instantly and regretted it immediately.
“Dad,” Jaafar groaned behind me. “Don’t say that, she’s turning red.”
Jermaine pulled back just enough to look at my face before grinning even wider. “Oh, I’m just giving her some sugar-”
“You told him?” My eyebrows soared toward my hairline.
Jer leaned halfway out the backseat window laughing loudly enough to cause several people nearby to turn and stare. Jaafar scratched the back of his neck, slightly embarrassed now that all the attention had landed on him.
“I didn’t mean it like that, he totally misconstrued what I-”
“That’s okay,” Jermaine said warmly as he threw an arm around my shoulders and started steering me toward the restaurant entrance. “We can leave him in the car.”
Jermajesty’s face dropped immediately while Jaafar calmly locked the doors behind us. We heard him struggle with the handle before his head popped halfway out the window.
“Yes,” Jaafar replied faintly from behind me as we walked inside. “Grow up.”
Inside the restaurant I got the same warm welcome from the entire family, the affection palpable across the table before I had even fully sat down. I took my seat next to Genevieve while Randy Jr. came over squeezing my shoulder before pulling his chair closer to mine, immediately asking how the exam went.
I was in the middle of describing the psychological torture I had endured when Jackoff 1 and 2 finally walked in, eyes roaming the table trying to determine where they could fit. Jer rolled his eyes when Jaafar told him to go sit at the kiddy table.
They took their seats, Jer at one end beside his dad while Jaafar sat across from me next to his mother as she listened attentively to my rambling.
“I honestly couldn’t have made it through if Jaafar hadn’t helped,” I admitted, glancing up at him as his eyes flickered toward mine over the edge of his menu. “He could very easily become licensed as well.” I joked.
“Nah, he would be better off as the patient.” Randy joked immediately, causing both him and Jer to burst into laughter.
Jaafar pointed at them both with narrowed eyes while I laughed into my drink.
We ordered food, all the Jacksons attempting to convince me to drink more now that the pressure of school had finally lifted.
“So, does this mean you can diagnose us all?” Gen asked, taking a bite of her food while I took another sip of my drink trying to avoid the flower floating too close to my eye. She plucked it from the glass and pinned it gently above my ear instead.
I shook my head. “I need a break from thinking about diagnoses, my mind is completely fried.”
Jermaine’s eyes landed on the flower by my ear and he hummed thoughtfully before speaking. “Take your break now, once you start working you’ll never really stop.”
I grimaced. “Should I still be happy about passing?”
The table laughed warmly before he continued.
“Take Jaafar for example, he thought he’d finally get to rest after the movie premiered, but it’s far from over. Japan is coming up soon.”
Jaafar let out a tired smile, rubbing his hands slowly against his jeans.
“Japan?” I asked, my drink still halfway lifted in my hand. “What’s happening there?”
Gen whistled lowly, wagging her eyebrows at me. “You gonna miss him already?”
“The movie premieres there in about a week,” Jaafar answered before I could defend myself. “It’s the last stop for the press tour.”
I nodded slowly. “That’s so exciting, but does that mean you guys won’t be there for my graduation?”
The entire table pulled a face immediately and I read the answer before anyone spoke.
“No, it’s okay!” I rushed out quickly. “I’ve already graduated twice now, I just wanted to extend the invitation.”
Jaafar looked surprised at the invitation before the emotion shifted into something quieter, almost regretful.
“We’re headed to Hawaii first,” Jermaine spoke up, setting his fork down against the plate. “Just a small family trip before Japan.” His eyes drifted toward the flower above my ear again. “Join us.”
The entire table erupted immediately after that, everyone talking over one another while trying to convince me.
Everyone did, everyone except Jaafar.
I set my drink down carefully, placing my hand against my chest. “I appreciate that, but I can’t.”
Groans circled the table instantly while my eyes flickered toward Jaafar instinctively to gauge his reaction. When I didn’t get one, my chest tightened.
“Why not?” Jermajesty argued immediately. “You need the break, and don’t leave me alone with these people.”
Everyone ignored him and kept trying while I continued refusing.
“I’d be intruding,” I insisted. “This is a family trip.”
“You are family,” Alejandra spoke softly from beside Jaafar. “You are always welcome.”
I could only smile weakly in response to her words, warmth blooming painfully in my chest.
Everyone continued until finally Jaafar set his drink down, the flower in it spinning slowly from the movement.
I looked directly at him, trying to figure out whether he actually meant it. He held eye contact steadily, not backing down even after I shook my head again.
“I want you there.” He said it simply, quietly, before correcting himself slightly. “We all want you there.”
Eventually they wore me down completely and I gave in with a reluctant yes.
The table erupted immediately, everyone speaking over one another while discussing excursions, restaurants, beaches, and activities they wanted to drag me to. Genevieve had already begun planning outfits while Alejandra and Jermaine started discussing matching looks for everyone.
Across the table, Jaafar took another sip of his drink, eyes fixed on my distracted face while the noise of his family swallowed the room around us. His shoulders sagged slightly, relief settling into him at finally seeing me relaxed after months of stress and exhaustion.
Jer and Randy’s eyes met across the table the second they noticed the look on his face.
The same devious smile spread across both of theirs immediately.
“Did you forget your passport, Jer?” I asked loudly as we all barely made it to the airport, the automatic doors whooshing open behind us every couple seconds while travelers rushed past dragging suitcases over the tiled floor. Jer threw me a look of annoyance, pulling his headphones off from over his hoodie while balancing his duffle bag higher onto his shoulder.
“Who do you take me for huh, I’m not that stupid…” He patted the sides of his grey sweats, his voice trailing when he couldn’t feel the book over his clothing. He shoved his hands into the pocket of his pants, and dug around dramatically, his brows furrowing deeper by the second.
Everyone around us turned around, Jermaine had his hands on his hips regarding his son with disappointment while Randy poked the side of his cheek with his tongue, crossing his arms as if he was trying not to laugh at the impending disaster.
“Are you serious man?” His father asked him, and Jermajesty lifted his head up quick, his nonchalant expression far and gone. “You have your ID?”
They all started offering advice to fix his mistake, voices overlapping while Jer swore under his breath and checked every pocket he had for the fourth time, when they caught Jaafar and I giggling softly behind them.
The slow turn of their heads as we laughed at Jer’s passport photo from when he was a teenager. Eyes slightly crooked and smile wide with all 32 teeth visible.
He snatched the passport book from us, a hurt expression on his face. “You guys are so mean to me.”
We awed at him, capturing him into a hug as we all made our way through the airport. He struggled between us while still trying to protect his backpack from slipping off his shoulder.
“Get off of me,” he muttered, trying to shake us off and get in step with Randy. “Hey, switch seats with me.” He asked once he caught up with him, voice quieter now that he realized what was waiting for him on the plane.
“What!” I laughed, “you don’t wanna sit next to me for 6 hours?”
Randy turned around, a smirk on his face as he walked backwards through the terminal. “I will gladly sit next to you if he doesn't want to.”
We all shuffled into the plane, Jaafar peering over at my ticket and filing through the line ahead of me. He took my bag without me asking, and lifted it up and stowed it away above us with one easy motion.
My eyes flitted on the flex of his arms as he raised the heavy carry-on over his head, his shirt lifting slightly and exposing a sliver of skin above the waistband of his sweats before he dropped his arms again.
A cough from ahead of me caught my attention, and I saw Gen smirking at me from two rows up. I turned away from her gaze quickly, only to see Jaafar had sat down in the seat next to mine.
Randy chuckled from behind us, “I’ll make sure to save my seat next to yours on the way back.” As he moved past me to sit next to Jermajesty, Jaafar just started tapping away on the tv screen.
“Find anything good on there?” I asked, getting comfortable in my seat.
He looked confused, but then nodded.
I leaned closer to see what he was about to put on, and what I saw back was just the flight map.
“Riveting stuff.” I teased, and he frowned faintly before zooming further into the Pacific Ocean.
The flight attendants began their display of safety instructions, I watched them carefully.
Is what I would say if I was a liar.
I was helping Jaafar look for his earbuds, they were last in his pockets when we were going through security. Now they were nowhere to be found. We checked under the seats, inside his carry-on, every pocket of his hoodie.
He sighed, resting his head on the headrest as he undoubtedly started thinking about how long this six hour flight was going to be.
I noticed how his hands got a little shaky, he had gripped both armrests to ease the movement. And his chest moved up and down dramatically, but his face remained neutral.
“Do you want my earbuds?” I offered quietly.
He shook his head, “No, no you use them. It’s going to be a long flight.”
I just laughed him off, handing him one side of the wired headphone. He took it with a smile, his fingers brushing mine briefly as he adjusted it into his ear.
“Don’t judge my music taste.”
He looked at me then, properly this time, and my eyes drifted over all those moles on his face. “You got your music taste from me.”
The plane started moving forward, shutting him up quickly. Though he was great at keeping his face neutral, the color had left his face and he began to pale. His jaw tightened slightly and his shoulders pressed harder into the seat.
So I gave him my hand, and he stared at it for a second too long. “Takeoff scares me.” I lied, maybe I was a liar. “If you don’t mind?”
He nodded quickly, and laced his fingers through mine, closing his eyes as the plane began to rush forward. The touch caused a fluttery feeling deep in my body, his thumb shifted against my skin.
The color red now apparent on his cheeks, that grew even redder when I pressed play on a song I knew would distract him from the wheels leaving the ground.
His eyes shot open at the sound of the first ‘dum dum’.
I laughed and he squeezed my hand, we were now in the air.
After falling asleep on the plane, and making the hot journey to the hotel there was nothing I wanted to do more than collapse into the ice cold pool. The Hawaiian air wrapped around us heavily the second we stepped outside, warm and salty with the scent of sunscreen, flowers, and ocean water lingering everywhere.
But that was only a pipe dream. Outfitted in matching family outfits at the behest of a Mr. Jermaine Jackson, we were on foot exploring the big island. He was proudly walking ahead.
He would point out places he had visited in his youth, or great restaurants he had shared a meal with his brothers at. Pretty quickly he became our tour guide, showing us all the hidden spots of the island. Every few minutes somebody stopped him for a picture, and he accepted every interaction warmly, arm around fans while telling stories nobody asked for.
I smiled cheerfully whenever he would look back at us, he had paid for me to be here, I’d give the man a smile.
“Gross.” Jermajesty said, looking at my smile and thumbs up. “Leave my daddy alone.”
I shoved him, and he bumped into Jaafar. Who also looked miserable, he said he hadn't gotten any rest on the flight. His sunglasses hid most of his expression but exhaustion sat all over him, from the slight slump in his shoulders to the slower way he walked beside us.
Jaafar shoved him back, and he flew into Randy's arms, who then pushed him back to me and we continued our cycle.
Jermajesty was shouting now, begging us to stop as he was getting dizzy and losing balance.
I saw a flash go off, and saw Geneieve commemorating the moment with a picture on her camera. Alejandra shook her head beside her, laughing quietly while Jermaine yelled at us to stop roughhousing in public.
A particularly rough push from Randy sent Jer torpedoed at me, with my attention on the photograph I didn’t see him rushing towards me, and we landed on the floor with him on top of me and my foot bent in an awful manner.
I thought I had been the one who shouted in pain, but my wince was covered by Jer’s whining. When he lifted himself up to yell at Randy, they saw the way my foot was turning red.
I heard a chorus of gasps and ooo’s, I picked myself up, resting on my elbows. Jaafar rushed over, but Randy made it over before due to his proximity.
He crouched, looking down at my angry foot. “Oof, sorry sweetheart.”
I brushed him off as the whole family came to check up on me, hitting Randy and Jer on the back of their heads. People walking by had slowed down to stare now, concern and curiosity mixing together while the Jacksons loudly argued over whose fault it was.
“It’s okay.” I tried appeasing them, and was shot down with an angry look from Jaafar. “I swear, it looks worse than it is.” I swiveled my foot around, no pain, just a small bruise forming.
Jr. helped me up, offering to carry me as we all decided to turn in early for the night.
Jaafar spoke at the same time as I did, and Randy's eyes flitted between us. “I don’t think you're the one who got hurt, Jaafar.” He teased.
“I think you’ve done enough.” He said back, and me and Jer made a face at each other, awkwardly aware of the sudden protectiveness in his tone.
“I can walk.” I told them, walking fine with only the slightest limp as I made myself over to Jermaine, who had just come out of a restaurant with a bag of ice, fans following him out.
Alejandra noticed the limp. I think everyone did, but she spoke out first. “Honey, don’t put weight on it. Let's wait for the car, okay?”
Jer took the bag of ice from his father, head low as fans began looking around for Jaafar too. “Ma, I think it's best if we just walk back to the hotel. It’s starting to get a little hectic here.”
Jaafar pulled his cap down a little further down his face, “Me and Jer will take her back, hopefully they’ll check out her foot. You guys stay here for the car, there'll be less eyes on us as well.” I could have blushed at the way he took initiative, before crouching down offering me a piggy back ride.
I laughed, “A piggy back ride?” and he cocked his head.
“Or I could pick you up princess style?”
His hands wrapped under my thighs, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He stood up to his full height, holding me tight, me holding him even tighter. His body heat seeped through both our clothes immediately and I became acutely aware of the steady rise and fall of his breathing, and the way his grip adjusted every couple steps to make sure I wouldn’t slip.
We began walking, the hotel only a couple minutes walk away. Palm trees swayed overhead while the sky turned deeper shades of orange and pink around us, music drifting faintly from nearby restaurants.
“Thank you Jerma.” I added, as he held the bag of ice on my foot as he trailed by Jaafars side.
He pulled a face, “That’s a new one.”
He threatened to dump the ice out, and Jaafar shot him a look not realizing it was a joke.
We made it to our hotel, and the staff looked over my foot. They didn’t notice anything other than a small cut and slight bruising, and gave me some painkillers along with a fresh bag of ice.
Both the brothers walked me to the room I shared with Genevieve, who still wasn’t there, and helped me onto my bed and they sat down next to me.
Jer immediately started flipping the room service menu, and I felt a tiny pang of guilt.
“Sorry for cutting the tour so short,” I apologized, and they both groaned.
“You didn’t cut anything,” Jermajesty mustered out as he leaned over me, laying completely on my lap to reach the phone to place his order. “The old man always does the same routine, this way your injury will probably get us out of his 6 am nature hike tomorrow morning.”
Jaafar started talking as his brother ordered dinner for us all, “I was exhausted as well, I don’t know how much longer we all would have managed.” His voice was softer now, calmer than it had been all day. He sat across from me with his legs stretched out, finally looking relaxed for the first time since the flight.
I tilted my head, “How is your 70 year old dad more fit than both of you?”
“Ewwwww.” Jer said, holding his hand over the phone, before continuing his riveting discussion with room service.
Jaafar sat across from me on Genevieve's bed. His hand reached over, and he pulled my foot onto his lap, analyzing my foot further like he could do a better job at assessing than the trained medical professional downstairs.
“You sure it doesn’t hurt?” His feather light touches over the purpling skin.
I stared at his fingers, ripping my gaze from their soft dance on my skin to those pretty brown eyes, “Not at all.”
The door creaked open, and Gen and RJ walked in. Jer had gotten excited thinking room service had delivered before he had even finished placing the order, throwing a scowl at his siblings instead.
Randy apologized and I let him know everything was alright, food service came a little bit after that and we had to fight Jer to let us have some.
I cuddled into Gen’s side as she sat next to me on my bed, as all five of us regarded the movie that someone had put on. The room glowed softly from the television while outside the balcony doors the ocean stretched endlessly into the dark, waves crashing rhythmically somewhere below us.
At some point during the movie I caught Jaafar looking over at me from across the room, quiet and unreadable beneath the dim light, his eyes lingering for just a second too long before turning back toward the screen.
When I woke up the next morning, the room was empty. A small plate of food on my nightstand, and a note that read everyone was at the beach when I would wake up.
I glanced at the clock, I had slept well. Too well.
Finishing up breakfast, and getting ready for the nice beach day I was promised, I sauntered to the beach the property was built around.
Everyone had already set up when I found them. Which wasn’t hard. They were all so energetic your eyes would naturally track to them, I brought a hand up to my eyes to provide them with a little shade as their security nodded at me.
Randy Jr. was kicking a soccer ball around, while watching Jermajesty get lathered in sunscreen by his mother.
Alejandra sat leaned over in her beach chair, and she was making sure not a single inch of skin was left uncovered, squeezing and twisting his ears as a joke with sunscreen. He was groaning as he sat in between her legs.
Gen was continuing to take pictures as Jermaine coached her on what angles looked the best, she got a little too close to Jer, trying to get a photo of their mother pulling his ears, and he reacted by throwing sand at her.
Alejendra groaned, sand getting caught on her hands as it stuck to the sunscreen.
Jaafar sat off to the side, glasses and baseball cap on and a streak of zinc across his nose and cheeks.
He noticed me coming up at the same time I saw him, his body frozen. I adjusted the strap of my swimsuit at his mannequin impression.
“Good morning sleepyhead,” Randy spoke out, kicking the ball up before catching it in the crook of his arm.
As I got closer, Jaafar sat up straighter in his seat, his eyes tracking me until I stood right next to him. He pulled his glasses off his face.
“Good afternoon,” I said softly, “Sorry for taking so long to wake up.”
They all brushed it off, saying I didn’t miss much. Other than that dreaded 6 am nature hike.
“Oh, I’m so sorry I missed that.” I turned to Jermaine, “I hope it was fun.”
“Don’t lie to the old man.” Jer spoke.
“Is your foot feeling alright?” Jaafar asked before his father could, and I turned to him looking down at where he was sitting, and he looked up. Eye contact maintained on mine.
I held onto his seat for support and lifted the foot up, twirling it around completely. His eyes trailed down from mine and raked me head to toe before he landed on my ankle.
“It’s like it never even happened.” I smiled, and he nodded.
Randy let out a mock sigh of relief, and I laughed.
Jermajesty got up from where he was seated in front of his mom, and reached into the cooler for a drink. Offering me one as he cracked open the beer with the other bottle. I took it and cheered with him.
“Honey, have you put on any sunscreen?” Alejandra asked.
I nodded my head, resting my hand back on the seat. “I got mostly everything.”
Her eyes roamed my back, “Mostly, here let me get your back. You don’t want to start blistering like Jer-”
Gen cut her off with a groan, “Ma, he got sand in my camera.”
The mother daughter duo seemed to communicate with their eyes as I took another sip of my drink. Alejandra nodded, slowly. Taking the camera from her daughter and shaking the sand out.
“Jaafar help her out,” She smirked, throwing the bottle at him. His head snapped up, and he barely caught it in time.
I backed up from the seat, hands slightly raised. “Oh, no it's okay.” I said as I noticed a flush grow on his cheeks, attributing it to the heated sun.
He nodded slowly before setting the bottle down, I twisted awkwardly trying to reach the center of my back anyway. Sand stuck to my legs while the bottle slipped around in my hands.
Then Jaafar quietly held his hand out, his palm open waiting for the bottle.
The movement made me pause for half a second longer than necessary before I handed it over.
Jermajesty immediately looked between us with interest before Randy smacked his chest with the football hard enough to make him choke.
I turned around on my towel, pulling my hair over one shoulder while Jaafar squeezed sunscreen into his hands behind me. The scent of coconut filled the warm air instantly, mixing with ocean water and salt.
His hands settled carefully against my shoulders, and I stared straight ahead toward the water.
His touch spread slowly across my skin, his palms were warm from the sun, fingers broad and steady as he rubbed sunscreen over my shoulders and down my back.
Conversation carried on around us in the background. But all I could focus on was the slow drag of his hands over my skin.
“I think you missed a spot,” Jer teased, and he and Randy giggled into each other pushing each other as they made fun of us.
I huffed a laugh despite myself.
His fingertips brushed lower accidentally while spreading the sunscreen and both of us stiffened almost imperceptibly before pretending nothing happened.
“Turn around.” He said after a moment.
I did carefully, trying not to think about how close he was sitting now.
He tilted my chin upward slightly with two fingers so he could spread sunscreen over my face properly and I nearly forgot how breathing worked for a second.
“Your face is already red from the sun.” He murmured while rubbing sunscreen across my cheek.
A smile threatened at the corner of his mouth before he smoothed sunscreen across the bridge of my nose with his thumb.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Genevieve looking between us with an expression far too devious for comfort. Alejandra noticed too, hiding a smile behind her drink.
Randy tossed a towel directly into Jer’s face before he could open his mouth.
Jaafar either didn’t notice or pretended not to, his hands finally dropped away from me after entirely too long.
“There.” He leaned back slightly. “All done.”
I looked at him for a second too long before clearing my throat and grabbing the sunscreen bottle from the towel.
He nodded once. We all laid out taking in the sun, at one point me and Jer had built sandcastles and buried Randy under the sand, but now the heat had become unbearable.
Jermaine and Alejandra had migrated beneath the umbrella with drinks in hand, Genevieve was half asleep on her towel, and Jermajesty had somehow convinced Randy to wrestle in the cool pacific ocean water.
I watched them from underneath my sunglasses, stretching my legs out in front of me carefully. The ocean glittered under the afternoon sun, waves curling lazily onto shore while music drifted faintly.
“You’re not getting in?” Jaafar asked beside me.
I glanced toward him. He had moved onto the edge of my towel at some point during the last twenty minutes, close enough that our shoulders almost brushed whenever either of us shifted.
“The sun feels too good.”
His gaze dropped toward my ankle. “Are you sure it's not your ankle?”
“I’m not that weak.” I laughed.
He smiled faintly, eyes dropping for a second before he looked back toward the water. “Eh, you’ve been known to fib.”
I narrowed my eyes at him while he leaned back on his palms, the corners of his mouth twitching harder now. The breeze pushed pieces of his curls around slightly, sunlight catching against the gold chain resting against his chest.
Out in the water Jermajesty shouted something incomprehensible before Randy nearly drowned him in retaliation.
“You should still get in.” Jaafar said quieter this time. “The water might help your foot.”
“There’s nothing that needs help, my foot is fine.”
“Hmm, so you came all the way to Hawaii and don’t wanna get in the water?.”
I laughed softly, and his eyes flicked toward me immediately at the sound.
The familiarity of it all sat strangely in my chest. Before I could think too hard about it, Jaafar stood up and held his hand toward me.
I kept my sunglasses on, face tilted toward the sun while my toes pushed idly through the hot sand. “No.”
He clicked his tongue, “How could I have forgotten… you don’t know how to swim.”
I turned my head toward him slowly. “I do!”
He didn’t look convinced, “You sure about that?”
I grabbed the nearest towel and smacked him with it. He laughed harder, catching it before I could hit him again.
“Violent and can’t swim.” He shook his head disapprovingly.
I opened my mouth with another retort ready, but before he could say anything else I shot up from the towel suddenly and bolted toward the shoreline.
“Oh you liar-” I heard him laugh behind me.
The hot sand kicked behind my feet as I ran toward the water, hearing him curse once before chasing after me immediately.
“Projection for not being able to run fast!” I shouted over my shoulder, unable to stop laughing already.
A scream tore out of me when his footsteps got closer, waves crashing against my legs as I stumbled deeper into the water trying to escape him.
His laugh echoed behind me, warm and breathless and entirely too happy sounding.
Water splashed violently around us while I pushed farther into the ocean, giggles escaping uncontrollably every time I glanced back and saw him getting closer.
I barely made it another few feet before his hand finally wrapped around my waist from behind.
“Got you.” He laughed against my shoulder.
I twisted immediately trying to escape him, but my foot slipped against the ocean floor beneath me.
His expression changed instantly. Both of us went down at the same time.
A wave crashed over us hard enough to send us completely underwater for a second before we resurfaced sputtering and coughing.
I pushed wet hair out of my face while Jaafar burst into laughter beside me.
“You really tackled me!” I accused between breaths.
“Nuh-uh!” He countered, pushing his hair out of his face. “You pulled me under with you.”
He looked at me then, soaked curls hanging into his eyes while sunlight reflected across the water around us, and he was smiling.
For a second we just sat there shoulder deep in the water staring at each other while waves rolled around us.
Then another wave crashed directly into my face and ruined the moment entirely.
I sputtered violently while Jaafar nearly doubled over laughing again.
Behind us, Jermajesty was giddy, his laughter catching our attention.
We both snapped our heads toward shore.
Jer was standing knee deep in water pointing aggressively at us while Randy tried shoving him underwater. Jer yelled while choking on seawater immediately after.
“Shut UP.” Randy barked, dragging him backward by the neck.
I buried my face in my hands while Jaafar looked down toward the water trying very obviously not to smile.
We drifted farther out eventually, enough that the sounds from the beach blurred into distant noise. The water moved slower there, rocking gently around us while the sun reflected in broken pieces across the surface.
When we got out of the water, everyone had packed up and gotten ready for dinner. Towels were draped over shoulders, sandals kicked free from sandy feet while the rest of the family slowly made their way back toward the resort under the deepening orange glow of sunset.
Me and Jaafar stayed behind without really discussing it, sat shoulder to shoulder on the shore, watching the sun melt into the horizon while the ocean stretched endlessly in front of us.
I sighed in content, the slight ocean breeze blowing gently against my skin, cooling the leftover warmth from the day. Salt still clung faintly to my lips and hair, my damp bathing suit sticking slightly.
Jaafar looked up from where he was doodling on the wet sand, the water rushing from a small wave and erasing his drawing as it pooled under us. His fingers stayed there for a moment after it disappeared, absentmindedly tracing another line through the darkened sand before giving up entirely.
He went from looking at me to the varied pink and red hues of the sky. The fading sunlight softened every feature on his face, catching against the water droplets still gathered in his curls and along the slope of his cheekbones.
“It’s nice to see you looking so relaxed,” He said, his voice raising softly over the crash of the waves. I turned to look at him, leaning back on my palms as he held his crossed knees in the crook of his arm.
“Yeah, you saw the worst of it these past couple months.”
He nodded slowly, gaze lingering on me longer than necessary before drifting away again. “I thought it was bad when we were in high school.”
I grimaced, digging my heel into the sand. “I thought those were gonna be the hardest days of my life, that sweet girl didn’t have a clue in the world.”
He tilted his head slightly, “You haven’t changed much in that regard, a bad grade is still the end of the world for you.”
I pushed his knee softly with my foot, smiling despite myself. “I’ll never have to worry about that again.”
“You mean you won’t go and get your PhD?” He joked, a smile finally pulling at his mouth. “I won’t get to call you Doctor?”
“Hell no.” I laughed, the sound getting swallowed by the wind. “What about you Mr. Jackson, you ready for the premiere?”
His shoulders lifted in a quiet shrug before he looked back out toward the water, the last sliver of sun disappearing completely now and leaving the ocean bathed in deep blues and golds. “Ready for it to be over.”
“For a Leo, you really don’t like attention on you.”
“That’s not true.” He shook his head, biting his lip lightly as though he regretted speaking before he even finished the thought. “I like it when you pay attention to me.”
I rolled my eyes automatically, though the warmth creeping into my face betrayed me immediately. “How’d you survive the past five years then?” I joked.
A small smile stayed on his face, but it faded around the edges.
The teasing dissolved quietly between us. We both looked over at each other, a wave hitting the shore and pooling under us before it got sucked back into the ocean.
“Be serious,” I brushed him off, but he only doubled down.
“I am being serious,” His voice lowered.
His eyes stayed locked onto mine this time. No teasing tucked behind them, no deflection, and worst of all no carefully placed joke waiting to soften the moment. The wind pushed a few curls over his forehead and he didn’t bother moving them, too focused on me, on waiting for my response.
“I thought of you everyday.” He confessed, “Having to hear about you from Jer of all people made it feel like torture. I’d just hoped he would also tell you about me as well.”
“I didn’t let him.” I told him the truth, and I saw a flash of sadness in his eyes.
“You didn’t miss me?” He asked so softly, his voice filled with pain.
He hummed softly, his arm brushing mine now with how little space remained between us. He scoffed out a laugh then, head dipping as he shook it, and before I could react his hand darted toward me fast enough to flick a pile of sand onto my leg.
I blinked, the tension dissolved and I kicked sand back at him.
His eyes widened immediately afterward, clearly not expecting that before he threw a heavier handful at me. I grabbed a handful of sand before he could prepare himself and tossed it onto his arm. We kept throwing sand, the amount growing with every attack.
I raised my hands to block, then tried to grab as much as I could as he kept up his attack.
He lunged toward me suddenly, grabbing both my wrists before I could throw more sand at him, and I let out a startled scream that immediately dissolved into laughter. The movement sent us both sideways in the sand, his hands still wrapped carefully around my wrists while I twisted beneath him trying to break free.
“Grown ass man attacking the injured.”
His jaw dropped in mock offense before his fingers suddenly dug into my side. “Nuh uh, you said it doesn’t even hurt.”
I shrieked. The sound ripped out of me so quickly it startled both of us, and Jaafar immediately started laughing too, fully laughing now, head falling forward while I tried unsuccessfully to shove him away.
“You just know how to ruin the moment,” I gasped between laughs.
“Oh there was a moment?” He teased me.
His fingers brushed my waist again and I folded instantly, laughing so hard my stomach hurt while I tried kicking sand at him in retaliation. During the struggle my hands ended up against his chest, his body half over mine in the sand while both of us completely lost composure.
His hands loosened around my wrists slowly. I became painfully aware of how close his face was. The air suddenly felt too warm despite the breeze rolling in from the ocean. He looked at me carefully, almost cautiously, like he was trying to read every thought crossing my face before speaking again.
I laughed nervously through my nose, eyes dropping away from him for a second before they drifted right back. It was impossible not to look at him when he was this close. The moles scattered across his skin still pulled my attention first, his mouth still curled inward slightly whenever he got nervous.
A strand of damp curls had fallen onto his forehead from all the movement, and without thinking, I reached up and brushed it back.
His eyes searched mine quietly, all the teasing disappearing from his face so fast it made my heartbeat stumble. I could still feel the ghost of laughter sitting between us. The wind moved around us gently while the ocean rolled behind him in dark waves.
Neither of us pulled away.
And when he leaned down this time, slower than before, giving me every opportunity to stop him, I didn’t…
A part of me thought to make a joke, to mitigate the tension that was being built, but instead I looked down toward his mouth briefly before catching myself and forcing my gaze back up. Unfortunately for me, he noticed anyway.
Then his hand came up slowly, fingers brushing damp strands of hair behind my ear with such careful tenderness it made my stomach twist.
The ocean breeze carried the scent of salt between us, warm air brushing against my damp skin while the sound of the waves folded into the silence stretching tighter and tighter around us. Jaafar’s hand still rested against the side of my face, fingers tucked just beneath my ear, and I could feel every tiny movement of them. The warmth of his palm against my cold skin after being in the water for hours.
His eyes searched mine carefully, and I hated how easily he still read me. His thumb moved against my cheek once slowly. His gaze dropped to my lips again and stayed there this time.
He kissed me gently at first. His lips brushed mine carefully, warm and soft. Hesitant as well like he was afraid this wasn’t real. The first kiss barely lasted a second before we both instinctively leaned back in.
His hand slid from my cheek into my hair while mine tightened against his shoulder, and suddenly every nerve ending in my body felt lit alive. I could feel the warmth of his mouth, the uneven breath he exhaled against me, the way his fingers trembled slightly where they held me.
He kissed me deeper then, slow enough to savor but with something desperate underneath it. His tongue ran over my lips and I opened my mouth to capture him deeper. The sound that escaped him was quiet, barely there, but I felt it against my lips and it sent a sharp ache straight through me.
I moved closer without realizing it, my other hand gripping him while his forehead pressed briefly against mine between kisses. We were breathing the same air now, sharing every shaky inhale.
When he kissed me again, softer this time, I felt my eyes sting unexpectedly.
And judging by the way his thumb brushed beneath my eye immediately after, he noticed.
His mouth lingered against mine in a way that made time feel stretched thin, every second pulling longer and longer until I couldn’t remember what it felt like to breathe normally before this. The wind had picked up around us, the rhythmic crash of waves against the shore, but all of it faded underneath the feeling of him.
His hand stayed cradled against my jaw, thumb brushing slowly beneath my cheekbone, and the tenderness of it nearly undid me more than the kiss itself. He held me like he couldn’t stop confirming I was actually here beneath his fingertips.
The salt from the ocean still lingered on his lips. I could taste it every time he kissed me again. And he kept kissing me again and again and again.
The hand resting on my waist tightened carefully, pulling me closer across the sand until my knees brushed against his thigh and my entire body flooded with awareness. The warmth of him. The steady rise and fall of his breathing.
My fingers tightened in his curls instinctively while his hand slid from my waist up my spine, pulling me flush against him until there wasn’t space left between us at all. He tilted his forehead against mine briefly, both of us breathing unevenly now.
I could feel his heartbeat where my hand rested against his chest. Mine wasn’t any better. When I opened my eyes slightly, he was already looking at me.
His forehead stayed pressed against mine while we both tried catching our breath, neither of us moving away fully. I could still feel the ghost of his lips against mine, warm and swollen from kissing him too long beneath the Hawaiian night sky.
an: please suspend reality when reading, i am aware that licensing doesn't work like that, but it set up for a really cute moment hahaha
also this is my fav chapter so far, i hope you guys enjoy it too <3
