Mmph. @mannerisms-versus-machines - Tumblr Blog

>i sit on a throne and people come up to me one by one displaying different items

>with each item i yell out "yonic" or "phallic" and then wave them away to a door to the left or right of me (depending on whether its yonic or phallic)

>guy comes up with an item thats too difficult to label as yonic or phalic

>i pull a lever to the right of me that opens a trap door under his feet sending him to fall miles down to his death as we are in my floating cloud castle

>categorizing continues as normal

spiced-thembo

orteil42

Thank you for Cookie Clicker. It's brought immeasurable joy to my existence. Are you emotionally available

i'm like if an abandoned theme park was a person

skunkbear

teamrocketing

i’m so glad i live in 2016 so i dont have to deal with these massive terrifying animals except the blue whale, but shes gentle and good

cockyroaches

Hell pig

askpredetor

Media literacy is at an all time low

Just saw a post that said Kojima games have no symbolism or meaning beyond, "It looks cool".

Kojima is the worst fucking creator you can apply that logic to because characters will sometimes break the 4th wall to tell you what it explicitly means

cowdogpaws

Solid snake looking directly at the camera: genetics do not dictate one’s life, nuclear proliferation is bad, the advent of advanced technology is making it more and more difficult to differentiate truth from propaganda, borders and nations are fake, the war economy is a blight on the earth, the military industrial complex is a meat grinder that targets children and my dad’s boyfriend is a whore

A billion guys on Twitter for some reason: how apolitical and extremely heterosexual of you

caats

silver-tongues-blog

This is basically an advertisement for piracy

coddlefish

i think for everyone's general safety we should start using this specific image like a forum signature at the end of every single post we make for the next little while

payasita

being a manager sucks balls half the time but the cashier kids im in charge of trust me enough to dick around in front of me so ive been keeping a running list of the shit they say that makes me laugh randomly: -"guys, is it cheating if you play fortnite with your ex" [4 seperate others, immediately]: "YES" -"there must be like… infinite sentences" -"bro what bro what the fuck bro what's that mean bro why'd you say that bro what" <distraught response to a girl randomly greeting him with 'hey there big boy' in an old timey transatlantic news reporter accent

payasita

[a ticket reads that a customer wants their burger cut in half]

-"What the hell why are they so picky??? That's like for kids. That's like something my DAD would-- wait i don't have a dad-- that's like something my MOM would do"

-"BRO WHY ARE YOU CUSSING ME OUT IN SPANISH???" for some reason shouted so loudly that customers still in line all start laughing

-i open the restaurant and notice the kitchen is still kind of dirty and try to glean who closed last night, and i overhear two of the boys talking about yesterdaay

me: "so, you helped in the kitchen last night?"

IMMEDIATELY: "IT WASNT ME I JUST DID THE FRYERS LAST NIGHT"

me: "I DIDNT EVEN SAY ANYTHING YET"

payasita

i accidentally tripped over a gas line while trying to clean behind the stove and made a loud fear noise and the kid helping me clean the kitchen goes "dude your screams scare me. They remind me of when i accidentally step on my dog's tail"

payasita

the Real Adult in charge went to go give someone a break in another store and I'm chilling in ours for a bit and 5 mins one of the girls rushes up to me like "DID YOU KNOW WE HAVE AN ATTIC?"

I did. I have never seen the attic so I go check it out and there's already like three of them up there

me: the fuck are you guys doing???

clerk: they wanna do the grimace challenge up there

payasita

one of them has never heard of vampires

payasita

update about this one because another coworker wouldnt let it go: he insists he's Heard of them but thought they were, quote, "like, really big bats"

payasita

Clerk 1: dude don't mix that isn't it like toxic? What are the chemicals you're not supposed to mix--

me: WHAT'S IN THE SINK.

Clerk 2: We're trying to clean the sink

me: Which cleaners did you MIX

Clerk 3: All of it

me: DRAIN IT.

[one brief emergency explanation about never mixing cleaners and what mustard gas is]

Clerk 1: oh yeah didn't they use that during like world war two

Me: yeah man it's like, a war crime now. It's just such a horrible way to die that we can't use it anymore

Clerk 2: wait fr???

Clerk 3: ohh. What about opium?

Me: ...what?

Clerk 3: like the opium war.

Me:

[one brief emergency explanation about what the opium war was later]

payasita

Explained to the two boys helping me in the kitchen why we submerge our lettuce at night to help it keep. They proceed to have a conversation where one is absolutely messing with the other by trying to convince him that both lettuce and reptiles are living things that need to be soaked to survive, and are therefore related. he speaks with so much conviction and just keeps doubling down and the other one just gets increasingly angrier and I'm just trying not to crack up over the fryers

and then the exasperated kid whirls around at me and goes "IS LETTUCE REPTILES???" and I lose my fucking mind

payasita

I run this place with one other person who i Do Not Like and the kids are well aware of our stupid restaurant manager beef and love to gossip

They keep moving shit to inconvenient locations and I hate it and keep having to move shit back, then once on my day off they decided to call in help and move my Entire Fucking Kitchen around and I was real fucking pressed about it for like the rest of the week (put off opening the next morning to move all the big ass machines and fryers back my damned self to establish territory or whatever)

A week later one of the really sweet girls who helps me in the kitchen goes "hey I have a confession. me and (other kid) were there while they were moving your kitchen and we knew you'd hate it. I was going to say something"

"Oh no worries, it's not really your responsibility to go between us like that"

"no no, I was going to tell her to at least ask you about it first but then I was like 'hmmm....let's see how this plays out'. for the drama."

"...ok I guess I should probably be mad but that's actually really fucking funny"

payasita

today i turned around and saw this

evilsanlang

shinzo abe's assassination - 10/10

the quaint setting, the unusual yet charming craft of the weapon and the irony of its existence in the face of strict gun laws, as well as the rippling effects across the country, felt even now, make this the golden standard for aspiring enemies of the state.

bolsonaro's assassination attempt - 6/10

the delivery, although fumbling, was bold and intimate: a heartwarming reflection of the ways of the brazilian people. despite an anticlimatic conclusion, the months after held a lingering joy in the shape of edited videos of beautiful women twerking over bolsonaro's ghoulish figure as he struggled through his recovery.

trump's assassination attempt - 2/10

an uninspired, empty mockery of the golden age of presidential murder. yet another reminder that the american people are not to be taken seriously.

biden's assassination attempt - coming soon