Posting is still something really foreign to me. I've got accounts on basically every major platform there is, but I feel much more at home as a lurker. I feel like such a contradiction - I feel like no one really sees what's going on beneath my surface, but I'm closed off from the idea of letting anyone have a glimpse, despite how bad I desire it.
So here I post from a burner. Even now I'm scared of being seen - this isn't on any of my main accounts, and I'm not tagging these posts in any way that makes them easily discovered. But then I choose to make my username so similar to my main screenname that the dots could easily be connected, or I'll show people I know snippets of my writing that could easily be searched online.
I think in some regard I just want to lay proof that I'm real and that I existed. Long after I've left this world at least I'll have left traces of myself scattered along the internet. Long after this site dies, some cached copy will still exist on a harddrive somewhere long forgotten. But I'll be immortalised, longer than any friends or family will be around to remember me. Lasting beyond my life this way is the opposite of memorializing me - I can't stand the spotlight - but it eases the terror of ceasing to exist just a little. If anyone reads these words before then, then that's just a bonus.
2AM