šŖ½ tags: mentions of depression and sadness
you and Keegan have been childhood best friends until you moved away from Maryland and you guys cut contact, turning to focus on jobs and living conditions.
you debated on moving back due to the fact that money began to be a severe issue and the stress made you cry almost daily.
your return felt oddly familiar but comforting.
you didn't tell Keegan about it even though you swore you would at some point.
it's just that, maybe he didn't care.
maybe he had already moved on or he had a better life since you've been gone.
or that's at least what you hoped.
you moved in with your parents, who were so happy that you came back but felt bad that it didn't work out for you there.
your room was exactly how you left it but maybe a little bit more dusty.
easily, you settle back in and flop down on your bed staring at the ceiling.
all you could think about was him.
you decided to go to Kegan's house across the street and see him.
you put on your baggiest clothes and some concealer under your eyes to hide your eyebags.
when you walk out the front door, the wind hits you in the face and wakes a sense of nervousness and fear inside of your chest.
you check the street for any cars and when none were coming, you ran to his door.
taking a deep breath, you knock softly and wait there patiently, fondling with your sleeves.
you hear a click and see the shadow of the door opening and Keegan's mom steps slightly out, hugging you tightly.
you freeze but wrap your arms around her too.
then she pulls back to speak.
"oh, y/n how are you my sweetie? did you move back?" she rubs your arm.
"I'm good, I came home just today." you sigh.
"Mrs. Foley, is Keegan home?" you ask shyly and she stops rubbing your arm to tighten her robe.
"he went to the skate park. he's been hanging out around that area lately" she pats your shoulder.
the skate park was known for a lot of drug trafficking but you knew that he would never be in that scene.
you also knew that that was your hang out and safe place when you guys felt sad or just needed to be around each other.
"thank you ma'am. I'm gonna go looking for him." you give her a warm smile even though the fear buildup made you freezy.
"take care sweetheart!" she blows you a kiss as you walk away.
you start walking down the street, staring at your shoes, as if scared someone would recognize you.
you turn a corner and see a market you used to always get cigarettes from.
you step in the little shop and the bell above the door signals your presence.
the cashier smiles when she sees you, turning around to grab your go to cigarette brand.
"you remember..." you give her a slight tired giggle.
"how could I not? you were my biggest customer." you hand her the money and walk out.
you search your pockets for a lighter since you always carried one no matter what.
lighting a cigarette, you continue walking until the skate park is finally in view.
you exhale smoke slowly, enjoying the breeze of the chilly wind.
you walk in the park but you don't see him.
looking around you spot some people you used to know.
they spot you and wave but you weren't here for them.
you squint at the smoking area and spot a couple of figures and among them is a 2 meter blue haired boy that was wearing Keegan's sweater you gave him for their birthday.
you didn't expect it to be him because his hair was brown last time you've seen him.
then again, he had the sweater on and a lot of time had passed so anything was possible.
you start walking towards the area slowly and calculated.
the fear in your chest was strangling you.
"yo Keegan, isn't that y/n?" one of the figures says laughing.
in an instant, he turns around and takes you in.
he sprints towards you and you drop the remains of your cigarette, forgetting it completely as he wrapped his arms around you tightly.
the fear and anxiety in your chest snapped and was replaced with comfort and safety.
you feel his shoulders shake with sobs and you pull away to look at him.
"Keeg... I'm back." you say, tears of your own starting to well up.
"you're here" he says, wiping tears away from his eyes quickly.
"I am..." he turns to his friends to let them know he will be leaving with you.
he takes you by surprise, taking your hand and walking away with you.
his hand was soft and gentle.
if you could, you would have told him everything you couldn't say when you were away.
how you missed when his skin brushed yours accidentally.
sharing cigarettes with him and counting it as non direct kisses secretly.
coming over and seeing him every day.
you were gone and left him with all his pain and thoughts.
you heard it in his songs.
you first heard it in 'if I'm being honestt'.
his words on that song made you feel a gut wrenching sense of guilt and dread.
you hope you can make it up to him soon.
you wouldn't leave ever again.
you stroll down some streets in an awkward silence when you let go of his hand and he looks at you.
"I like the hair..." you try to lighten the mood.
"I missed you... why did you have to leave me?" the knot of nervousness returns like a kick in the stomach.
"I'm sorry Keeg... I thought you would forget me and move on." you try to reason.
"how could I ever forget you...? you were the first person to ever understand me, you eased my pain when times were rough. you encouraged my career. you are my everything..." he bites his tongue.
you glance at his eyes and there it was.
that look that always said "you're all I ever needed, all I ever wanted."
you step away, the fear bringing the tears from before back.
"don't do that" he speaks suddenly putting a hand on your back and rubbing slow soothing circles.
you break down and hide your face in your sleeves.
he takes your hands away from your face gently.
"you're okay now. we're okay. let's forget the past. we're here now." he wipes your face.
"I'm sorry for leaving you all alone. I know how bad it got for you." you take his hands in yours and he looks you in the eyes like you have nothing to worry about.
"I promise you, m'fine" you guys continue walking and holding hands until you reach his house.
it was really quiet, unspoken promises flooding his mind.
you guys part them like you have been shocked with 100 volts when his mom lets you in.
"hey again sweets." she guides you in putting her hand on your lower back.
Keegan grabs two diet cokes from the fridge and signals to you to go up to his room.
the stairs creak in the exact places that were memorised to perfection in your head.
once in his room, you look around curiously.
he changed the placement of every piece of furniture but kept the polaroids and photo booth pictures of you two stuck on his full body mirror.
his desk was moved next to the window and behinfd it was his clothing rack.
you always admired his style.
he would go on rambles with you abourt all his favourite brands like beauty:beast or Yohji.
you always listened but it never stuck.
the reason it didn't was because you were always to busy admiring him and how his lips moved.
"y/n" he snaps you out of thought.
"yea.. yea..?" you stutter.
"you good?" he says slightly concerned.
"yea... just thinking..." you look away.
"how about we go on the roof and you tell me all those thoughts that have you like this?" he watches your eyes light up.
you guys used to lay there and watch stars as you smoked and had deep conversations.
the memories overwhelmed you but it was too late to say anything because he already opened the window.
it was one of those where you could easily climb to the roof through it safely.
even if you were to slip, he would always go first so he could hold out his hand to you.
once you two were on the roof, you layed down, letting the cold breeze of the night to seep through your clothes.
his shoulder brushes against your arm as he settles and you get goosebumps.
"how was it... there?" he continues like it pained him.
"not good... the amount of money I made was horrible and I didn't have anyone to be there for me at all..." you pause.
"I regret leaving. if I could go back in time I would do everyhing differently." you blurt.
"calm down y/n/n I'm not mad at you. at all." he takes your hand and places it on his chest with his.
he squeezes your hand in reassurance.
you take the pack of cigarettes out of your pocket with your other hand and open it taking one out with your lips.
he pulls out a lighter from his pocket and lights it for you.
you inhale the smoke deeply before placing the cigarette between his lips, your fingers brushing against them.
before he takes a puff he stops to confess.
"I've been wanting to do this for the longest time...and I think you have too" he takes a drag and sits up on his elbows.
he grabs the back of your neck and presses his lips against yours gently.
he moves his mouth against yours as he lets the smoke slip between your lips unhurriedly.
his were softer than you had imagined all the times you would stare at him for hours on end.
you take the opportunity to brush your fingers through his short blue hair.
when you pull away, you exhale the smoke slowly into the wind.
your cheeks flush pink and you remain looking away for the smoke that had already disappeared.
you look back to see him already staring at you.
his glasses sat low on his nose and his hair brushed against his face occasionally.
you put your hands in your pockets pretending to look for something just to distract yourself from him.
he tilts your head up so your eyes meet again.
"you're so pretty..." he says under his breath.
you feel the pink flush go to your ears and neck.
"thank you Keeg..." you hope he doesn't observe the red of your face in the dark.
"is it okay if you sleep over?" he asks.
"only if you want of course... I don't want to push-..." you intrerupt him.
"of course I want to... I'm gonna text my mom to let her know." you pull out your phone.
the screen casts a bright light across your face and he notices what his words and actions have done to you.
he blushes as well, feeling like he has nothing to worry about now that you're here.
you text your mom, your fingers moving excitedly on the screen.
she text you back saying that it was totally fine to stay over.
after all, you were just across the street and you were old enough to make your own decisions.
Keegan finishes the cigarette, flicking it away.
"she says it's okay... I might have to go take my pajamas and toothbrush though." you put your device back in your pocket.
"you can borrow some of mine and I still have the toothbrush you used when you slept here last time." he says quickly.
he was scared of you going away again.
even if it was just for a couple of minutes.
you begin to shiver and he notices almost immediately.
"let's go back inside." he helps you get up with him.
he goes inside first so he can guide you back in his room safely.
once inside he shuts the window and takes off his sweater.
as he does so, his shirt lifts with it exposing his skinny torso.
he gets one of his many black tank tops and a pair of your fluffy nightwear pants you left there and pats you on the shoulder, handing them to you.
you go to the bathroom to change and shower.
the tiles were cold against your feet after you took your socks off.
you discard your clothes in the laundry bin.
he would return your clothes eventually or you would wear them again when you came over the next time.
you took a quick hot shower and when you got out you wrapped yourself in a towel from the cabinet under the sink.
the piece of cloth smelled like him, which wasn't unusual because he used the same detergent for everything.
you sit there in the steam for a moment longer and then put your pajamas on.
when you walk out you see his sitting on his bed waiting for you.
"you look comfy..." he says timidly.
"and I am. are you gonna shower now?" you try to break through the thick atmosphere.
"yea..." he gets up and closer to you.
he leans in and kisses the top of your head gently as he puts his forehead aginst yours.
your eyes don't leave each other as you stay like that for a beat more.
"I'll be quick princess.. make yourself comfortable." he says before disappearing into the bathroom.
you hear the shower turn on and lay on the bed.
his walls still had those old anime posters.
you remember how he would make you watch each one of them with him even if he had already watched them a million times.
before anything important would happen, he would always spoil the plot but you didn't mind as long as it was him.
you glance at his mic in front of his pc set up.
memories of watching him record in front of that mic while also scrolling on your phone came back to you.
you were really back where you never knew you needed to be.
his sheets smelled like him and you spend some time drowning in the intoxicatingly addictive scent.
were your feelings for him really this strong?
why are you even questioning yourself?
that's why you went away.
you were scared of being rejected so you thought that was your best option.
now that you knew the truth, that he felt the same, you felt like a piece of you you never knew was missing had finally returned.
the bathroom door opens and he comes out.
first genuine smile you executed all day.
he smiles back and plops on the bed next to you.
the cokes from earlier were long forgotten on the desk.
they had already warmed up but that didn't matter.
"I think I always felt this way for you..." you confess suddenly.
he lays his head on your chest and listens to your heartbeat.
"I tried to show it before but you didn't seem to catch on."
all along you thought there would be no way for you guys to ever have something but now, everything turned out exactly how you dreamed.
you kiss the skin where his neck and shoulder meet and he melts into you.
Keegan falls asleep in your arms and you dose off as well soon enough.
you had finally found your purpose.
a/n: guys, I'm back after a while... I hope you liked this, it took me 2 days on and off to write, I've bees super unmotivated but I have some roman and ryan fics otw!! this was for you, anon! sorry if you expected smut, I'm currently not experienced with that rn but I'll figure it out.
tags: @luvvconceal @spectranix @gabisohot @takiimuncher
