Mano's Scripts

Not good with keeping journals and I am starting to worry

[manosscripts]

Panínap #2, #3

#2 – Durut-durut Nepo Quad

 Mégumpisa ya king pámanyake kung kalésa. Maragul yang kalésa – anti ya mong RV a kalésa. Makátigtig ya ing métung a banda kilub at dakal pa pwestu para kareng mánalbe. Kumpletu: atin beer, pulutan, stage, sulû. Kéni, ati la reng kálugúran kung maralas kung akakayábeng títigtig. Makaline up ké kanu.

Durut-dúrut ya ing kalésa king Nepo Quad. Ing pánga-aliwâ námu ning Quad king panínap ku, ampo ning Quad king kasalungsúngan: ing parking lot, míbálik ya kétang panaun a bábalas ya pa ing Quad.

Atin kung dolyaris anya palíbe ko sâ. Pesáup ku king métung a kálugúran at migpabanda kami Nepo Mart. Ala ya ing Newpoint king panínap ku. Pabálik king kalésa, kayári ming pépalíbe, atin keng ásaganan a makatambay a laláking magdala-dalang backpack. Makaláwe ya kanáku anti mong manyad sokoru, óneng úling é ke kilála, é ke sikásu.

Mápilan pasilyu pa ing linákad mi, atin nakami mang asaganan aliwang laláki. Reng addua nang kíle, misasagána la king libútad na ning kéyang kanuan. Dápot anti mong é ké íkit, dara-daretsu ku mung línákad. Mángapanílak ku king kárug. Ligpásan náku, at reng mákamate nang láwe, makaslag la kétang táung manyad sáup kanáku.

Ati ku king dáne na ning Big Boy Pizza iniang ápansínan kung mitátágálan nala reng addua kung asaganan. É ku bálu makanánu, mékad, alíli ne nítang pánagalan ing tátagal. Ngéni, kanáku ya makaláwe marok at mámulayi ne papunta kanáku. Nung é ku mamulayî, saglî árakap náku. Anti namong bangúngut ing pánamdaman ku kaníni. Bísa ku man migísing, kábang pánagalan náku nítang táu, lálálam lálálam ya ing panínap ku.

Atin ku man ákasagánang kálugúran a maluat ku nang é ákakarúngut kábang malalyári ya ini. Bínalígid ku bang lawen ke ing distancia na ning tátagal kanáku. Malaut-laut ya man, é ke buring sugalan. Sasábi ya pa ing káluguran ku, bétingan ku ne.  “King tútuki námu,” ngaku kaya.

Mémulayi ku papunta dáne McDo ampo Parilla. Linipat kung dálan, migpapulayî papunta Baliuag, migpapulayî papunta Blackfish Pub, pulayî papunta parking lot, ketang kanítang Quad, é náku pamúrin pátugutnan ning mánagal kanáku.

É náku man tútuknang ampo é náku man bábágal óneng ditak-dítak lalápit ya kanáku. Ing gáwan ku, subuknan kung lundag payarap, bang gumáto king ángin ampo mipaláut king tátagal kanáku. Kasíkad ku king bitis ku, é ku gináto payarap, sinulápo ku papunta bábo. Purmeru mabilis, iniang míparas náku singkátas o mas mátas pa king Startek Building, mébágal ya ing pámanukyat ku banua.

Ákákit ke ing mabílug Angeles manibat kéni– ing matuang pisamban, ing Holy Angel, ing Aláya king maláut, ren ngang dálan, subdivision a makapadúrut keni.

Ala kung kontrol king pámanukyat ku banua. É ku makayatras, abánti, o agyang magpirmi mu bábo bang é náku árakap. Ing tátagal kanáku, makaabuang ne nung nókarin ku purmerung sinulápo. Iniang sindagul na nému ning pánas, kalá-kalále kung ménakbag.

Kasíkad ku king bitis ku, é ku gináto payarap, sinulápo ku papunta bábo

#3 – Pancit Luglug Lálam Téte

Ugtu. Ménibat ku eskwela, línákad papunta Pamintuan Mansion, at línákad pa Dálan Sto. Entierro. Niyang míparas ku kántu Funeraria Pangilinan, línákad ku palub.

É ke ákilála ing Kalye Burgos. Anti ya mong butarul ing lalabásan ku, mékad ing tricycle é milábas. Úling sapak bale, asnang kaskup ampo kadalumdum. Nung bálu me ing Kalye Burgos, bálu mu nung makanánu ya kasálâ ampo kapálî neng ugtung aldo.

Íkit ko reng adduang wáli mung laláki. É la báyung táu, nune, ának lang pasibáyu – nung makanánu ko minúnang íkit, mangálatî ampo mangalatiktik a bosis. Tikian dákung lumakad, at kabang lalákad kami é la kagigísanan kwentu. “Libre mo kaming palabok!” ngana ning mas malatî. Tambing ku nó man penusignan úling maránup náku mu naman.

Ala kung bálung téte king dáne yu. Ing bálu ku, istung diniretsu me ing Kalye Burgos, lumput ka kántung Ápû, king terminal na ning Rabbit. É nakami man kinórba ampo balamu naman é la malilíli reng wáli mu. Pangabagya mu, disnan miya ing karinderya lalam téte. Nung ing Sápang Balen pin ing darágus kéni, kalínis nang kalínes! É mú rin mabangnas úling ikua mi pang mekapagmeryenda karin.

Pangabagyâ, dintang né ing atchi da. Asna kang kamua kanáku! “Pumayat ka na naman,” amu. Bista man makaníta, atin yang aliwang lagû ing aske mu istung mua ka. Dakal ku man buring istorya at ilatlat kéka, óneng é ke agyu ing pamanaras mu kanáku. Ngamu, páburen ke pasibáyu ing saríli ku úli mong ala ka. Ngamu: é ke dapat páburen daránup ing sarili ku. Agyang biskwit mu magbakal ku. Aggiang makanánu rakang aruan, at makanánu kung magparugu-rugû, kamuanan mu ku. Ala nákung akarapat niya gamus-gamus náku mu buntuk ampo mekiayli kareng wáli mu.

Ngéni, mas buri ku na ing mánínap. Neng káyi atin zombie apocalypse, atin kung dolyaris bulsa, makásulápo ku, akakarúngut ko reng káluguran a maluat ku nang é akákit, ampo aggiang makanánu, akakasábi ampo akakayábe da ka.

DREAM #2, #3              

 #2 – Going in circles around Nepo Quad

 It started when I alighted a kalesa. A big one – like an RV that is a kalesa. A band can play inside, and there’s enough space for people who want to watch. There’s beer, food, everything you can think of a rock n roll gig. My friends who I play music a lot with were there. Our band was included in the line-up.

The kalesa was going in circles in Nepo Quad. The only difference of the Quad in my dreams and the present Quad, is that the parking lot reverted to when it was just gravel.

I had dollars on me that I wanted to get exchanged to pesos. I asked help from my friend and we went to Nepo Mart. Newpoint was not on my dream. On the way back to the kalesa, after getting the dollars exchanged, we passed by a man who had a backpack. He was giving me this melancholy look as if asking for help; but because I didn’t know him, I didn’t mind him.

We passed by a few more hallways and met another man. His eyebrows were meeting in the middle of his forehead. Avoiding his gaze, I pretended not to notice him, and went on. I felt nauseated because of the fear I was feeling. He ignored me and kept walking, his sinister eyes fixated on the man who was asking for my help earlier.

I was at the corner of Big Boy Pizza when I noticed that the two men I encountered earlier were now chasing each other. I don’t know how, but the one being chased was able to run away and be out of sight of the angry man. This time, his eyes were fixated on me and he was running towards me. I had no choice but to run too. By this time, I was aware that I was having a nightmare. I wanted to wake up but as the man got closer, I got deeper and deeper into my dream.

In all of this chaos, I was still able to come across a friend who I haven’t met in a looooong time. I looked in the direction of the man chasing me, to check the distance between him and I. It was quite far but I didn’t want to take my chances. My friend was still talking when I interrupted him and said we’ll catch up next time.

I ran towards the direction of McDonald’s and Parilla. From there, I crossed the street going to Baliuag, then to Blackfish Pub, then to the parking lot, then to the old Quad, and the man has yet to give up chasing me.

I wasn’t stopping nor was I slowing down but he’s gaining distance gradually. I tried to use my right foot to kick the ground to propel me forward and gain advantage. Instead, I flew upwards. At first, fast until I reached the height, or maybe higher than the Startek Building then going up became gradual.

The center of Angeles can be seen from where I was – the old church, Holy Angel, Mt. Arayat from a distance, all the roads and subdivisions around the city.

I had no control in my flight. I can’t move forward or backwards, or even stay above so that the man won’t be able to catch me. The man was waiting for me, from the spot where I flew. When he was as small as an ant, I started to fall down slowly.

 #3 – Pancit Luglug under the Bridge

Noon. I came from school, walked towards Pamintuan Mansion, then walked on Sto Entierro Street. When I came to the corner of Funeraria Pangilinan, I walked on Burgos Street.

This is not the Burgos that I know. It has become a small alley, even a tricycle won’t be able to get in. Because it’s cramped of houses, the road was narrow and dark. If you’re familiar with this street, you know how hot and bright it can be during noon.

I saw your two younger brothers. They’re not in their teens, but in the age when I first met them – they were kids and their voices were still high pitched. They followed me and while walking, they told me stories. “Let’s get palabok!” the younger one said. Being hungry myself, it was easy to give in to his request.

I don’t know of any bridges in your area. All I know is if you went straight, you’ll eventually end up in Ápû, or by the terminal of Philippine Rabbit. We didn’t make a turn and I trusted your brothers with their knowledge of the place. We ended up in this small karinderya under a bridge. If this was Sapang Balen that I was seeing in my dream, well, how clean and pristine it is! It didn’t smell too, otherwise, we wouldn’t be able to eat.

Then you came. You were mad at me. “You’ve gotten thin again,” you said. Although that’s the case, you exude a certain kind of beauty when you’re annoyed. I wanted to tell you a lot of stories but I can’t because you had that look. You were mad because I wasn’t taking care of myself while you weren’t around. You said, I should not let myself starve again as it is bad for my health. I should always bring a biscuit with me whenever my stomach starts speaking for itself. However hard I try to appease you, and whatever excuse I was telling you, you were just giving me the good old scolding. So I had nothing else to do but scratch my head and laugh with your brothers at my demise.

These days, I like the dreaming life better than the waking life. Sometimes, there’d be a zombie apocalypse, then there’s times that I have dollars on me, I can fly, I can be around friends who I haven’t talked to in a while, and of course, somehow, I get to talk and be with you.

[manosscripts]

Misan meninap ku... (Once I dreamt)

Misan meninap ku: ati ku metung a malating kwartu. Ken yang babo na ning matuang bale. Saktu ku mung mikimut uling maragugl ya ing pipagkeran ku. Atin kung awang gawa king dutung ampo capiz a tutumbukan na ning dalan.

Idia ko reng malan ku. Maputing t-shirt ampo matuling a pantalun. Reni mu reng pibandian ku. Linawe ku kilwal bayu ku mako. Fiesta nung nokarin ku man magdatun. Magsaya la reng tau.

King kilub ku, balu kung e ku magluat keni. Balu kung mako ku. Balu da mu rin reng memalen a mako ku, dapot aluguran ku nala at ing balen a kinupkup kanaku. 

Ini ing aldo ning kanakung pamaglako, lakuan kong masaya reng tau uling na ning fiesta. Malungkut la reng tau king pamaglako ku, malungkut ku naman. Dapot masaya kaming pareu, uling balu ming ali ku dapat magdatun keni.

Once I dreamt: I was in a small room, situated at the top of an old house. Just enough space for me to move around because the bed was enormous. It had a wooden capiz window, which overlooked the street below.

I prepared my clothes, a white shirt and a pair of black jeans. These are my only possessions. I looked out the window before I left. There was a feast, whatever this town was. Everyone was celebratory.

In my heart, I knew I wasn’t going to stay in this town that long. I knew I was just passing by. The people also knew, and still, I grew to love them and the town that adopted me.

This was the day of my leaving, I will leave the people while they’re festive. The people are sad because I was leaving, I too was sad. Nonetheless, we are both glad, because we both know that I must push through.

[olive-lives]

# 3 - He Passed The Front Porch Test

The sun had already set on the 26th of September in the year 2014 when someone unfamiliar hesitantly approached me. “Hi! Pwede bang magpapicture friend ko? Kamukhang kamukha mo kasi ‘yung kakilala niya,” Ate Mel Macapagal said. Of course, being a self-proclaimed outgoing person I said yes. During those times, it did not occur to me yet how that teeny-tiny bit of experience would have such a big impact on my life. That was the beginning of how I met Kuya Mano (+ matwas of The Nexus.)

           Manuel “Mano” Sebastian Bautista de la Cruz was born on August 5, 1990 and is the son of Tomas Vicente G. de la Cruz and Bernardita C. Bautista. A homegrown of Mabalacat, Pampanga and is now currently residing at Quezon City. You don’t need to know his whole bio data anyway, so I’m going to stop it right there. But I’m going to add the fact that you’ll automatically know it’s him when he’s walking; he has a TLR camera; he brings his kindle book that houses books from Alan Watts to his favorite book, The Little Prince; he can speak, read, and write in Kapampangan; and he is my inspiration in life.

           Kuya Mano and I met at a very interesting point in my life. I was in my chapter of the fusion of confusion and destruction of my love for writing. He became my epiphany. Sort of like a mentor in life, too. Every other day of my freshmen year, we would always bump into each other at the office and would have endless conversations with various topics— from the theories of the universe to Haruki Murakami to people we both despise and to the shortcomings of life.

          He is an old soul. He sees the world in a different perspective. Perhaps in a higher ground too. He is old in the heart, the mind, and the soul. Maybe this is a factor why when I first spoke to him, I knew that he would have a lot of lessons to impart to me.

           One day, I had a rough time in one of my classes. I felt incompetent and was on the brink of giving up. I was crying. I was spewing out unnecessary rants. I felt lost. But he was there and he only uttered these words to make me feel better and put a sense into my brain: “Eka magbusit.” He said it in a very chill way. Think Bob Marley with a mix of Barney Stinson kind of voice. This became my mantra. It works and he believes that every one should know this. “Busit kills.”

           When Kuya Mano was still starting to jump into the realm of writing, he was in his high school years. “I was writing love letters in English for my classmates that they’d give to their girlfriends. I got paid for it. I’m also a voracious reader, so I guess writing comes naturally,” he recalled. Coincidentally, kuya Mano and my sister also exchanged love letters but completely forgot all about it and even each other.

           “Never stop writing.” Kuya Mano encouraged me to write everyday even if my day is not eventful— especially then. He told me that it’s okay to be lost because through that, we will find that we are not alone, that there are other people who are experiencing the same situation and that’s okay. It’s okay to still find yourself. It’s okay to still be confused, so long as you’re doing something that will get you closer to what you really want in life.

The sun had already set on the 31st of August in the year 2016 when I asked Kuya Mano if I could interview him for our Journalism article about a person who inspired us, he was surprised. “I inspired you? :’( Huhu” he texted me back. To answer your question, yes. You have inspired me in every aspect of my life. You have etched so many values that I should carry along the way. To quote your favorite book, “You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world.”

[manosscripts]

Aww man. I wish I could talk to myself the way I talk to others.

[urbanoutfucks]

oh my god you don’t understand how much i want to kiss you

or watch movies with you

or fall asleep with you

or drink coffee with you

or cuddle with you

or hold your hand

or go to amusement parks with you

or watch concerts with you 

or bake with you

i want to do everything with you and it kills me to know that i cant

[manosscripts]

Sleepless

#sleepless #insomniacsideas #dreams #nightmares #manodelacruz

[manosscripts]

October 6, 2016. Diliman, Quezon City. 3:03AM.

I have never felt this lost and lonely in my life.

[manosscripts]

A Lesson in Thermodynamics

Good afternoon class.

I am Mano de la Cruz, I don’t know much about History, Biology, Writing, English, (especially) Math, and Science.

I don’t know much.

I did well in Math and Science in elementary, even winning quiz bees at the time. When Greek letters and weird triangles started to come up, my love for Math and Science died down. My focus shifted to Literature, History and the Arts. I am still fascinated by Science, not so much by Math.

She, on the other hand, finds History unappealing.

And that’s good, right? Because what would life be if we always agree with each other? At the end of the day, we agree to disagree... or not…

I’ve listened to her Science lessons more than my Biology teacher in HS or Neil de Grasse-Tyson’s podcasts.

I’m certain that I’ve come across Thermodynamics in HS and College, but I don’t remember any of it.

This is how she explained the Law of Thermodynamics to me:

In entropy, the nature of things is from order to disorder.

For example: what happens to food left out in the open, to your teeth, your bones, your body, houses, appliances, relationships, your so-called life. 

Now, to restore or maintain order, it requires an application of energy.

You must put the food in the fridge. Brush your teeth. Drink milk. Exercise. Clean and repair the house. Use the appliance for its intended use (e.g., do not plug a 110v coffee maker in a 220v outlet, do not use the food processor to grind coffee beans). Agree to disagree. Be present in the moment and stop comparing yourself to others. You must exert force—the right amount of it.

I tried consulting Wikipedia and other Science journals about this, but the only thing that they gave me was a headache.

I find formulas unappealing.  

This is how she explained it to me and Science has never been as interesting since.

Don’t forget to brush your teeth before you sleep.

Class dismissed.

[volcanodiamondpress]

A Taste of New Kapampangan Musicians Binge

Rapidly consuming excessive amounts of music and silliness, we dive in to the story of this new band from Pampanga.

Keep reading

[manosscripts]

\m/

[manosscripts]

Apathy

The heat of the sun felt like god’s wrath manifested. Every jeepney was a rolling oven slowly baking people to their deaths. Today is the first of summer and the start of the campaign season. You can see how people blow their heads off, literally and figuratively.

I boarded a jeep as soon as I can to escape the heat of the sun. There was a family of IPs, Badjao, we call them. They were sitting at the farthest corner of the jeep near the driver’s seat and I had no other choice but to sit beside them. That or I’ll be late again for class. I tried to keep a safe distance from them because I was afraid that the grime and the smell would stick to my immaculately white polo. I pride myself in looking and smelling clean.

There were five of them in the family. The oldest, the grandmother, sat beside me. Two little boys sat on the mother and the daughter’s lap. Every time the boys would start behaving wildly, the grandma would curse at them and hit them and ask them to behave. Their stuff were packed in blankets occupying half of the aisle. When there were only a few of us left, we moved away from the Badjaos and sat as far as we can. The driver tried to take more passengers but as soon as they saw the family of Badjaos, they refused to ride the jeep.

The driver blamed the family, “’di kasi kayo naliligo e!” The daughter started crying. Soon, the grandma was enraged. As if plucked from a movie scene, she curses at us. Stares at all of us and tried to communicate through us by speaking in broken Tagalog: “Tao din kami! Nagbayad din kami!”

Everyone was quiet after that and the jeep continued to roll by the streets.

The stale scent of sticky sweat lingered in the jeep. Everyone pretended not to be annoyed by the smell. We were all impatient; we wanted to get out of the heat and the traffic as soon as we can.

When two passengers left, I saw coins fall off of a woman’s pocket. I wanted to tell her but I felt shy and thought that somehow she would feel it later, or that somebody else might tell her. She got off near school and before I could tell her, she was far away.

Most of the passengers saw the 24 pesos that glimmered in the sun but we all pretended not to see it.

I know of someone who wanted to exude generosity and loving-kindness to all beings. This one would throw Christmas parties for hundreds of less fortunate kids. This one though, would not help the brother in need, who make ends meet by driving a jeepney.

Says the brother has to reap his own karma in this world. Can’t get in the way of that.

I want to ask, if that’s the case shouldn’t the kids reap their own karma as well?

A beggar with her daughter climbed the jeep while it was moving. The driver, who I thought would shun them, just looked at the rear view mirror and shook his head. He complained of being responsible for them in case they meet an accident.

The young mother sings songs of her land and her people in a language she and her daughter only understood. It’s a familiar melody that repeats throughout the whole song. From what I could make of the words, it spoke of war and burning boats.

Her daughter full of snot and grime went around and gave soiled envelopes to the passengers. The passengers avoided her tiny hands when she touched their knees. No one minded her except for the last passenger she went to.

He was sound asleep and had earphones on. Instead of being angry because his sleep was disturbed, this gentleman removed his earphones, took his handkerchief and scrubbed the snot and the grime off the child’s face. He removed all the dirt he can and gave her a 20-peso bill.

The child’s tiny hand grasped firmly on the 20-peso bill she had. It’s probably one of the few times she’s able to hold paper money. “Salamat,” she says. It’s one of few words they both understand.

While all of us were busy keeping ourselves clean, only one of us saw what needs cleaning.

[manosscripts]

Break--Broke--Broken

[manosscripts]

To my youngest sister, on her first year in College

After three long weeks, we finally met each other yesterday. It has been your first month in college, living alone in Manila. I was shocked to see how thin you’ve become and how dark your skin is now.

I am really proud of you. At such a young age, you have taken such a responsibility to yourself. We both failed to get admitted to the same dream school, but unlike me you had a backup plan. You knew what you wanted and firmly stood your ground despite us convincing you to study here in Pampanga. When I was your age, I didn’t know what I wanted – or even if I wanted to get into college.

To tell you honestly, I don’t know what compelled you to take up this course when you were witness to my classmates’ sleepless nights when we had to edit videos. When we told you not to take up this course because there is no glamour in this, we were serious.

While this is your first semester in school, it would be my last. It took me seven years in and out of the academe to get to this point. Being the eldest son, a lot was expected of me and I know I’ve disappointed a lot of people. Dad would tell you: “Pota mangari ka kang koya mu” (You might end up like your brother). He means it as a joke but it also stands as a reminder.

Seven years is a long time. A lot of things can happen. Some of my classmates are now doctors; some have a family of their own.  There are days where I wish I lived my college life differently. Maybe now, I’m the one paying for your schooling, maybe mom could retire, and maybe I’d be living in Manila with you guys.

There’s a lot of time and energy wasted on thinking about the what-ifs and maybes in life. When I think about the years I wasn’t in school, I realize that learning does not end there. It was during those years I was out of school that I was able to ponder what I really want out of this life.

College is such a different place from where we came from. Some people say that college is like a reset button in life, one where you develop a new character. There is more freedom and more responsibility. There are more distractions that will come your way – friends, drinking, parties. You will eventually see this as you go on.

Sometimes school starts to feel that it works against your growth. There are times where tasks seem to be impossible to carry out.  There will be times where you would prefer sleep than eating because you only had catnaps for the past three days. You will wonder: why am I doing this?

You must know sister, that the current system is flawed. No one will tell you this because only a few realize it and only a few believe it.  Universities are churning out robots instead of empowered men and women. This society dictates the person’s worth by the money he makes and the position he holds.

Let this not distress you. It is in school that you develop connections. It is in school that you will learn to deal with different kinds of people. When you feel the pressure kicking in, take a few moments for yourself. Remember your goals, remember what makes you happy. Remember that you cannot please everybody and that trolls exist out of the Internet. It pays to be alone and offline at the same time.

You will experience dealing with lazy profs, terror profs, profs that will never, ever be wrong but once in a while, a prof you will remember for teaching more out of life than of the subject he teaches.

Love will come your way at this point in your life. I’ve heard that a school athlete has taken interest in you. I don’t want to scare you but heartbreaks, just as love, will come your way. Heartaches, romantically-driven or not, are a part of life. Do not depend your motivation on it, it’s good to feel inspired but inspiration does not come from being in love alone. I wish I learned this the easy way.

When you’re uncertain, trust your intuition. A lot of people underestimate the power of gut feel. Show up when you’re needed. Be on time. Do not be afraid to ask for help or make mistakes.

Be the stand-up person that you expect everyone to be. No amount of skill will compensate for character. Invest on experiences and learn outside the school. Do not lose interest in your personal projects. Do not be disheartened by negative feedback. You use them to prove them they were wrong about it. In the end, it’s not the outcome of the fight that will matter – it’s how much you put up a fight.

Study hard!

Love,

Koya.

[manosscripts]

You don’t impress me with that crap a.k.a. Let’s talk about something more interesting

Don’t try to impress me with your sweet talk. 

With your Latin Honors. With that post-graduate degree. From what university you graduated. With your GWA in college, determined by standardized tests. How many international awards you’ve won. With whom you rub elbows with. How long you’ve lived in the States and how they do things differently there. With your fake American accent. What car you’re driving. What limited edition shoes you’re wearing. What brand of clothes you wear. Who your parents and grandparents are, and how rich and powerful they were. Who you slept with, who you dated. With how much error in syntax and grammar you saw in this paragraph.

Instead, tell me about your take on things, your opinions, and your principles. 

Your basic rules for living and dating. Your concept of God and the Afterlife. Your answer to the question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” when you were young, and how it did or didn’t happen in adult life. The person who broke your heart. What’s written on your Bucket List. What mountains you’ve conquered. Your near death experience(s). What you think of when you look at the stars at night. Whether you believe that science and reason can explain everything or that the supernatural really occurs. Your best friend since kindergarten that stuck with you through thick and thin. What museums you’ve been to. What artworks you’ve seen and the feeling they left you. What poems you’ve memorized by heart. What books you read every year because it gives a new meaning to your life every time you read it. Who you listen to. What you think about The Beatles. The time you got drunk and embarrassed yourself. Where you want to go if given a chance and why. 

We may not agree on all things but then we’ll have something to talk about.

[manosscripts]

Stuff I want to tell you but haven’t yet

> Had a huge crush on you the first time we met and I still do.

> Still can’t figure out if walking you home is the best or the worst part of my day. It’s the only time we can really talk.

> I get worried when you travel alone.

> I’ll always be your fan, even if you fail to hit that high note on an Adele song. I’ll clap and cheer for you during your performances, even if I’m the only audience left in the room.

> It’s okay to hold my hand when we walk, cross the street, or arrive at a sad scene in a movie.

> I love your reading choices.

> I admire your food choices.

> I’m in love with your sense of humor.

> My sisters laugh at me whenever I exercise at home. They don’t know I’ve been doing this so that you could put your head on my shoulders and feel comfortable.

> Receiving a message from you gets me excited.

> Can’t stop smiling whenever you play the guitar and sing.

> I find comfort in your strangeness.

> I know more about virus, bacteria and fungi today than I did in college because I listened to you more than my Biology professor.

> You have the perfect-est smile.

> You had me at Namaste.

[manosscripts]

Highlight, Midtone, Shadow

Most of the shirts I loved to wear were in black. I could wear different black-colored shirts in a week and would not run out of them.

While folding my clothes this morning, I noticed I’ve been wearing grays and whites more often.

The black shirts are now at the bottom of the pile in the closet. Some have “baconed” at the collar. Some smell moldy.

Does this have something to say about how I changed and matured (?) over the past year?

Or is it just getting too damn hot in this place to wear a black shirt?

[manosscripts]

Yesterday

The best thing to happen while biking in the cold is passing by a small stall serving hot arroz caldo by the road. I was coming home from an art exhibit opening in Angeles. I bike more than I commute and coming home late is not new to my parents.

Two kms away from home, I felt my crank get stuck. I couldn’t pedal it forward or back. I was coming to a steep downhill at Mabiga when I felt the chain come off. I was able to stop before reaching the incline and went to the side of the road to check on my bike.

The chain was missing.

I took a few steps back and found the chain on the road, links broken beyond repair. It was 1:30 in the morning and some 30 mins walk home. Didn’t have enough money to pay for a tricycle, wasn’t sure if anyone’s still awake at home to pay for it if I did hire one. I spent it all on arroz caldo. I was doomed.

  By the time I arrived home, my dad was still awake. My arrozcaldo was cold. While eating, we talked about the artists in Pampanga. We decided to call it a night by 3:00AM.

I read a few chapters of the Yogananda book and soon fell asleep.

In my dream, I saw a man get clubbed to death. He was looking at me in the eyes with his mouth open, blood dripping on the sides of his head.

The lady in white who clubbed him ordered me to mop the floor, which I did without hesitation. I tried to mop the pools of blood, occasionally squeezing the mop on a plastic container. I mopped the floor until it was shiny and white. Soap and blood mixed together looks like watermelon juice.

I came upon the room where they brought the body. They were expecting me. They all looked at me with bloodshot eyes. The lady who ordered me to mop the floor smiled, her teeth black and jagged. She asked me, “Do you know what we’re going to do with you?”

I woke up and reached for my phone to check what time it was. I had one missed call and one text message from my sister. Reading her message was worse than the nightmare. My day started to become a living nightmare. I was only awake for 10 minutes and I knew that the rest of the day was going to suck.

I told you and another friend about what happened. Your words were comforting. I was on my f*ck off, people mode and didn’t want to see and talk to anyone else but you.

You asked me out to lunch. I felt that this was the best thing that could happen that day. I shaved my 5-day old “bum beard” after making me look more like a fugitive than Christopher de Leon. I figured you shouldn’t see me that way.

Breakfast was terrible. Lunch was nice. I didn’t realize how hungry I was until we had that late lunch. Forgot about my problems and could start smiling and laughing again.

We talked about how Di Caprio should win this year’s Oscars, how I almost got jailed in college, LGBT films, your favorite Baguio comfort food, my devil=Jollibee theory. We had to leave because you were laughing too hard: the couple in front of us was starting to get suspicious.

Even if you declined, I’d still insist walking you home. I wanted to hold your hand while we were crossing the street but it might feel weird.

Yesterday, I learned more about you. You made me laugh despite of me having a bad day. You made me forget about the nightmares in my dreams and in my waking life.

Yesterday makes me excited to be with you the next coming days.

My yesterday wasn’t as sad as Paul McCartney’s song. It was awful but my time with you was nice.

Yesterday was a day worth waking up to.